Mixed Marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter James_2_24
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Brenda V.:
Would I council anyone to marry someone outside the Catholic Faith? No. I say this because I do feel my husband and I are the exception and not the rule!
Click to expand...
I agree with this too. The more I think about it–I’ve got 3 friends from church whose husbands aren’t Catholic. The husbands only come to Mass on special occasions, like Christmas and Easter and it isn’t just because they have to work or are unable to attend Mass for other reasons, they just don’t go. For me, this would be very difficult to handle. About 6 months out of the year, my husband has to work Sunday mornings, so we don’t attend Mass together, the rest of the time he will come with me more often than not.

I would recommend someone look first within the Catholic Church, but not to be completely opposed to looking elsewhere. Basically we need to pray to follow God’s will for our lives.

Wow, I’m awfully opinionated! I’d better give this a rest!
 
The Catholic faith is a very important part of my life. Throughout my teen years, I was searching for answers to my existance; answers to the suffering in the world. I looked in many different places, but never found the answers. I tried Athiesm- there was no faith, hope, or love there- that wasn’t right. The answers came to me- through the Catholic Faith- when I was 19. It would not make any sense for me to marry someone who doesn’t feel the same way. While there are exceptions- and I’m definitely not in favor of undoing what has already been done (so nothing against those who have already entered into mixed marriages)- I believe Catholics who take the Faith seriously shouldn’t marry outside the Faith.
 
I would love to hear suggestions from anyone who says that a mixed marriage can work and their secrets. Marriage is hard enough without having a strong faith together. Faith is hard enough without having someone in your household attacking/dissagreeing with that faith.
 
Love_2B_an_EM:
I would love to hear suggestions from anyone who says that a mixed marriage can work and their secrets. Marriage is hard enough without having a strong faith together. Faith is hard enough without having someone in your household attacking/dissagreeing with that faith.
Click to expand...
OK, I just can’t stay away. I’ll answer–there should be absolutely no attacking the other partner’s faith, ever. If a couple is dating or engaged and they are attacking each other’s religious beliefs, they shouldn’t get married. There can be disagreements and discussions, but those must be conducted with absolute respect and love. We tend to see things in an antagonistic relationship-- protestant v. Catholic. It doesn’t have to be that way at all.
 
Love_2B_an_EM:
I would love to hear suggestions from anyone who says that a mixed marriage can work and their secrets. Marriage is hard enough without having a strong faith together. Faith is hard enough without having someone in your household attacking/dissagreeing with that faith.
Click to expand...
If a Catholic marries an other Catholic, a non-Catholic Christian, or a non-Christian who does not respect the faith of the (first) Catholic then there is bound to be trouble. Likewise if the Catholic cannot respect the faith (or lack there-of) of his/her partner.

I think to have a successful mixed marriage both partners have to appreciate the role the Faith of the spouse has had in making them the person that they are.
 
Love_2B_an_EM:
Faith is hard enough without having someone in your household attacking/dissagreeing with that faith.
Click to expand...
The first thing is that my husband has never attacked my faith. That would have been a deal breaker. Nothing is done in secret. I pray, attend Mass and raise our son in the Catholic faith. He knows about all of it. He waits to eat until we have prayed, even when we are out to eat.

The second is that I would have to agree with something that has already been said. My husband has no church. We don’t get up Sunday mornings and go to different churches. That would cause my son to question being Catholic.

A normal Sunday for us is, my son and I go to Church, my husband stays home. He then meets us for lunch. Sometimes lunch is with another Catholic family from Church. Sometimes lunch is with the Priest. Sometimes it is just the three of us. (But my husband wants to know when the Priest will be at our home for dinner and why I haven’t issued the invitation yet.)

Lots of love for each other. That is what makes it work. The kind of love that was shown when I had surgery and he carried me to the bathroom. The kind that was shown when our son was born and he never left my side. The kind that is shown when the doctor tells you “no sex” for 11 weeks and hubby says, “I didn’t marry you for sex”. Or when he at age 41 had a heart attack, and I didn’t leave his side. Or when he was out of work for a year, so I went back to work. True love. It works when there is true love.
 
My wife (a lutheran) was truly a gift from God! Her questions and challenges made me a stronger (serious) Catholic. I didn’t have all the right responses for her at first. But I researched answers to her typical non-Catholic questions (assumptions) and taught myself a lot along the way. Quite a wakeup call for me!

