mixed marriage

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OBVIOUSLY I meant go to mass as well. My fiancee didn’t because it wasn’t feasable for him TO go to mass. It was the same time as my church’s meeting, and none of us knew where the church was. Besides, we only wen tto my church once a month due to geographical reasons.

I just thanks God my fiancee (then boyfriend) was listening to the call of God. Had he refused to date me, I would never have found the faith on my own. Part of being a christian means knowing when to listen to the call of God. Both of us knew we were going to be together, we felt that call on us, we didn’tknow how it would work. But it did. And God’s truth was revealed.

We did have a boundary though. We refused to move forward as long as we were mixed in faith. We also knew that if we couldn’t be engaged by the time I graduated college, then chances were that we couldn’t work it out.

I guess what I am saying is listen to GOD. I thank God every day my fiancee never gave up on me and dumped me for a catholic girl. His sticking with me pointed me to the truth that saved my faith.
 
Delphinus85 said:
OBVIOUSLY I meant go to mass as well. My fiancee didn’t because it wasn’t feasable for him TO go to mass. It was the same time as my church’s meeting, and none of us knew where the church was. Besides, we only wen tto my church once a month due to geographical reasons.
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While I know it can be difficult to get to Mass in an unfamiliar area, there are ways to do it. My husband and I always check masstimes.org before going on trips, especially when we go camping for a weekend. Then, we look up directions on mapquest. In years of doing this, I have never found a place that did not have several Mass times on Sunday as well as vigil Masses on Saturday night that fulfill the Sunday obligation.
 
Thanks for the advices, I see my case a little like Delphinus85 case I won’t give up and hopefully it will end like her case, if not, well only God knows what it is in everybody’s path 🙂
 
hmena said:
Thanks for the advices, I see my case a little like Delphinus85 case I won’t give up and hopefully it will end like her case, if not, well only God knows what it is in everybody’s path 🙂
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It is next best impossible to put an old head on young shoulders.

If you are at all serious about being a Catholic, then I would make this suggestion: go to your parish, and go to a couple of other parishes, and find some active Catholics who are married to a spouse who is not Catholic, and ask them how it has been; don’t ask just one question; really find out how it has been. Don’t be afraid to ask them if they would do it all over again. and do it away from their spouse. A cup of coffee works.

And you need to do this as a fact finding quest; not simply to get confirmation of what you want to do. A very close friend of mine is an active Catholic; his wife is Baptist, and his two daughters have never been baptized and are senior and junior in high school. It is more heartache than you can imagine. They all go to Mass on Sunday, then they go over to the Baptist Church. He is not about to quit the Catholic Church, and there is no way she is joining, and she has done all she can to influence the two girls her way (and he, his).

I have 6 first cousins on one side of my family who married non-Catholics; every one of them has quit the Church.

If you have any clue about what the Church really is, and if you do what I ask, I think you will see the wisdom of moving on. And if you are blinded by love and passion, you will be walking a path the Church very clearly discourages us from entering upon. And you might dwell on the fact that it is just slightly possible that the Church, led by the Holy Spirit for 2000 years, jsut might possibly have abit more wisdom about this issue than you do in the nuber of years you ahve been here on this earth. I don’t mean to be harsh. Just realistic. I’ve seen it so many times… and very little of it has been pretty.

You are right that only God knows what is in our path. But keep in mind that God gave us eyes to see, and ears to hear. Fail to use what God has given you (including the counsel of your Church) and you run the risk of not truly following God’s will for you.
 
hmena said:
Thanks for the advices, I see my case a little like Delphinus85 case I won’t give up and hopefully it will end like her case, if not, well only God knows what it is in everybody’s path 🙂
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thank you. I know a lot of people say mixed marriages don’t work. I know a few people in them and things are fine for them. I have to say though, she needs to be okay with raising the kids catholic. And I HAVE to say that it IS rare that the person will convert. There were several factors in my life that led to my conversion. The ONLY thing you can do is listen CLOSELY to what God is telling you.
 
My son, who was not Catholic before, married a Catholic woman a little over 6 months ago. He, not she, decided to drag her to Mass (she wasn’t practicing before) and he has converted. He will receive confirmation on Holy Saturday. Their marriage was blessed last week in preparation for his First Communion.

