Miscarriages and mariage

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bunnynessuk

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I miscarried my baby girl - Alissa May - in september and was told by the doctors that it is unlikely that I will ever be pregnant again as there was significant damage to my womb meaning that any pregnancy is likely to end in miscarriage as it is not strong enough (I am not of sure of any of the medical terms related to this). My h2b and I (im sure most of you know from posts during and pre-pregnancy that I got pregnant out of wedlock) are trying to deal with our loss and at the same time look to our future.

Have any other women (or wives of posters) had this problem and did anyone successfully have a child?

Is it sinful of me to not want to have sex - post-mmarriage - for fear of getting pregnant again o worse to get pregnant knowing the child would die so young?

Im currently in a state of shock as Im sure you will appreciate but I am also concerned my body had been through a lot during my life (child abuse etc) and now my baby girl I dont know what to do for fear of doing wrong.

My h2b wants to have children although we both believe in adoption so that is always an option I am at a loss as to how to deal with ever attempting pregnancy and how to go about marital relations after our marriage next year.

Any help would be appreciated.

God Bless
 
bunnynessuk said:
Is it sinful of me to not want to have sex - post-mmarriage - for fear of getting pregnant again o worse to get pregnant knowing the child would die so young?
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There is nothing wrong with not wanting to get pregnant if you know it is likely to end in a miscarriage. When using NFP, couples avoid sex for “fear of getting pregnant”, and while that’s often a temporary thing, it could be drawn out for longer periods if need be. Similarly, maybe you could look into NFP to understand how you could avoid pregnancy without avoiding sex altogether.

I would encourage your interest in adoption too. There is nothing wrong with welcoming a child into your house who isn’t genetically yours. There are lots of children in the world who need loving homes, and if you can offer one, there’s nothing wrong with that.

For the rest of your post, I’m not really in a position to offer any advice, since I have not been in your position, or know others who have been either.
 
I’m sorry for your loss. 😦

I would suggest if you really feel that you want to get pregnant that you seek a second or third medical opinion. Sometimes doctors are wrong about this stuff. Ya just never know.

It is not sinful to use NFP during your marriage. If you feel that you have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, it is perfectly ok to abstain during your fertile time.

And of course, adoption is always a great option. Best wishes!
 
Hi there
Did the Dr diagnose you as having an incompetent cervix?

I lost my first child at 32 weeks of pregnancy… Leon was born premature and he lived for 5 days. When I went for my post natal follow up, I was told that I had an incompetent cervix and it was unlikely that I would carry a pregnancy to full term.

When I did become pregnant 2 years later, my OG put in a shirokar stitch (basically putting a loop around the neck of my cervix) to hold the pregnancy till I was due to give birth at 38 weeks,

Let your body recover and when you decide that you want to try for another child, speak to your OG, At the same time, pray, the Holy Spirit will guide you if you just trust him.

Prayers going your way.
 
automaticdesire said:
Hi there
Did the Dr diagnose you as having an incompetent cervix?

I lost my first child at 32 weeks of pregnancy… Leon was born premature and he lived for 5 days. When I went for my post natal follow up, I was told that I had an incompetent cervix and it was unlikely that I would carry a pregnancy to full term.

When I did become pregnant 2 years later, my OG put in a shirokar stitch (basically putting a loop around the neck of my cervix) to hold the pregnancy till I was due to give birth at 38 weeks,

Let your body recover and when you decide that you want to try for another child, speak to your OG, At the same time, pray, the Holy Spirit will guide you if you just trust him.

Prayers going your way.
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My aunt had the same condition. She gave birth to six kids, stitched with each pregnancy and a few were touch and go in the last months. But all of her babies were born close to term and healthy. 👍
 
Bunny… Doctors can be wrong and the body has a way of healing itself. Not to mention medical advances…

I was told at 16 that I would never have children. Boy that could have led to some consequences if I had thought that he was right. I had no reason to doubt my doctor other than faith that I would. That was 28 yrs ago… and 3 living and a couple of saints ago too.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss.

I second the advice to get a second opinion. Make sure you understand WHY the doctor believes you will not get pregnant again. There are a lot of reasons a doctor might say this, but knowing what your condition is allows you to know if there are currently any treatments and to find out in the future if new treatments come about.

Your fear of pregnancy is a normal thing after a miscarriage. Don’t be surprised if you feel differently in a year or two. (Also, don’t be surprised if you don’t feel differently - losing a child is tremendously difficult and the idea of facing a second loss is very traumatic.)

I encourage you to spend time in prayer about this. Also, get that second opinion.

MJ
 
I also agree that MD’s can be wrong when it comes to the potential of future children.

I would get a few more opinions and let God do the worrying and planning.

I also am sorry for your loss. Often times women do not get enough emotional support when they have a miscarriage. People around them do not know how to react so they tend to ignore.

May God comfort and heal you. Put your trust in God and NOT the medical world.
 
If it is the incompetent cervix, my aunt got stitched too and her baby’s now 6 yrs old! She has 2 kids, and has 5 angels in Heaven, but she had her babies. In fact, her cerclage with the 6 yr old was opening up at around 30 wks so she was rushed to the ER in ambulance and re-stitched her. A few wks later, she was born.

If this is wha tyou have, you could have babies. The doctar has to tell you why “you can’t have babies”. But I would seek a 2nd and 3rd opinion if I were you!

I’m sorry for the loss of your baby girl.
 
First, I am so sorry for your loss, I am praying for you.
I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix after premature labor with my son at age 23, thankfully after a period of bed rest he was delivered, healthy, near term. After a sad divorce from his father I remarried and was very nervous about having more children. I went off the “pill” started going to Mass with my husband and we are now blessed with two more lovely children. I did not have early labor with either one.
I am now Catholic and we had our marriage blessed this past February. Only God knows whether you will bear children or be blessed with them through adoption but do not let one Dr’s opinon close the door.
May God bless and keep you.
 
