Missing mass to look after children

[Flopfoot]

This is just a quick Q&A

I know it is okay to miss Mass if you have to stay home to care for a sick child.
However what if your child is not sick (but you don’t want to take them to mass with you for other reasons, perhaps because they are too rowdy there) can you miss mass to stay home with them?
It’s possible for some couples to go to separate masses (mum stays home with the child on saturday night while dad goes to the vigil, dad satys home with child on sunday night while mum goes to sunday night mass), would this be required of a couple if it was possible for them?

 

[Aquinas74]

This is just a quick Q&A

I know it is okay to miss Mass if you have to stay home to care for a sick child.
However what if your child is not sick (but you don’t want to take them to mass with you for other reasons, perhaps because they are too rowdy there) can you miss mass to stay home with them?
It’s possible for some couples to go to separate masses (mum stays home with the child on saturday night while dad goes to the vigil, dad satys home with child on sunday night while mum goes to sunday night mass), would this be required of a couple if it was possible for them?

Is there not a nursery that can take care of the child while you attend Holy Mass? I would do everything I could to attend Mass. I hope this answer is seen with Charity, if this does not help, by all means contact your priest.

 

[Phemie]

Is there not a nursery that can take care of the child while you attend Holy Mass? I would do everything I could to attend Mass. I hope this answer is seen with Charity, if this does not help, by all means contact your priest.

I have to say that in 35 years of different Catholic parishes I’ve never come across one with a nursery where you could just drop off children.

 

[Flopfoot]

I’m single and have no children, this is just an “academic” question. I’m just interested to know what’s actually required of the parents. And I’d have to agree with the poster above, I’ve never seen a nursery where you can just drop your children before going to Mass. A mild exception is a “childrens Liturgy” they have at the same time as the 9am Mass which effectively “gets the children out of the way” so the older people can enjoy a quiet Mass.

 

[quiet52]

This is just a quick Q&A

However what if your child is not sick (but you don’t want to take them to mass with you for other reasons, perhaps because they are too rowdy there) can you miss mass to stay home with them?
QUOTE]

Too many parents have this attitude about a lot of things – and without realizing it, teach their children that if they’re misbehave enough, they won’t have to go where the parents want them to go. Part of parenting our children is to bring them up in the faith, which means to do our best to discipline them during Mass (or bribe them).

 

[bpbasilphx]

All other things being equal (Adam Rice is clearly the exception), why should you NOT want your chlldren to be with you in Church?

 

[Flopfoot]

It’s a funny trend I notice on this forum that you can never ask a question about everyday faith and morals as an academic question, people will always answer it as if it was a practical question. (That’s why I mentioned “this is just a quick Q&A”. I was hoping for someone who knows the answer to just say yes or no). Also did you notice how I clarified in post #4 that I’m single and have no children? (Perhaps you thought I’m asking on behalf of a married friend? Well this is not the case).

Well anyway. Who is Adam Rice? I’ve never heard of him. Erm, one reason I suggested in the OP of why parents wouldn’t want to take a child to Mass is because he is too rowdy [and they feel bad about disrupting the other parishioners in an environment that’s supposed to be reverent]. But it could be anything. Perhaps the child is afraid of going to Mass. Etc.

You might think that in such a situation the parents should just take the child anyway, but that’s not really the point of this question. If for whatever reason they don’t want to take the child to Mass, is it okay for them to stay home to look after the child, thus missing Mass?

 

[1ke]

However what if your child is not sick (but you don’t want to take them to mass with you for other reasons, perhaps because they are too rowdy there) can you miss mass to stay home with them?

This should be discussed with the priest, who is the only one qualified to counsel someone on their situation and/or dispense from Mass attendance for specific circumstances.

The short answer to what you desccribed is “no” as **in general **this does not fall under caring for the sick or another grave obligation.

The Mass obligation remains, and the solutions would be to take the child to Mass and train them in proper behavior, split parenting duties and attend separate Masses, hire a babysitter, or place the child in the care of a friend/neighbor/relative while the parents attend Mass. And remember, any child that has received First Holy Communion is also obliged to attend Mass.

Now, in any *specific *case (unlike your generic “hypothetical”) there could be mitigating circumstances, such as if the child had some sort of condition (mental or physical) that made obtaining an outside caregiver difficult or unrealistic or other circumstances that didn’t allow for spouses to attend separate Masses.

 

[Flopfoot]

Thanks

 

[Orogeny]

These answers are based on my understanding of the rules.

This is just a quick Q&A

I know it is okay to miss Mass if you have to stay home to care for a sick child.

Yes.

However what if your child is not sick (but you don’t want to take them to mass with you for other reasons, perhaps because they are too rowdy there) can you miss mass to stay home with them?

Probably not.

It’s possible for some couples to go to separate masses (mum stays home with the child on saturday night while dad goes to the vigil, dad satys home with child on sunday night while mum goes to sunday night mass), would this be required of a couple if it was possible for them?

Yes.

Peace

Tim

 

[Aquinas74]

I have to say that in 35 years of different Catholic parishes I’ve never come across one with a nursery where you could just drop off children.

We have had a nursery at our parish since 1965. The lady that started the service is still doing it some 40+years later. I understand not all parishes have nursery services. But it has been a great blessing to our parish.

 

[Joan_M]

It’s a funny trend I notice on this forum that you can never ask a question about everyday faith and morals as an academic question, people will always answer it as if it was a practical question. (That’s why I mentioned “this is just a quick Q&A”. I was hoping for someone who knows the answer to just say yes or no). Also did you notice how I clarified in post #4 that I’m single and have no children? (Perhaps you thought I’m asking on behalf of a married friend? Well this is not the case).

There really is not much point to academic questions about everyday faith and morals. Practical questions and answers are of much more value. The answer is - if the child is sick, a parent can, indeed, miss Mass to care for the child, but, most faithful Catholics would try to have one parent stay home while the other went to Mass and then the one that went to Mass would take over while the one that stayed home goes.

Erm, one reason I suggested in the OP of why parents wouldn’t want to take a child to Mass is because he is too rowdy [and they feel bad about disrupting the other parishioners in an environment that’s supposed to be reverent]. But it could be anything. Perhaps the child is afraid of going to Mass. Etc.

Parents need to discipline their children. A child that is too rowdy either has not been trained to behave well or may have one of the frequently diagnosed disciplinary problems. Regardless - a parent cannot just stay home with the child. How on earth is such a child ever going to learn to behave properly at Mass? A good sharp slap can stop rowdy behavior! (Yes, I know I will be jumped on, but I firmly believe in corporal punishment - so have at me.)

You might think that in such a situation the parents should just take the child anyway, but that’s not really the point of this question. If for whatever reason they don’t want to take the child to Mass, is it okay for them to stay home to look after the child, thus missing Mass?

No, it’s not OK for parents to just stay home because they dont want to take the child to Mass. It has to be a proper reason - like the child being sick and having noone else to take care of them.

 

[musicmantg11]

You should take your children to mass no matter if they’re rowdy or not.