miscarriage

[AmandaCatherine]

We lost our first baby in a miscarriage a week ago, and I was wondering if any of you could offer advice about this. It is very hard to deal with and now I am very afraid of getting pregnant again and the same thing happening. I feel like I am OK and then I will suddenly get very emotional–I started crying at the Eucharist in mass Sunday, thinking about how the last time I was at mass I had a little person with me. I know that many people deal with this, but it just isn’t talked about much. It is SO hard, because we wanted this baby so much.

 

[anne1234]

**Hi Amanda… I’m so sorry for your loss.

It’s been a long time now, but I had one miscarriage, after ALOT of trying… and the second, I was pregnant with twins and the one embryo/fetus didn’t make it past 3 months.

Yes, it does get easier… and you have every right to grieve.

Let your emotions out.
You will have your baby one day, I promise you that

with love… anne
**

 

[E.E.N.S]

My sister just had a miscarriage as well, so I know it’s a painful thing that you must endure. All that I can suggest is that you offer this cross to the Lord and accept it as His will, for He always orders things for our greatest good.

My prayers are with you and your unborn baby’s soul.

**You will have your baby one day, I promise you that **

Anne, I realize that you have the best intentions here, but you are in no position to make that promise.

God’s will be done.

 

[mary_s_kid]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. Remember that even though your baby isn’t with you, you are still a mom now. I’ve lost a baby at 10 weeks and at 39 weeks. The emotions you are feeling are normal and are a normal part of grieving. Give yourself time. One week is very early to think things should be back to normal. Talk to your husband about how you are feeling and friends who are sympathetic and understanding. Name your baby and pray to him/her (you could use a unisex name if you want). If you use NFP maybe you could wait a few months before trying to conceive again so that you could work thru your emotions before becoming pregnant again. If you need the support of other moms who have been thru the same experience check into support groups in your area. You will always mourn the loss of your baby but it won’t always be this hard. It does get better. You need to give your fear of this happening again to God. You will be fearful next time and that is normal too but keep praying. There is a book called “Empty Arms” that you may want to read.

I’ll be praying for you and your husband at this difficult time.

 

[gardenswithkids]

AmandaCatherine:

We lost our first baby in a miscarriage a week ago, and I was wondering if any of you could offer advice about this. It is very hard to deal with and now I am very afraid of getting pregnant again and the same thing happening. I feel like I am OK and then I will suddenly get very emotional–I started crying at the Eucharist in mass Sunday, thinking about how the last time I was at mass I had a little person with me. I know that many people deal with this, but it just isn’t talked about much. It is SO hard, because we wanted this baby so much.

AmandaCatherine, I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried a few years ago, and I remember a terrible empty feeling inside. We named the baby and buried the remains in a special place. I still think of it, but it doesn’t hurt now. I strongly suggest naming the baby if you haven’t already done so; it’s easier to talk about a person with a name, and your baby was a person with an eternal soul.

Kimberly Hahn wrote a book called Life Giving Love about the Catholic teachings on marriage and family. Included in that book is a chapter on miscarriage. I found much insight and wisdom about miscarriage in that chapter…

God bless you as you go through this difficult time.

 

[anne1234]

E.E.N.S.:

My sister just had a miscarriage as well, so I know it’s a painful thing that you must endure. All that I can suggest is that you offer this cross to the Lord and accept it as His will, for He always orders things for our greatest good.

My prayers are with you and your unborn baby’s soul.

Anne, I realize that you have the best intentions here, but you are in no position to make that promise.

God’s will be done.

Thank you for reminding me why I took so long to post on a Christian board.

 

[aimee]

I’m sorry for your loss…its so painful…I lost a child…many years ago…it gets better with time…but you don’t forget…

 

[miguel]

Hi Amanda… I’m so sorry for your loss.

It’s been a long time now, but I had one miscarriage, after ALOT of trying… and the second, I was pregnant with twins and the one embryo/fetus didn’t make it past 3 months.

Yes, it does get easier… and you have every right to grieve.

Let your emotions out.
You will have your baby one day, I promise you that

with love… anne

My wife’s first pregnancy was also twins, and one didn’t make it past 3 months. We were sad about that. I remember going over to my sister-in-law’s house one day after work. Her husband gave me a Corona and told me to have a seat. Then my wife gave me the ultrasound pictures of twins. Wow. We were very happy about it. But it was not to be. But he’s now a year away from his college graduation. And we had 3 girls after him. So don’t lose heart Amanda.

 

[Arlene]

I’m so sorry for your loss. And I agree, one week is way too soon to start thinking about the future. This baby was your child, and he/she deserves to be grieved. A couple things that I remember reading when we lost our son 13 years ago was that your body doesn’t know that your baby died. All the pregnancy hormones and changes in your body will take some time to go back to a non pregnancy state. And the other thing is, you will never go back to normal. But slowly you will begin to create a new normal. You can never go back to where you were before your child made its presence in your life.

