Mixed Marriage/Family

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lareinatortura

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Okay.

If this is a sort of repeated thread, please forgive me. I didn’t see any other posts that dealt with this exact same issue. . and there are always so many to sift through!

My question is this:

Do you guys have any suggestions on how I could gently present the fact that I want to become Catholic to my predominately Protestant family?

My husband–who is Protestant–and my father know. However, it isn’t them I’m scared of! I know that if I become a Catholic, I will endure a LOT of persecution from the practicing Protestants in my family–of course, excluding my husband.

I know a lot of this persecution will result from the misconceptions that many of them have about Catholics. There are few Catholics in my family, and the very few of the Protestants in my family know practically anything *true *about the Catholic faith.

I don’t plan to fight with anyone, I don’t plan to point fingers and judge who is wrong and who is right. I just hope that after I tell them, I can offer them resources that will educate them. This will not be a problem, after that first step. But, the first step is a problem for me.

My problem is telling them that I want to be Catholic. . I have no idea where to start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

I also have a few other questions concerning my husband and I, and the family that we will start.

We married as two Protestants. Thus, I can see things from his perspective. His father and many other relatives in his family are Catholic. Thus, he has a good idea of where I am “coming from.” We currently attend Protestant services together. Attending church is something we very much enjoy and something that we feel helps keep us together. However, I’ve questioned if that will change when I convert.

Will I really have to stop attending service with him?

I have done some reading on this. Many sources that I have read say that Catholics can attend Protestant service, but they cannot partake of the Communion during those services. Basically, what I got out of it is that one can attend in the spirit of ecumenism, but one must not give any Protestant Christian the idea that Catholicism and Protestantism are the same, because they are not. I agree with this.

Now, if I were to attend Protestant services as a Catholic, I would *not *be doing it with the intention of substitution. I would still, of course, attend Mass regularly. I would also not partake of Communion during a Protestant service. Moreover, I would be attending Protestant service because I would want to be there with my husband, by his side. I don’t want to lose that connection that him and I have. I do not want him to feel alone spiritually. I also believe that ecumenism is very important. (Why can’t we have a unified church again, darn it?!)

I do not want this to divide my family–the one that my husband and I will start, at least–but I know that some things will have to change. I am willing to do this because I cannot ignore what I believe, and what I feel inside, but I am still a little nervous. I will be pained if this causes a schism in my family.
 
By the sounds of it, it appears that your husband is willing to support you but he will not convert himself. This is a VERY sticky situation and all I can offer is prayers but I really don’t know how else to help

As for telling your other family members, I don’t think there is any way you could word it because it appears their mind is made up. I was brough up in a totally catholic family and attended church with my cousins. I am now the weirdo in the family because I still go to church and they think it is for the birds. Practicing Catholics just learn to live with other people’s opinions.

If anyone wants to make a big deal out of it, i would simply say, 'If you are curious about becoming a Catholic, I would love to talk about it at a coffee date. But if you don’t not like my conversion, may I please ask that we respect each other’s opinions. Easier said than done

Thanks

CM
 
lareinatortura said:
Okay.

If this is a sort of repeated thread, please forgive me. I didn’t see any other posts that dealt with this exact same issue. . and there are always so many to sift through!

My question is this:

Do you guys have any suggestions on how I could gently present the fact that I want to become Catholic to my predominately Protestant family?

My husband–who is Protestant–and my father know. However, it isn’t them I’m scared of! I know that if I become a Catholic, I will endure a LOT of persecution from the practicing Protestants in my family–of course, excluding my husband.

I know a lot of this persecution will result from the misconceptions that many of them have about Catholics. There are few Catholics in my family, and the very few of the Protestants in my family know practically anything *true *about the Catholic faith.

I don’t plan to fight with anyone, I don’t plan to point fingers and judge who is wrong and who is right. I just hope that after I tell them, I can offer them resources that will educate them. This will not be a problem, after that first step. But, the first step is a problem for me.

