The thing I don’t know is if he said that in response to my email or if it was a reaction to the time we spent together. It’s possible he meant he will never think of me romantically again because something in him died that night–maybe he realized this was the last time we’d ever be together; perhaps something in him was finalized that night; maybe I disappointed him somehow. I just don’t know.
So perhaps I was wrong to say I felt “two inches tall.” Rather, I think I was just crushed. Here it was, less than 48 hours after discovering that the man I’ve always loved still cares about me, and I was being “dismissed” (so to speak). It was all very hard to take.
Also, it’s true–one serious relationship in seven years is probably too few. It’s difficult, though, because I haven’t met anyone since my ex who has truly captured my interest. I am also someone who gives everything 110 percent, and I’ve been known to do that with relationships that didn’t deserve that kind of energy in the past. Let’s just say I’ve learned to be selective.
I figure God is using this time and these experiences to sculpt my character and help me relate to others better in the future.
. But you seem strong!