J
jesancy
Guest
Hello Everyone.
I am… Well, I am a young woman who was raised in the Seventh-Day Adventist Church. In high school, I started dating a young man two years my senior who completely swept me off my feet. At that point he was a non-denominational Christian, and what I loved more than anything about him was the way he challenged my faith and my beliefs. Well, to make a long story short, a few years into our relationship he felt called to Catholicism and, when he went away to college, he was confirmed in the Faith. This was not a problem for me–I was having doubts about my own faith and was open to his ideas–that is, until he began feeling called to the priesthood. Obviously, this was not compatible with a dating relationship, so, eventually, we broke up.
The trouble was: we still really loved each other. Every time he came home on vacations, he would want to see me, and we would end up kissing and holding each other, with one of us crying. This went on for several years. Finally, more than four years ago, he asked me never to contact him again. Our relationship was done.
So, for the past four years, we have not been in touch. He became a student at the Dominican House of Studies in Washington D.C., while I finished an English degree at a private college in Chattanooga, TN. I have dated other men and tried to move on with my life, and yet… I have never been able to forget him.
This brings me to about a week ago. I missed a call on my cell phone; it was his old number. I discovered he was in town, and, as I had been struggling with the desire to try to contact him for many months, I decided it was time to write him a letter. I did and dropped it off at his house late last Sunday night, and, the next night, at 11:30 p.m., he called me.
He wanted to get together and said the only time he had was “right now”–he did not want his parents to know. I was shocked, but how could I say no? So we did. We got together on a moonlight night at a park by a lake. He was obviously overcome with emotions at seeing me, and, as we sat on a park bench, he put his arm around me. I had my hands clasped between my knees–I did not want to be a temptress–and I asked him, “What do you want from me?” He looked helpless; he didn’t know.
To make a long story short, we ended up kissing, and he told me how difficult the last four years have been for him. He was supposed to take his lifetime vow last November but got in an argument with one of his superiors and was asked to wait another year. He also told me he’s “thought about me so much” and that he doesn’t like to come home very often because everything at home reminds him of me.
But… Of course, he still feels called. After kissing me, he looked incredibly torn. “This isn’t fair to you. This isn’t fair to you,” he said. Then he became stoic and said we should pray for freedom; when I told him I’d been praying that prayer for the last four years, he criticized me for my lack of faith.
The next day, I sent him an email I regret because I know it came across as not being supportive of his calling. He wrote me back and said, “Yesterday something in me died. I can never think of you in the same way again. There is no possibility that we will ever be together. May the Lord have mercy on us both.”
I am devastated. I do love him, and I want to support him. If he is called, I am happy to let him go. But why these mixed signals? Is this really God’s calling? What am I to think?
At this point, I feel I just need to let him know how much I truly support him, whatever he chooses, though I know he won’t read a letter even if I send it. He is to take his vows on November 14.
If anyone out there has taken the time to read this post, I thank you. If you take time to reply, I am indebted to you forever.
I am… Well, I am a young woman who was raised in the Seventh-Day Adventist Church. In high school, I started dating a young man two years my senior who completely swept me off my feet. At that point he was a non-denominational Christian, and what I loved more than anything about him was the way he challenged my faith and my beliefs. Well, to make a long story short, a few years into our relationship he felt called to Catholicism and, when he went away to college, he was confirmed in the Faith. This was not a problem for me–I was having doubts about my own faith and was open to his ideas–that is, until he began feeling called to the priesthood. Obviously, this was not compatible with a dating relationship, so, eventually, we broke up.
The trouble was: we still really loved each other. Every time he came home on vacations, he would want to see me, and we would end up kissing and holding each other, with one of us crying. This went on for several years. Finally, more than four years ago, he asked me never to contact him again. Our relationship was done.
So, for the past four years, we have not been in touch. He became a student at the Dominican House of Studies in Washington D.C., while I finished an English degree at a private college in Chattanooga, TN. I have dated other men and tried to move on with my life, and yet… I have never been able to forget him.
This brings me to about a week ago. I missed a call on my cell phone; it was his old number. I discovered he was in town, and, as I had been struggling with the desire to try to contact him for many months, I decided it was time to write him a letter. I did and dropped it off at his house late last Sunday night, and, the next night, at 11:30 p.m., he called me.
He wanted to get together and said the only time he had was “right now”–he did not want his parents to know. I was shocked, but how could I say no? So we did. We got together on a moonlight night at a park by a lake. He was obviously overcome with emotions at seeing me, and, as we sat on a park bench, he put his arm around me. I had my hands clasped between my knees–I did not want to be a temptress–and I asked him, “What do you want from me?” He looked helpless; he didn’t know.
To make a long story short, we ended up kissing, and he told me how difficult the last four years have been for him. He was supposed to take his lifetime vow last November but got in an argument with one of his superiors and was asked to wait another year. He also told me he’s “thought about me so much” and that he doesn’t like to come home very often because everything at home reminds him of me.
But… Of course, he still feels called. After kissing me, he looked incredibly torn. “This isn’t fair to you. This isn’t fair to you,” he said. Then he became stoic and said we should pray for freedom; when I told him I’d been praying that prayer for the last four years, he criticized me for my lack of faith.
The next day, I sent him an email I regret because I know it came across as not being supportive of his calling. He wrote me back and said, “Yesterday something in me died. I can never think of you in the same way again. There is no possibility that we will ever be together. May the Lord have mercy on us both.”
I am devastated. I do love him, and I want to support him. If he is called, I am happy to let him go. But why these mixed signals? Is this really God’s calling? What am I to think?
At this point, I feel I just need to let him know how much I truly support him, whatever he chooses, though I know he won’t read a letter even if I send it. He is to take his vows on November 14.If anyone out there has taken the time to read this post, I thank you. If you take time to reply, I am indebted to you forever.
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/hug