My problem is telling them that I want to be Catholic. . I have no idea where to start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

I also have a few other questions concerning my husband and I, and the family that we will start.

We married as two Protestants. Thus, I can see things from his perspective. His father and many other relatives in his family are Catholic. Thus, he has a good idea of where I am “coming from.” We currently attend Protestant services together. Attending church is something we very much enjoy and something that we feel helps keep us together. However, I’ve questioned if that will change when I convert.

Will I really have to stop attending service with him?

I have done some reading on this. Many sources that I have read say that Catholics can attend Protestant service, but they cannot partake of the Communion during those services. Basically, what I got out of it is that one can attend in the spirit of ecumenism, but one must not give any Protestant Christian the idea that Catholicism and Protestantism are the same, because they are not. I agree with this.

Now, if I were to attend Protestant services as a Catholic, I would *not *be doing it with the intention of substitution. I would still, of course, attend Mass regularly. I would also not partake of Communion during a Protestant service. Moreover, I would be attending Protestant service because I would want to be there with my husband, by his side. I don’t want to lose that connection that him and I have. I do not want him to feel alone spiritually. I also believe that ecumenism is very important. (Why can’t we have a unified church again, darn it?!)

I do not want this to divide my family–the one that my husband and I will start, at least–but I know that some things will have to change. I am willing to do this because I cannot ignore what I believe, and what I feel inside, but I am still a little nervous. I will be pained if this causes a schism in my family.
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Personally, I’d say that you have enough on your plate right now without trying to tell other members of your faimily about your conversion.
The main thing that you and your husband will need to consider is whether the Children will be raised catholic. I’m not sure on how this would work in your case, but I know that, years a go, if a catholci wished to marry a non-catholic, the non-catholic would have to agree to raise the children catholic. This may have changed since then, I just don’t know.

As far as attending protestant services with your husband, this could become problematic, since the impression you give is that his church is at least ignorant of Catholicism if not outrigh anti-Catholic. How will you respond to being in an atmosphere that belittles catholicism either directly or indirectly? Especially as the Mass, and the Eucharist become more and more central to your life.
Just something to consider.

When the time come to tell your relatives, there isn’t any really good way. If you are concerned abuot “face to face” encounters, you might consider writing a nice clear letter and having copies made that you can send to everyone spelling out why you feel this is right. You can even offer to answer any questions they have, but yuo are still learning and might need to “look things up” for them. Then you can bring their questions here and get giudance from the good folks here.

Peace
James
 
Don’t know you from boo, but I would not be so sure about the easy part being your husband. Extended family can have disagreements, but your husband is full time. Regardless of how cool everything may seem now, long term, resentment may be brewing. It sounds like you got married with the same beliefs, but now you are changing the agreement. Regardless of Catholic/Protestant/Jew/Spaghetti Monster, that can cause some frustrations. Just a thought.
 
Thank you for your replies, all

They were greatly appreciated. I agree with you concerning the rest of my family, and I am considering what was said about the anti-Catholic atmosphere of Protestant services. I did not think of that right off the bat, but I whole-heartedly agree–most Protestants are ignorant of the Catholic faith, and it shows in their religious services. (I just have to say I think it’s extremely ironic, though. . Protestants branched out from the Catholic Church. . the Church is at the beginning of their histories and they seem to act like it is not so. . Some do not even seem to realize that Protestants broke away from the Church. Some seem to believe that Protestantism always existed. . Sigh.)

As far as children go, I have given thought to how they will be raised. That is not something my husband I have spoken about, but it will be. Whatever the case, I would just want us to agree, so that there is not so much strife in the family.

This phenomenon is not foreign to my husband. His family is this way. His father is Catholic and his mother is Protestant. I see them squabble from time to time about certain things–salvation, for instance. . ayayay. .–but, overall, there does not seem to be a huge divide between the two of them, and their children.

In any case, I will consider these things and I will continue to lean on God, and ask Him what is best for me, what is the best way I should go about these matters. Prayers are always welcome and greatly appreciated.

Thank you, all
 
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