Missing Mass for Years

[nicoleandrian]

I am 41 years old. I am a recovered drug addict, alcoholic, and sex worker. I started doing hard core drugs in my teens including cocaine (countless times), meth (daily), weed (daily), hard liquor (daily), acid (maybe 6 times), Ecstasy (at least 20 times), and even PCP (one time). I have been to jail (dozen times), prison (1 time), and rehab (5 times). I have had sex with countless men (I lost count in my 20’s). I was gang banged by a group of older guys when I was 15 years old and have sexual trauma from this. Because of all these things I suffer from nightmares and much darkness of soul especially when I sleep. It is a wonder that I have not died in my sleep yet. I also suffer from an eating disorder caused by my anxiety that has me afraid of food. I have literally only eaten chicken, and potatoes, and orange juice for several years (this is not a voluntary fasting but I have offered it up in union with those who ate only bread for many years). I have not taken a shower in many years because I am afraid of ingredients in the water and the hygiene products (luckily I have the saints like St. Anthony who didn’t shower to consecrate that to). I also don’t make enough money to pay rent so I take care of my elderly father who has dementia/Alzheimer in exchange for living with him. I don’t have a car, and panic when driving. I haven’t been out of my apartment for more than 2-3 years because of the stress of my situation and the suffering it causes me internally especially mentally. I feel guilty for not going to mass because of my post traumatic stress disorder and obligation to attend to my elderly father. We actually live close to the church (about a half hour walk) but far enough away. My pastor has dispensed me from going to mass but I still feel incredibly guilty and unsure of my salvation. When I go online to see what others say about missing mass, I see incredibly rigid responses that expect everyone to go to mass unless they are practically dying. I am surprised by the lack of consideration to the circumstances of people in life that prevent someone from going to mass. It seems that people only think that terminal illness or similar situation is a valid reason. I have found no consolation in any responses for people asking if they have to go to mass. There was even a 74 year old man who was asking if he still had to go or if he could have a Eucharistic Minister bring him holy communion and some of the responses were incredibly rigid and callous as to the man not being able to go not taking into consideration his old age or lack of physical energy due to old age. I am grateful for the peace that comes from Holy Communion, but I am still dreading any future chastisement from the Lord for not attending Mass. I do not want to go to hell. I do not know if my mental illness is justified in the Lord’s eyes. I am sure there are those that still think that after all I’ve been through and still go through it’s still not enough to justify missing mass. Any ways I was hoping to get some feedback from people to know what they think of the situation? Thank you for listening.

 

[jeannetherese]

If you have been dispensed by your pastor, then attendance is not obligatory. If you have questions about this, you should take them to your pastor.
May God bless you.
Amen.

 

[Vico]

…
My pastor has dispensed me from going to mass but I still feel incredibly guilty and unsure of my salvation. …

So is the guilt because you could actually go to Mass, or because of a psychological cause that makes you feel guilty when you are not?

Nobody can be certain of their salvation without divine revelation of it.

Two dogmas of faith are:

• Without special Divine Revelation no one can know with the certainty of faith, if he be in the state of grace. (De fide.)
• God gives all the just sufficient grace (gratia proxime vel remote sufliciens) for the observation of the Divine Commandments. (De fide.)

Also

• Despite men’s sins God truly and earnestly desires the salvation of all men. (Sent. fidei proxima.)

Reference: Fundamentals of Catholic Dogma by Ludwig Ott.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

You have a legitimate illness preventing you from going to Mass and your priest has dispensed you from the obligation. Be at peace.

You probably shouldn’t be reading responses online that people make in regard to other people’s situations. If those people are too ill or frail to get to Mass, they can also talk to their priests and get a dispensation just as you did. And in any event, they’re not you, and their situation is not your situation.

I recommend that you stop reading about this topic online and if you still feel bothered, talk to your priest.

 

[Jen95]

Oh sweetie. You have been through so much. You have suffered way too much in your life. Please know how much God loves you.
I’m not sure that this forum is necessarily a good place always.
Please take care of yourself and be at peace. I’m saying a prayer for you now I’m sure others are too!! Wishing you much healing and blessings to you and your father.

 

[Cor_ad_Cor]

Be at peace. Remember, your pastor knows you and your situation better than anyone online could understand it. The online world, even on Catholic sites, can be full of distant people hiding behind fake names who have no need to care about a face they cannot see, so it becomes easy to be hateful, rigid, or a modern day Pharisee. Tune it out and focus on those who are in front of you expressing their loving concern and compassion - I’ll bet they resemble Jesus more than the online haters. Prayers for you and your father.