Mom bugging me about getting married

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kouyate42
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

Kouyate42

Guest
…which wouldn’t be a problem if the very idea is something I have close to no interest in doing.

I really don’t know why this has become such an issue, particularly as I’ve stated clearly on many an occasion that I’m simply not interested. Fair enough, I’m 23 and yes, I would marry should I find that special woman who I wish to marry, but I’m not making my entire life revolve around the idea.

How am I supposed to talk with her about this bearing in mind my statements to the contrary are often rebuffed as being nothing more than ‘you’re just saying that’.

Any ideas?
 
Kouyate42 said:
…which wouldn’t be a problem if the very idea is something I have close to no interest in doing.

I really don’t know why this has become such an issue, particularly as I’ve stated clearly on many an occasion that I’m simply not interested. Fair enough, I’m 23 and yes, I would marry should I find that special woman who I wish to marry, but I’m not making my entire life revolve around the idea.

How am I supposed to talk with her about this bearing in mind my statements to the contrary are often rebuffed as being nothing more than ‘you’re just saying that’.

Any ideas?
Click to expand...
Yes; you are 23. She can mind her own business. Obviously you don’t want to be sharp or unkind, but just tell her very gently, “Mom, if the right girl comes along, you’ll be the first person I call. Meanwhile, I don’t feel right now that it’s my vocation.”
 
How does this tie in with your possible gender reassignment at some point in the future? You’ve mentioned that you are getting counseling about that. I assume your mother doesn’t know about that? Could be tricky until that issue is settled.
 
Just tell her gently something along the lines that you’re glad for her concern, you will definitely let her know if the right person comes along, but for now you don’t feel called to marriage. Marriage is a very serious commitment, not something to be entered into lightly, or just because it’s expected of you.
 
jmcrae said:
Yes; you are 23. She can mind her own business. Obviously you don’t want to be sharp or unkind, but just tell her very gently, “Mom, if the right girl comes along, you’ll be the first person I call. Meanwhile, I don’t feel right now that it’s my vocation.”
Click to expand...
Doesn’t work. I’ve told her a million times with the same result. And when I knock that idea back, her immediate response is ‘well, get yourself a boyfriend then. I don’t care as long as you’re not alone’
TheRealJuliane said:
How does this tie in with your possible gender reassignment at some point in the future? You’ve mentioned that you are getting counseling about that. I assume your mother doesn’t know about that? Could be tricky until that issue is settled.
Click to expand...
I’ve told her on several occasions of my gender issues but she does not believe me. So at present she’s aware I’m accessing mental health counselling, but she does not know I’m undergoing gender counselling. And to be fair, she wouldn’t accept it as far as I can see.
 
Is the concern that you don’t want to get married right now or that you say you will never get married? I would just stop talking to her about it.
 
Allegra said:
Is the concern that you don’t want to get married right now or that you say you will never get married? I would just stop talking to her about it.
Click to expand...
It’s not that I don’t want to get married EVER, but at present I have other priorities, one of which is my gender counselling mentioned above.
 
I would tell her “God has every thing under control. Don’t worry!” and them smile. Or something like “all in God’s time”. How can any believer argue with that??
 
Ok, my understanding is you are a man who is seeking gender counscelling. Based on that I suspect your mom can not accept the idea you have these issues so to soothe her feelings she wants you married to a girl.

I would just be the broken record : I do not wish to discuss this

CM
 
Kouyate42 said:
I’ve told her on several occasions of my gender issues but she does not believe me. So at present she’s aware I’m accessing mental health counselling, but she does not know I’m undergoing gender counselling. And to be fair, she wouldn’t accept it as far as I can see.
Click to expand...
Perhaps you could tell her that in light of your mental health counseling, you don’t feel it would be wise to enter into that type of relationship right now. Or tell her that it’s something that you’re discussing with your counselor, and that things need to stay as they are for now.
 
cmscms said:
Ok, my understanding is you are a man who is seeking gender counscelling. Based on that I suspect your mom can not accept the idea you have these issues so to soothe her feelings she wants you married to a girl.

I would just be the broken record : I do not wish to discuss this

CM
Click to expand...
I’m actually biologically female and want to be male.

And yes, this is likely what I’ll do.
SummerSmiles said:
Perhaps you could tell her that in light of your mental health counseling, you don’t feel it would be wise to enter into that type of relationship right now. Or tell her that it’s something that you’re discussing with your counselor, and that things need to stay as they are for now.
Click to expand...
It’s not just the mental health issues which have me unwilling to commit to a relationship/marriage but also other issues: I’m between jobs, with little to no money to spare, and I’m living with family too with close to no chance of getting out of here.
 
So your mom must be wanting you to get married to a man, correct?

And you are not averse to marriage, but if you change your outward appearance to a male-like one, you would want to marry another female?

Gosh this is a tough situation. How about if I just keep praying for you?

🙂
 
TheRealJuliane said:
So your mom must be wanting you to get married to a man, correct?

And you are not averse to marriage, but if you change your outward appearance to a male-like one, you would want to marry another female?

Gosh this is a tough situation. How about if I just keep praying for you?

🙂
Click to expand...
It’s a highly confusing one. My mother seems unconcerned with WHO I marry, whether they be female or male, as long as I marry. But she’s denying the gender identity I believe myself to be, and along with it the very real picture of my sexuality.

It’s funny, but this only became an issue when I mentioned to her the whole thing with my gender. I now wish I’d never said anything.

