S
stromssa
Guest
Hi everyone,
I am a Protestant (a practicing Methodist) married just over a year to my Catholic husband. We had a meaningful ceremony presided over by a Catholic priest and assisted by my Methodist pastor in the church in which I was baptized, confirmed and still attend. In his homily, the priest told us we could ‘set an example’ for couples in mixed marriages by respecting each other’s faith differences while holding fast to our own respective faith traditions. I went into it focused on that ideal, but I have hit roadblocks at every turn.
I find myself at turns feeling “shut out” of my husband’s Catholic tradition, which is very important to him. I understand that I cannot take Communion, though, as a Christian person, this troubles me. I take Communion in my own church and feel it is a very solemn and important experience. In my husband’s tradition, I am shut out from this very central part of the worship service. While I understand the Catholic Church’s reasoning on this, it still upsets me that those who call themselves ‘Christian’ (such as myself and my husband) are not allowed to mutually take part in a very centrally “Christian” experience in BOTH of our traditions: Holy Communion.
Aside from this comes the issue of children. Both my husband’s faith and my faith are very important to us. Yet, the Catholic Church insists my husband try to do everything in his power to raise any future children we may have Catholic. While I understand this is a natural response to anyone belonging to a church to want to raise the children in the tradition in which they were nurtured, I feel that my tradition is not recognized as important in this context – it’s as if to read between the lines, I hear this: “If my Catholic husband decides to do the questionable act of marrying a non-Catholic (never mind that the non-Catholic might still be Christian) he’d better make sure the kids are raised Catholic because wouldn’t it be awful if the kids were raised Methodist.” This type of implication upsets me because it seems to disregard my faith, held since babyhood and nurtured through baptism, confirmation into adulthood – in short, my faith seems to be a non-factor in the lives of our (future) children. It’s as if to say: “Who cares what the wife’s faith is or what her tradition is, or IF she might want to pass on her tradition to her children: the Catholic husband’s tradition is paramount and trumps any silly “faith” the wife might have.”
Can you all see why this is so frustrating to me?
It’s not that I don’t want my children raised Catholic per say, it’ s just that I would at least like recognition that my own faith is important for any of our future children to experience as well – what if I wanted to raise our children Methodist, or at least some of them? Would the world end?
In any case, my husband and I both attend each other’s churches each week. Yet, in his church, I often feel I am conspicuous, because I am unable to fully participate. I find this frustrating because I do have a faith, attend my own church regularly, and feel I have a close relationship with Christ. But my experience so far when surrounded by my husband’s faith tradition is that I almost become a non-entity. I feel defesive, like I need to justify my own faith tradition and defend it. Constantly being “on defense” is exhausting for me. I can appreciate that my husband and his family take their faith seriously, but so do my family and myself. Yet apparently my tradition is null and void, and it frustrates me that my future children might be taught at some point that ‘mommy isn’t a true Christian’ or other such thing. I guess I would hope that if my children were raised Catholic, other traditions would be recognized in the special situation of mixed marriages in their educations, and not frowned upon. Then I would feel better about it, given our situation.
Guidance would be appreciated.
I am a Protestant (a practicing Methodist) married just over a year to my Catholic husband. We had a meaningful ceremony presided over by a Catholic priest and assisted by my Methodist pastor in the church in which I was baptized, confirmed and still attend. In his homily, the priest told us we could ‘set an example’ for couples in mixed marriages by respecting each other’s faith differences while holding fast to our own respective faith traditions. I went into it focused on that ideal, but I have hit roadblocks at every turn.
I find myself at turns feeling “shut out” of my husband’s Catholic tradition, which is very important to him. I understand that I cannot take Communion, though, as a Christian person, this troubles me. I take Communion in my own church and feel it is a very solemn and important experience. In my husband’s tradition, I am shut out from this very central part of the worship service. While I understand the Catholic Church’s reasoning on this, it still upsets me that those who call themselves ‘Christian’ (such as myself and my husband) are not allowed to mutually take part in a very centrally “Christian” experience in BOTH of our traditions: Holy Communion.
Aside from this comes the issue of children. Both my husband’s faith and my faith are very important to us. Yet, the Catholic Church insists my husband try to do everything in his power to raise any future children we may have Catholic. While I understand this is a natural response to anyone belonging to a church to want to raise the children in the tradition in which they were nurtured, I feel that my tradition is not recognized as important in this context – it’s as if to read between the lines, I hear this: “If my Catholic husband decides to do the questionable act of marrying a non-Catholic (never mind that the non-Catholic might still be Christian) he’d better make sure the kids are raised Catholic because wouldn’t it be awful if the kids were raised Methodist.” This type of implication upsets me because it seems to disregard my faith, held since babyhood and nurtured through baptism, confirmation into adulthood – in short, my faith seems to be a non-factor in the lives of our (future) children. It’s as if to say: “Who cares what the wife’s faith is or what her tradition is, or IF she might want to pass on her tradition to her children: the Catholic husband’s tradition is paramount and trumps any silly “faith” the wife might have.”
Can you all see why this is so frustrating to me?
It’s not that I don’t want my children raised Catholic per say, it’ s just that I would at least like recognition that my own faith is important for any of our future children to experience as well – what if I wanted to raise our children Methodist, or at least some of them? Would the world end?
In any case, my husband and I both attend each other’s churches each week. Yet, in his church, I often feel I am conspicuous, because I am unable to fully participate. I find this frustrating because I do have a faith, attend my own church regularly, and feel I have a close relationship with Christ. But my experience so far when surrounded by my husband’s faith tradition is that I almost become a non-entity. I feel defesive, like I need to justify my own faith tradition and defend it. Constantly being “on defense” is exhausting for me. I can appreciate that my husband and his family take their faith seriously, but so do my family and myself. Yet apparently my tradition is null and void, and it frustrates me that my future children might be taught at some point that ‘mommy isn’t a true Christian’ or other such thing. I guess I would hope that if my children were raised Catholic, other traditions would be recognized in the special situation of mixed marriages in their educations, and not frowned upon. Then I would feel better about it, given our situation.
Guidance would be appreciated.
