Missing mass with relatives in town?

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I’m not angry at all. I do get annoyed with people who put burdens on us that the Church itself does not. I KNOW I am dispensed, just by virtue of having to care for my children. We are not obligated to impose on others or find babysitters etc. to make it to mass. If we choose to, great, but it is not an obligation.

My question was regarding my husband who actually came to me later without my saying a word about it and apologized that everything went the way it did with the door breaking and everything else that prevented us from attending mass as a family so that they could get the door on the house before my parents had to leave town. I was fairly certain that he was perfectly innocent, considering all the extenuating circumstances, but I was looking for a CCC quote or a quote from a paper or just a theological opinion that had some basis in Truth, not just emotional gut reactions and "tsk"ing about how we could have planned better.
As been suggested, why not ask your priest instead of arguing with other Catholics that have come to a different conclusion than you did? Why take the advice of strangers on the internet as the definitive answer over your own priest?
 
I can see that you dont get it. it is one hour on a weekend. That could not have possibly have cost you thousands of dollars. You are being irrational. This is fruitless.
Here is what happened in a nutshell: around 4 in the afternoon on Sunday, it became obvious that 1.) my husband and I could go to church and the door would NOT BE HUNG that day or for weeks to come (stepdad is the only person we know capable of doing it and they had to leave that evening so my mom could be at work the next day), 2.) they could hang the door and miss church. 3.) we could go to church, leaving my mom and stepdad to try and finish the job themselves, obviously creating a huge imposition on people who were kind enough to come and work all weekend to help us (“hey you guys finish up, we’ll be back”), 4.) They would have probably been nice enough to stay the. iChat and my mom would not have been able to go to work.

Those were the options. Sanding the paint off the door took much longer than expected and at that point, the door was off the house. My husband fully intended to go to mass at 5 until then, but we had NO DOOR.

Me leaving the kids with my mom would still not have affected my husband’s situation, which is what we are discussing.

I cannot for the life of me see how this could have been handled differently, aside from being psychic and anticipating the problems with the door.
 
My husband and I missed mass this weekend. The reason: we are trying to get our house ready to put on the market in 2 weeks and my mom and her husband drove in from out of town to help us with some things hubby cannot do on his own. They worked on the house all day on Saturday until evening and started again on Sunday at 6:45 am. They didn’t even finish putting the front door on the house by 8:30 last night before they had to leave to drive back to their town 3 hours away. They won’t be able to come back and help us again before we put the house on the market. I stayed home and did things around the house as well as taking care of our 2 kids who are both under 3, so taking them to church by myself is almost impossible. Is this a valid reason for missing for both of us?
There is already a thread going entitled “is there such thing as a stupid question?” I think that this question unequivocally confirms that there is such a thing. Sunday mass obligation takes 1 1/2 to 2 hours per week on average. You couldn’t do your work any other time than those 2 hours? I am sorry, but this type of thing annoys me almost as much as people who talk all through Mass and then leave right after communion. If you don’t want to be there, then don’t come, but don’t go looking for someone to validate your what would at least be described as your poor decision making.
 
Ever heard of a sheet of plywood? Works wonders for a door, temporarily.
 
There is already a thread going entitled “is there such thing as a stupid question?” I think that this question unequivocally confirms that there is such a thing. Sunday mass obligation takes 1 1/2 to 2 hours per week on average. You couldn’t do your work any other time than those 2 hours? I am sorry, but this type of thing annoys me almost as much as people who talk all through Mass and then leave right after communion. If you don’t want to be there, then don’t come, but don’t go looking for someone to validate your what would at least be described as your poor decision making.
Bingo!:👍
 
Is this a valid reason for missing for both of us?
This is what you asked. Although it seems your husband may not have been able to avoid missing mass due to the problems with the door, it seems from what you have described you could have gone and left your children with your mom, even though she may not have liked it. So again, if you feel you are correct in your reasoning in missing mass, why do you continue to argue against those that would have decided differently than you did? And again, why can’t you talk to your priest to ease any unresolved issues you have concerning this past weekend? You seem to have to convince all of us you are right so that you feel ok with what happened.
 