I can tell you that you will never forget your child, nor do you want to. But you will heal to a point that the pain is not as raw, not as intense. I agree to name your child.

A group that was very helpful to me was SHARE. There is a national office, with local chapters. If you don’t want to join in the support groups, they have an excellent newsletter that even today if I need a good cry I read my back issues. The national office has a website with message boards. It is good to connect with other moms who had a loss.

Also, October 15 is coming up, which is National Rememberance Day. October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. Some chapters sponsor a walk, or do something to remember our lost children. It may help you do do something to honor and commemorate your baby.

Maybe you will be blessed with another child, maybe God has other plans. Trust His goodness.

I’ll be praying for you. PM me if you want.

Arlene

 

[puzzleannie]

don’t let anybody tell you that you should stop grieving and move on with your life, you are the one to know how long you must grieve and learn to deal with this sadness. I hope and pray you have another child someday, but nothing and no one can replace the child that is lost, that is not how a mother’s heart works. it would be a sad case if this beloved baby did not have your grief and prayers, and do be assured you will one day recognize each other in heaven. for me, I remember like it was yesterday, and it’s over 30 years, but that is when I first learned to really pray the rosary, and what it means to pray with Mary. I can’t imagine how mothers make it who don’t have Mary as part of their lives. my rosary tonight will be for you and your blessed lamb. Our youth host a living rosary of remembrance in every October for all children lost through untimely death for any cause, and be assured you and your baby will be remembered through the very powerful tears of these remarkable kids.

 

[violetandgandal]

Amanda,

I’m so sorry. A first baby has got to be hard to lose. I lost our 3rd two months away from birth. Laura would be 20 now and I STILL think of her. Not with sorrow any more, but wistfully, thinking of how she and the two girls on either side of her (22 and 18) would have had such fun together. Let yourself cry. It’s perfectly normal. I couldn’t walk down the baby food aisle without crying. I would be fine one minute and then something would hit me and I was a wreak.

And you may discover other emotions too that are perfectly normal. I remember one woman, who didn’t know the baby had died, coming up to me after Mass asking where the new baby was. And I answered, very sharply, “SHE’S DEAD!”, and turned away. I"ve always felt HORRIBLE about that kind of response, especially because I never saw her again. We moved to another state shortly after that. There’s some pregnancy hormones acting up.
Mary Fran

 

[JimG]

It would be good if you could find a support group such as this. We have such group at our parish.

 

[movingmom]

Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss. You need time to let this settle in and be sad. I think it’s normal to be afraid to try again, but you must when you are ready. Time doesn’t make all wounds go away, but you can accept them better. I had a miscarriage with 2 children already and felt like that was it, God wanted me to only have 2, but I did go on to have a third, very cautious and fearful mind you, but I did. I know this was your first try and maybe you are wondering if you are able to have children, but don’t lose your faith - many people have children after miscarriage. My sis had 10 and adopted and child and then gave birth! God is great! You will get through this in time!

 

[leaner]

I am so sorry for your loss – I suffered through my third miscarriage in as many years last month. I know the pain you are feeling, and I know it will get better, but you have to give yourself time to grieve and let your soul heal. The body heals faster than the heart, I can tell you that. I can also tell you it does get better – your heart will not ache as badly and you will (tho it doesn’t seem like it now) be able to look a pregnant woman in the eye again some day – tho when you do, you will have a secret smile for your baby in heaven. There are many online support groups, which I have found invaluable in the healing process - -there is something about a place where you can “cry” and vent all you need to without worrying “how you seem” – we’ve all been there and these boards have wonderful information as well. A little warning: people are going to say some really horrific things to you in an attempt to find something to say (what can you say really, kwim?) – be ready to shrug it off, as 9 out of 10 of them have your feelings in mind, they just don’t know how to express it…I’ve had some doozies…and some of them really hurt, but most of the people have no idea what they’re talking about, they’re just trying to make you feel better…so I try to chalk it up and keep their intentions in mind while I smile, nod, and say “thanks” –

One such location online is www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com
You don’t have to have had a misdiagnosed m/c; anyone is welcome and there is a great support network there

Hugs to you, and prayers for your healing

 

[AmandaCatherine]

Thank you all for your advice and nice messages. I think that part of my problem is that I went back to work right away, and just tried to get back to normal and not think about what happened. Maybe I should have taken more time because it all just hit me this week. Even though the baby was very little, he or she was still our first baby (made on our honeymoon!) and we don’t want to pretend that it never happened. My husband has been such an angel through all this, and I feel more than ever what a great gift he is, so strong and caring to lean on! I am also glad that we have Mary, because I about what she went through. Before I became Catholic I would not have had this to think about.

I found a little ceremony for blessing parents after a miscarriage on the EWTN site. I was thinking of getting a priest or deacon to do this for us. Has anyone done something like that after losing a baby?

