Mixed Marriage - Use of contraceptive

[MK9]

I am a ROman Catholic, my wife non-catholic. She wishes strongly to use contraception since our first child was born, fearing greatly to become pregnant. She will only have sex with use of the condom, and will not agree to NFP. She sees abstinenance will very likely endanger our marriage. We have not yet used contraceptives, but I fear for our marriage if I do not use the condom. What is the exact position of the Church on this particular situation?

 

[emrys250]

Hey MK9,
Check these links- from the Ask the Apologist Forum:

What to do if spouses cannot agree on birth control?
-and also-
Am I doing enough to stop my wife from taking birth control?

Hope this helps!

 

[1ke]

I am a ROman Catholic, my wife non-catholic. She wishes strongly to use contraception since our first child was born, fearing greatly to become pregnant. She will only have sex with use of the condom, and will not agree to NFP. She sees abstinenance will very likely endanger our marriage. We have not yet used contraceptives, but I fear for our marriage if I do not use the condom. What is the exact position of the Church on this particular situation?

You may not contracept. It is a grave sin, and using a condom would be actively participating in the contraception on your part.

If she takes it upon herself to use a contraceptive, and you cannot dissuade her, then you may still engage in intercourse with her.

Have you studied NFP together? From a sheer statistical perspective, it is MUCH more effective than a condom. A condom has only an 85% effectiveness rate, while NFP is over 99%. I cannot believe your wife would view a condom as a better option than NFP, it’s completely unscientific.

Of course, morally you cannot contracept under any circumstances. If it comes down to abstaining, then so be it. Place God first in all circumstances.

 

[MK9]

Thanks for the replies-
1ke, you speak in accordance with what I suspected… My wife will not consider the statistics. She thinks NFP doesn’t work at all, saying NFP is taught by the authorities in communist china where she originates to have no effect. She spoke to a GP (local medical doctor) here in ENgland, but the GP, like all the nurses and doctors in the GP building, was atheist (except one non-present Muslim doctor). The atheists medics actually ganged together as one to denounce NFP and to make me out as some kinda bad guy (???Huhhh???) because I want to follow the word of God earnestly with regards to sex; she usually recognises the way the world seperates itself from God such as by following rediculous excuses, but not on this issue. I am a very loving husband, I can assure you- I never met an non-christian male as loving to his wife. I pray another solution other than abstinance comes forward, but it looks unlikely if there is none.
Peace,
MK9

 

[gallo]

MK9,

My wife and I actively use NFP and I’m here to say (with so many others) it works. All it takes is a little discipline and a lot of love. However, artificial methods actually are the opposite.

I am also sorry to confirm your fears, but the only other options besides abstinence are not acceptable.

I imagine that this is hard and as one husband to another I will pray for you and your wife. I’ll let my wife know so she can pray for yours.

Peace in Christ

 

[Redbandito]

You may not contracept. It is a grave sin…

If she takes it upon herself to use a contraceptive, and you cannot dissuade her, then you may still engage in intercourse with her.

What? How do you get this? If contraception is a grave sin (which it is) and she “takes it upon herself” to contracept (this is the scenario you presented), then how is it not sinful to participate in the contracepted act (which, indeed, it is)?

 

[1ke]

What? How do you get this? If contraception is a grave sin (which it is) and she “takes it upon herself” to contracept (this is the scenario you presented), then how is it not sinful to participate in the contracepted act (which, indeed, it is)?

Casti Conubii, Pope Pius XI, 1930:

1. Holy Church knows well that not infrequently one of the parties is sinned against rather than sinning, when for a grave cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order. In such a case, there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law of charity, he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to deter the partner from sin.

And from the VADEMECUM FOR CONFESSORS CONCERNING SOME ASPECTS OF THE MORALITY OF CONJUGAL LIFE:

"13. Special difficulties are presented by cases of cooperation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish cooperation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist. This cooperation can be licit when the three following conditions are jointly met:

when the action of the cooperating spouse is not already illicit in itself; when proportionally grave reasons exist for cooperating in the sin of the other spouse; when one is seeking to help the other spouse to desist from such conduct (patiently, with prayer, charity and dialogue; although not necessarily in that moment, nor on every single occasion).
14. Furthermore, it is necessary to carefully evaluate the question of cooperation in evil when recourse is made to means which can have an abortifacient effect."

