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Truly_Beloved
Guest
I have never heard of this; what an awesome parish you have!! Wow.
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ac_claire
Guest
I’ve never heard of it being done at any f the parishes I’ve attended (in Texas, New Mexico and Kansas). But my husband read up on it and we were going to see if our current priest would do it. Probably won’t get around to it this time though, after all. Too much going on. But I think it’s awesome that your church does it! Are you in the US, btw?
I haven’t been to Mass since my baby was born, and I feel awful about it.
Even though, I know that it’s technically excused. My baby has been in the hosptial and every weekend since then I’ve been at the Ronald McDonald House next to the hospital in a strange city, with no car and no *idea *where the nearest Catholic Church is! Baby is coming home tomorrow, so I’m hoping to make it this weekend, God willing. I’ve got my Moby wrap and my Hotsling to help me.
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Joannm
Guest
The Churching of women is basically a thing of the past. It was replaced by the blessing of mothers in the Rite of Baptism. I also believe the Book of Blessings has a blessing of new mothers. It was probably a nice custom. I was born in "54 and my mom doesn’t recall ever doing it, so maybe it was a local custom in some places. She does know that at that time, at least in our area, mothers did not go to their baby’s baptism. They were brought by their godparents alone and usually not with any guests.
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Secret_Square
Guest
I don’t know if this might help you but it’s just a thought.
The “churching” ceremony that used to be held for new mothers about 6 weeks or so after a child’s birth seems to have been inspired by the Old Testament Jewish custom of women being “purified” 40 days after giving birth to a boy and 80 days after giving birth to a girl. The Feast of the Presentation on Feb. 2 (40 days after Christmas) celebrates the occasion when Mary went to the Temple for her “purification” after giving birth to Jesus.
The term “purification” refers to the fact that women were considered to be ritually “unclean” during this time. The state of being “unclean” didn’t imply any kind of moral fault or punishment, however; it simply meant that they were kept apart from their families and from the community for a time until they recovered. It excused them from participation in public worship, and also excused them from doing housework, cooking and cleaning because anything an “unclean” woman touched also became ritually unclean. It also meant that they did not sleep with their husbands (either literally or in the other sense of the term). The period of “purification”, in effect, gave the new mother time to bond with her child and physically recover from childbirth without undue demands or distractions.
Notice also that the Mosaic Law’s 40-day period of purification for the birth of a son (not sure why it was doubled after giving birth to a girl) corresponds just about exactly to the standard 6 weeks of maternity leave that women today may receive after giving birth, and with the 6-week checkup she gets from her doctor. If I’m not mistaken, at one time, it was also recommended that couples abstain from sex for 6 weeks after the woman gave birth (although this rule isn’t held to as strictly nowadays).
So my point is that there seems to be a tradition, going back to long before the time of Christ, of giving women about 40 days or 6 weeks to recover from giving birth. This may be also where the practice of women waiting until they had been “churched” to come back to church came from as well.
Now, regarding my own experience: I have only given birth once, a normal delivery after a full-term pregnancy. I felt great afterward, went home the next day, and I believe I even went to Mass 2 days later (my daughter was born on a Friday). However, I did also notice that anytime I pushed myself too hard, even doing seemingly ordinary tasks, I paid for it later with soreness and extra bleeding. This continued periodically up until – you guessed it – my daughter was six weeks old. So I think there is something to that old custom of waiting six weeks before you feel obligated to go anywhere or do anything. If you WANT to go to Mass, fine; but I don’t think you are strictly obligated to do so until you are fully physically recovered.
The “churching” ceremony that used to be held for new mothers about 6 weeks or so after a child’s birth seems to have been inspired by the Old Testament Jewish custom of women being “purified” 40 days after giving birth to a boy and 80 days after giving birth to a girl. The Feast of the Presentation on Feb. 2 (40 days after Christmas) celebrates the occasion when Mary went to the Temple for her “purification” after giving birth to Jesus.
