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iwillrisenow
Guest
So I just went and saw the most beautiful ballet performance and am practically on the verge of tears. Why? I feel like I missed out on my chance to do the one thing that I could really hope to shine in during this lifetime.
I loved to dance and wanted to be a dancer since I was very little…not in the way that every little girl does, I was serious. I can even remember when I asked my mom if I could start taking lessons when I was about 4 (I pointed to a ballerina Cabbage Patch doll on tv and hoped she would get the message
). But then, unfortunately, when I reached puberty, things did not turn out so, er, beneficial for such dreams. I ended up with a curvy figure that, while healthy, is a far cry from the aesthetic demanded by most professional dance companies.
I went through a period of really struggling in high school-- I continued to dance but would get passed over by groups like the school dance team because of my “look” issues. It wasn’t until college where I was able to start taking more serious dance classes in a variety of styles (as well as really getting into swing dancing outside of class) that I found my chances to shine. I finally developed a solid technical background (I was too young and too naive to understand what I should have been doing in high school and had no one to support or guide me). When one of my professors told me that I should consider starting to do auditions (I became much fitter in college and I realize now that I was “there” at that time), I didn’t even think about taking the leap. I thought it was already too late and all I could do was worry that I would get rejected, called “too fat” and other horrible things by people in the industry and that I would lose the one thing that truly brought me joy and made me feel most myself. Now, at that time I didn’t have faith (just the occasional church service-- Protestant ones at that
) and was dealing with a serious situation at home (and not a particularly supportive environment for what I was interested in, since I was overshadowed by a sibling that had the more mathematical abilities that my parents valued). So that was that.
Today, I’m 27, living in a very difficult and miserable environment alone and cats are becoming more appealing every day…but I feel something deep inside moving me towards a more creative career path (whether it’s dance/performance-related or more in the area of writing, I’ve yet to tell), but don’t know where to begin. I want to be serious and committed and devoted to developing whatever it is that God’s calling me to do…I don’t want to turn a blind eye to opportunity, but what can I do? How can I find that first baby step?
Sorry if this post seems a little “blah blah” and unorganized, just venting and weeping…
I loved to dance and wanted to be a dancer since I was very little…not in the way that every little girl does, I was serious. I can even remember when I asked my mom if I could start taking lessons when I was about 4 (I pointed to a ballerina Cabbage Patch doll on tv and hoped she would get the message
). But then, unfortunately, when I reached puberty, things did not turn out so, er, beneficial for such dreams. I ended up with a curvy figure that, while healthy, is a far cry from the aesthetic demanded by most professional dance companies.I went through a period of really struggling in high school-- I continued to dance but would get passed over by groups like the school dance team because of my “look” issues. It wasn’t until college where I was able to start taking more serious dance classes in a variety of styles (as well as really getting into swing dancing outside of class) that I found my chances to shine. I finally developed a solid technical background (I was too young and too naive to understand what I should have been doing in high school and had no one to support or guide me). When one of my professors told me that I should consider starting to do auditions (I became much fitter in college and I realize now that I was “there” at that time), I didn’t even think about taking the leap. I thought it was already too late and all I could do was worry that I would get rejected, called “too fat” and other horrible things by people in the industry and that I would lose the one thing that truly brought me joy and made me feel most myself. Now, at that time I didn’t have faith (just the occasional church service-- Protestant ones at that
) and was dealing with a serious situation at home (and not a particularly supportive environment for what I was interested in, since I was overshadowed by a sibling that had the more mathematical abilities that my parents valued). So that was that.Today, I’m 27, living in a very difficult and miserable environment alone and cats are becoming more appealing every day…but I feel something deep inside moving me towards a more creative career path (whether it’s dance/performance-related or more in the area of writing, I’ve yet to tell), but don’t know where to begin. I want to be serious and committed and devoted to developing whatever it is that God’s calling me to do…I don’t want to turn a blind eye to opportunity, but what can I do? How can I find that first baby step?
Sorry if this post seems a little “blah blah” and unorganized, just venting and weeping…
