Mixed Christian marriage problems

[emt_steve88]

MJJEAN,

I think you are correct in saying that she thinks that if she can keep the kids at her church then she could keep me out of Catholicism. I have told her that I do have equal rights her, but she still kind of blows them off, probably for the reasons you listed. She may need to be reminded of my obligation, we were married in the Church and then she “converted” afterwards. I had always had some suspicion that it may not have been heartfelt though. I think she may have felt obligated to do that, though I never pressed her into it. I just invited her to Mass.

I have spoken to my oldest, girl age 3 almost 4, about daddy’s church, and while it does not have all the extracurricular activity like the Baptist church, she seems very enthusiastic and keeps asking me all day and night about it and when can she go. She asked me to shut the door to her room last night at bedtime so she could talk to me more about it, so I asked her why, and she says it needs to be a secret from mom??? This concerns me gravely, because I have never tried to make this a secret in anyway about wanting to bring her, but she seems very worried about what her mom would think, and wants me there when she asks to go…

 

[MJJean]

That is heartbreaking! A little girl should be able to go with daddy to his church and not feel as if mommy will be mad at her. I think you should consider sitting down with your wife and talking to her about the conversation you had with your daughter. Point out to her how important daddy is in a little girls life, how he is the example of what male behavior should be, and that her prejudice is already causing division.

You aren’t taking the kids away from her, you aren’t giving them a negative impression of the Baptist church, she has no real reason to make this difficult for you and for the kids. Worst case scenario, one or more of the kids decide to become Catholic just like daddy. You know, the Catholic man she fell in love with and married? How is that a bad thing? If the kid(s) deciding to be Catholic is the most objectionable thing they do from mom’s point of view she should count herself blessed!

Being afraid of mommy’s reaction is the worst thing that can happen. Look at the big picture. If the tidbit is afraid to talk to mommy about things now then how is she supposed to come to her later when the things she needs to talk about are very serious like drugs, boys, what certain friends in school might be doing on the internet (sexting, posting racy pics, etc.) and so on? As parents we can become angry, upset, worried, afraid, and all of the above, but we cannot let ourselves react emotionally. Kids need to know they can come to parents with anything without fear. Trust me, I have teenagers. If they think they cannot come to their parent(s), they will go to their friends and that can be a very bad thing!

If you married within the Church while your wife was still Baptist then you probably did sign the paper saying that you would do everything in your power to raise the kids Catholic and she was made aware of this. You actually do have an obligation and proof of such. Not to mention that when she converted, half-hearted or not, she obligated herself to attend Mass and to raise her children in the faith. Unless she has formally, through the Bishops office, defected from the faith she is still Catholic herself. Just not a practicing Catholic.