The term “purification” refers to the fact that women were considered to be ritually “unclean” during this time. The state of being “unclean” didn’t imply any kind of moral fault or punishment, however; it simply meant that they were kept apart from their families and from the community for a time until they recovered. It excused them from participation in public worship, and also excused them from doing housework, cooking and cleaning because anything an “unclean” woman touched also became ritually unclean. It also meant that they did not sleep with their husbands (either literally or in the other sense of the term). The period of “purification”, in effect, gave the new mother time to bond with her child and physically recover from childbirth without undue demands or distractions.
Notice also that the Mosaic Law’s 40-day period of purification for the birth of a son (not sure why it was doubled after giving birth to a girl) corresponds just about exactly to the standard 6 weeks of maternity leave that women today may receive after giving birth, and with the 6-week checkup she gets from her doctor. If I’m not mistaken, at one time, it was also recommended that couples abstain from sex for 6 weeks after the woman gave birth (although this rule isn’t held to as strictly nowadays).
So my point is that there seems to be a tradition, going back to long before the time of Christ, of giving women about 40 days or 6 weeks to recover from giving birth. This may be also where the practice of women waiting until they had been “churched” to come back to church came from as well.
Now, regarding my own experience: I have only given birth once, a normal delivery after a full-term pregnancy. I felt great afterward, went home the next day, and I believe I even went to Mass 2 days later (my daughter was born on a Friday). However, I did also notice that anytime I pushed myself too hard, even doing seemingly ordinary tasks, I paid for it later with soreness and extra bleeding. This continued periodically up until – you guessed it – my daughter was six weeks old. So I think there is something to that old custom of waiting six weeks before you feel obligated to go anywhere or do anything. If you WANT to go to Mass, fine; but I don’t think you are strictly obligated to do so until you are fully physically recovered.
M
mommamaree
Guest
These are the concerns that were in mind from the first. I am so glad someone else has made the connection between the modern ‘6 weeks’ and the ancient ‘40 days’ (also a common connection for Advent and Lent, I gather).
To the red highlighted section, I have this problem every time. Within the week after I deliver, I get on such an emotional high that I act like I am supermom, who can handle anything. It was eerily similar after my miscarriage last year. Within two days, I dragged my family on a 4 mile hike, just to prove how healthy I was and how I could handle anything. Real bright idea.
Every time, I seriously pay for it. I ‘feel’ like I want to do something, but my body has different plans in mind. I tend to push my body further than what is healthy (my mother does exactly the same thing, and now struggles with chronic fatigue, depression and fibromyalgia). I guess I was here looking for a stern reminder of the importance of staying home and resting. Besides that, nursing pairs should not be separated at all during the early months. I saw so many suggestions of ‘leave the baby at home and go to Mass alone’ and that really surprised me. Maybe that is because exclusive nursing is not yet the norm again after generations of formula feeding? I am not sure, but I know from experience and from the education I received on exclusive breastfeeding that my baby should not be separated from me at all for at least six weeks, better yet the first few months. So if the baby cannot go to Mass (flu season, sleep schedule, etc.) then I cannot go. I just hoped to hear that is okay, too.
I just got really worried about overdoing it, because I ALWAYS overdo everything!
And yet I want to have the baby baptized very early, before Advent begins, if possible. I could see going to that one mass for the baptism, but then remaining at home for several more weeks. That might be the healthy thing to do, but is it the lazy or sinful thing to do? Or is choosing to focus upon restoring or building up physical health never sinful? Sigh I have so much to learn.And here is the final issue weighing on my mind. We are a pro-vaccination family, so we will begin the vaccinations at the normal schedule. If memory serves me right, the first round of vaccines don’t even begin until the baby is 2 months old. And the baby will be born right in the middle of the flu season. I could see wearing the baby in my Hotsling on a brief trip to the store to grab some bread and milk when I won’t be in close contact with anybody. But I cannot see the wisdom in sitting in close quarters with a thousand people for over an hour, when half those people are gonna want to adore a little baby and see and touch her/him and ooh and aah. I know that I have to seriously restrain myself around other people’s newborns. Our natural instinct is to come over and compliment the parents and touch their little fingers and toes, but the safe thing to do for newborns is to wait until they are older so as not to pass germs to unvaccinated vulnerable babies. Too many times, I’ve had people lose their heads and come up and start kissing and stroking my newborns and I’ve had to remind them that hand sanitizer is a must, and no kissing please, because the baby is too little.