There may be a greater gift you can give to your children than a uniform understanding of Faith, but right now I can’t think of it. I recall in my silly youth attending a discussion on this subject where a Catholic woman had married a Jewish man and he accepted her desire that their children be raised Catholic with the provision that they never pray for the soul of their father. How sad is that? Not that he was Jewish, but that anyone would consciously put their children in such a conundrum.

Give your children the gift of a common understanding of faith. Don’t confuse them. Don’t set up a situation where they need to choose between Mommy and Daddy, and Daddy believing differently from Mommy falls into that category. Even if you don’t see it that way, they might. Give your children a clear path to follow, not confusion. And then show them the value of loving your spouse. With these gifts, you will give your children SO MUCH!

Melanie
 
sasafr said:
I am currently in RCIA so please excuse my lack of knowledge and for my ranting.
I am unsure what to think about many of the responses to any thread that involves mixed marriage or even DATING out of your religion. I find this very shocking as it makes Catholics seem very narrow minded. I know two families who started out as a mixed marriage. My Aunt and Uncle were a mixed marriage, my aunt was Catholic and my uncle was Protestant. Several years ago, after at least 20 years of marriage and 3 kids he converted to Catholicism. That’s not the only case close to me where mixed marriages have worked. My boyfriends mother was an episcopalian and his father is Catholic. She said that she’d go to church, raise her kids Catholic… but she wasn’t going to convert. Well when my boyfriend was three she converted. Mixed marriages can work but both people must be willing to be flexiable. You can’t force religion on someone no matter how important it is to you. But, you can still share your religion with them, ask them to go to church with you one day, ask to on holidays, special events. If they don’t want to go say ok, then leave a standing invitation to go. Of course if your significant other hates catholicism then don’t marry but you wouldn’t marry if it was one of you hobbies they hated either. The it’s my way or the highway idea will not work with any issue in marriage.
Back to my point, sorry this is so long. Is there anyone else out there who believe that mixed marriages can work? It’s making me have a hesitation to finish my conversion if in general people who are Catholic are that intolerat of mixed marriage. As a potential convert, it’s painful to realize how intolerant people can really be.
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Marriage is Tough! You may both start one way and throught the years you may both be practicing different faiths. You change, you just do. Just be respectful of each other.
 
I’m in an interfaith dating relationship and I’m Catholic. That said, I think it depends on the relationship, like if they seem open and accepting of Catholicism, if they understand the responsibility (no birth control, raise kids in the faith, marital chastity, marriage in the Church, etc.), and they’re willing to help. I know people who’ve converted due to a Catholic spouse’s devotion.

Definitely pray and do not take a relationship (interfaith or not) lightly. This is someone’s heart and soul we’re talking about.

If interfaith dating were such a sin, the Church would not have any provisions for interfaith marriages.
 
Hi.
I’m from a protestant background but my girlfriend is a practising catholic. She does not want to change me but would be happy if I did and I feel the same for her. The problem arises with children. She is insisting that they would be raised catholic but I want them to have the freedom to decide when they are old enough to understand both faiths. I am very much against the hold and control that the catholic church has over her. It has evolved over 2000 years and has an answer to any issue that I have. I would have great difficulty with my conscience if I allowed my children to be raised within a church that allows so little freedom of thought and has had so many contradictions and corruption throughout its history.
Any advice would be appreciated.
 
cheachez said:
Hi.
I’m from a protestant background but my girlfriend is a practising catholic. She does not want to change me but would be happy if I did and I feel the same for her. The problem arises with children. She is insisting that they would be raised catholic but I want them to have the freedom to decide when they are old enough to understand both faiths. I am very much against the hold and control that the catholic church has over her. It has evolved over 2000 years and has an answer to any issue that I have. I would have great difficulty with my conscience if I allowed my children to be raised within a church that allows so little freedom of thought and has had so many contradictions and corruption throughout its history.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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If her conviction and integrity are a problem for you I suggest you tell her goodbye now. I have always found conviction in belief attractive even if it was against my own. How many truths are there in your view?

