Missing mass with relatives in town?

[Cathhsmom]

I stayed home and did things around the house as well as taking care of our 2 kids who are both under 3, so taking them to church by myself is almost impossible. Is this a valid reason for missing for both of us?

I just had to comment on the 2 kids under 3 and unable to take them to Mass by yourself. What do you think those who have spouses in the military go through? My husband is retired, but there were many Masses that I went to with just me and the kids. My older 2 were only 16 months apart, too. My first 3 were born within 3 1/2 years, and I managed to take them to Mass by myself. Is it easy? Heck no! However, it is doable, and that is why there is a cry room available at most churches.

I will say, that I just went to confession yesterday because I missed Mass through my own fault 3 weeks ago. I did not present myself for communion until yesterday after going to Confession. If you are confused, that is good. It means that you care. Go to your priest in Confession.

As for others being able to get out of their obligation because of work, most of those are jobs that have to be done on that day, and they have gotten a dispensation or talked to their priest beforehand. I have a friend in one of my online groups that works as a nurse on weekends. She got permission to go to daily Mass because she would literally be unable to get to a Sunday Mass.

 

[LaSainte]

Then say you missed Mass to care for your children rather then some “serious family obligation.” And if your children regularly require that you miss Mass, why is it a question for yesterday?

You are grasping at straws.

Yes I missed mass to care for my children, while my HUSBAND missed to take care of serious family and household obligations. I am not grasping at anything.

 

[Moore11]

Yes I missed mass to care for my children, while my HUSBAND missed to take care of serious family and household obligations. I am not grasping at anything.

OK. I have to wonder then. Why did you post about this? I guess there was no way you could have gone. oh well. maybe you can fit it into your schedule next week.

 

[LaSainte]

I just had to comment on the 2 kids under 3 and unable to take them to Mass by yourself. What do you think those who have spouses in the military go through? My husband is retired, but there were many Masses that I went to with just me and the kids. My older 2 were only 16 months apart, too. My first 3 were born within 3 1/2 years, and I managed to take them to Mass by myself. Is it easy? Heck no! However, it is doable, and that is why there is a cry room available at most churches.

I will say, that I just went to confession yesterday because I missed Mass through my own fault 3 weeks ago. I did not present myself for communion until yesterday after going to Confession. If you are confused, that is good. It means that you care. Go to your priest in Confession.

As for others being able to get out of their obligation because of work, most of those are jobs that have to be done on that day, and they have gotten a dispensation or talked to their priest beforehand. I have a friend in one of my online groups that works as a nurse on weekends. She got permission to go to daily Mass because she would literally be unable to get to a Sunday Mass.

Like I said, I had a very scary experience at mass where I lost track of one of my kids. I won’t be doing that again, especially when dispensed by the Church itself.

My husband DID have work that could not be avoided. If we had known it was going to take all day and night, I suppose we could have gotten a dispensation for it. Thanks for the advice. Next time we will try to plan further ahead, but we couldn’t really predict that the locks would all fall apart and not work on the door.

 

[maryjk]

Yes I missed mass to care for my children, while my HUSBAND missed to take care of serious family and household obligations. I am not grasping at anything.

We just have different definitions of what a serious family obligations are. For me, home improvements don’t qualify.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I see what you mean. I guess I just don’t see it as wrong. I mean, I am allowed to DELIBERATELY go on a vacation for completely recreational purposes and if there is no church nearby, no big deal. But if I’ve been working my butt off all day to install the front door on my home, and I have to miss mass just to complete it by 11:30 that night, then it would be better for me to just forget it and sleep without a front door on my house rather than miss mass? I don’t know where you people live, but where I live that’s just dangerous and irresponsible. There’s a registered pedophile living a block away for crying out loud.

Even when we are traveling, we are to make a serious effort to attend Mass! You are all about excuses and “getting out of” Mass!!

And this “you people” phrase is insulting.

Everyone here has been nothing but charitable but trying to point out your own rationalizations for missing Mass. All you do is hurl back more excuses and refuse to see any problems with how you arranged your weekend. When we tell you that there were many choices open to you, you find some other excuse.

This is pointless.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I’m sorry, what does the CCC say about missing mass to care for infants again?

It says that we can miss Mass to care for infants. It seems to me that that’s what you did. To attend Mass you would have had to leave your children with people who were unwilling to accept that responsibility.

