MLM Madness among "Real Life" Friends

[pensmama87]

A couple of years ago I got to be friends with some really great other Catholic moms (kids were the catalyst, but we’ve got other stuff in common too.) I’ve realized having a social life with other women is really good for me in a lot of ways and I really treasure these friendships.

But especially over the past six months or so, a lot of them have been hopping on as “consultants” for various multi-level-marketing schemes. Having done that gig twice (for different companies), for multiple reasons I never, ever, ever want to be involved with or even buy a product made by one of these companies again. Of course, my friends are delighted by their “businesses” and keep trying to sell me stuff or attend parties.

The last time I got involved was when a bunch of my college friends were signing up with one of the big companies. Some friendships ended and a lot cooled way down as a result. Nobody does it anymore (consultant gigs rarely last long) but the damage is already done.

Any ideas on how to ride this out with these friends? So far I’m not saying anything about the parties or products besides “No thank you.” (Though I have a lot more I could say…previous experience has taught me it’s better to keep my mouth shut.)

 

[Anglewannabe]

My heart bleeds for you because I know what it is like to have been in a MLM and the negative experience it can bring. And this is doubly tricky because it sounds like you want your kids to be friends with these women’s kids.

Perhaps a bit of a stronger ‘no’ will be required. Perhaps something along the lines ‘I respect this is important to you but I really would appreciate if you would respect my no and quit asking me’

Not quite those words but something to that effect

 

[jmjZelie]

I have been through this and I realized that my friends were only inviting me to things when they wanted to sell me stuff. All of them were doing the MLM thing. I decided that if we weren’t friends enough for them to pursue friendship with me outside of their MLM business, then we weren’t real friends, I was just a potential customer for them. So I stopped accepting invitations. I said I don’t do MLM parties, but that I would love to do XYZ with them when they are available. The real friends took me up on it. The fake ones didn’t.

 

[Kelfa28]

I just let it go and basically do what you do…I say “no thank-you”.

It’s really amazing how many people get hooked on this stuff. I’ve got several close friends who are SAHMs that do MLM on the side.

My MIL was heavily involved with it when Amway was big in the 80s and now she is back into it again because her Protestant church friends got her into it.

She sends me free stuff all the time and I just accept it graciously, say thank-you and move on.

She tried to explain to me the benefits of becoming a consultant and I just countered her and explained that no one could convince me that becoming successful in a business meant I needed to buy a ton of useless, overpriced products and constantly badger my girlfriends into either buying the useless product, booking parties, or becoming a consultant.

They are everywhere and it’s just so gimmicky and annoying.

 

[Allegra]

If you were good friends before the MLM stuff, you’ll probably stay friends even if you don’t buy their stuff. What’s really bad is when you think you’ve made a friend and it turns out they are just trying to sell you something. I don’t involve myself in any of my friend/relative/coworkers MLM parties and I haven’t ruined a relationship yet.

 

[Xantippe]

A couple of years ago I got to be friends with some really great other Catholic moms (kids were the catalyst, but we’ve got other stuff in common too.) I’ve realized having a social life with other women is really good for me in a lot of ways and I really treasure these friendships.

But especially over the past six months or so, a lot of them have been hopping on as “consultants” for various multi-level-marketing schemes. Having done that gig twice (for different companies), for multiple reasons I never, ever, ever want to be involved with or even buy a product made by one of these companies again. Of course, my friends are delighted by their “businesses” and keep trying to sell me stuff or attend parties.

The last time I got involved was when a bunch of my college friends were signing up with one of the big companies. Some friendships ended and a lot cooled way down as a result. Nobody does it anymore (consultant gigs rarely last long) but the damage is already done.

Any ideas on how to ride this out with these friends? So far I’m not saying anything about the parties or products besides “No thank you.” (Though I have a lot more I could say…previous experience has taught me it’s better to keep my mouth shut.)

Bummer.

Here’s a thought–this could be a sign that your friends are 1) bored at home and/or 2) hard up. This might be born of desperation.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I have a few friends who are engaged in MLM. One makes good money from it. They’re all very pushy and annoying about it. When they ask me directly about it, I just tell them politely that I’m not interested but that I’ll let them know if I change my mind.

 

[JerryZ]

A couple of years ago I got to be friends with some really great other Catholic moms (kids were the catalyst, but we’ve got other stuff in common too.) I’ve realized having a social life with other women is really good for me in a lot of ways and I really treasure these friendships.

