Miserable, Lonely, Depressed, Addicted

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St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen. :signofcross:
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit:
As it was in the beginning,
is now,
and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.
 
Thank you for all the prayers and encouragement. I’ll have to read through all of them, and write down a number of the prayers. I think they were definitely answered!

Please pray that I would have some stability in my life. That I would have some sense of peace, and wouldn’t get blown down by every bump in the road and every wave of difficulty and obstacles.
 
Dear ssafellow,

Oh my dear. I am so so sorry to hear you are suffering so very much.

Where do I begin?
No one wants to be alone. You’re normal that you feel the need to be in a relationship. Please do not be angry with yourself for how you feel. I understand and empathize with you that you are worried about your vocation. I completely understand the fears of the future and wondering if you are strong enough to carry this cross. I know. But to be honest I think the infernal enemy is trying to distract you from some blessing that may be coming your way. He wants you to stop focusing on God and to instead devote all your emotional energy in worry, fear, evil foreboding, depression and even idleness. Something good must be coming your way, and he hating all God’s children as he does wants you to completely miss it.

Because here’s the thing: no one, NO ONE, can say that you’re bound to be alone because of your striving to live a life which makes God smile upon you. None of us can know what vocation He truly has prepared for you. I do not want to offend you, or anyone who is attracted to the same sex and does not believe they should be in a relationship with the same sex. I do not want make it seem like it can somehow change easily, or that they’d even want it to.

But honestly, God can actually be calling you to marriage. How can we know for sure what He has in store? If not marriage, then the religious life. But please do not give up hope. Pray for Him to prepare your heart for your vocation, for your mission that only YOU can accomplish. Because, from what you’ve posted you aren’t sure where He’s calling you and you are very worried (and I can completely empathize with you!) but keep the door open for healing. Pray for your future wife (they may exist!), or for your vocation each day.

In the meantime, completely devote yourself to healing. If you have a local parish with Adoration, go whenever you can. If you can go to daily Mass, go to daily Mass. Because, if you have time on your hands the devil wants you to be idle and to wallow in self-pity and depression and to feed your addiction.
He wants to keep you busy doing his work: self-hate.
Instead of doing this things, go to Mass, pray, volunteer somewhere and love others. You seem like such a beautiful soul. If I knew you I would be your friend and support you. If you are depressed keep speaking to your counselor regularly. I hope your counselor is supportive of your beliefs.

I also recommend that you do all the research you can about the nature of the addiction you are wrestling with. It’s very important you know what you are dealing with, because knowing his half the battle. I assume you’re a man from what you’ve written on CAF. God made the brains of men to have sexual images burned into their minds so that they will associate sexual pleasure with their spouses. That is why it is so difficult (so I’ve heard) for men to shake the memories of porn. The goodness and the beauty that God has created you to be is being twisted and corroded. But your memories can be healed and your mind can be redeemed. Below I have listed a helpful Catholic/Christian website about porn addiction and recovery, and a book which I have not read personally but you may want to look into to learn about the technicalities about the addiction in relation to neuroscience. As I mentioned, I haven’t read the book but it’s from a Christian perspective. I hope it helps you.
  1. The Porn Effect (Matt Fradd): theporneffect.com
  2. Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain: amazon.com/Wired-Intimacy-Pornography-Hijacks-Brain/dp/0830837000/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419047319&sr=1-1&keywords=wired+for+intimacy
I hope those help. Also, have you tried seeing if your college has campus ministry?
If not yours, maybe another local college does. Have you contacted your local diocese to see if they have young adult ministry? They may have events or some kind of website or something that you can connect with others to make new friends. Maybe they even have some sort of Catholic community in your diocese for young adults. If not then contact your diocese to put you in touch with campus ministers nearby. Maybe take this time to go on a religious retreat or something? I also recommend praying a 54 day Rosary Novena for inner healing and for your future spouse & vocation.

I am praying for you and know I am here if you need to chat. Try to focus on each day, not the future. Stay in the present and pray for God to help you to stay in the present. Ask Him, “Lord how do you want me to serve you today? Help me to focus on this day and not worry about tomorrow. When I get there, please guide me to your Will.”

God bless you, brother.
 
Dear ssafellow:

I joined this forum recently and read about your post. I can certainly understand your pain and sufferings.

Just wanted to let you know that, like you, I’ve been struggling with sexual sins, porn and depression for many years, probably longer than you have been born. So you are not alone and will never be.

I firmly believe God has a schedule for everything. We are suffering and want immediate answers and relief, but it is not what God’s plan.

Some people say time heals everything - it is true because if we just keep on praying and turning back to Jesus, we will come to a point that we will finally see light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be next month or year, but if we do our part and do not despair and give up, God will provide the relief, the turn point, the answer that we need.

Remember, life is a only a journey and the purpose is for us to get close to God. We are only at a certain point of this journey - it could be a high point or low point.

When I am at a high point, I thank God for it.

When I am at the bottom and suffer dearly, I have to remind myself that it is then when God is closest to me.

It is tough, and I don’t want to sugar-coat it. We will fail, succumb to temptations, get depressed and upset, etc. For me, I always ask God, “why me”, “why I am the one who has to suffer like this”. But I also believe that one day I will understand God’s plan more.

Some of the posted suggestions are very good. For me, the following things get me through some tough times:
  • taking regular, long walks
  • keeping a journal (try some online ones such as Penzu.com)
  • talking to somebody (I know it is difficult to find somebody to talk to especially when everybody else seems so “holy” and “normal” - but find any willing ears. Go to confession regularly so that you can at least speak to a priest. Also, please keep on posting here.)
  • find some activities that you like to do (by focusing your energy on something else, it will help you focus less on your depression, etc. it could be dancing, yoga, meditation, exercise, etc. )
  • spending some alone time in church to talk to Jesus or just be there with Him.
  • don’t worry about your life so much; just focus on today or this hour.
I will pray for you now, brother! DO NOT GIVE UP! 👍

Hail Mary,full of grace, the Lord is with thee,
Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus;

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
Now and at then hour of our death.
Amen!
 
:christmastree1:

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the Fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen. † :signofcross:
 
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