Ever heard of a sheet of plywood? Works wonders for a door, temporarily.
Ever heard of a homeowner’s association? Doesn’t look too classy when you have plywood nailed over your door for 6 weeks, unless you live in a crack house.
 
This is what you asked. Although it seems your husband may not have been able to avoid missing mass due to the problems with the door, it seems from what you have described you could have gone and left your children with your mom, even though she may not have liked it. So again, if you feel you are correct in your reasoning in missing mass, why do you continue to argue against those that would have decided differently than you did? And again, why can’t you talk to your priest to ease any unresolved issues you have concerning this past weekend? You seem to have to convince all of us you are right so that you feel ok with what happened.
Now that I’ve worked it out in my head, I am ok with it. Was in New Orleans last weekend for a friend’s graduation and didn’t make mass either-I wasn’t aware that we were required to go in that case. I thought with being in a hotel and having to drive around a strange city with 2 kids that were beside themselves with exhaustion that we would both be dispensed, but I guess not??? Oh well, at least it wasn’t deliberate in either case, so no mortal sin there.
 
Ever heard of a homeowner’s association? Doesn’t look too classy when you have plywood nailed over your door for 6 weeks, unless you live in a crack house.
Why would you have had to leave it up for 6 weeks???

You already had the door, so you didn’t need your parent’s truck. Simply put it up this morning or tonight if one of you had to work.🤷

You still refuse to see that you might have made a mistake. Fine. Maybe you didn’t. But really? You won’t even consider it?

And by the way, you really missed a wonderful chance if you skipped Mass while in New Orleans. They have some beautiful churches.
 
Ever heard of a homeowner’s association? Doesn’t look too classy when you have plywood nailed over your door for 6 weeks, unless you live in a crack house.
I had plywood over my door when it was being repaired. The HOA is very strict and not a word was said to me. You are being absolutely ridiculous.
 
Now that I’ve worked it out in my head, I am ok with it. Was in New Orleans last weekend for a friend’s graduation and didn’t make mass either-I wasn’t aware that we were required to go in that case. I thought with being in a hotel and having to drive around a strange city with 2 kids that were beside themselves with exhaustion that we would both be dispensed, but I guess not??? Oh well, at least it wasn’t deliberate in either case, so no mortal sin there.
There are plenty of fine Catholic Churches all over New Orleans. Of course your children might have taken a nap at some point, but you will of course argue that they were exhausted all weekend and no one could go with you and your husband couldn’t handle them and your friend would have been inconvenienced if you left for Mass and you didn’t mean to miss Mass so it doesn’t matter…yada yada yada…
 
Now that I’ve worked it out in my head, I am ok with it. Was in New Orleans last weekend for a friend’s graduation and didn’t make mass either-I wasn’t aware that we were required to go in that case. I thought with being in a hotel and having to drive around a strange city with 2 kids that were beside themselves with exhaustion that we would both be dispensed, but I guess not??? Oh well, at least it wasn’t deliberate in either case, so no mortal sin there.
This is exactly why we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to discuss such situations as this and the current one you wanted opinions on. No one can and should decided for themselves that they have not committed a mortal sin. Because in doing so, almost every sin can be reasoned away as not really being a sin. You are on a dangerous road if you are not seeking out the advice of a priest on such matters.

Here’s the part I think you are missing, most Catholics I know plan their weekend activties around mass and do everything in their power to go to mass where ever and when ever they can. Going to a friend’s graduation for me, and for most Catholics, would have meant only accepting the invitation if there was a way to get to Mass on the trip. You voluntarily chose to go to the graduation, some would say you did deliberately miss mass because you knew by accepting that invite you weren’t going to go. It was a social situation, not a situation you could not avoid due to powers beyond your control. THAT is the difference you’re not seeing. Most in this thread, the priority would be to get to mass, regardless of being in a foreign city and hotels have all the information for mass services for Catholics that are visiting from out of town. Its not a hardship to find a mass in a major city such as New Orleans IF going to mass is a priority, the proper priority for all Catholics.
 
