"missed miscarriage" and moral theology

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Hi All,

Note: This question is NOT appropriate for children and has very sensitive material. It is not meant to offend or scare anyone but, it is the situation that is in my wife and I’s lives right now.

My wife and I found that our unborn child was dead in the womb about 2 days ago. It has been a very painful and trying ordeal and there are so many questions. It also doesn’t help that our state, CT, is a very anti-life state so, no approved time off for me and most hospitals would simply dispose of a 12-15 week fetus without care to our beliefs. (We’re trying to get a cremation or burial)

Anyway, my question has to do with what is the most morally sound method of removing the baby? They have given us 3 options. One is the D&C, which is a semi-surgical way to remove the baby, but is the exact same method used in an abortion. The second is to induce labor but, they say it isn’t guaranteed to work and I think it could be traumatizing for my wife, also she doesn’t like any artificial hormones placed into her body. (Thank the Lord for NFP) However, the third option is kind of scary and would be even more traumatic, which would be to try and wait and see if her body will expel the baby on its own. But, this makes my wife and I suffer through living with our dead child inside her and wondering what happens next.

We will greatly miss our child, whom we’ve named Aidan Francis, and we just want to make sure that everything that is done from here on out is still fully in line with Catholic moral teaching from the removal of the baby to the cremation and/or burial.

Thank you for your prayers and for your responses.

God Bless,
Chris
 
ctlw83 said:
Hi All,

Note: This question is NOT appropriate for children and has very sensitive material. It is not meant to offend or scare anyone but, it is the situation that is in my wife and I’s lives right now.

My wife and I found that our unborn child was dead in the womb about 2 days ago. It has been a very painful and trying ordeal and there are so many questions. It also doesn’t help that our state, CT, is a very anti-life state so, no approved time off for me and most hospitals would simply dispose of a 12-15 week fetus without care to our beliefs. (We’re trying to get a cremation or burial)

Anyway, my question has to do with what is the most morally sound method of removing the baby? They have given us 3 options. One is the D&C, which is a semi-surgical way to remove the baby, but is the exact same method used in an abortion. The second is to induce labor but, they say it isn’t guaranteed to work and I think it could be traumatizing for my wife, also she doesn’t like any artificial hormones placed into her body. (Thank the Lord for NFP) However, the third option is kind of scary and would be even more traumatic, which would be to try and wait and see if her body will expel the baby on its own. But, this makes my wife and I suffer through living with our dead child inside her and wondering what happens next.

We will greatly miss our child, whom we’ve named Aidan Francis, and we just want to make sure that everything that is done from here on out is still fully in line with Catholic moral teaching from the removal of the baby to the cremation and/or burial.

Thank you for your prayers and for your responses.

God Bless,
Chris
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I am so sincerely sorry for your loss and prayers are with the both of you at this difficult time. :signofcross:

If there is absolutely no way that the child could be still alive and there is complete certainty that there is no life present, a D & C would be fine. This can in no way be compared to an abortion as abortion takes a life.

I will pray for you tonight.

Kelly
 
I’m not trying to offer any false hope, but I am always a skeptic…I would get another opinion, in this day and age, I wouldn’t trust anyone that my child was really indeed dead. How far along was she? I will keep you all in my prayers, and most definately I would not choose the first one. I will see if I can find out more info for you. :blessyou: (I’m not trying to imply that you don’t already know for sure either, I’m just touching all bases.)
 
We are getting another ultra-sound tomorrow and getting a second doctor to look at it. This way we can be sure.

It is just so weird that we find ourselves in a common situation that has very few Catholic resources on it. Perhaps God is calling my wife and I to publish some kind of brochure or something to help people through the process…we don’t know though. We are still in grief so, we might just be crazy thinking that…
 
ctlw83 said:
We are getting another ultra-sound tomorrow and getting a second doctor to look at it. This way we can be sure.

It is just so weird that we find ourselves in a common situation that has very few Catholic resources on it. Perhaps God is calling my wife and I to publish some kind of brochure or something to help people through the process…we don’t know though. We are still in grief so, we might just be crazy thinking that…
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Not crazy at all. Perhaps researching the issue and informing others about what they could do within the bounds of prudence and sound Catholic teaching is what God is calling you and your wife to. It may also be a good way to help ease your grief, knowing that you could make such a difficult time easier on others who are experiencing the same thing.

You, your wife, and your child are in my prayers.

-ACEGC
 
This is really bordering on medical advice, which we are not allowed to give here.

Morally speaking there is no issue with any of the procedures you listed.

I am sorry you are going through this.
 
ctlw83 said:
We are getting another ultra-sound tomorrow and getting a second doctor to look at it. This way we can be sure.

It is just so weird that we find ourselves in a common situation that has very few Catholic resources on it. Perhaps God is calling my wife and I to publish some kind of brochure or something to help people through the process…we don’t know though. We are still in grief so, we might just be crazy thinking that…
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I did come across this article on miscarriage from a Catholic perspective. And this , this and this .

Please check out each of the links as there is a lot of information that may help you during this painful time.

Peace
 
I am so sorry for what you and your wife are going through.

Whatever your decision my be, would it be possible to use a Catholic Hospital? There may be people there who are more sensitive to your emotional and spiritual needs. That is not guaranteed in CT of course. Saint Raphael’s in New Haven perhaps?
 
