Mixed Marriage Sunday's

[MSNAV]

Hello,
I have been married to my wonderful wife for 9 years. I was raised catholic and recently
returned to the church (December). My wife is Methodist.

For the last few months, my wife has attended Mass with me on a decent regular basis. Recently, she expressed to me she doesn’t feel like she wants to go to Catholic church with me anymore because she doesn’t feel “part of the club” and doesn’t understand everything going on or know all the prayers.

The ideal answer would be for her to look into RICA and conversion, but that is going to take a lot of time, patience, and prayer. I can’t push to hard on this right now.

My question is this, she has some interest in going to another church (non denominational) as she is still traveling in her faith journey after not practicing for a while.
Should I encourage this ? I know I can attend with her as long as I complete my obligation separately. I am just wondering how much encouragement I should give to her, In my head while it’s not ideal I am still happy she wants to worship and know God.

 

[angell1]

Hello,
I have been married to my wonderful wife for 9 years. I was raised catholic and recently
returned to the church (December). My wife is Methodist.

For the last few months, my wife has attended Mass with me on a decent regular basis. Recently, she expressed to me she doesn’t feel like she wants to go to Catholic church with me anymore because she doesn’t feel “part of the club” and doesn’t understand everything going on or know all the prayers.

The ideal answer would be for her to look into RICA and conversion, but that is going to take a lot of time, patience, and prayer. I can’t push to hard on this right now.

My question is this, she has some interest in going to another church (non denominational) as she is still traveling in her faith journey after not practicing for a while.
Should I encourage this ? I know I can attend with her as long as I complete my obligation separately. I am just wondering how much encouragement I should give to her, In my head while it’s not ideal I am still happy she wants to worship and know God.

there are many resources that can help explain the mass in better detail. since you have been away for a while, it could be beneficial for you too to have a look at them.

I know you were using an expression, but really, the church is not a club. many hhave that sort of impression.

you can’t force her to become catholic, I think it’s her choice if she wants to go to another church or not. I don’t know how much encouragement you should give either though. but maybe it would help if she made some friends at the catholic church? is there some sort of ministry that she would be interested in? it could help with the isolation

do you have any children? what is being done about their faith formation? have they received any sacraments? did you get married in the church? if not, and you want ot be serious about the faith, this would need to be rectified. you don’t have to answer those questions if you don’t want to, I’m not looking for information, but those are some steps you will need to consider taking relatively soon.

if you feel your own catechesis is lacking, see if your parish has a bible study program or discipleship groups. you can also take the RCIA course yourself even if you have already received the sacraments.

hope that helps a bit at least

 

[Peter_J]

Hello,
I have been married to my wonderful wife for 9 years. I was raised catholic and recently
returned to the church (December). My wife is Methodist.

For the last few months, my wife has attended Mass with me on a decent regular basis. Recently, she expressed to me she doesn’t feel like she wants to go to Catholic church with me anymore because she doesn’t feel “part of the club” and doesn’t understand everything going on or know all the prayers.

The ideal answer would be for her to look into RICA and conversion, but that is going to take a lot of time, patience, and prayer. I can’t push to hard on this right now.

My question is this, she has some interest in going to another church (non denominational) as she is still traveling in her faith journey after not practicing for a while.
Should I encourage this ? I know I can attend with her as long as I complete my obligation separately. I am just wondering how much encouragement I should give to her, In my head while it’s not ideal I am still happy she wants to worship and know God.

Heh. Reading this thread title I didn’t see the 's … I was expecting a statement like “This Sunday is mixed marriage Sunday.”

Anyhow welcome to the forum, MSNAV. This may go without saying but I feel it’s best to state it explicitly anyhow: in regard to the possibility of her converting to Catholicism, the key question is Does she want to? (I’m not asking you to answer that, just saying that it’s the key question.)

As far as her attending Catholic churches or not, I think the best advice is just to make it clear that you appreciate her doing so, but without pressuring her to do so.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

You can get some positive books, like Father Trigilio’s Catholicism for Dummies and the Catholic Mass for Dummies, very inexpensive, to explain what is going on. I recommend watching Bishop Barron’s video series Catholicism, available in many libraries, to get a sense of the universality of the Catholic faith.

In answer to your specific question, you and she could go to a Protestant service if she would like. I have gone with my neighbors to their Church’s Wednesday night service. Lots of contemporary Christian music, nice sermon, a big “Vote Pro-life” sign outside. It is, however, important to remember that, from the Catholic point of view, even the best Protestant church is lacking several of Christ’s sacraments, especially the Eucharist, the center of Christian life.

 

[TC3033]

Hello,
I have been married to my wonderful wife for 9 years. I was raised catholic and recently
returned to the church (December). My wife is Methodist.

For the last few months, my wife has attended Mass with me on a decent regular basis. Recently, she expressed to me she doesn’t feel like she wants to go to Catholic church with me anymore because she doesn’t feel “part of the club” and doesn’t understand everything going on or know all the prayers.