Could you have done it better? Maybe yes, or maybe no. All this Monday morning coaching may be helpful for next time (or may not be), but it doesn’t change what has happened - that you stayed at home to care for infants - which is a valid reason to miss Mass.

You are not expected to leave your children with other people who will resent the imposition - even if their resentment is misplaced. That would be an offence against them.

To miss Mass on Sunday is not always a sin, compared with say, fornication, where we have to always do the right thing regardless of cost, embarrassment, or burden on others. We should not put an unwanted burden on others to fulfil our own Sunday obligation. If we **could **have planned better to avoid the situation, then it is the lack of planning which is the defect (possibly) - but still we have to do the best thing in the situation as it is, not as it should be, ideally.

 

[catharina]

I just had to comment on the 2 kids under 3 and unable to take them to Mass by yourself. What do you think those who have spouses in the military go through? My husband is retired, but there were many Masses that I went to with just me and the kids. My older 2 were only 16 months apart, too. My first 3 were born within 3 1/2 years, and I managed to take them to Mass by myself. Is it easy? Heck no! However, it is doable, and that is why there is a cry room available at most churches.

I will say, that I just went to confession yesterday because I missed Mass through my own fault 3 weeks ago. I did not present myself for communion until yesterday after going to Confession. If you are confused, that is good. It means that you care. Go to your priest in Confession.

As for others being able to get out of their obligation because of work, most of those are jobs that have to be done on that day, and they have gotten a dispensation or talked to their priest beforehand. I have a friend in one of my online groups that works as a nurse on weekends. She got permission to go to daily Mass because she would literally be unable to get to a Sunday Mass.

My parents went to separate Masses for MANY years.
They had given life to eight children in eleven years.
Clearly, one had to stay home with the littlest ones
and that went on for years. No choice to ‘hey, just skip it.’

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It says that we can miss Mass to care for infants. It seems to me that that’s what you did.

Could you have done it better? Maybe yes, or maybe no. All this Monday morning coaching may be helpful for next time (or may not be), but it doesn’t change what has happened - that you stayed at home to care for infants - which is a valid reason to miss Mass.

You are not expected to leave your children with other people who will resent the imposition - even if their resentment is misplaced. That would be an offence against them.

Sunday obligation is not a moral absolute, such as against fornication, where we have to do the right thing regardless of cost, embarrassment, or burden on others. We should not put an unwanted burden on others to fulfil our own Sunday obligation. If we could have planned better to avoid the situation, then it is the lack of planning which is the defect - but still we have to do the best thing in the situation as it is, not as it should have been, ideally.

It is the attitude of the OP that is galling. It is not with a contrite heart and a sadness that she posts, “I am sorry to have missed Mass, and I will go to confess before I receive,” no, she is defiant about her reasons for having to miss Mass and seems to have NO regret about not being able to spare an hour for worship. Because we wouldn’t tell her that it was OK that she missed Mass in favor of home renovations, she doubled down and got even uglier about it, more sarcastic, and refuses to even recognize that perhaps she has only cheated herself.

Maybe she just doesn’t want to go to confession before she receives again, I don’t know. Most people would hate to miss Mass in order to hang a door. I simply wouldn’t do it, I’d grab the kids, sit in the cry room, but be there. And I’d feel great afterward.

 

[Moore11]

It says that we can miss Mass to care for infants. It seems to me that that’s what you did. To attend Mass you would have had to leave your children with people who were unwilling to accept that responsibility.

Could you have done it better? Maybe yes, or maybe no. All this Monday morning coaching may be helpful for next time (or may not be), but it doesn’t change what has happened - that you stayed at home to care for infants - which is a valid reason to miss Mass.

You are not expected to leave your children with other people who will resent the imposition - even if their resentment is misplaced. That would be an offence against them.

Sunday obligation is not a moral absolute, such as against fornication, where we have to do the right thing regardless of cost, embarrassment, or burden on others. We should not put an unwanted burden on others to fulfil our own Sunday obligation. If we could have planned better to avoid the situation, then it is the lack of planning which is the defect - but still we have to do the best thing in the situation as it is, not as it should have been, ideally.

You bit.

You bought into the idea that the only options were to leave an infant or not go. Read the thread to see what happened.
That is rarely the case.

 

[LaSainte]

We just have different definitions of what a serious family obligations are. For me, home improvements don’t qualify.

Home improvements that would have delayed us being able to put our house on the market for 6 weeks at a minimum, possibly costing thousands of dollars.