Why would you have had to leave it up for 6 weeks???

You already had the door, so you didn’t need your parent’s truck. Simply put it up this morning or tonight if one of you had to work.🤷

You still refuse to see that you might have made a mistake. Fine. Maybe you didn’t. But really? You won’t even consider it?

And by the way, you really missed a wonderful chance if you skipped Mass while in New Orleans. They have some beautiful churches.
My stepfather is the handy one. Hubby and I have no idea how to do such things and stepdad couldn’t come back to help for at least 6 weeks.

I did want to go to a mass there and was disappointed that we missed. Apparently they had a mass presided over by the archbishop in the oldest church in the city.
 
This is exactly why we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to discuss such situations as this and the current one you wanted opinions on. No one can and should decided for themselves that they have not committed a mortal sin. Because in doing so, almost every sin can be reasoned away as not really being a sin. You are on a dangerous road if you are not seeking out the advice of a priest on such matters.

Here’s the part I think you are missing, most Catholics I know plan their weekend activties around mass and do everything in their power to go to mass where ever and when ever they can. Going to a friend’s graduation for me, and for most Catholics, would have meant only accepting the invitation if there was a way to get to Mass on the trip. You voluntarily chose to go to the graduation, some would say you did deliberately miss mass because you knew by accepting that invite you weren’t going to go. It was a social situation, not a situation you could not avoid due to powers beyond your control. THAT is the difference you’re not seeing. Most in this thread, the priority would be to get to mass, regardless of being in a foreign city and hotels have all the information for mass services for Catholics that are visiting from out of town. Its not a hardship to find a mass in a major city such as New Orleans IF going to mass is a priority, the proper priority for all Catholics.
Of course if it had been just hubby and me we would have gone. The kids had been in he car for 6 hours on Friday, then dinner, then at their godfather’s graduation and dinner all day Saturday (remember, ages 2 and 9 months). Sunday they were DONE. The city is unfamiliar to us and the roads are touh to navigate. No kids, no problem, but they really DID need time to unwind and play on Sunday before driving 6 hours back home on Monday, and hubby and I made the executive decision to spend the day letting them play and unwind rather than have another stressful day trying to navigate a strange city before getting on the road to go back home.
 
Here is what happened in a nutshell: around 4 in the afternoon on Sunday, it became obvious that 1.) my husband and I could go to church and the door would NOT BE HUNG that day or for weeks to come (stepdad is the only person we know capable of doing it and they had to leave that evening so my mom could be at work the next day), 2.) they could hang the door and miss church. 3.) we could go to church, leaving my mom and stepdad to try and finish the job themselves, obviously creating a huge imposition on people who were kind enough to come and work all weekend to help us (“hey you guys finish up, we’ll be back”), 4.) They would have probably been nice enough to stay the. iChat and my mom would not have been able to go to work.

Those were the options. Sanding the paint off the door took much longer than expected and at that point, the door was off the house. My husband fully intended to go to mass at 5 until then, but we had NO DOOR.

Me leaving the kids with my mom would still not have affected my husband’s situation, which is what we are discussing.

I cannot for the life of me see how this could have been handled differently, aside from being psychic and anticipating the problems with the door.
Here is a quote from Jones’ Moral Theology:

198,–III Excuses from assisting at Mass. Any **moderately **grave reason suffices to excuse one from assistance at Holy Mass, such as considerable hardship or corporal or spiritual harm either to oneself or another.