I think you might confuse that integrity with “so little freedom of thought” on her part. I question if you are old enough to understnad both faiths as you want your future kids to do, since you do not have a clear understanding of hers.
 
cheachez said:
Hi.
I’m from a protestant background but my girlfriend is a practising catholic. She does not want to change me but would be happy if I did and I feel the same for her. The problem arises with children. She is insisting that they would be raised catholic but I want them to have the freedom to decide when they are old enough to understand both faiths. I am very much against the hold and control that the catholic church has over her. It has evolved over 2000 years and has an answer to any issue that I have. I would have great difficulty with my conscience if I allowed my children to be raised within a church that allows so little freedom of thought and has had so many contradictions and corruption throughout its history.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Find someone to marry in your own faith. Stop seeing this girl.

Of course she wants to raise her children Catholic. Of course you don’t.

Can you not see that you cannot cut a baby in half-- take Solomon’s wisdom to heart.
 
cheachez said:
Hi.
I’m from a protestant background but my girlfriend is a practising catholic. She does not want to change me but would be happy if I did and I feel the same for her. The problem arises with children. She is insisting that they would be raised catholic but I want them to have the freedom to decide when they are old enough to understand both faiths. I am very much against the hold and control that the catholic church has over her. It has evolved over 2000 years and has an answer to any issue that I have. I would have great difficulty with my conscience if I allowed my children to be raised within a church that allows so little freedom of thought and has had so many contradictions and corruption throughout its history.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Catholics are required to raise our children Catholic. We make a promise to God to do so. You are smart to be thinking about this now. You should not violate your conscience. You should not encourage another to violate thier oaths to God which is probably what will happen should you too marry.
 
Women esp. need to be careful about marrying outside of the Church.

If a mother practices in the faith and the father does not, statistically, only 25% of the kids will practice. 😦
 
Marriage between 2 Catholics is hard enough, but I am not saying mixed marriages cannot work. Indeed I believe by the power of God they can!!!
 
cheachez said:
Hi.
I’m from a protestant background but my girlfriend is a practising catholic. She does not want to change me but would be happy if I did and I feel the same for her. The problem arises with children. She is insisting that they would be raised catholic but I want them to have the freedom to decide when they are old enough to understand both faiths. I am very much against the hold and control that the catholic church has over her. It has evolved over 2000 years and has an answer to any issue that I have. I would have great difficulty with my conscience if I allowed my children to be raised within a church that allows so little freedom of thought and has had so many contradictions and corruption throughout its history.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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I am sure we would all be interested in having the contradictions pointed out to us. It is the Catholic Church’s postion that it truthfully presents’ Christ’s teaching and commands.

There are currently some 25,000 to 35,000 churches which have occured, primarily since the Reformation. Christ founded one Church, not 25,000. Among the 25,000 there are untold permutations on what one or another of them say that Christ meant; that is, they significantly contradict one another. Either Christ told the truth, or He didn’t. If he told the truth, then either a Church is telling the truth that Christ gave us, or it isn’t. Without some means of ascertaining which of the 25,000 are right and which aren’t, one is left to themselves, ultimately, to decide if what one Church says is the truth or isn’t.

She says that she believes the Catholic Church is the one true Church, and you say it isn’t. That is the source of the conflict, and unless you can resolve it, you will be unequally yoked.

So bring your questions and contradictions on; perhaps we can resolve them. And if we can’t, and she persists, then your choice should be fairly plain.
 
I am Catholic, returned to the church last June.

My wife (previously married/divorced) is evangelical and we were married in her church 2 years ago.

One of my characteristics she found favorably during our dating was how I embraced religion.

After we got married, I started signing us up for any and bible studies course that available to us at her church. I had hungered for “The Word” and couldn’t get enough.

My wife on the other hand was satisfied with what one could call a “Sundays only faith”.

While she would be watching secular tv I would be reading the bible and doing research to get a better understanding for my homework.

I would always have on the christian radio station (forsaking the secular music) listening to the different preachers which helped me understand God’s plan (I now listen to Catholic radio and tv programs).

I would try to share my learning experience with her by ordering DVD/CD’s with the preacher’s sermon that I thought could help us grow as a christian couple.

However, she would have no part of it saying church was only for Sunday.

Also during this time I would make very small donations (like five dollars or so) to the programs that were inspiring and helpful to me in growing my faith.