Prayer would be good and I would appreciate that. 🙂
 
Kouyate42 said:
It’s a highly confusing one. My mother seems unconcerned with WHO I marry, whether they be female or male, as long as I marry. But she’s denying the gender identity I believe myself to be, and along with it the very real picture of my sexuality.

It’s funny, but this only became an issue when I mentioned to her the whole thing with my gender. I now wish I’d never said anything.

Prayer would be good and I would appreciate that. 🙂
Click to expand...
Perhaps she’s afraid of not having grandchildren–are you an only child? Maybe she just wants you to get married so you can “get on with it” and make her a grandmother already? Maybe she fears that with your gender identity issues you’ll never “settle down.” Or perhaps she’s just uncomfortable with those issues and is trying to cover that by urging you towards a marriage.

I would still just tell her the truth–you don’t feel ready for such a commitment right now.
 
I have a really tough time understanding gender issues. If you were born female, than no amount of hormones will make you into a male. Why not just accept the body you have? There are a lot of women who have masculine tastes. So what? There’s nothing wrong with a woman doing construction work or driving a long-haul truck. There are a lot of women in the army. If you don’t like makeup or fancy hair styles, then don’t wear makeup and keep your hair simple. There’s nothing wrong with that.

There is also no law that a woman has to get married. If you don’t feel like getting married, then don’t. You will just have to tune your mom out.

I don’t understand the concept of feeling like a man in a woman’s body. Does any woman really know what a woman is supposed to feel like in her body? I have no idea, and I’m not sure anyone else does either.
 
I get the same thing I’m 23 and got of a relationship with someone who can only be described as a psychopath. My younger sister who just turned 18 is “engaged” with her on and off again boyfriend which we all don’t see that one working out. My mom is always asking if there are any guys in my life and things like that and I’m actually enjoying being single. It’s like at this time I’m not ready for a relationship and want to see where God takes me since I’m healing from that relationship as well as other issues.
 
SummerSmiles said:
Perhaps she’s afraid of not having grandchildren–are you an only child? Maybe she just wants you to get married so you can “get on with it” and make her a grandmother already? Maybe she fears that with your gender identity issues you’ll never “settle down.” Or perhaps she’s just uncomfortable with those issues and is trying to cover that by urging you towards a marriage.

I would still just tell her the truth–you don’t feel ready for such a commitment right now.
Click to expand...
I’m an only child, yes, but grandchildren I know is not her priority.

As to my gender issues, I feel that unless these are dealt with, I can never have proper lasting relationships. What’s better: me making two people (myself and my hypothetical husband) unhappy because I’ve not dealt with my gender issues and all that surrounds it, or me dealing with these issues I have and living my life as I see fit to do, allowing me to be happy and so not making anyone I marry unhappy too?
Listener said:
snip
I don’t understand the concept of feeling like a man in a woman’s body. Does any woman really know what a woman is supposed to feel like in her body? I have no idea, and I’m not sure anyone else does either.
Click to expand...
I’m not sure you’re actually getting the point. It’s not just about superficial things like the music I listen to or the job I want to do, or anything like that, but my entire mindset.

The very thought of living my life as a woman both sickens and saddens me, because to my mind, it’s not me. I find it semi-impossible, if not impossible, to relate to any other women I’ve met- and this is true of any group of women I’ve been in. I just don’t see anything in women I either recognise or indeed like, and as a result, I’ve found social relationships with other women often very difficult.

All I feel when I live my life as I am now is that I’m not being treated as the person I see myself as. I’ve actually been held back from doing things simply because of an accident of biology. I’ve tried all my life to live up to being a girl simply for the fact I kept being told I’m one and I can’t do it.
Catholic90 said:
Which gender are you attracted to?
Click to expand...
I’m bisexual, but my main preference is for men.
 
Kouyate42 said:
I’m an only child, yes, but grandchildren I know is not her priority.

As to my gender issues, I feel that unless these are dealt with, I can never have proper lasting relationships. What’s better: me making two people (myself and my hypothetical husband) unhappy because I’ve not dealt with my gender issues and all that surrounds it, or me dealing with these issues I have and living my life as I see fit to do, allowing me to be happy and so not making anyone I marry unhappy too?

I’m not sure you’re actually getting the point. It’s not just about superficial things like the music I listen to or the job I want to do, or anything like that, but my entire mindset.

The very thought of living my life as a woman both sickens and saddens me, because to my mind, it’s not me. I find it semi-impossible, if not impossible, to relate to any other women I’ve met- and this is true of any group of women I’ve been in. I just don’t see anything in women I either recognise or indeed like, and as a result, I’ve found social relationships with other women often very difficult.

All I feel when I live my life as I am now is that I’m not being treated as the person I see myself as. I’ve actually been held back from doing things simply because of an accident of biology. I’ve tried all my life to live up to being a girl simply for the fact I kept being told I’m one and I can’t do it.

I’m bisexual, but my main preference is for men.
Click to expand...
So once everything would hypothetically be taken care of, you’d end up a gay man?

:whacky:

If your preference is for men, why can’t you just be a female who isn’t particularly feminine but who likes men? Heck, I don’t get along that well with my fellow females, they don’t like me either a lot of the time, I was kind of a tomboy growing up since my mom died when I was 10, but I would NEVER think of changing my gender! I’m not a real girlie girl and actually there are a lot of us out here…

I have to admit, I think this gender reassignment stuff is a huge mistake. God doesn’t make you a female by accident!!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top