…continued from previous post…
The short answer to the bathing suit issue is that men ought to wear long, loose-fitting suit-shorts (as most men currently do), which don’t reveal pubic hair and butt cracks (having nothing to do with women’s chastity, just because it’s disgusting), as well as shirts that do not “draw attention” to their physiques (that is, are not skin-tight) and, at a minimum, cover their shoulders. Yes, I just said men should not go shirtless at the beach – precisely because there are some women who respond to physical appearance the way most men do. They are psychologically healthy women who happen to have a stronger reaction to physical stimuli than do most women, who can become sexually aroused and have lustful thoughts very quickly in reaction to seeing a guy with a “hot” body. And men must be respectful of that and act accordingly to not move them – knowingly or unknowingly, inadvertent or intentional – toward that occasion of sin.
The answer for women’s swimwear is a little more complicated, but in general the principle is the same. In a more perfect world, women would also wear shorts or a swim skirt that goes to the knees (thighs have a very powerful effect on a man’s imagination) and a top that is at least a little loose, not drawing attention to the breasts or revealing cleavage, and covering the shoulders (spaghetti straps do not cover the shoulders). I’ve seen some swim dresses or similar top and bottom combos which are very “modest” by contemporary standards (heck, dental floss is) and yet are very attractive. At the very minimum, due to cultural compromise, a mid-thigh swim short should be worn at all times. A sarong is a very nice touch, also, when out of the water – they are generally quite attractive (see-through sarongs don’t count) and classy.
I’ve never seen, nor can I imagine, a two-piece suit/bikini that I’ve considered appropriate. They are little more than colored underwear. In general, the one-piece suits I’ve seen are also not appropriate – they are skin-tight and/or simply reveal too much.
Here’s a little catch phrase to sum up what will often place a man in proximate occasion of sin: flesh and curves.
Yes, the exposed flesh of a woman is very stimulating to a man and can lead quickly to sexual temptation. Also, the shape of a woman is very stimulating to a man and can lead quickly to struggle.
I’m not advocating return to the burqa. Let’s be “reasonable.” Shoulders, exposed backs, breasts and cleavage, midrif, hips, thighs, all of these things can and will stimulate a healthy Christian man to sexual thought invountarily and rapidly (so can calves and arms but, again, let’s be “reasonable”). Ladies, as your brother in Christ who is striving for holiness and someone who wants to perceive you in the correct, respectful, dignified light, and not have images competing with my wife, I ask you to prayerfully consider the following set of guidelines when dressing:
-covered shoulders
-covered cleavage, breasts, midrif, thighs
-covered thighs to the bottom of the knees
-nothing stylistically that is designed to draw attention to yourself (loud colors, holes, tears, etc)
-“form-fitting” is ok. “Tight,” please no.
Please do not wear strapless or spaghetti-string dresses. I get sad every time I see the current fashion of strapless wedding dresses. That exposed top portion of the torso is difficult for most men, and you’re going to have that in your wedding pictures forever. In addition, for what you poor women have to pay for a wedding dress these days, you should be able to get something so beautiful that you don’t feel the need to reveal yourself in order to accentuate it. Please, save that beautiful portion of your body for your husband on your wedding night.
Please do not wear short shorts, tight shorts, or tight cut-off jean shorts.
Please do not wear a shirt that exposes your cleavage – it’s like an arrow pointing to your breasts.
Leggings are not pants.
Can’t be done, you say? As it happens, I’ve been blessed with a Godly wife who has a fantastic sense of style and looks very attractive when she leaves the house while meeting all of the guidelines I mentioned. The difference? If you happen to see her, she looks attraactive. She doesn’t wear clothes that say “look at me.” That is a good quideline for all women, though I know many women would ask, “what do you base that on?” My answer – find a guy striving for holiness whose opinion you trust, and ask him. “Does this make me look respectable or trampy?” If you don’t know a guy striving for holiness, ask any guy, “how does this make me look?” If he says, “hot,” or makes an engine-revving noise, don’t wear it. If he says things like, “lovely,” or “hey, that’s really pretty,” things that connote a more respect and dignity, you’re probably on the right track. “Is this considered too tight or acceptably form-fitting?” Again, please let your brother in Christ answer that question.
I know much of this is extremely violent to the modern Western female ear. I remind you, we are all beholden to each other. We can’t grow in holiness without helping each other. Your brothers in Christ ought to be asking you how they can protect your heart, emotions, and chastity and be modest in their behaviors, what is and is not acceptable based on how their behavior affects you.
Let us continue the healthy and open dialogue and not let the devil divide us with pettiness, anger, negativity, and passive-aggressiveness. Let’s continue to educate one another in love. Stay open, keep praying, and pursue Truth.