The ideal answer would be for her to look into RICA and conversion, but that is going to take a lot of time, patience, and prayer. I can’t push to hard on this right now.

My question is this, she has some interest in going to another church (non denominational) as she is still traveling in her faith journey after not practicing for a while.
Should I encourage this ? I know I can attend with her as long as I complete my obligation separately. I am just wondering how much encouragement I should give to her, In my head while it’s not ideal I am still happy she wants to worship and know God.

Hi MSNAV, I’m actually the non-Catholic spouse in a mixed marriage. I know exactly where your wife is coming from. I don’t like going to church with my family (or in-laws) for the same reason she doesn’t. I’m “not part of the club”, am constantly reminded of that in the parish, so I’d rather just not go. I’d never not go with my family, but I prefer not to.

You really should be respecting her faith choices either way. If you don’t respect them, that will most likely alienate her even more. Also, on conversion. You mention it’s something you can’t push too hard on right now. That’s something you should never push on. Same thing, the more you harp and push on her to convert, it’s probable the more you’ll alienate her.

Our deal was that my wife and kids would go to my church every other Sunday. This has happened exactly zero months… One thing to also think about, if one partners faith starts to take a back seat, the less religious they may become. I know that is happening with me in our house right now.

 

[Peter_J]

Hi MSNAV, I’m actually the non-Catholic spouse in a mixed marriage. I know exactly where your wife is coming from. I don’t like going to church with my family (or in-laws) for the same reason she doesn’t. I’m “not part of the club”, am constantly reminded of that in the parish,

Hi TC and thank you for that post.

May I say, it’s my experience that Internet discussion forum can be very unkind/unwelcoming toward people who are not the “right” kind of people from that forum’s pov – which in the case of CAF would include Protestants and other NCs; but most parishes aren’t like that.

(Okay granted there are exceptions – I know from past conversations that the parish your family belongs to is very much “like that”. )

 

[TC3033]

Hi TC and thank you for that post.

May I say, it’s my experience that Internet discussion forum can be very unkind/unwelcoming toward people who are not the “right” kind of people from that forum’s pov – which in the case of CAF would include Protestants and other NCs; **but most parishes aren’t like that. **

(Okay granted there are exceptions – I know from past conversations that the parish your family belongs to is very much “like that”. )

Understood this may be possible. I’m just saying with my experience as a N.C. in a mixed marriage (raising 3 kids Catholic) I know exactly where his wife is coming from when she says she feels like she isn’t part of the club, an outsider.

 

[TC3033]

Heh. Reading this thread title I didn’t see the 's … I was expecting a statement like **“This Sunday is mixed marriage Sunday.” **

Anyhow welcome to the forum, MSNAV. This may go without saying but I feel it’s best to state it explicitly anyhow: in regard to the possibility of her converting to Catholicism, the key question is Does she want to? (I’m not asking you to answer that, just saying that it’s the key question.)

As far as her attending Catholic churches or not, I think the best advice is just to make it clear that you appreciate her doing so, but without pressuring her to do so.

That’s actually a really, really good idea.

 

[Peter_J]

Understood this may be possible. I’m just saying with my experience as a N.C. in a mixed marriage (raising 3 kids Catholic) I know exactly where his wife is coming from when she says she feels like she isn’t part of the club, an outsider.

I should have added, it isn’t binary I.e. there’s a whole range of possibilities.

I’m probably not going to do this, but this morning I was thinking strongly about starting a poll-thread “How much similarity is there between the Catholic parishes in your town and the Catholic Answers Forum?” (Choices would be like 20%, 40%, 60%, 80%, or “I couldn’t say”.)

 

[TC3033]

I should have added, it isn’t binary I.e. there’s a whole range of possibilities.

I’m probably not going to do this, but this morning I was thinking strongly about starting a poll-thread “How much similarity is there between the Catholic parishes in your town and the Catholic Answers Forum?” (Choices would be like 20%, 40%, 60%, 80%, or “I couldn’t say”.)

We only have the one, but I’d say at least 80%. There has been some really strange stuff going on lately now too.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Back to the original topic.

OP, I think you are reall lucky that your wife has not voiced any objections about you going back to the Catholic church. You need to understand that in her mind, you REALLY changed the dynamics of the relationship. Had she known you would return to your faith, she may not have married you. So be gratefull she doesn’t complain. AND understand she does not want to come with you. Don’t expect anything else.

Also, I would NEVER attend her church. She is very likely to perceive it as support and encouragement to continue in the methodist church. Allow her the same respect and let her go without making any objections. That is all you can do

Angie

 

[ktmeyer]

Our parish puts the prayers and creed and such in the front of the missal, so if you don’t know them you can read them easily and not stand out. Would explaining a few of the things Catholics do (like before the Gospel when we cross our head, mouth, and hearts) and attending a parish where the prayers are right there, and is in general very visitor friendly, make a difference?

And yes, I’d say you should offer to attend whatever church she’d like with her. I wouldn’t pus her to go, but make the offer.