If I would’ve married a so-so Catholic like I was, I’d probably:
  • attend mass when I felt like it and eventually only at Christmas and Easter,
  • race to my car after communion,
  • never go to confession,
  • never read the bible,
  • pray only when I felt the need (when i wanted something),
  • play golf all day every Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday evenings,
  • play softball on thursday evenings (bowling during the winter),
  • go out to the bar every Friday,
  • etc…
I was easy prey for a world that told me I just needed to have fun, obtain material possessions, be open to all lifestyles, and have 1.7 children.

I thank God for my wife constantly.
 
40.png
maryjk:
The first thing is that my husband has never attacked my faith. That would have been a deal breaker. Nothing is done in secret. I pray, attend Mass and raise our son in the Catholic faith. He knows about all of it. He waits to eat until we have prayed, even when we are out to eat.

The second is that I would have to agree with something that has already been said. My husband has no church. We don’t get up Sunday mornings and go to different churches. That would cause my son to question being Catholic.

A normal Sunday for us is, my son and I go to Church, my husband stays home. He then meets us for lunch. Sometimes lunch is with another Catholic family from Church. Sometimes lunch is with the Priest. Sometimes it is just the three of us. (But my husband wants to know when the Priest will be at our home for dinner and why I haven’t issued the invitation yet.)

Lots of love for each other. That is what makes it work. The kind of love that was shown when I had surgery and he carried me to the bathroom. The kind that was shown when our son was born and he never left my side. The kind that is shown when the doctor tells you “no sex” for 11 weeks and hubby says, “I didn’t marry you for sex”. Or when he at age 41 had a heart attack, and I didn’t leave his side. Or when he was out of work for a year, so I went back to work. True love. It works when there is true love.
Click to expand...
I totally agree with this, we have been married over 30 years and the main reason is because of our love for each other. We have 3 kids, and while they were young my wife attended mass with us every Sunday until they were out of grade school.

Our kids all went to Catholic grade schools and high schools. My wife is very supportive of my activities in the Church and with the KC.

We basically have the same values ( except for the pro-choice deal- otherwise we would never have gotten married).

The big secret for any marriage is communications, and compromise (although I would never compromise on my faith). Marriage should always be a lot better than 50-50. 90-10 allows a whole lot more room to resolve conflicts.

There has to be a lot of overlap for conflicts to be resolved easily. No marriage is easy, and a mixed one is more difficult. BUT our marriage has been a very happy and joyful one. My wife was the answer to all my prayers, I would be completely lost without her.

Marriages work because both sides have to put a lot of work into it. Even if both sides are nearly identical, any two people living together will have conflicts. It’s being able to resolve those conflicts lovingly and smoothly is what makes it last.
 
I sincerely apologize if I offend either of the two previous posters, but it is my opinion that mixed marriages are one of the biggest causes of Catholics leaving the Church, indifference, and loss of faith.
Click to expand...
It is my opinion that there are a lot more people sitting in the pews that are ignorant of their faith and are indifferent. They sit in the pews but the are already gone…Just my experience with people in my parish.
 
My husband is Buddhist or depending on the occasion, Shinto. He has never attacked my faith nor have his family. I am the only person among my family and near relatives who married outside the faith but I am also the only practising Catholic. My husband only come to Mass with me a few times a year, but will always attend church parties and other events (free food!). He agrees with me on pro-life issues, including NFP and we will bring up any children we have as Catholic. We actually have very similar moral values which is probably why our marriage works. Before I married him I was at best, a cafeteria Catholic. I went to Mass at Christmas and Easter but not confession. I never read anything spritual, never said the Rosary and had only a very vague idea of church teachings. When he started asking questions, I had to do a lot of reading and soul-searching. All this brought me home and saved my faith. Is it easy? No. Was it worth it? Yes!

Gearoidin
 
I believe it is doable as any marriage in which both partners are mature and have a proper understanding of marriage is doable. I don’t think it is advisable, though. I can’t imagine not being on the same page about something so central to family life and marriage as the role of faith and church.
 
James_2:24:
I sincerely apologize if I offend either of the two previous posters, but it is my opinion that mixed marriages are one of the biggest causes of Catholics leaving the Church, indifference, and loss of faith.