So, these are my paranoid worries. And I know that emotional high I get will the best of me, and I need the calm voice of wisdom to remind me to not think I can conquer the world (childbirth can be an amazing invigorator right at the time when we should rest with our babies!). So, since I am at least self-aware enough to recognize self-destructive behavior patterns like this, and I also do not want to be dealing with lochia (post-partum bleeding) while in Mass, can I plan now to stay home for a period of weeks after the baby comes? Do I need to inquire about this with my priest? Thank you all so much for all of your kind advice.
P.S. Do Sundays differ at all from other Holy Days of Obligation, such as All Saints’ (which is in the week after my due date)?
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mellowcalico
Guest
I mentioned it
I didn’t know that’s what it was called though.
L
Little_Me
Guest
FWIW - I waited 6 weeks to bring my baby to church. It was during the swine flu outbreak and I was very worried about germs. Everyone wants to talk at and touch a newborn. I also nursed elusively and on demand for 6 months. I have had to leave mass for a bit to nurse a few times as well. I pumped but he didn’t always like the bottle. It goes by fast. You’ll have your baby at church with you as part of your regular routine in no time.
I do wish churches had a place for moms to nurse their babies.
I do wish churches had a place for moms to nurse their babies.
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StJudePray4Me
Guest
I don’t think it’s a problem to leave a just-fed baby at home with Dad for an hour.These are the concerns that were in mind from the first. I am so glad someone else has made the connection between the modern ‘6 weeks’ and the ancient ‘40 days’ (also a common connection for Advent and Lent, I gather).
To the red highlighted section, I have this problem every time. Within the week after I deliver, I get on such an emotional high that I act like I am supermom, who can handle anything. It was eerily similar after my miscarriage last year. Within two days, I dragged my family on a 4 mile hike, just to prove how healthy I was and how I could handle anything. Real bright idea.
Besides that, nursing pairs should not be separated at all during the early months. I saw so many suggestions of ‘leave the baby at home and go to Mass alone’ and that really surprised me. Maybe that is because exclusive nursing is not yet the norm again after generations of formula feeding?** I am not sure, but I know from experience and from the education I received on exclusive breastfeeding that my baby should not be separated from me at all for at least six weeks, better yet the first few months. So if the baby cannot go to Mass (flu season, sleep schedule, etc.) then I cannot go. I just hoped to hear that is okay, too.**
I just got really worried about overdoing it, because I ALWAYS overdo everything!
And here is the final issue weighing on my mind. We are a pro-vaccination family, so we will begin the vaccinations at the normal schedule. If memory serves me right, the first round of vaccines don’t even begin until the baby is 2 months old. And the baby will be born right in the middle of the flu season. I could see wearing the baby in my Hotsling on a brief trip to the store to grab some bread and milk when I won’t be in close contact with anybody. But I cannot see the wisdom in sitting in close quarters with a thousand people for over an hour, when half those people are gonna want to adore a little baby and see and touch her/him and ooh and aah. I know that I have to seriously restrain myself around other people’s newborns. Our natural instinct is to come over and compliment the parents and touch their little fingers and toes, but the safe thing to do for newborns is to wait until they are older so as not to pass germs to unvaccinated vulnerable babies. Too many times, I’ve had people lose their heads and come up and start kissing and stroking my newborns and I’ve had to remind them that hand sanitizer is a must, and no kissing please, because the baby is too little.