I found an NFP teacher that we are going to meet with, since the Dr. says you should wait 2 months before getting pregnant again. I think that would be a good idea from both a physical and emotional standpoint.

Thank you all again, especially for your prayers.

Amanda

 

[Intrigued_Latin]

“Why did my child have to die Lord?”

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. – Mother M. Angelica

Let us pray:

O Sovereign Master, Lord our God, Who was born of the all-pure Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary, and as an infant was laid in a manger: do You Yourself, according to Your great mercy, have regard for this Your servant who has miscarried that which was conceived in her. Heal her suffering, granting to her, O Loving Lord, health and strength of body and soul. Guard her with a shining Angel from every assault of sickness and weakness and all inward torment. You who accept the innocence of infancy in Your Kingdom, comfort the mind of Your servant and bring her peace. We ask this in the name of Jesus Our Lord and Saviour, Amen.

In Christ
Brad

 

[DJgang]

gardenswithkids:

AmandaCatherine, I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried a few years ago, and I remember a terrible empty feeling inside. We named the baby and buried the remains in a special place. I still think of it, but it doesn’t hurt now. I strongly suggest naming the baby if you haven’t already done so; it’s easier to talk about a person with a name, and your baby was a person with an eternal soul.

Kimberly Hahn wrote a book called Life Giving Love about the Catholic teachings on marriage and family. Included in that book is a chapter on miscarriage. I found much insight and wisdom about miscarriage in that chapter…

God bless you as you go through this difficult time.

AmandaCatherine - I too lost my first child…also a honeymoon baby. I can not stress how sorry that I am for you and you are in my prayers. I did the same as “gardens”…I named my child, but didn’t have anything to bury unfortunately. I’ve actually have had two miscarriages and they were some of the worst times in my life.

Kimberly Hahn’s book is excellent!

Please allow yourself to grieve. I even grieve today…my first child was due July 11 (1st miscarriage) and third child was due Nov. 30 (2nd miscarriage)…I remember these dates just like the birth dates of my living children and my family celebrate “their” dates too. Just a suggestion for when your due date comes around in a few months.

God bless you and your grieving heart.

 

[allhers]

AmadaCatherine, God bless you, your husband and your little precious child. Please take the time to reread that prayer that Brad posted by Mother Angelica, I still read it from time to time, I miscarried my precious son over 25 years ago and still cry from time to time, he would have been born between an older brother and a younger brother (I have a daughter older than all of them also). Sometimes, like at Christmas, I can be looking at my two darling sons and all of a sudden I am over whelmed and silently cry, my husband always notices and hugs me. We pray the rosary together daily and always include him in our prayers and ask him to pray for us too, we had a wonderful Pastor that said a Mass for him and we have had some very wonderful Priests and Sisters pray for all of us. EWTN is an excellent site, anything they suggest would be good. We will keep all of you in our prayers too.
Our daughter miscarried also at the beginning of the year, she is now carrying another precious child. Sometimes just knowing that I have a child and a grand-child praying for all of us gives me incredible comfort. May you also always be comforted by that.

 

[frogman80]

My wife and I lost our first baby… a “honey moon” baby. We both had a hard time with it emotionally for a long time. It does hurt… little things here and there would trigger the emotions… not to mention all the people who didn’t “know”… would ask us how the “three of us” were doing. It is amazing how much of a connection you build with the baby while he/she is still in the womb. It’s amazing how much the day to day things act as reminders.

We started trying again as soon as possible, and after the miscarriage, it took us about 3 months. 9 months after that, we had a beautiful baby boy.

Place your fears and sorrows in Mary’s hands…

God bless you and Mary keep you.

 

[Chovy]

Nothing I can put here will make you feel any better at this point. Everybody seems to deal with miscarriages different, but I can share my experience. I miscarried last year at only 6 weeks. I was devastated and I reacted very emotionally to all sorts of things- like going to Mass. To compound my emotions, my best friend got pregnant at the same time quite unexpectedly after conceiving twins via IVF. Her twins were 9 months old. My husband and I had also sought reproductive assistance but stuck to our limit of using methods not objected to by the Church. I was left with empty arms and really felt like God had betrayed me even though I had been following his rules.

For me, the emotional rollercoaster continued until my due date. It was difficult for me to see or interact with other babies but sometime around my due date, I started to feel better. Which was nice, since I had concerns about how I would react to my best friend’s baby who was born 1 week after my due date.

One thing I should mention is that a lot of women I know who have been through miscarriages are upset at the level of loss they feel when compared to their husbands. My husband for instance seemed to be “over it” a week or so after the loss. I felt quite angry about this but it seems to be sort of normal. Husbands don’t have the physical or hormonal attachment that we women have. He had many of the same feelings, but was able to deal with them more quickly.

Sorry to ramble on and on. I really wish you the best. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.