mixed marriage

[stcalixtus]

I am divorced and have an annulment, searched a long time for a Catholic lady to no avail, I live in a small city and th options were limited in this regard. Married my wife a few years ago who is not Catholic and not involved in any organized religion, I have raised my daughter as a Catholic. I love my wife very much and hope God understands I was very lonely and did not have the will to be alone or to continue to wait for a Catholic lady.As my wife has been recently diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer and may not live another 2-3 years I ask myself if we will be reunited someday in the kingdom of heaven? what does the church think of couples like us? am I less likely to achieve salvation? my wife will answer to God on judgement day…hope he takes it easy on her…she is a VERY good person.We have been offered a ceremony (re affirmation?) as we had a civil ceremony only, does this improve our standing with the Catholic church?

 

[Pray4Life]

I am very sorry about your wife’s health, you are both in my prayers.

I feel bad for saying this, because you must be in a lot of pain, but I will just be blunt (keeping mind that I am not a theologian or priest, of course, or any authority, this is just my layperson understanding after researching concerns about my own marriage.)

It is my understanding that your marriage would not be considered valid because, as a Catholic, you would be required to be married in the presence of a priest unless given permission to do otherwise and likewise to receive a dispensation if you wanted to marry a non-Catholic. There is a process called convalidation which would remedy your situation and, well, make your marriage valid. You need to bring this matter to your priest right away, make a good confession (this is serious stuff!) and seek his advice on how to proceed with this and how to live in the meantime. This may be what was suggested to you already, I don’t know.

You went about things the wrong way, but God’s mercy is without bounds and there IS a solution, so get to it. It will work out! And you will have such peace.

And of course God understands your heart. God may have very well sent you your wife precisely because you were lonely and He saw your pain, among who knows how many reasons! But you still needed to obey the laws of the Church in marrying her. Dispensations ARE granted, and that your wife was so willing to let your future child(ren) be raised Catholic would have been a real mark in her favor.

No one can say where another’s soul goes when they die, but I believe there is always hope. Pray for her and be a witness to your faith in your actions if she is not receptive to words. I wish you both the very best and I know you will do the right thing by both of you, you plainly love her very much.

 

[1ke]

It’s unclear why you would have chosen to marry outside the Church. It is easily remedied. Get your marriage convalidated. You need the strength that the Sacraments can provide you during this time.

Yes, you are right we all face God. You are responsible for your own decisions-- so make it right by convalidating your marriage.

Strive to live a holy life.

 

[Pray4Life]

… I know you will do the right thing by both of you, you plainly love her very much.

I looked at this “the morning after” (it was very late when I posted) and just want to correct that I hope you will do the right thing, it wasn’t accurate to say that I think I know you well enough to judge such a thing after reading one post. That may have come across as rather presumptuous of me and if it did, I apologize. More sleeping, less posting for me

 

[Seatuck]

I am divorced and have an annulment, searched a long time for a Catholic lady to no avail, I live in a small city and th options were limited in this regard. Married my wife a few years ago who is not Catholic and not involved in any organized religion, I have raised my daughter as a Catholic. I love my wife very much and hope God understands I was very lonely and did not have the will to be alone or to continue to wait for a Catholic lady.As my wife has been recently diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer and may not live another 2-3 years I ask myself if we will be reunited someday in the kingdom of heaven? what does the church think of couples like us? am I less likely to achieve salvation? my wife will answer to God on judgement day…hope he takes it easy on her…she is a VERY good person.We have been offered a ceremony (re affirmation?) as we had a civil ceremony only, does this improve our standing with the Catholic church?

I’m sorry for your wife’s diagnosis. Don’t give up hope yet.

God is really good. He can make good come out of all sorts of evil things. In my opinion he’s using this situation to help you reflect on some things. It’s a blessed opportunity for you . Our God is merciful and never stops calling to us while we are alive. He seems to be calling to you . And perhaps also to your wife.

I’m not really sure why you did not get married in the church you don’t tell us in your post.You seem to have been under a misguided belief that you couldn’t . That wasn’t true. Perhaps your wife refused . I don’t know. Unfortunately this is grave matter . You are living in a sinful situation. Please do contact your nearest catholic parish and make an appointment to discuss this with the priest there. He can help you with the Sacrament of Reconcilliation and with having your marriage convalidated as long as your wife agrees. This will really be a good thing for a couple of reasons. For one thing it will restore your standing in the church opening up your ability to receive the sacraments . You must really have missed being able to receive communion. For another your marriage will now be able to receive the grace of the church . You are facing some troubled times here and this will be of great help to you .

If the opportunity presents , perhaps your wife will be interested in the Catholic Church. It is wonderful that you raised your daughter Catholic. Perhaps you and she can pray before the blessed Sacrament .