[smaller print] Therefore, the following are excused: the sick, convalescent, person who cannot endure the air in church (e.g., certain neurotic persons and sometimes pregnant women in the first or last months of pregnancy); those that have a long way to church, people hindered by the duties of their state (e.g. shepherds, watchmen, policement on duty, cooks, and those working in mills that may not shut down over Sunday); women or children who would incur the grave displeasure of their husbands or parents by attending Mass, servants whose masters to not permit them to attend Mass (should this happen consistently the servants should seek other employment); those that care for the sick, rescue workers in time of fire or flood; and those who have reason to think that by staying home they can hinder sin, or who would suffer injury to their good name or possessions by going to Church (Thus: unmarried women who are pregnant, may remain at home if by doig so they can avoid disgrace; similarly, those who lack clothing becoming to their social standing; those on a journey; those who would suffer the loss of extraordinary gain by attending Mass). One may miss Mass for the sake of a pleasure trip once or twice if he has no other opportunity during the year, or if it is the last opportunity he will ever have for a certain excursion (CF 60) … …

Looking at 60, we see that "Since one must observe the law, he also has the duty:
a) to acquire knowledge of the law…
b) to use the ordinary means which are absolutely necessary for observance of the law…
c) to remove or anticipate obstacles which make the law (proximately) impossible of observance.

[small print] alpha) if the time for the observance of a law is at hand, it is forbidden to render oneself incapable of its observance, unless there is a correspondingly good reason for doing so. The gravity of the reason must be in proportion to the importance of the law, the nearness of the time for its fulfillment, and the frequency of the law’s non-observance by putting such an obstacle in the way of its fulfillment – One may not take a trip on Saturday afternoon merely for pleasure if doing so makes attendance at Mass the next day impossible.

beta) If the time for observing the law is still remote such as obstacle may be placed…

delta) One may never do anything *with the intention of *rendering the observance of the law impossible. Hence it is sinful to work merely to be excused from the oblication of fasting…

(I left out a lot of Jones’ italics, and the bold I added as those parts seemed important to your situation.)

Looking at all of this, my ***totally ***lay person’s thought is that you have *not *committed a sin. However, I am not a priest and would not tell you anything definitively. It just seems to me that you and your husband were not *trying *to miss Mass, do not usually schedule events like this to interfere with Mass, etc.

It is not the Church’s intention to *burden *us with the obligation to attend Mass. The reason I looked this up was I remembered that wrt work on Sunday, it says: Farmers may harvest their grain, hay, etc., or gather fruit on Sunday if a storm threatens. (194. Causes excusing from the Sunday rest).

When you get a chance, you should discuss this with your own priest, but in the meantime, I would suggest not worrying about it.
 
Here is a quote from Jones’ Moral Theology:

198,–III Excuses from assisting at Mass. Any **moderately **grave reason suffices to excuse one from assistance at Holy Mass, such as considerable hardship or corporal or spiritual harm either to oneself or another.

[smaller print] Therefore, the following are excused: the sick, convalescent, person who cannot endure the air in church (e.g., certain neurotic persons and sometimes pregnant women in the first or last months of pregnancy); those that have a long way to church, people hindered by the duties of their state (e.g. shepherds, watchmen, policement on duty, cooks, and those working in mills that may not shut down over Sunday);

**women or children who would incur the grave displeasure of their husbands or parents by attending Mass, **servants whose masters to not permit them to attend Mass (should this happen consistently the servants should seek other employment); those that care for the sick, rescue workers in time of fire or flood; and those who have reason to think that by staying home they can hinder sin, **or who would suffer injury to their good name or possessions by going to Church (Thus: unmarried women who are pregnant, may remain at home if by doig so they can avoid disgrace; similarly, those who lack clothing becoming to their social standing; those on a journey; those who would suffer the loss of extraordinary gain by attending Mass). One may miss Mass for the sake of a pleasure trip once or twice if he has no other opportunity during the year, **or if it is the last opportunity he will ever have for a certain excursion (CF 60)






Looking at all of this, my ***totally ***lay person’s thought is that you have *not *committed a sin. However, I am not a priest and would not tell you anything definitively. It just seems to me that you and your husband were not *trying *to miss Mass, do not usually schedule events like this to interfere with Mass, etc.