So, these are my paranoid worries. And I know that emotional high I get will the best of me, and I need the calm voice of wisdom to remind me to not think I can conquer the world (childbirth can be an amazing invigorator right at the time when we should rest with our babies!). So, since I am at least self-aware enough to recognize self-destructive behavior patterns like this, and I also do not want to be dealing with lochia (post-partum bleeding) while in Mass, can I plan now to stay home for a period of weeks after the baby comes? Do I need to inquire about this with my priest? Thank you all so much for all of your kind advice.
P.S. Do Sundays differ at all from other Holy Days of Obligation, such as All Saints’ (which is in the week after my due date)?
I had a post-partum depression following my first child’s birth and I really NEEDED to get out of the house daily for at least a half an hour. I needed to be alone just for a bit, as my anxiety level was off the charts whenever the baby was around. I couldn’t stop hovering over her when I was with her, and was exhausted by this hyper-vigilance. When my DH came home from work, when I had just finished nursing, I would fly out of the house, just for a little while, and I would feel much better when I returned. Please be careful about criticizing moms who feel they need a break, even if they are nursing. Some of us struggle during those early days.
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mommamaree
Guest
St.JudePray4Me - I was very careful not to criticize. I am sorry what I said still sounded offensive to you. I said I was surprised and I asked a question, neither of which should be construed as criticism. I am sorry that you suffered from PPD. I suspect that I may have as well, but I didn’t realize it at the time. It wasn’t until I started getting better (around the 1 year mark) that I realized I probably had been dealing with PPD. It was far worse than baby blues. How you and your husband chose to deal with it was between the two of you, because only you know what eases your depression.
But getting through a difficult situation such as overcoming PPD is not the same as a concern about missing Mass. Going to Mass by myself would mean being gone for at least 2 hours. I was surprised to see suggestions to leave the baby only because I know just how long that time would be; too long for a newborn. Not to mention the fact that everytime I go anywhere in the car without my children, I am literally praying the whole time that God brings me home safely again so that I won’t widow my husband and abandon my children. I couldn’t do that at all with a newborn to worry about. But both my grandfathers died tragically in accidents (car and boat) and my husband’s maternal grandfather died tragically in a plane accident. These sudden losses had profound and lasting effects upon the psyches of my parents and my husband’s mother. You never get over losing your parent when you are only a child.
On top of that, both of my older children nursed at least every 2 hours throughout the daytime in the first few months, so that is why I said a nursing pair shouldn’t be separated. Not to criticise others, but just drawing on my own experience. I only know one other mother who exclusively breastfeeds, despite all the women in my life. She never separated from her son during the first six months. She is even more of an avid lactivist than me. So my speculation (really an honest inquiry) about breastfeeding still not being the norm yet (statistics show it isn’t) is just me asking out loud why so many mentioned that. Maybe their church is really close to their house? Or maybe their parish is small so communion takes less time and Mass doesn’t last as long? Or maybe it is as I inquired initially, that exclusive breastfeeding and nursing pair relationships were not taken into account? I don’t know, but I would be happy to hear more explanation on that topic, but that might take this thread way off-topic.
J
Joannm
Guest
They do…it’s called the pew. I’ve nursed my kids in church with no one noticing a thing. And I usually sat pretty close to the front. Just get a big shawl and wrap it ove the two of you. Use hubby as a "screen’ if you need it, but I never did. Practice in front of a mirror.
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mommamaree
Guest
It would be nice to have pews, for this very reason. Unfortunately, we are stuck with padded folding chairs for the foreseeable future. Because of the economy, our church expansion plans have been moved to the back burner indefinitely. We are having mass in our parish hall (gymnasium/basketball&volleyball court/soup kitchen). So I would not have the ‘furniture assist’ in modesty and comfort. Sigh Now I’m putting my own thread off-topic…
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