Missed the Boat

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SpikeLewis

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I’ll try to keep my life story to a minimum, but here are some essential details:

I was a lapsed catholic from about age 15-24. I’m 25 now, and have spent the last year rediscovering my faith. I have almost no religious friends or family members, and even fewer of them are catholic. I live on my own, run my own business, and because of my faith have drifted away from a lot of the social circles I used to be a part of. I’m really trying hard to get involved with my parish and become a part of my church community, but I’m running into some challenges. Namely, I seem to be well below the average age of everyone else who attends church and church functions.

I don’t know if it’s my generation or where I live (or a combination of the two), but there seem to be very few active catholics my age. It’s been very disheartening to come back to the church, which involved alienating many of my friends and my protestant ex-girlfriend of about 4 years, to find there are virtually no 20 to 30-year-olds attending my church.

I don’t want to come off as someone who’s only interested in going to church in order to meet people, but after living the secular life for so long, I really do want to surround myself with good catholic people who aren’t children or senior citizens - not that I have anything against children or senior citizens, but I think you know what I mean. I also believe I have a vocation to be a husband and father, and it’s important to me to put myself in situations where meeting women who have vocations to become mothers and wives is possible. In some ways, it really feels like having missed catholic youth groups, high schools, and universities, I’ve kind of missed the boat on having catholic friends my age, and possibly missed out on my vocation as well.

I know in many ways 25 is still very young, but I’m looking for some encouragement, because although I’m going to remain catholic even if it means being single and having a very small social circle, I’m having a really tough time accepting that those ships might have sailed.
 
Watch for events aimed at young adults in your Diocese. Typically there are social clubs for young adults operated through the Diocesan Office of Youth Ministry with a variety of themes - Bible study, social justice, stewardship, Theology of the Body, etc.

Participate in World Youth Day activities around your city - even if you can’t actually go to Rio this year, you can get involved with local World Youth Day events, where you will meet people closer to your own age.

You can also still get involved with the University Catholic Community, even if you aren’t actually a student.

Meanwhile, keep active at your home parish as well, especially Sunday Mass, which will give you the graces to get through the challenges you’re being faced with.
 
I’m proud of you. Welcome back…
Your parish needs you as much as you need the parish. I know it is difficult not having same-aged peers, but please do what you can to get involved without letting the age status matter a whole lot.
Please consider applying to serve as a lector or extraordinary minister of Holy Communion. By your visibility, other parishioners may tell the young adults they know that there ARE other young adults involved in the parish! Of course that’s not the most important thing … but, just saying.
I hope you can participate in any faith formation events such as Bible study, for your own reinforcement. And like the previous poster wrote, perhaps there are at least occasional diocese-based events for young adults.

Please hang in there. We need faith-filled Catholic husbands and fathers! You are a source of hope for all of us.
 
quiet52 said:
I’m proud of you. Welcome back…
Your parish needs you as much as you need the parish. I know it is difficult not having same-aged peers, but please do what you can to get involved without letting the age status matter a whole lot.
Please consider applying to serve as a lector or extraordinary minister of Holy Communion. By your visibility, other parishioners may tell the young adults they know that there ARE other young adults involved in the parish! Of course that’s not the most important thing … but, just saying.
I hope you can participate in any faith formation events such as Bible study, for your own reinforcement. And like the previous poster wrote, perhaps there are at least occasional diocese-based events for young adults.

Please hang in there. We need faith-filled Catholic husbands and fathers! You are a source of hope for all of us.
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If the boat is owned and run by that one cruise line outfit maybe it is a good thing you missed it.🙂
 
I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written. I rediscovered my faith over the past year and I didn’t really have any family or friends who were Catholic, unless you count a few family members who are Catholic in name only. However, I am married and my husband and I have become strong on faith together but we both feel a strong need have more Catholics in our lives.

My parish actually has an active Young Adult group however I am nearing 35 and have 3 young children. There is not a single thing for me there. Absolutely nothing with childcare. The church very much caters to young adults with no kids or older adults whose kids have left the home. It’s very disheartening. What I would suggest is exploring other Parishes in the area. I found a mothers group at a parish about 25 minutes away that had a faith study group with childcare so I’ve recently started that. So far I am still attending Mass at my parish so if you find a group a another church, you do not have to leave your church…unless that’s what you want.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone!

I have been attending as many events as possible, which has been part of why I’ve become so dismayed, haha. I think I was really expecting there to be this community of like-minded people my age who would welcome me home, but what I’ve found has been quite different. I stand out like a sore thumb at every event because, aside from young children, I’m the only single person under the age of 50 in attendance. I have met a lot of good people, and I enjoy the events for other reasons, but it makes the secular and even protestant world really appealing when they are teeming with young people my age, and in the case of the latter young people who are really trying to love God, even though they have some strange ideas about how to do that.

And yeah, attending Mass is still awesome, even by myself, because it’s a chance to be with the one person who matters more than everything and everyone else - it would just be great to have actual conversations about that awesomeness on a regular basis, haha. And I have started doing readings and such, so hopefully that will bear fruit, so to speak.

@ Quiet52: Thank you! I have also been given many assurances from the various grandmothers I’ve met that they hope their granddaughters can find a fella like me. Unfortunately, none of their granddaughters are practicing catholics. Clearly I was born 75 years too late. 😃

@ Lego: Ha! Amen to that…

@ KellyPalmer: We need to switch parishes, haha. I’m glad you know where I’m coming from, and I appreciate you sharing your story. Again, and I’m not sure if this is because I ran in protestant circles for awhile or what, but it seems weird to me that catholics don’t get together more often. I get the impression that for many catholics our religion is just something we do on Sunday and then the rest of the week we live in the world and hang out with worldly people and talk about worldly things. None of that is bad, persay, but it just seems strange that we aren’t more united and excited about getting together with other catholics. I have thought about switching parishes, but it’s taken awhile to get involved in this one, I’m not looking forward to starting that over again. I may have to though. It’s a good idea to look into and see if there is another one nearby that maybe has a younger population.