What I mean is that it is very confusing for the children involved in the family. Growing up seeing two different “faiths” or “practices” at home is very confusing and often leads to the children going their own way or being atheist altogether.

Often times even when one Catholic spouse is trying their hardest to raise their kids Catholic… actions speak louder than words, and no matter what we can say or do… they often are confused by the non-Catholic spouse.

Granted, there are exceptions and some out there are able to raise their kids in the Church while having a non-Catholic spouse… However, I believe this to be the exception and not the rule.

If marriage is to bring us closer to God, raise children in the faith, and get our family to heaven… it seems that mixed marriage cuts this tree down before it has a chance to grow.

Again, this is my view, I am happy that those two previous posters are able to “make it work”… I hope God will increase His blessings to the both of you and bring your non-Catholic spouses home!

God Bless
Click to expand...
this coming from a person whom uses a quote from a man whom founded the Lutheran church rofl
I was a Lutheran so its all good am marrying a Catholic and thats good,I made the decision to convert not because of my fiance she helped but because after having attended church and RCIA classes with her as a quality time spent together I decided I knew more about the Catholic than Lutheran Faith as I never attended a Lutheran mass… we still have many disagreements though
and I still say religion has little to do with picking a spouse.
if the person is met for you thats that,and to be honest
I dont think God is looking at the signs in front of churches to see what the denomination is…God is looking at the humans inside,and outside,the ones in town,at the lake,in the park,etc etc
John
 
I’d really like to know why any of you get to judge whether or not this should be allowed. My non-Catholic wife and I are doing JUST FINE. We were validly married by a priest who believed that our marriage would be JUST FINE. And it is. Case closed.
 
Not necessarily a bad idea. My father was a protestant. When he married my mother in 1947, they had to get married in the sacristy and they had to have an archbishop’s dispensation. My father had to sign an agreement that he would raise his children Catholic. He did. Who do you think got me up at 5 am and brought me to church to serve at 6am low Mass? My mother? No, my father. Who worked two jobs well into the 1970s to ensure that I, my sister and my brother got Catholic educations through high school? My mother? No, my father. My father never had a negative word about Catholicism. My mother never asked him to convert although after VII he went to Mass with us always (and she asked us not to pressure him). When my brother left HMC to become a Baptist, who confronted his decision - my mother? No, my father. At the end of his life was my father buried by his pastor? No, he was buried by our priest. And you want to know something else which is funny? His older brother married a Catholic too. Same scenario.
 
I had a boyfriend who was Lutheran, we debated all the time. It was so mentally draining and I refuse to ever do it again. If the guy isn’t Catholic he can keep on truckin’ on. 😉
 
40.png
Forest-Pine:
I believe it is doable as any marriage in which both partners are mature and have a proper understanding of marriage is doable. I don’t think it is advisable, though. I can’t imagine not being on the same page about something so central to family life and marriage as the role of faith and church.
Click to expand...
Yes, of course, it is doable. However, why make it hard on yourself? I do not believe (and this is an OPINION) that there is only one person meant for us. We do think that when we are young and “in love” but many times we are “in lust” and I do not mean that in a negative way. But we do not think or contemplate how things will be in the future. Many mixed marriages do work out especially if the non-Catholic person is willing to have the children raised as Catholics and does not hinder this phase of the life of the children. But, being young, we do not realize that the “newness” of the relationship does wear off and if our spouse is not our best friend and cares more for what will be meaningful to us than he/she does for their feelings about religion, trouble will follow.

Those non-Catholics who will not agree to raise the children as Catholics are, at least, telling the truth. If they are this adament when dating, I think this animosity will only grow in the future.

It is difficult to break away from this attraction, but better to look elsewhere than to endanger your soul and those of your children.
 
I voted “other”, because I don’t understand what you mean by “believe in mixed marraige”
I am not against it, but I wouldn’t reccommend it for the average person.
I converted after marraige - husband is a non-practicing baptised protestant. He is a great man, and is supportive of my faith going on 6 years now.
 
The difficulties of mixed marriage must not be underestimated. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1634).
http://www.familyministries.org/www.inthespiritofcana.org/2.6.10.htm

To read more about the Church’s stand on inter-religious marriages, I suggest you click on the above link.
 
My mixed marriage brought me a re-awakening to my own faith. My marriage is Roman Catholic/Greek Orthodox; I think disparity of cult (Christan/non-Christian) would be more difficult.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top