But especially over the past six months or so, a lot of them have been hopping on as “consultants” for various multi-level-marketing schemes. Having done that gig twice (for different companies), for multiple reasons I never, ever, ever want to be involved with or even buy a product made by one of these companies again. Of course, my friends are delighted by their “businesses” and keep trying to sell me stuff or attend parties.

The last time I got involved was when a bunch of my college friends were signing up with one of the big companies. Some friendships ended and a lot cooled way down as a result. Nobody does it anymore (consultant gigs rarely last long) but the damage is already done.

Any ideas on how to ride this out with these friends? So far I’m not saying anything about the parties or products besides “No thank you.” (Though I have a lot more I could say…previous experience has taught me it’s better to keep my mouth shut.)

Unfortunately we are all humans and very fallible ones at that, we tend to be fooled when something too good to be true is presented to us.
In the end we have just to try to accept that this may be a test for your friends as well as for you. Pray that they do not loose too much, when it is all said and done, hunker down and try to keep out of it, as you already have experienced you can’t criticize, without people taking it personally and be offended. In the end if you can keep some of your friend count your blessings and keep on forward.

…

 

[Catholic1954]

If the friendships are worth keeping, then just keep saying no thank you and ride it out. These companies are not as interested in selling the product as they are in booking the parties. I found after the first 2 -3 have the party, interest really drops and in a few months everyone has gone to a few parties and no longer want to be involved. It kinda reminds me of the old chain letters, no one sent the dollar, no one got rich, but you had to put up with your friends sending them to you for a few weeks, but it all went away in the end.

 

[pensmama87]

I have been through this and I realized that my friends were only inviting me to things when they wanted to sell me stuff. All of them were doing the MLM thing. I decided that if we weren’t friends enough for them to pursue friendship with me outside of their MLM business, then we weren’t real friends, I was just a potential customer for them. So I stopped accepting invitations. I said I don’t do MLM parties, but that I would love to do XYZ with them when they are available. The real friends took me up on it. The fake ones didn’t.

Yeah, I’ve noticed that a couple acquaintances have gotten a lot more interested in me since they started. It’s hard because I’m familiar with a lot of the scripting and such they use (seriously, every company uses the same lines). But since they’re not close friends it doesn’t bother me as much. It bothers me more when my close friends use the lines, because then I know how “fogged” they are (when consultants would leave the one company I was in, we called it “escaping the pink fog.”)

My MIL was heavily involved with it when Amway was big in the 80s and now she is back into it again because her Protestant church friends got her into it.

She sends me free stuff all the time and I just accept it graciously, say thank-you and move on.

She tried to explain to me the benefits of becoming a consultant and I just countered her and explained that no one could convince me that becoming successful in a business meant I needed to buy a ton of useless, overpriced products and constantly badger my girlfriends into either buying the useless product, booking parties, or becoming a consultant.

They are everywhere and it’s just so gimmicky and annoying.

Yeah, my MIL does it too. She doesn’t sell now, but she buys tons of stuff and then passes it on to us. One of the lines is major guilt-tripping: can’t you support your friend’s " small business? " No thanks, because that’s not actually what you’re doing.

Last time I called out my friend who had recruited me in the hopes that I’d knock some sense into her. It didn’t work, our friendship collapsed, and now a couple years later she quit drinking the Kool-Aid but we still don’t talk.

 

[pensmama87]

Bummer.

Here’s a thought–this could be a sign that your friends are 1) bored at home and/or 2) hard up. This might be born of desperation.

Yep, I think you’re exactly right. Several used to work and then became SAHMs. So loss of income + wanting something to do → prime opportunity for a recruiter. I was recruited under similar circumstances.

I do wonder how hard up they must be because a lot of them are all buying this stuff from each other - several different companies. It ain’t cheap. Or they really think the products are good.

(It’s hard to do good research on them too since so many sellers clog up the Internet with claims copied right from the catalog.)

 

[pensmama87]

Unfortunately we are all humans and very fallible ones at that, we tend to be fooled when something too good to be true is presented to us.
In the end we have just to try to accept that this may be a test for your friends as well as for you. Pray that they do not loose too much, when it is all said and done, hunker down and try to keep out of it, as you already have experienced you can’t criticize, without people taking it personally and be offended. In the end if you can keep some of your friend count your blessings and keep on forward.

…

Thank you! That is hard for me, knowing that by far most of them are losing money but they don’t know it. I was very fortunate in that I got out fast enough that I didn’t lose anything (though I didn’t make anything, either), but the longer you stay in the harder it is, unless you are incredibly pushy and build a huge downline.

