Mom died, no will

[As_for_my_House]

My mother passed away this week. She did not leave provisions for a burial or a will and now the responsibility to bury her has fallen on her 4 children. I prayed about why she did this and got an answer. I am at peace with this answer.

The complication of not specifying her wishes about how to pay for her expenses and how to divide her paid home are already causing hard feeling between the four siblings.
But many of those hard feeling were already in place.

There was a lot of abuse by a sibling using my mother, neglecting her care, destroying her house. On the day of her death she expressed to him that she thought that she was dying and he replied, Let’s hope so.

This sibling has a considerable amount of money in the bank from a pension or lawsuit so he wrote a check for 5400.00 at the funeral parlor and complained that his mother screwd him. I told him that we siblings have agreed that he would get his money back when the estate settled.

I can only part with about 1000.00 so I contributed because he was so upset and because I wanted my mom to have a nice luncheon and flowers for her funeral.

Now he is saying that we are trying to take his home from him and that we should sign it over to him. He never paid rent or contributed anything remotely close to what his family of 3 grown daughters and their 2 babies plus large dog would have had to pay if they lived on their own ticket. He is telling his children that we are trying to steal their home. No one has done anything except tell him the the home is now the responsibility of the state and that they will dispose of it according to PA law.

Tomorrow is her church service and then she will be cremated. I ask for your prayers and good advice because I do not know how to handle this. My 2 siblings are poor and they could do a lot with the their share of inheritance that they are rightfully entitled to.
Also,I can not afford a lawyer and the house is not worth much but the money would greatly help my 2 poor siblings.

 

[His_helpmeet]

My mother passed away this week. She did not leave provisions for a burial or a will and now the responsibility to bury her has fallen on her 4 children. I prayed about why she did this and got an answer. I am at peace with this answer.

The complication of not specifying her wishes about how to pay for her expenses and how to divide her paid home are already causing hard feeling between the four siblings.
But many of those hard feeling were already in place.

There was a lot of abuse by a sibling using my mother, neglecting her care, destroying her house. On the day of her death she expressed to him that she thought that she was dying and he replied, Let’s hope so.

This sibling has a considerable amount of money in the bank from a pension or lawsuit so he wrote a check for 5400.00 at the funeral parlor and complained that his mother screwd him. I told him that we siblings have agreed that he would get his money back when the estate settled.

I can only part with about 1000.00 so I contributed because he was so upset and because I wanted my mom to have a nice luncheon and flowers for her funeral.

Now he is saying that we are trying to take his home from him and that we should sign it over to him. He never paid rent or contributed anything remotely close to what his family of 3 grown daughters and their 2 babies plus large dog would have had to pay if they lived on their own ticket. He is telling his children that we are trying to steal their home. No one has done anything except tell him the the home is now the responsibility of the state and that they will dispose of it according to PA law.

Tomorrow is her church service and then she will be cremated. I ask for your prayers and good advice because I do not know how to handle this. My 2 siblings are poor and they could do a lot with the their share of inheritance that they are rightfully entitled to.
Also,I can not afford a lawyer and the house is not worth much but the money would greatly help my 2 poor siblings.

I strongly, strongly recommend that you find some way of obtaining relatively inexpensive legal advice. Go online and google “Legal Aid”. Check out your area legal resources and find out if there is a way to get legal advice, cheap. If a person dies intestate (without a will) often there are very specific procedures that must be followed in terms of how the estate is divided.

This is an example of why it’s extremely important that EVERYONE who is of legal age, no matter what his/her life situation is, have a will.

 

[Xantippe]

I strongly, strongly recommend that you find some way of obtaining relatively inexpensive legal advice. Go online and google “Legal Aid”. Check out your area legal resources and find out if there is a way to get legal advice, cheap. If a person dies intestate (without a will) often there are very specific procedures that must be followed in terms of how the estate is divided.

This is an example of why it’s extremely important that EVERYONE who is of legal age, no matter what his/her life situation is, have a will.

Yes.

Don’t sign anything until you have competent legal advice.

Lots of sad ha has at the idea that the OP should sign “his” house over to the brother in residence. If it was his house, you wouldn’t need to sign, would you?

Everybody needs a will–especially people with children.

 

[CthgeDelendaEst]

I’m sorry for your loss. Based on the information given, I don’t believe there is any way to avoid this getting nasty unless you and your other siblings are ready to simply give him the house. You need to get together and make a decision.