She would get upset that I was giving money away.

Her church has a “on campus” bookstore and if she would purchase anything from the bookstore, she would take the price of the purchase and deduct it from her weekly tithing.

Anyway, since last June I have been attending the local catholic church and I am parish member.

She goes to church with me, but uses that time to catch on her paperwork like balancing the checkbook or looking at local newspaper ads.

I told her out of respect for others she should not do things like that.

Her reply was “she is not catholic and doesn’t have to do catholic things”.

She says goes with me only to “support me” in my faith.

Whenever I can, I do go to to her church with her and I follow their order of the service and do nothing to disrupt others.

Whenever we pray at home together, I have been doing this as often as possible, she would only pray the Lord’s prayer with me.

When I try to share anything with a biblical viewpoint with her, she would resist and many of times it would turn into an agruement of my christian viewpoint vs. her secular viewpoint.

I would stop the discussion with her and start talking about something else so that we don’t end up arguing all night.

To sum all up, our marriage is pretty much a disaster.

Our marriage doesn’t have the church’s blessing since she was previously married in a Methodist church with no annulment. She says I can’t divorce her because I did tell her, because of my faith I would never divorce her.

So if I did divorce her I would be going back on my word and against my faith (?).

However I am in a quandary.

Because we are unequally yoked and because there’s no annulment of her marriage I see this as an “out”.

I do love my wife and I do want to live my Catholic faith.

On my insistence, we do have an appointment to meet with a Catholic therapist. The thereapis ( woman on my wife’s request and preference) was referred on a good recommendation based on her sound psycholigical and spiritual merits.

I would like to see good fruit come from my marriage to her, but right now I can’t see that happening. At our age, there are no children involved. I have very mixed emotions and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for hearing me out.
 
Seatuck said:
Toby1, praying for you.
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Thank you. My prayer request would be for me to have patience, humility, obedience and trust in God. For me to speak the Truth in Love. That both of us hear God’s wisdom speaking in our hearts. That my wife sees the entire life of Christ in her eyes and heart. That she grows in intimacy with Christ. Pray that she seeks and finds the Truth in the Catholic Church teachings. And if I am to be the only Christ message she sees, please pray that the Holy Spirit strengthens me in living that Christ message.
 
This should have been started as a new thread, but you may be new enough you did not realize it. However.

Welcome to the world of mixed marriages. You have gotten yourself into a stewpot, but then, you are not the first nor will be the last.

You seem to be looking at the problem, and looking for a solution. I would suggest that you need to look at something other than the problem; the short - term problem is your wife’s attitudes towards religion in genenral, your faith, and how you express it.

Where you should be looking is at marriage in general, and what marriage means. And that goes to a whole lot more than what she does or thinks about faith. You need to do some deep intorspection as to what and where you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 40 years of marriage, and then the same with her. In other words, you need to get a deeper understanding of marriage itself, and marriage with her. Until you do that, you do not have an adequate basis to determine whether or not staying with her is what you should be doing in terms of marriage and faith.

The Catholic Church has Marriage Encounter; it is copied by other mainline churhces - e.g. I think the Methodists use it (the format) also. Some others may disagree with me, but I would suggest going to one that is not Catholic (so she doesn’t feel threatened) and avoid getting wrapped up in theological issues there but learn the communication skills they teach. The two of you are not communicating with each other; you are talking at each other and you are not going to learn how to work through the problems you have until you learn to effectively communicate with each other. Nor will either of you be able to really evaluate where you are and what you want in life and in marriage, until you learn to communicate.

Any issues of divorce, annulments, remarriage and anything related to such drastic moves need to be made after you have had the time and opportunity to see if this relationship is and should be permanent. Making such decisions now is making them in a boderline vacuum; you don’t have enough information to adequately assess. And you won’t have that information until you learn either a) to communicate, or B) that she will not communicate with you, after you have learned the skills, or communicates that you and she have radically different ideas of what marriage is about.
 
otjm said:
This should have been started as a new thread, but you may be new enough you did not realize it. However. Welcome to the world of mixed marriages…
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You are absolutely right. All your comments make sense to me and your insight on this matter is greatly appreciated. I will take heed of your advice. Thank you.
 
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