Praying for you .

 

[stcalixtus]

we have been offered validation and have plans to do this when her radiation treatments are over…if she feels well enough.She did not have the patience to wait 2 years for her annullment so we went ahead with a civil ceremony, I had a hard time with this but went along with her wishes. I have been receiving communion all along and was not advised by all involved that I could not.I thought until this week that validation was no big step towards improving our standing with the catholic church, felt that her being a non practicing baptist would never be as good as being married to a catholic lady…in regards to the catechism.I have only been full fledged catholic for about 5 years…somewhat uninformed:shrug: my daughter and I are not supressed in anyway with our church participation.

 

[Seatuck]

we have been offered validation and have plans to do this when her radiation treatments are over…if she feels well enough.She did not have the patience to wait 2 years for her annullment so we went ahead with a civil ceremony, I had a hard time with this but went along with her wishes. I have been receiving communion all along and was not advised by all involved that I could not.I thought until this week that validation was no big step towards improving our standing with the catholic church, felt that her being a non practicing baptist would never be as good as being married to a catholic lady…in regards to the catechism.I have only been full fledged catholic for about 5 years…somewhat uninformed:shrug: my daughter and I are not supressed in anyway with our church participation.

I really think you need to make an appointment to talk to your priest. There’s still some confusion in my mind about the order of things here. If you were Catholic when you got married in a civil ceremony that was a problem and you may not receive communion. Did your wife get a decree of nullity for a previous marriage? You say she didn’t want to wait two years so does that mean she never attempted to get one?Or it was given? These are a few of the things you need to discuss with your priest. Not sure if you have been to confession about this or not . You need to do that . But you may not go to confession until you get your marriage situation corrected . Invalid marriages are a big deal. You cannot be absolved from sin if you intend to continue living in it. So , really get all the answers from the priest and make sure you give him all the information he needs to help you . Sometimes it’s difficult to get all the facts straight over the internet. You really require some pastoral and spiritual direction.

 

[stcalixtus]

I really think you need to make an appointment to talk to your priest. There’s still some confusion in my mind about the order of things here. If you were Catholic when you got married in a civil ceremony that was a problem and you may not receive communion. Did your wife get a decree of nullity for a previous marriage? You say she didn’t want to wait two years so does that mean she never attempted to get one?Or it was given? These are a few of the things you need to discuss with your priest. Not sure if you have been to confession about this or not . You need to do that . But you may not go to confession until you get your marriage situation corrected . Invalid marriages are a big deal. You cannot be absolved from sin if you intend to continue living in it. So , really get all the answers from the priest and make sure you give him all the information he needs to help you . Sometimes it’s difficult to get all the facts straight over the internet. You really require some pastoral and spiritual direction.

my wife did receive an annulment for her previous marriage…after our civil ceremony, I have been receiving communion after our marriage as I was under the impression that is was no big deal…apparently it is and that is why I seek validation of our marriage.Our deacon is aware of situation and never mentioned me not being able to particapate i n sacraments.I am well aware that the church would have preferred me to remain celibate or seek out a catholic wife, I tried for years to find one, did find one and turns out she was a bisexual lady who was a catholic grade school teacher, had an open affair with a woman…disgraced she was terminated…hooked up with me years later and I found out from her female lovers male lover:shrug: that see was indeed gay and not truthful with me, the whole catholic community knew of this…except me .So as you can see I was quite put off with Catholic women, and as I said before good catholic women are hard to come by in these parts, that makes why wife quite attractive to me allthough not catholic.Another catholic lady a philipina lady…turns out she had 2 other husbands so you see my misery? and my choice in my current wife seems relatively good no? I am going to make this right rest assured.

 

[Seatuck]

my wife did receive an annulment for her previous marriage…after our civil ceremony, I have been receiving communion after our marriage as I was under the impression that is was no big deal…apparently it is and that is why I seek validation of our marriage.Our deacon is aware of situation and never mentioned me not being able to particapate i n sacraments.I am well aware that the church would have preferred me to remain celibate or seek out a catholic wife, I tried for years to find one, did find one and turns out she was a bisexual lady who was a catholic grade school teacher, had an open affair with a woman…disgraced she was terminated…hooked up with me years later and I found out from her female lovers male lover:shrug: that see was indeed gay and not truthful with me, the whole catholic community knew of this…except me .So as you can see I was quite put off with Catholic women, and as I said before good catholic women are hard to come by in these parts, that makes why wife quite attractive to me allthough not catholic.Another catholic lady a philipina lady…turns out she had 2 other husbands so you see my misery? and my choice in my current wife seems relatively good no? I am going to make this right rest assured.

I’m glad to read that you want to make things right and I believe you are sincere. I wish you well. I am sorry that certain aspects of this have been neglected by those you have sought help from.