It is not the Church’s intention to *burden *us with the obligation to attend Mass. The reason I looked this up was I remembered that wrt work on Sunday, it says: **Farmers may harvest their grain, hay, etc., or gather fruit on Sunday if a storm threatens. (194. Causes excusing from the Sunday rest). **

When you get a chance, you should discuss this with your own priest, but in the meantime, I would suggest not worrying about it.

At last… :yup: Thankyou!

Great example, wrt farmers gathering fruit if a storm threatens!

The one thing I would like to add is that one has to make the best decision (wrt Mass attendace) that one can at the time, and in the time that’s available. If we are confident that we have done that, then there is no sin - even if we were to decide, when reviewing our choices, that we could have done things differently, or will do differently in the future.
 
This is exactly why we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation, to discuss such situations as this and the current one you wanted opinions on. No one can and should decided for themselves that they have not committed a mortal sin. Because in doing so, almost every sin can be reasoned away as not really being a sin. You are on a dangerous road if you are not seeking out the advice of a priest on such matters.

Here’s the part I think you are missing, most Catholics I know plan their weekend activties around mass and do everything in their power to go to mass where ever and when ever they can. Going to a friend’s graduation for me, and for most Catholics, would have meant only accepting the invitation if there was a way to get to Mass on the trip. You voluntarily chose to go to the graduation, some would say you did deliberately miss mass because you knew by accepting that invite you weren’t going to go. It was a social situation, not a situation you could not avoid due to powers beyond your control. THAT is the difference you’re not seeing. Most in this thread, the priority would be to get to mass, regardless of being in a foreign city and hotels have all the information for mass services for Catholics that are visiting from out of town. Its not a hardship to find a mass in a major city such as New Orleans IF going to mass is a priority, the proper priority for all Catholics.
A few weeks ago, hubby and I went to a nearby city to celebrate our anniversary. I looked up the churches online and made plans to go either Saturday night or Sunday morning. I was not going to go there if we couldn’t go to Mass. We had no idea where these churches were, but gee, all of them had DIRECTIONS right on their websites!!! Amazing, the internet, isn’t it?? 🙂

So, we had a nice night out together on Saturday, woke up, had breakfast at the hotel, got packed up, and went to find a church. Hubby had not even brought nice pants, but jeans were OK. It was a First Communion Mass so we got to see the First Communicants process down the aisle. It was no problem to go to Mass, and then we left and came home.

Whatever needs to be done, can be done. It’s all a question of priorities.
 
At last… :yup: Thankyou!

Great example, wrt farmers gathering fruit if a storm threatens!

The one thing I would like to add is that one has to make the best decision that one can at the time, and in the time that’s available. If we are confident that we have done that, then there is no sin - even if we were to decide, when reviewing our choices, that we could have done things differently, or will do differently in the future.
:confused::confused:

What are you saying? That there is no sin if we don’t think there is??? That WE get to make the decision, if something is “the best we could have done,” there is no sin? So, if someone decides to steal someone else’s property, but “it was the best I could have done under the circumstances,” there is no sin? Please!

:mad:
 
If you know/feel it will be impossible to go to mass on a given Sunday, you can speak to a priest and see they will give you a dispensation to miss mass on that Sunday.

All else is conjecture- outside of illness of self or a dependent, or a weird travel situation, one is obligated to Mass on Sunday. Speak with your priest.
 
:confused::confused:

What are you saying? That there is no sin if we don’t think there is??? That WE get to make the decision, if something is “the best we could have done,” there is no sin? So, if someone decides to steal someone else’s property, but “it was the best I could have done under the circumstances,” there is no sin? Please!

:mad:
Good catch, Juliane!

After posting, I realised that this could be taken this way, so changed it to…

The one thing I would like to add is that one has to make the best decision* (wrt Mass attendace) **that one can at the time, and in the time that’s available. *

Apologies! 🙂
 
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