God rest your mother’s soul, but this is her fault for not getting her affairs in order. Good luck.

 

[As_for_my_House]

I knew even before she died that this would cause so much trouble. When she died. I prayed and I was able to piece together conversations that I had with her about making a will. She has not been in the best of health for many years. From recalling those conversations. I would say that she did not want to give my brother her house upon her death but that she wanted her estate to be divided among all other children but if she made a will stating that and he found out about it, he would have abused her more. She was very afraid of him.
And yet she wanted to help him.

I am sorry that she was not strong enough to make a will but I think that is what happened.

She was a good mom. and I loved her so much

 

[lax16]

I knew even before she died that this would cause so much trouble. When she died. I prayed and I was able to piece together conversations that I had with her about making a will. She has not been in the best of health for many years. From recalling those conversations. I would say that she did not want to give my brother her house upon her death but that she wanted her estate to be divided among all other children but if she made a will stating that and he found out about it, he would have abused her more. She was very afraid of him.
And yet she wanted to help him.

I am sorry that she was not strong enough to make a will but I think that is what happened.

She was a good mom. and I loved her so much

I am so sorry about the passing of your mother.

I think you are right that she avoided making a will because she knew your brother would abuse her. She did the best she could under the circumstances. Something very similar happened in my husband’s family as well.

Get good legal advice and remember that you are dealing with someone who is not well.

You are a good son and brother.

 

[As_for_my_House]

I am so sorry about the passing of your mother.

I think you are right that she avoided making a will because she knew your brother would abuse her. She did the best she could under the circumstances. Something very similar happened in my husband’s family as well.

Get good legal advice and remember that you are dealing with someone who is not well.

You are a good son and brother.

Thank you for your post. I’m her daughter.

 

[lax16]

Thank you for your post. I’m her daughter.

Pardon me.

You are a very good daughter. And sister.

 

[Xantippe]

I knew even before she died that this would cause so much trouble. When she died. I prayed and I was able to piece together conversations that I had with her about making a will. She has not been in the best of health for many years. From recalling those conversations. I would say that she did not want to give my brother her house upon her death but that she wanted her estate to be divided among all other children but if she made a will stating that and he found out about it, he would have abused her more. She was very afraid of him.
And yet she wanted to help him.

I am sorry that she was not strong enough to make a will but I think that is what happened.

She was a good mom. and I loved her so much

Yes–she had every possibility of leaving it to him or giving it to him or giving him a life interest and she didn’t do it.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Thank you for your post. I’m her daughter.

Hi As for my House,

I’m so sorry for the passing of your beloved Mom. You have my deepest condolences. May she rest in peace.

I was also going to recommend Legal Aid. You can search for it in your area by county or by city.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this difficulty with your brother. I wish you all of the best. Prayers said for you. May God bless you and your family during this sad time.

 

[As_for_my_House]

Hi Everyone,

I have considered if there is anything I can do to make sure that justice is served.
I thought I had the courage to stand up to him but now I am afraid.

I woke up in fear this morning. I am aware that my brother hates me and his siblings and his father and the mother of his children. He hated his mother. I always feared that he would hurt her. He pushed her and knocked her down once and he allowed his daughter to hit her. He almost never leaves the house. The girls order him food and he stays in his room, plays video games and is isolated. He owns guns and talks about shooting people.
He hates me because I am not afraid of him. And he is looking for a reason to hate me more. It is hard to express the threatening behavior that he exhibits. He is consumed with hatred and hurt. It is self inflicted but he blames others. He uses the worst foul language in front of his grandbabies , tells his daughters that they are pieces of sh–. Then he turns around and gives them money for things. There are some serious issue with all of his children, 3 daughters. 2 of which became pregnant teens and hide their pregnancies because them knew he would make them have an abortion.
Is far a I know he doesn’t drink or drug but is either deeply depressed or in a rage. He will not seek help and will not help his daughters become independent.He raped my younger sister when she was 16 and he 20. He seems to have taken a liking to my niece who is 15 and confides in her his troubles. This scares me. He is very nice to her.

I am afraid that he will go psycho and kill people someday. And I am not his front target because, I told him that mom gave me no will and that the estate will get divided.
I really don’t think that I am being paranoid about this, I think it is a strong possibility.

I have to get ready for my mom funeral now. I’ll write later.

 

[mommy_k]

I am very sorry for your loss, and offer my sympathy to you.