What do you guys think about dating websites like Catholic Match? I mean, morally speaking, haha. I would give it a try but I’m not sure if that shows I have a lack of faith or am just trying to pursue my own personal desires and such. In other words, if God wants me to marry someone, won’t He bring her into my life?
 
Yes, Protestants have a lot of great ideas about fellowship! I live in an area that is heavily Protestant with a very low Catholic population. I didn’t realize how I let that effect me until I came back to the faith. What actually brought me back was starting up a weekly Christian Fellowship group with some of my friends. None of them are Catholic except for one lapsed Catholic who doesn’t agree with the Church. We would have deep conversations about God, Jesus, The Bible, Church, etc and I was really seeking truth…started researching, reading the early church fathers, etc…lead me right home to the Catholic Church! I am totally on fire for Christ! I absolutely LOVE being Catholic. I see these fired up Catholics on EWTN, listen to them on Catholic radio, etc. But I can’t find people like this in my area – in real life, lol! That is, until I started this faith study at nearby parish. I think about my faith all day long and I just need people in my daily life that can understand, talk, support, etc. Dh and I would really like the example of other Catholic families, etc. Any who, I will pray that you find what you are looking for! Another thing I will say is to pray for the conversions of your existing friends/family too!
 
SpikeLewis said:
What do you guys think about dating websites like Catholic Match? I mean, morally speaking, haha. I would give it a try but I’m not sure if that shows I have a lack of faith or am just trying to pursue my own personal desires and such. In other words, if God wants me to marry someone, won’t He bring her into my life?
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I think a Catholic dating site is a good thing and not a sign that you have a lack of faith. If you are supposed to get married, God will find a way for your spouse to enter your life whether it be through a dating site, church event, or something as simple as buying some beer. When my husband and I attended our Engaged Encounter retreat we met a couple that said they met in the beer aisle at a grocery store when they each came in with some friends to get beer for the weekend. It’s not the most glamorous story, but it’s how they found each other so it certainly ended well. God will find some way for you to meet a good person if it is meant to be. It doesn’t hurt to try to make it easy for God by giving him as many opportunities as possible for you to meet your spouse!

As for just finding other Catholics your age in general, look for diocesan functions and see if you can get some of them to come to your parish once in a while. Look for “Theology on Tap” and if your diocese doesn’t have it, then start it! It’s a really low-key, easy way to meet people. A lot of dioceses hold it once a month at a bar. Basically each time you sit around and talk for a while and then a speaker for the night gets up to discuss a topic related to young adults and the Faith. I used to go to one at a Buffalo Wild Wings. Beer, wings, other young Catholics, and Jesus! Can’t get much better than that for a social event!
 
SpikeLewis said:
I’ll try to keep my life story to a minimum, but here are some essential details:

I was a lapsed catholic from about age 15-24. I’m 25 now, and have spent the last year rediscovering my faith. I have almost no religious friends or family members, and even fewer of them are catholic. I live on my own, run my own business, and because of my faith have drifted away from a lot of the social circles I used to be a part of. I’m really trying hard to get involved with my parish and become a part of my church community, but I’m running into some challenges. Namely, I seem to be well below the average age of everyone else who attends church and church functions.

I don’t know if it’s my generation or where I live (or a combination of the two), but there seem to be very few active catholics my age. It’s been very disheartening to come back to the church, which involved alienating many of my friends and my protestant ex-girlfriend of about 4 years, to find there are virtually no 20 to 30-year-olds attending my church.

I don’t want to come off as someone who’s only interested in going to church in order to meet people, but after living the secular life for so long, I really do want to surround myself with good catholic people who aren’t children or senior citizens - not that I have anything against children or senior citizens, but I think you know what I mean. I also believe I have a vocation to be a husband and father, and it’s important to me to put myself in situations where meeting women who have vocations to become mothers and wives is possible. In some ways, it really feels like having missed catholic youth groups, high schools, and universities, I’ve kind of missed the boat on having catholic friends my age, and possibly missed out on my vocation as well.

I know in many ways 25 is still very young, but I’m looking for some encouragement, because although I’m going to remain catholic even if it means being single and having a very small social circle, I’m having a really tough time accepting that those ships might have sailed.
Click to expand...
If there is any way for you to get to a college town parish, that’s where you need to get involved. Lots of young adults there, and young ladies who are called to a vocation as a wife and mother. Your ship has not sailed!
 
Do you have any other parishes close enough to check and see if they serve a younger demographic? A college ministry would be great, or if there is on in an area with lots of “young families.”

We have several churches here, and often one will host events parishioners of ALL the churches are invited to- check a bulletin or two, and see if that may be the case, too.
 
Here is my :twocents:…
  1. Get involved in youth ministry. Yes, you may be a little older than such ministries tend to cater to, but maybe you can volunteer to help your parish youth minister in his or her work (helping with youth events, retreats, etc). Does your parish have a young adult ministry you can become part of?
  2. Join the choir. I am serious. As a music director for nearly 5 years (with 12 years of church music involvement prior to that), I can tell you that we love to see young people join the choir and get involved in our ministry. In the past year and a half in my current position, I have seen no fewer than 8 people under the age of 30 get involved in music ministry in some way. It’s very encouraging to see!
 
Thank you everyone for all the good suggestions. I will definitely try all (or most) of them to see if I can find the welcome home I was expecting, haha.
 
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