Missing mass due to social anxiety!?

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Izzy1

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Is missing mass due to social anxiety a sin? I’ve never been diagnosed with social anxiety but I’m a really anxious person. I hate social situations and worry a lot whenever I have to go out even if it’s for the most uneventful thing. I didn’t go for mass today just because my cousin with whom I usually go for mass isn’t in town so I would have had to go on my own. The very thought of that gives me goosebumps. I’m really angry at myself that I didn’t go but I just couldn’t help it. I’m worried it’s a sin and I don’t know how to deal with it .
 
Sounds like social anxiety. Please talk to your priest and seek a therapist’s help. Social anxiety is difficult to live with.
 
But what do I tell my priest? That I don’t come for mass cause I feel nervous and scared of the social aspect of it?
 
Yes? Tell him you feel anxious around people and aren’t comfortable being alone in a social setting. Social anxiety is a real issue.
 
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But the thing is that my parents don’t believe in ‘social anxiety’ being an issue so they won’t let me go talk to the priest and ‘waste his time’. The only way I can talk to him is if I sneak out and talk to him without my parents knowing
 
Izzy1 said:
my parents don’t believe in ‘social anxiety’ being an issue
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Why don’t you show them that it’s an actual mental illness? There’s plenty of material about it online.
Izzy1 said:
I can talk to him is if I sneak out and talk to him without my parents knowing
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Wouldn’t advise that- it’s dishonest.
 
Good for you!

That said, there are a lot of traditional ways available to manage social anxiety in church. There used to be a lot of “inconvenient seats over on the side behind a pillar,” but people sat in them for their own reasons! There were always people who stayed standing up in back, or sat in the back pews, or stayed out in the vestibule.

And there was no pressure on them to change, for the most part, because it was nobody’s business but their own.
 
I dealt with this problem for years. I sat in the back and put myself in positions to be able to get up and go to the back or even step outside if needed. By giving myself that ability and permission where I could quietly escape if needed made it not nearly as uncomfortable to be there and I didn’t feel the need to leave as often. Think of it as strategy and planning. It puts you in control of the situation and helps you to not be overwhelmed by your anxiety.
You can get better. It may require help from others and will take time.
Start with smaller things that make you anxious and work up from there. Build on those small, even tiny victories. Examine your catastrophic thinking and weigh out how likely those terrible things are to happen.
One of the things that I still tell myself is it’s fine to be scared, do it anyway.
I’m not sure if I agree with not visiting with your priest about it, but I’m not advocating fighting with your parents about it either. If you go to confession you could mention this to your priest then and see what direction he goes with it.
 
Well that is hard. I have struggled with social problems and some anxiety although it has not made it very hard for me to go to Mass. Would you be able to talk openly with your priest if you have social anxiety or is it mostly just fear of crowds and big groups?
 
I don’t believe it is sin. What is a sin is our brothers and sisters not lending a helping hand to those who wish to attend church and who are unable to do so. Perhaps talk to the leader of the church to see how volunteers can get together to help anyone who wants to go to church the opportunity to do so. Some churches provide small buses who will have a driver go and pick up people to go to church and drop them off. A church should be inclusive and accommodating.
 
Can you discuss this with a counselor at your school? They may be able to help you get some help for this.
 
Yes there is nothing wrong with telling the priest the reason why you don’t go to mass. He may even decide to give you a healing anointment. My priest did. I had a brain injury from a brain aneurysm. I lost a lot of memory including how to say prayer and I no longer could read or follow mass. I was upset and scared. I talked to the priest about it and it was the best thing I ever did. He retaught me the prayers and he gave me a anointment for the sick. He even came out to give me communion in person where I was standing so I didn’t have to get mixed into the crowd because I would pannick. I’m much better today for it. Follow what God tells you in your heart to do. I wouldn’t consider it lying to your parents in the sense that you are doing it for good reasons. This isn’t a lie to do something deceitful. You have the right to go to mass regardless. Asking for help is a good thing. Be firm and be bold. If that is your calling to do so, then I would.
 
Would it be possible to phone or email your priest? He could possibly even help discuss this with your parents once he understands the situation. It doesn’t sound sinful to me, but that’s not my call. That is left to your conscience and the guidance of your priest.

I understand the situation; it’s quite familiar to me, and I’m sorry your family isn’t more sympathetic and understanding. Please try to see both your priest and a counselor.
 
I used to stand outside the church (in the compound) and hear mass but then the priests used to get angry and call all those who stood outside to come inside and yelled at us in public
 
I don’t mind speaking to the priest one on one …I actually don’t mind speaking to people privately …it’s when I have to speak in front of a number of people which gets me super anxious …but even though I’m comfortable to speak with the priest the initial stage of approaching him and asking him to have a private session is what’s holding me back
 
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