Mistreatment

[jongenaro]

I currently work part time in retail. Every day, I say a prayer to Consecrate myself to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and ask her to be with me throughout the day. However when I work, I am constantly being mistreated by rude people who come into the store. I never notice my fellow associates having to deal with the rudeness that I deal with. After someone is mean to me, I constantly dwell on it and it bothers me. What can I do or say (prayer) to stop this worry? I know that mant of the saints were treated badly and Our Lord himself was mistreated - mine doesn’t even compare to his - but even with that, I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Is this due to my consecration to Our Lady’s Immaculate Heart that this happens, as a way of purification to bring me closer to Christ?

 

[SarahR]

Ooooh I know where you’re coming from. I’ll share my experience and maybe it will help you or someone else.

I used to work at a job where I was on the phone with very condescending, rude people…these folks seemed to come out of the woodwork, and it upset me to no end. That was 10+ years ago.

A week ago, I was listening to a catholic call-in radio program and a woman asked this question. The priest advised her that maybe what was bothering her so much about these difficult people really was pointing to something that bothered her about herself (the splinter in someone else’s eye and the plank in your own kind of thing).

Applying this to my own past, I thought, but I’m not rude and unkind to people…but then it dawned on me, that this was pointing to my own desire that everyone “like” me and think good of me. (Because I’m such a nice person ). Self-love. Wanting to be cherished and respected. That fear of someone not liking me is problematic. It’s not consistent with being clay in the Potter’s hands.

If we’re secure in God’s love for us, what should it matter if SuzieQPublic comes in, dumps her personal garbage on us for no apparent reason, insults us, then walks out the door and we never see her again? Really, it doesn’t matter. Our egos are being bruised, that’s what hurts. Offer it to God. Also beware the temptation to get preoccupied with thinking nasty thoughts about these folks. “Bless those who curse you.”

Good luck, praying for you!

 

[ljubim]

I have only once been rude to a salesperson (but over the phone, and she wanted to charge me twenty dollars for one-day shipping which really meant four week shipping ) But I know where you are coming from too! At my job, I have been hit on and insulted by creepy perverts, cussed out and yelled at, all for no reason. At one point it nearly drove me to quit, but I’ve stuck through it and it has been rewarding.

It’s possible that it’s an attack, but I would hesitate the suspicion, because from what I’ve seen, every rude customer brings five supportive and loving ones behind them who heard the whole thing, or kind words from a manager. The world is so evil in many ways, I’d offer it up like crazy so that every time the devil tries to bother you, his actions lead you to offer up your sorrows for the conversion of souls.

 

[Newleaf123]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and as a sensitive person I can relate to both feeling truly hurt by other people’s unkind words, and dwelling on the incident afterwards.

I know it’s really a challenge, but my advice to you would be the following:

1. Turn these instances as opportunities to make sacrifices/obtain graces through the practice of humility. I’m reading St. Faustina’s diary; she was often persecuted by unkind Sisters. She practiced humility to such an extent that even when someone erroneously accused her–wrongly and unjustly–of a wrongdoing of which she was innocent, she didn’t speak up in defense of herself. The Lord loves the humble.
2. When I’m feeling upset about being unjustly/unfairly/unkindly treated, I try to think of Christ’s passion. If our Lord and Saviour was treated in such an unthinkably horrific manner, tortured both physically and through merciless mockery, I try to ask myself, why would I complain about someone being unkind to me, or, more to the point, why should I feel entitled to treatment that is any better than how God himself was treated?
3. I’ve come to realize that sensitivity, both in having your feelings easily hurt and dwelling on such hurts, is a form of pride. A form of pride of which I’m the most guilty, I assure you . But it can help to think this concept through…true humility, the virtue opposite of the sin of pride, rejoices in being “the least.” Think of what the Lord said about the meek.
4. How much it must please the Lord when we pray for those who’ve hurt us rather than seething or dwelling on the offenses. Forgive for love of the Lord, forgive because you love the Lord, and if you find it hard not to dwell on the hurts you’ve endured, start to pray for those who mistreated you.
5. Read Imaculee Ilibigiza’s book, Left to Tell. She endured the worst imaginable human cruelty. Sometimes this type of perspective can make our own sufferings seem so insignificant.
6. Finally, I’m not saying that this is the case at all, but, if it happens that despite your best efforts, these constant assaults are continually leading you into serious sins like detraction (when you might complain to a coworker about a nasty customer), gossip, or holding anger in your heart, maybe you should consider trying to find another position where you won’t have to endure so much unfair treatment and subsequent anger and negative emotion.

My friend’s 10 year old son has recently been cruelly ridiculed at school because of his Asian nationality. He told his mother that the teasing it hurts, but he understands that in order to become a saint he must suffer, and he accepts this as a suffering he will bear for love of the Lord. How precious, how beautiful is that?!

God Bless you as you struggle, and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[marthagreys]

I’m in your same situation, and for a long time it nearly destroyed me. Then I started doing two things:

1. Every day before work I pray the prayer of Saint Francis and then I focus on what I can do to bring the peace of God to the person, moment, or situation instead of focusing on what happening to me.
2. When people get rude and nasty, I silently ask “I wonder what happend to make him/her this way.”

Best wishes.

 

[SANxJONERO]

I went thru the same thing & surprised I was given the option to quit as many times as I blew up. My advice is do your best job & go out of your way if you have to, but let them know what exactly your job permits you to do while that you might have someone else at the job who’s job is to help them in another matter.

 

[jongenaro]

Thanks for some of your advice. God Bless You!

 

[cmscms]

I don’t know about you but for myself, I have been in situations where quitting my job was not a financial option so I had to stay. For that I sympathize with you. I think a lot of people have made some good points on how to handle the situation and I have nothing to add in that aspect.

However, I would like to say that although it appears your co-workers don’t get rude customers, perhaps that is not always the case. You are busy working so you don’t see what they go through. Granted it could be ture that you get it worse. However don’t be fooled by your co-workers not complaining. Perhaps they are too humiliated to admit they were mistreated so they try and act cool.

One last thing. It might be possbile that secretly, your co-workers admire you. Perhaps they see all the garbage you go through everyday and yet, you keep coming back to work. Maybe they are secretly jealous at your emotional strenght.

You will never now how the others think, but take pride in the fact that you are willing to learn to do better

CM

 

[glenaitken]

i’ve worked alot of retail in the past and had similar experiances with rude people.
what made me change my perspective is when i thought, “I’ve only got to deal with this person for five minutes, but he’s stuck withhimself for the rest of his life”.
then i’d pray for them when they left. pray for these jerks, they’re the ones that have to find a way to live with themselves and maybe God wants you to boost thier progress with a little prayer and so He sends them your way. think of it as a ministry of prayer and sanctify the five or ten minutes you have to put up with them. make it a sacrifice to God for thier souls.

 

[jongenaro]

I’ve come to realize that it’s not only when customers at work mistreate me but it’s when people get mad at me in general. Especially in instances when I’m driving. Then these things seem to bother and eat away at me all day long and I absolutely hate it!