From all that I have been able to find out, (mostly from EWTN’s forum of questions.) If your wife doesn’t expel the baby on her own, they usually do induce and then a D and C could be done, ( to make sure all the remains of your child are taken out.).
Also, someone on there said that in some archdiocese’s that they bury the miscarried, stillbirth babies for free, you would have to check to see if this is done in your area. (I would think that your Parish Priest would know or be able to have someone find out for you.) If not then you could probably find a Parish where they would pray the Mass of the Innocents for your child either with or without the body present. Preferably with of course. Check with them The hospital would probably know of a funeral director that would help you with your child if you have to go that route. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. God bless you.
 
ctlw83 said:
Hi All,

Note: This question is NOT appropriate for children and has very sensitive material. It is not meant to offend or scare anyone but, it is the situation that is in my wife and I’s lives right now.

My wife and I found that our unborn child was dead in the womb about 2 days ago. It has been a very painful and trying ordeal and there are so many questions. It also doesn’t help that our state, CT, is a very anti-life state so, no approved time off for me and most hospitals would simply dispose of a 12-15 week fetus without care to our beliefs. (We’re trying to get a cremation or burial)

Anyway, my question has to do with what is the most morally sound method of removing the baby? They have given us 3 options. One is the D&C, which is a semi-surgical way to remove the baby, but is the exact same method used in an abortion. The second is to induce labor but, they say it isn’t guaranteed to work and I think it could be traumatizing for my wife, also she doesn’t like any artificial hormones placed into her body. (Thank the Lord for NFP) However, the third option is kind of scary and would be even more traumatic, which would be to try and wait and see if her body will expel the baby on its own. But, this makes my wife and I suffer through living with our dead child inside her and wondering what happens next.

We will greatly miss our child, whom we’ve named Aidan Francis, and we just want to make sure that everything that is done from here on out is still fully in line with Catholic moral teaching from the removal of the baby to the cremation and/or burial.

Thank you for your prayers and for your responses.

God Bless,
Chris
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Brother, you and your wife are in my prayers and you have my sympathy.

I do not know if this will help at all, but it may be Providence. This week on “The Journey Home” on EWTN a guest of the program was facing a slightly similar dilemna inasmuch as she was carrying a child where it was a known quantity that the child was very ill, would die before birth, and nothing could be done.

You can watch it here if you think it may help:
ewtn.com/audiovideo/index.asp

She movingly recounts her experience, which is not the same, and opted to carry it to birth. Being that your child has already reposed, again, I know it is not the same, but her testimony may be of some value.

Ultimately it will be up to you, and a surgical procedure would NOT be confused with a termination. I recomend talking with a priest and getting aid and comfort there if possible.

Now it truly seems to be a matter of determining what the least traumatic, least harmful process would be in this your time of grieving.

Again, I am truly sorry for your loss, and will keep you in my prayers.
 
I am sorry for your loss. I have a friend who had a similar dilemma and she opted to wait 1 week to see if her daughter’s remains would pass on their own and then scheduled the D&C. She called the hospital and a local funeral home ahead of time. She was reassured to learn that the Catholic hospital has always had miscarried children buried in the adjacent Catholic cemetery, and the nearby funeral home donates their services and supplies. (This also reassured her mother who had miscarried many years prior and had always wondered what had happened to her child)

In their case they were able to have a burial service for their child. I would also suggest getting the counsel of your priest if it would assist you and your wife in making the decision.

God bless all 3 of you. Miscarriage is a terrible experience and it is unfortunate that so many of us have had it.
 
If the dead infant is not expelled naturally, the mother may die from infection from the dead baby. Go to your ob/gyn and follow whatever procedure (s)he may prescribe. Do this as soon as possible for the sake of the health of your wife.

Matthew
 
Thank you for all of your responses and prayers. We appreciate them.

We are going to get the D&C procedure done tomorrow. Note: This is not based on the advice of anyone here as I was not asking medical advice, simply wanted to make sure that all of our options were within Catholic moral teaching.

Please continue to pray for us but, again, many thanks.
 
ctlw83 said:
Thank you for all of your responses and prayers. We appreciate them.

We are going to get the D&C procedure done tomorrow. Note: This is not based on the advice of anyone here as I was not asking medical advice, simply wanted to make sure that all of our options were within Catholic moral teaching.

Please continue to pray for us but, again, many thanks.
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I pray for you and your wife and will include your intentions at Mass tomorrow and at adoration. Peace be with you. I am so sorry for your loss.

:gopray2:
 
ctlw83 said:
Thank you for all of your responses and prayers. We appreciate them.

We are going to get the D&C procedure done tomorrow. Note: This is not based on the advice of anyone here as I was not asking medical advice, simply wanted to make sure that all of our options were within Catholic moral teaching.

Please continue to pray for us but, again, many thanks.
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Your wife’s health comes first. Whatever medical procedure results in that will be the best. I’m sure the doctors will guide you.
You and your wife will be in for a rough period. My wife and I went through the same thing some years ago. A baby boy died in utero at eight and a half months. It was a horrible experience and just cruel on the other kids, who were excitedly awaiting the arrival of a new brother or sister. We went through an induced birth, then a full funeral. It’s traumatic, but you get through it. Make sure your wife doesn’t wallow, for the want of a better word, because it can lead to depression. Again, I’m speaking from experience. Be strong for her and before you know it, you will come to terms with the whole sorry episode. It is far more common than we might realise and probably something that is not given enough attention.
 
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