The debt some people take on for these is incredible. The companies reward the consultants for buying product, but they have no idea what happens to it after that - and they don’t care, either, as long as the consultants keep buying.

(I’ve watched a few of those hoarder shows and it’s interesting how many people have boxes and boxes of the stuff in their house, thinking at some point they were going to sell it, and now it’s worthless.)

So on the one hand I want to tell my friends this to spare them the trouble, but at the same time knowing they are on a “high” and that they’re unlikely to listen until they realize it themselves.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you! That is hard for me, knowing that by far most of them are losing money but they don’t know it. I was very fortunate in that I got out fast enough that I didn’t lose anything (though I didn’t make anything, either), but the longer you stay in the harder it is, unless you are incredibly pushy and build a huge downline.

The debt some people take on for these is incredible. The companies reward the consultants for buying product, but they have no idea what happens to it after that - and they don’t care, either, as long as the consultants keep buying.

(I’ve watched a few of those hoarder shows and it’s interesting how many people have boxes and boxes of the stuff in their house, thinking at some point they were going to sell it, and now it’s worthless.)

So on the one hand I want to tell my friends this to spare them the trouble, but at the same time knowing they are on a “high” and that they’re unlikely to listen until they realize it themselves.

If they said something like “I’m going to put a $500 order on my credit card” or “My husband doesn’t need to know” I’d have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut. Not that it would do any good.

 

[Xantippe]

Thank you! That is hard for me, knowing that by far most of them are losing money but they don’t know it. I was very fortunate in that I got out fast enough that I didn’t lose anything (though I didn’t make anything, either), but the longer you stay in the harder it is, unless you are incredibly pushy and build a huge downline.

The debt some people take on for these is incredible. The companies reward the consultants for buying product, but they have no idea what happens to it after that - and they don’t care, either, as long as the consultants keep buying.

(I’ve watched a few of those hoarder shows and it’s interesting how many people have boxes and boxes of the stuff in their house, thinking at some point they were going to sell it, and now it’s worthless.)

So on the one hand I want to tell my friends this to spare them the trouble, but at the same time knowing they are on a “high” and that they’re unlikely to listen until they realize it themselves.

I’m sure the companies do know–at least high up.

The internal documents and emails for some of these organizations have got to be really damning.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m sure the companies do know–at least high up.

The internal documents and emails for some of these organizations have got to be really damning.

True.

The last company I was in had a huge department just to deal with people who quit.

 

[maryjk]

I have a few friends who are engaged in MLM. One makes good money from it. They’re all very pushy and annoying about it. When they ask me directly about it, I just tell them politely that I’m not interested but that I’ll let them know if I change my mind.

Bet your friend isn’t making what you think they are. In fact, I bet they aren’t making what they think they are.

A great web site to pass on to anyone interested in an MLM is Pink Truth.

99% of people involved with MLMs lose money.

 

[LongingSoul]

Bet your friend isn’t making what you think they are. In fact, I bet they aren’t making what they think they are.

A great web site to pass on to anyone interested in an MLM is Pink Truth.

99% of people involved with MLMs lose money.

The ones that do make the money have to have sold their soul to the basic secret. That is that success depends on the someone getting screwed over in the end. Profits made in pyramid schemes are dirty money.

 

[pensmama87]

The ones that do make the money have to have sold their soul to the basic secret. That is that success depends on the someone getting screwed over in the end. Profits made in pyramid schemes are dirty money.

Yes.

I am also sad about this because several do other things (photography, music lessons, crafts, etc) to earn extra income, but they push this stuff so hard they’re likely losing business that’s legitimate. I know I don’t want someone trying to sell me a purse when my son is supposed to be learning piano (not a real example.)

How many babysitting clients could I keep if I badgered moms about cosmetics at every pickup?

 

[Xantippe]

Yes.

I am also sad about this because several do other things (photography, music lessons, crafts, etc) to earn extra income, but they push this stuff so hard they’re likely losing business that’s legitimate. I know I don’t want someone trying to sell me a purse when my son is supposed to be learning piano (not a real example.)

How many babysitting clients could I keep if I badgered moms about cosmetics at every pickup?

That’s really unfortunate.

The big one I’ve been seeing online lately is essential oils, and that’s especially annoying, because some of those are dangerous in very small doses, and they’re also being pushed as an alternative to conventional medicine.

 

[Anglewannabe]

The ones that do make the money have to have sold their soul to the basic secret. That is that success depends on the someone getting screwed over in the end. Profits made in pyramid schemes are dirty money.

And the worst part, is when I was in one 20+ years ago, they insisted that I never miss mass