Again, I can apparently take a cruise around the world and miss mass for MONTHS, but can’t miss for one day because of something that absolutely HAD to be done for my family? I don’t get it.

 

[catharina]

It says that we can miss Mass to care for infants. It seems to me that that’s what you did. To attend Mass you would have had to leave your children with people who were unwilling to accept that responsibility.

Could you have done it better? Maybe yes, or maybe no. All this Monday morning coaching may be helpful for next time (or may not be), but it doesn’t change what has happened - that you stayed at home to care for infants - which is a valid reason to miss Mass.

You are not expected to leave your children with other people who will resent the imposition - even if their resentment is misplaced. That would be an offence against them.

How did you gain that impression -
that the grandparents were unwilling and resentful?
I can’t recall that being stated by the OP.

Sunday obligation is not a moral absolute, such as against fornication, where we have to do the right thing regardless of cost, embarrassment, or burden on others. We should not put an unwanted burden on others to fulfil our own Sunday obligation. If we could have planned better to avoid the situation, then it is the lack of planning which is the defect - but still we have to do the best thing in the situation as it is, not as it should have been, ideally.

Since Sunday onligation goes back to the Ten Commandments,
in what sense do you insist that Sunday Mass is not a moral obligation?

 

[PatriceA]

Who would watch the kids?

Again, what was grandma doing this whole time?

 

[Cristiano]

I am going to repeat my suggestion. Stop trying to rationalize your behavior, stop insulting people here on CAF because they disagree with you, go and talk to a priest and next time you will be a little bit more careful in organizing your schedule. The past is past and you cannot change it, what matters is your intent of doing the right thing in the future and also figuring out what the right thing is. If you are right then there was no reason to come to CAF and get in arguments with people and if you were wrong there is no reason to bang your head on a wall, the past is past and I am sure that you want to do what is right. Just relax and go to confession, there if you did not thing wrong the priest will tell you so and if you were wrong he will give you absolution. It takes much more energy to argue about these things than to simply apologize to God just in case you were wrong.

 

[Edmundus1581]

You bit.

You bought into the idea that the only options were to leave an infant or not go. **Read the thread to see what happened. **

I did read the thread - that’s how I reached my conclusion. Which part did I miss?

That is rarely the case.

But, when it is the case, then one is excused from Sunday obligation, as per the Catechism. There is no “burden of proof” required of the carer, as if they were guilty until proven innocent.

 

[catharina]

Home improvements that would have delayed us being able to put our house on the market for 6 weeks at a minimum, possibly costing thousands of dollars.

Again, I can apparently take a cruise around the world and miss mass for MONTHS, (where do you find such hypotheticals and support for such things???) but can’t miss for one day because of something that absolutely HAD to be done for my family? I don’t get it.

 

[Moore11]

Home improvements that would have delayed us being able to put our house on the market for 6 weeks at a minimum, possibly costing thousands of dollars.

Again, I can apparently take a cruise around the world and miss mass for MONTHS, but can’t miss for one day because of something that absolutely HAD to be done for my family? I don’t get it.

I can see that you dont get it. it is one hour on a weekend. That could not have possibly have cost you thousands of dollars. You are being irrational. This is fruitless.

 

[catharina]

Again, what was grandma doing this whole time?

Yep - srtill waiting for an answer to that.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Home improvements that would have delayed us being able to put our house on the market for 6 weeks at a minimum, possibly costing thousands of dollars.

Again, I can apparently take a cruise around the world and miss mass for MONTHS, but can’t miss for one day because of something that absolutely HAD to be done for my family? I don’t get it.

Wrong. A Catholic who is serious about his or her faith would NOT miss Mass for months! You are pulling these conditions out of the air (I would say something else but it would get me suspended)!

Whatever, LaSainte. You feel justified in your excuses. Nothing is going to change that mind of yours, just as you never budged in your other thread. I don’t know why you come here to argue when your mind is made up.

“Don’t bother giving me the truth, my mind is made up!”

 

[Jeanne_S]

Home improvements that would have delayed us being able to put our house on the market for 6 weeks at a minimum, possibly costing thousands of dollars.

Again, I can apparently take a cruise around the world and miss mass for MONTHS, but can’t miss for one day because of something that absolutely HAD to be done for my family? I don’t get it.

Pretty sure you would have opportunities to attend Mass while globe trotting
I think we are beating a dead horse…if you have ANY doubts about your decision…Go to confession!