 

[MK9]

Many thanks for your replies, and prayers. Thankyou 1ke for your guidance to the teachings of which you have given me reference to. Indeed, those of Pope Pius XI in the Casti Connubii are binding where they are un-superseded by teachings given by the full Magisterium, from what I understand from the Lumen Gentium. I can’t follow the link on the 2nd document for the moment for some reason- was it a product of Infalible teacing?

Yours in Christ,
MK9

 

[otjm]

Thanks for the replies-
1ke, you speak in accordance with what I suspected… My wife will not consider the statistics. She thinks NFP doesn’t work at all, saying NFP is taught by the authorities in communist china where she originates to have no effect.

If she thinks it is ineffective, then why does she thing that they are teaching it there, when they perceive that they have a population crisis? And by the way, does she actually have anything besides garden gate gossip to substantiate that it doesn’t work there?

Factually she is wrong; but I suspect that she has the attitude of “Don’t confuse me with facts; I already have my mind made up”. That is going to be tough to deal with.

You need to start with an obgyn who is not anti-NFP…

 

[apricot_yogurt]

Since you live in the UK, try
www.fertilitycarecentre.co.uk

 

[MK9]

Otjm- You missunderstood slightly what I was trying to say. My wife told me that in the part of CHina she came from the authorities were against NFP, as oppose to for.
What’s an obgyn??

 

[otjm]

Otjm- You missunderstood slightly what I was trying to say. My wife told me that in the part of CHina she came from the authorities were against NFP, as oppose to for.
What’s an obgyn??

Oops.

I will see if I can attach a study just completed, I think, in Germany re: the effectiveness.

OB GYN - Obstetrics Gynocolgist (wish this system had Spell Check!). The doctor women see…

I just looked, and I had lost the citation to the report; however, the study was done showing that the “fail rate” (the number of children conceived per number of women) was at about 4 per thousand, which was about the same rate as for those who use ABC.

There are other studies which will show a greater “fail rate” with ABC…

Again, it sounds like an answer looking for a question in your situation; it may take a lot of research on your part before speaking with your wife further, before you may get her to be open to considering NFP. You might also look at the website for One More Soul. They have a good deal of information that may be helpgful to you.

As to why authorities in her part of Chinal might be against it, one would need to speak with whomever made that decision to find out what was the source; it could be mis-information on their part, or it could be anit-Catholicism in full bloom… My udnerstanding is that it is being used in China in at least some areas becauase of its reliability; but that is a bit akin to saying that it is being used in the North American Continent… a tad vague.

 

[johnnyjoe]

A link to a story about the study in question can be found here.

A Quote:
*Researchers have found that a method of natural family planning that uses two indicators to identify the fertile phase in a woman’s menstrual cycle is as effective as the contraceptive pill for avoiding unplanned pregnancies if used correctly, according to a report published online in Europe’s leading reproductive medicine journal Human Reproduction today (21 February). *

 

[MK9]

Thanks for those replies. I found some research papers already, finding a medic who will fairly discuss them will be part of my next mission.

Peace of Christ be with you all,
MK9

 

[rayne89]

msnbc.msn.com/id/17282285/

Maybe the above article would help your wife reconsider.

Tracking fertility signs as effective as the Pill

When done correctly ‘symptothermal’ method reliably prevents pregnancy

A method of natural family planning that closely monitors two indicators of fertility is just as effective as oral contraception in preventing unwanted pregnancies if used correctly, European researchers report.

 

[rayne89]

As a side note I’ve used NFP for 10 years without pregnancy. I stake my life on the fact that works. If I get pregnant again I will die. I am in heart failure and can not sustain another pregnancy. When we had our daughter I got pregnant the 1st month we tried so I have no problems with fertilty. NFP does work when people follow the guidelines.