Hi Bunnynessuk,

I don’t have anything other than sympathy to add, as I think you’ve gotten a lot of good advice already. I know how you feel; I know that I would rather never be pregnant again than go through another miscarriage. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. :hug1:
 
WOW. I don’t know why they tell you things like this. Your post is SO broad spectrum as far as “why” you may have multiple misacrriages. Can you try to recall what the medical term is for your condition or look at your records?

I am with MasonDoggy, get a 2nd, 3rd or 4th opinion.

Research everyting you can about fertillty and maintaining a healthy pregnancy.

I have had 9 pregnancies and only on my fourth child. I know fertility issues and I know loss. Although, I haven’t heard anything about late term miscarriages outside of incompetent cervix that can’t be dealt with. Well that and RH factors.

Before you bury yourself with this or that responsibility, burden and sadness, KNOW what is available to you and what is and what is not possible. In a well-rounded, informed way…

If you don’t even know the medical term or why it happens – why be sad or act so hopeless? “Poor me” gets you NOWHERE. Start with knowledge, grow in intelligence, learn from experience, and then finailly, when all other possibilities are exhausted: THEN accept the things you cannot change.

Then, if all else fails: as PP’s said, adopt!
 
KCtheMommy said:
If you don’t even know the medical term or why it happens – why be sad or act so hopeless? “Poor me” gets you NOWHERE.
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Ordinarily I would agree with you, but she just recently lost her baby. Let her grieve and be sad.
 
bunnynessuk said:
I miscarried my baby girl - Alissa May - in september and was told by the doctors that it is unlikely that I will ever be pregnant again as there was significant damage to my womb meaning that any pregnancy is likely to end in miscarriage as it is not strong enough (I am not of sure of any of the medical terms related to this). My h2b and I (im sure most of you know from posts during and pre-pregnancy that I got pregnant out of wedlock) are trying to deal with our loss and at the same time look to our future.

Have any other women (or wives of posters) had this problem and did anyone successfully have a child?

Is it sinful of me to not want to have sex - post-mmarriage - for fear of getting pregnant again o worse to get pregnant knowing the child would die so young?

Im currently in a state of shock as Im sure you will appreciate but I am also concerned my body had been through a lot during my life (child abuse etc) and now my baby girl I dont know what to do for fear of doing wrong.

My h2b wants to have children although we both believe in adoption so that is always an option I am at a loss as to how to deal with ever attempting pregnancy and how to go about marital relations after our marriage next year.

Any help would be appreciated.

God Bless
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I am so very sorry, you are in my prayers:gopray:
 
My problem as far as I understand (i live in the UK and the nhs (where i was treated) is pretty shabby and the doctors arent the easiest to understand) is a multitude of several things my endometriosis, my pcos, a problem cervix and my diabetes. Im sorry that I am not as upto date on my diagnosis as others might be but its still a shock to me that at the age of 21 (my pregnancy was a big shock!) I have not only lost my first child but have also been told that my chances of carrying another to full term are slim to none, I am rife with menstrual problems and have been since i was 7 when my perods began (i was sexually abused as a child continously which led to me developing earlier than i should another thing which i dont comletely understand but have been told is the consequence of being a ‘damaged’ child.

My main problem is knowing what to do for the best my poor h2b has lost his first baby to and the knowledge for him that he is unlikely to ever get his own ‘natural’ child is hertbreaking for me and him. I love hi to bits and I no he feels the same but this has been tremendously painful. I understand that my lack of knowledge may seem silly but I have had other things on my mind and I am not a med student I hae trouble enough making sense of the terms dallied about relating to my meenstral problems in general and this is just anoter thing i dont understand - perhaps a failing on behalf of my doctors - I am by no means unintelliegent but medicalterms all i have is google (fat lot of use that is).

I have no trouble adopting i am an adopted child and whilst my adoption may have been a mess I would love and have always planned to adopt children (over 4/5) as i no how damaged they get in the ‘system’ and I would love to help. My main issue is the knowledge that i may never have my on children and struggling with the fact that baby alissa’s conception was a sin and that my body could not cope with her and in turn aborted her whilst this may be a’natural’ thing due to my medical problems it is in part my fault i shouldnt have been having sex and I was totally unaware of he effects of my medical problems on her conception and as such she didnt even live a day and that is some gult.
 
Personally, I would get more than just one opinion and I would seek a professional in this field and see if anyone could work with you in a high risk pregnancy, I would never just leave it at the first doctors words, but this is just me, I just personally think you still have hope. My brother’s wife was told she could not carry a baby to term and she had three losses but then she carried two babies one to 36 weeks and one to 38 weeks and they are alive and well. She had to go on bed rest from 24 weeks to the end but for them it was well worth it.

I just think you have to really look into this when you are ready. You are hurting right now and grieving your loss, but hopefully when your ready you can find a doctor who can offer you some hope. You are definitely in my prayers.
 
Sweetie, you are breaking my heart. My prayers go out to you. I know how hard it is to deal with a miscarriage. Don’t blame yourself! Baby Alissa did live and she is in heaven now. She may have been conceived in sin, but her life was still a wonderful blessing. That is how wonderful God is: He can take our sinful actions and make blessings out of them. God sent Alissa to help you grow in your faith and you have. What a sad time this must be for you.

When you are ready, definately look into getting a second opinion on whether or not you can carry a baby to term. If not, you can use NFP to avoid conceiving if you wish.
 
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