It seems that there are two issues on the table here and you are fortunate to have your other siblings. You can all help each other.

The property will be divided by the law.

Your brothers reaction to this is another story. If he is this dangerous to himself and others, you can research this and see what can be done.

There are legal avenues for both situations. You have to see what his reaction is to the first before acting on the second. There are systems in place to protect yourself and siblings from him.

It seems he wants to bully and scare you into doing things his way. You have to ask yourself if this is worth the trouble he will cause, and if so start protecting yourself now, both with the house and your physical safety.

 

[Xantippe]

I would suggest working with a counselor to figure out how to keep yourself safe.

This is a minor point, but given the pattern of behavior you describe, even if you and your siblings signed the house over to him (which I do not recommend), it is almost certain that he would sooner or later lose it because of unpaid property taxes. So it’s just a matter of time.

 

[IrishAm]

If there is reasonable value in the home, this is a substantial estate that needs to be prorated. DO NOT GO TO LEGAL AID (who may be unwilling to work with you anyway since there are assets). Get yourself a private lawyer who has expertise and make payment arrangements. It will be much cheaper in the long run.

 

[As_for_my_House]

I would suggest working with a counselor to figure out how to keep yourself safe.

This is a minor point, but given the pattern of behavior you describe, even if you and your siblings signed the house over to him (which I do not recommend), it is almost certain that he would sooner or later lose it because of unpaid property taxes. So it’s just a matter of time.

When I awoke this morning afraid, I had two ideas, one was to get a gun myself for protection. (I hate the idea of this) and the second is was to get good counsel because this will probably get very bad, even if I do nothing.

I hate being afraid, but I am. I know that he needs someone to hate now that mom is gone and I had the audacity to engage him with mom’s request to give small inexpensive items to each grandchild. A coco pot, a cook book, a recipe file, 2 crucifixes, a bible, and a rosary that she specifically requested I give each grandchild and told them that they were to have these things. I didn’t take them. His daughters doled them out to me two days after her passing. When he found out he went ballistic. He cursed at me, told me he hated me, and threaten to call the police if I didn’t leave his house and said that I was trying to steal his home out from under him and that he never wanted to see me again . It was quite a rage and I apologized to him but he would not accept my apology. I tried to explain to him the the grandchildren were hurting and that i only wanted to comfort them.
But he told me he has already written me off a long time ago. He raged like this on my mother all the time and for any reason like if she ordered pizza, or threw out his junk mail, she couldn’t even talk on the phone long because he would get angry.

Why can’t family members get help before abuse and rage end up killing someone?

 

[As_for_my_House]

Pardon me.

You are a very good daughter. And sister.

:curtsey: thank you much

 

[Listener]

I hate to mention this, but if your mother was on any kind of state Medicaid because she couldn’t pay for her medical care or nursing home expenses, the state can demand that the house be sold to pay those expenses. This probably varies, of course, depending on the state you live in.

I do know that in the hierarchy of bills to be paid, funeral expenses are right at the top. I would recommend that you ask the people at church who they would hire for an estate lawyer. Perhaps he or she could be paid with the money from the sale of the house.

You should also search Google to find out the probate rules for your state.

 

[Magdalen2013]

Depending on the laws in Pennsylvania, because your mother had no will, the State Probate Court will decide who get’s what. As one previous poster noted, if your mother received any Medicaid benefits, the State can and will sell the house to get that money back.

While getting legal counsel is a good idea, your brother may be surprised to discover he isn’t the one who’ll be making decisions – and if he failed to have your mother put a survivorship deed on the house, it’s more likely the house will be sold and the profits would go to Medicaid, and any remaining funds would be divided between all the heirs.

 

[As_for_my_House]

Mom was on social security and had Medicare. How do I find out if she has medical bills. She diedin the ICU after a 21 hours of medical treatment for sepsis in her liver and spleen.

 

[Listener]

If she had Medicare instead of Medicaid, she will only owe the portion of her medical bills that Medicare doesn’t cover. If she had traditional Medicare, she might have some private insurance also. The best thing is to make an appointment with the hospital’s billing department. It can take at least a few months to get the bills.

The state never goes after people for bills paid by Medicare–it only does that for people on Medicaid. If she was paying her own living expenses, there will be nothing for the state to go after. If the state paid for any helpers or assisted living for her, it is possible that they will go after her estate to be reimbursed.