OP,
Realize that vocation is not just our gift to God, it is God’s gift to us. He intends to give us the graces proper to the state to which we are called. However, this does not mean that God abandons us if we fail in this sense.
The perfect example is Pope St. Peter. He was called to be the leader of the Church. Yet, as Christ was being persecuted, he denied him three times. But what happened after? Peter was forgiven, and amended his life.
In the same way, it is illogical and uncharitable to continue to beat yourself up over the past if you have truly repented of it. The moment you leave the confessional and finish penance is the moment you truly should be a new person, a person that does not identify any longer with the person that did the past actions.
God can and will work with us exactly where we are.
The apostles and Christ’s closest followers are again a great testament to His divine nature. He called poor fishermen and a prostitute, among others. God takes the weak and makes them strong.
Offer him yourself. Give yourself to him by participating frequently in the sacraments (particularly Mass and Reconciliation), and spend time in Eucharistic Adoration. No one is broken beyond God’s ability to repair. Trust in His mercy, and seek His love, and He will not disappoint you.
Seek to grow in devotion to Our Blessed Mother, and read the lives of the Saints. There are plenty of other great things to do, but just take little steps. These are merely recommendations from me, and I don’t have any authority whatsoever, so take them with a grain of salt.
I will say a prayer for you!
In Christ Through Mary,
+VNV+
