Modesty in swimsuits

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rosejmj

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I have recently been looking at swimsuits for the summer. I am a little confused about the modesty standards though. I have always been told bikinis are immodest and I agree some of them are. I don’t plan on wearing one but I have been looking at some one piece suits and tankinis.

According to my mom most of the cute bathing suits are immodest because they may show a little bit of cleavage or a few inches of the midriff ( no bellybutton). I find it hard to accept her judgement because she thinks modesty is so important yet she leaves some aspects out. Most bottoms of female suits show the same thing an underwear does and yet that is allowed, but short shorts are not allowed. Tight pants and shirts are not allowed, yet most bathing suits are form fitting. It also seems she considers a few inches of midriff showing in a high waisted tankini/bikini that is high necked to be more immodest than a one piece showing a little cleavage. I understand covering cleavage for a woman, but why the abdomen? Men can go shirtless without a problem but if a women even shows a few inches of her belly it is immodest?
 
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Do you best to keep your mother happy while you live under her roof.

When you’re living on your own, wear whatever you’re comfortable wearing.

The questions you’re asking don’t have easy answers in any case.
 
I must be honest, I am not exactly sure what you are asking or what your mom’s point is.

However, I do think that different people have different ideas of what is immodest. I know women who always cover themselves up because they believe it is modest but talk about sex in front of anyone. Personally I agree that showing a belly button is not nearly as immodest as showing cleavage but again, different people see it differently
 
Standards for modesty are wildly inconsistent. We always say on CAF that when in doubt, honor your parents.

Genuinely modest swimwear will treat women’s bodies as functional, not ornamental. If you’re the girl who enjoys swimming laps, snorkeling, or just splashing around and having a blast, a tankini will hike up your midriff when your body moves faster underwater than your bathing suit. They’re cute, but highly impractical. Some do come with a lot more coverage and survive the Midriff Challenge, but it takes some shopping around.

One pieces are definitely a challenge because they’re either hiking up at the bottom end to expose our nether regions, or the top to expose our past/present/future/perhaps-non-functioning baby bottles.

Have you and your mom poked around online?
 
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I was looking online. Because of my age my mother won’t stop me from buying or wearing anything outside the house even if she considers it immodest, but she is making my younger sisters follow her “guidelines” which has turned into some small arguments. I personally am not a swimmer so I am looking for something more for how it looks than it’s function. I do have athletic suits for swimming laps if needed
 
I think that it is always a challenge for parents when one child is old enough to be given some freedoms and there are younger ones in the house who still need to follow rules. I think that is just part of life and when arguments erupt, pray for patience
 
I do agree that the standards are inconsistent (I don’t think form fitting is inherently wrong), and I do think a little midriff is fine for a swim suit. There are also double standards, I agree. People sexualise almost every part of our body, which is very frustrating.

But I would say honor your mom, or at least talk to her and explain your points to her.
 
Then if I’m reading the situation correctly (??), it sounds like this is between your sister and your mom, and not a battle you need to fight.
 
I guess, but it bothers me more than my sister. My mom’s rules in this matter don’t really make sense and anyway in a couple years my sister will be able to wear whatever she wants so what is the point of my mom trying to stop her now?. Also I just wanted to know others people’s opinions on modesty
 
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I am currently reading Jason Evert’s book Saint John Paul the Great: His Five Loves, and I found this passage from the chapter titled “Human Love” to be a great explanation of what modesty is:
An essential insight from Wojtyła’s book [Love and Responsibility] is that chastity can only be understood in relation to the virtue of love. When people don’t understand the connection between the two, they develop a warped idea of purity. Chastity becomes the blind repression of desires for the sake of conforming to externally imposed moral regulations, requiring one to shun the values of the body and sexuality.
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That isn’t purity. It’s prudishness. However, when one views sexuality through the lens of Wojtyła’s personalism, the body is no longer the victim. The person’s tendency to use is the issue that needs to be healed. The body itself is pure. It is very good, but often a person’s intentions are not. Therefore, the problem with immodesty is not that it reveals too much, but that it obscures the value of the person. Modesty, then, is not about hiding one’s body but about revealing one’s worth. It is an invitation to contemplation. It conceals certain areas of the body not because they are bad, but in order to invite others to discover one’s full value as a person, thus opening a way toward love. When that invitation is accepted, one can experience nakedness without shame within marriage, where love swallows up shame (Evert 106-7).
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rosejmj said:
My mom’s rules in this matter don’t really make sense and anyway in a couple years my sister will be able to wear whatever she wants so what is the point of my mom trying to stop her now?
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We parents fight fiercely to instill our values into our children before they head out into the world, knowing full well that once they’re out the door for good, they’ll do whatever they want. We just pray hard that they make the right choices.

We don’t always make sense. We’re inconsistent. Sometimes hypocritical. But at the end of the day, we’re trying our hardest.
rosejmj said:
Also I just wanted to know others people’s opinions on modesty
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If you open Pandora’s box, you’ll find a ball of wax, a can of worms, and plenty of CAF threads on this heated topic.

My thoughts on modesty?

I get in hot water for saying this: Men bear the burden of personal responsibility for their choices and behaviors. A woman’s appearance is never to blame for her getting raped, harassed, objectified, lusted after, or otherwise treated poorly. Women in burkas are raped, and women in miniskirts are left alone.

That said, I personally hold clothing to a standard that treats our bodies as functional rather than ornamental. Does that mean that functional clothing can’t make you look gorgeous? Of course not! I deliberately shop for flattering cuts and colors. We all do, if we’re honest. And knock yourself out with any fragrance, hairstyle, make-up, jewelry, accessories . . . or none at all. Whatever defines you.

At the same time, women and girls should be able to walk without wobbling or injuring our tendons, (my chiropractor talked me out of heels years ago), climb trees and play sports without the wrong set of cheeks showing, bend down to pick up dropped keys without exciting a hungry baby, and dress for what makes us feel good instead of hungering for male approval.

I can’t give you any more specifics because those are defined more by culture than religion. But the aforementioned guidelines get me by.
 
To be fair, most suits will look like it’s painted on you once you get it wet
 
I was picturing the type of suits OP mentioned tbh. I’m picturing a relatively modest suit compared to the default styles out there

OP, I believe Jessica Rey is a Catholic (not too sure). But she has a line of suits that are specifically intended to be modest. Most of them look like normal suits we see in other stores though, but I would still say they are appropriate.
 
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