Mom died.

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Thank you all for all your replies. It helps me very much. I have a wedding this saturday. I am in the bridle party and very close with the groom. I still have’nt decided if I sshould go or not. It seems too soon after my mom died and being that I was prepared makes it worse. If I wasn’t in the bridel party i just would’nt go. I don’t konw what to do.
 
Thank you all for all your replies. It helps me very much. I have a wedding this saturday. I am in the bridle party and very close with the groom. I still have’nt decided if I sshould go or not. It seems too soon after my mom died and being that I was prepared makes it worse. If I wasn’t in the bridel party i just would’nt go. I don’t konw what to do.
I’m so sorry for your loss; my mom passed away a couple of years ago, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, or want to pick up the phone to call her. You were clearly a wonderful, loving son to your mom; be at peace.

With regard to the wedding, I 'm sure your mom would want you to go! We had a very similar situation about a week after my mom passed away. My daughter was to be a bridesmaid in her good friend’s wedding, and we were all invited. I knew that my mom would have been horrified if we stayed home, so we went. She is always in our hearts, but we knew - and she knew - how much we loved her; she would say “life goes on.”

God bless you.
 
Thank you all for all your replies. It helps me very much. I have a wedding this saturday. I am in the bridle party and very close with the groom. I still have’nt decided if I sshould go or not. It seems too soon after my mom died and being that I was prepared makes it worse. If I wasn’t in the bridel party i just would’nt go. I don’t konw what to do.
Believe me, they will understand, if you choose not to go to the wedding. Losing your mother so unexpectedly is a lot to deal with. My condolences on your loss. You need time to grieve.
 
So sorry for your loss.

Glory be to The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be
World without end

Amen
 
Patrick:

You are a wonderful son. You took care of your Mom and you were there for her. It is very sad because we put our trust and faith in the dr’s and when the loved one dies we then second guess ourselves. Why didn’t I do/say this—I should have done/said that. We place a terrible burden on ourselves. 😦 Ask me how I know this. 😦 😦

Your Mom is at peace and she wants you to be at peace too and to carry on. Prayers being said for you.
 
Dear Patrick,

I am so very sorry for your loss. The grief that comes from losing a parent is horrible and I imagine you might feel very alone right now. God loves you and God knows how you did all you could to take care of your Mom. Your Mom knows that too. You sound like such a wonderful and loving son.

I am sure your Mom is in heaven but I will pray for her in case she needed to make a quick stop in purgatory. And you will be in my daily prayers even when I am not able to post.

I know it might take time. But when you can, try praying for her doctors. Even if it is just one Hail Mary or Our Father in the beginning. Doctors are human and the tests they rely on sometimes do not provide the necessary clues to lead them to the correct diagnosis. I know it must hurt double because you might be wondering if her death could have been prevented. I think sometimes, our earthly bodies give out long before our soul is ready. I am so sorry you Mom suffered so must before she died.

I know there is nothing that can ease your pain right now. But I will be praying for you and I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Take as long as you need to grieve. Joining a bereavement support group might provide a safe place to talk about how you feel. I also recommend the book Arise from Darkness.

You will have my prayers as long as you need them.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
I still haven’t decided if I should go or not…
If your Mom were here, happy and healthy and young and standing right beside you… would she say that you should go to the wedding?
The answer to that question is the one you are looking for.

A year after I had almost died, I went to a funeral. I was just fine… or so I thought… until I saw the soul of the deceased man walking around right in the middle of his own funeral. He looked and acted just like anybody else in life, except for the fact that I could also see through him. Uh oh…that’s just not… normal.

He was checking out all the people who had come to his funeral with delight at seeing old friends. Although he was my father’s age when he died… he was now looking younger than I! He was listening to people talking and making comments to them as he mingled with the crowd, but everybody just looked through him and ignored him completely, apparently not seeing nor hearing him at all.
Maybe if I blinked it would all go away…
Maybe it was just something I ate?
It’s just not normal to see anyone who is dead unless you’re dying yourself…
but it didn’t go away… and he walked right by me. I didn’t know what to think.

He said something funny at someone else when he walked past me. I laughed at what he said, I just couldn’t help it.

He stopped and turned toward me waving his hands in front of my face. I startled just like I would at any other guy suddenly waving his hands in front of my face.
"You can see me!" He was shocked… and delighted… "it’s ok, don’t be frightened…"

He asked me to deliver a message from him to his wife not to worry, that everything was just fine… better than fine… that although he had died suddenly and unexpectedly, everything was just unbelievably wonderful, and he wanted her to know that.
I asked him why he didn’t tell her himself. He said that he had been trying to.

It was the truth. He had walked up to her, said things to her, touched her, but she had just sat there and cried like she couldn’t see or hear or feel him there at all. He had his arm around her all through the burial, but she didn’t acknowledge him in any way.
His joy in the Light was contagious; I couldn’t help but smile, but his attempts to communicate his joy to his wife had been absolutely heartbreaking to watch.

*“Please talk to my wife for me….please.” * I asked him why I could see him but she didn’t seem to. He said that love will see everything there is to see… but that fear totally blocks it. He said that I didn’t have fear and that I had one foot partially out of my body.
Not only was I talking to a dead guy, but he said it was visible from his side that I hadn’t made it all the way back down into my body after I had almost died. Terrific.

I don’t know how I managed to come up with the courage to talk to his wife for him. I told her exactly the words he told me to tell her. He had his arm around her when I talked to her, then hugged her, but then the strangest thing… She stopped crying, she turned, she got very still, she stared into space and she faced him and he smiled.
She felt that he was there. She knew. You could see it in her.
It was a beautiful thing to see. He was so very happy his message had gotten through.

A year after that, my own mother passed away… and showed up at her funeral just the same way. She had a hissy fit about the open coffin at her funeral: “*Whose idea was THAT? Your father’s?! Did I ever look that bad in life?” *
I answered her aloud that of course she hadn’t ever looked like that in life. I had answered her aloud without even thinking… right in front of my father. Oops.
My father, who had been crying all through her funeral, laughed so hard I thought he might pull a muscle or something.

They’re not any different when they’re dead than when they’re living, not at all, and even dead, Mom was still as concerned with wondering what people would think about how her dead body looked… in spite of the fact that she was standing there out of her body now looking much younger than I.

My mother ordered me to go talk to a woman at her funeral. I had never even seen her before. Appparently they had been friends long before I had ever been born and had lost touch with one another. I said to her everything exactly that Mom said to say.
The woman said “You know, it’s the strangest thing… you aren’t your mother and you don’t look like your mother, but I could swear that talking with you just now is just exactly like talking with your mother… It’s the eeriest thing. You’ll think I’m just a crazy old woman, *but it’s just like she’s here…”*Uh, yeah.

The dead are not any different than the living. Your mom is still your mom, and OK, well, she’s a whole lot younger and happier and healthier now…
So what would she say about your going to the wedding?

God and heaven and hell are not some kind of distant pipe dreams in some far off place.
God is here and now and ever present, and like Christ said, the kingdom of God is at hand.
 
I’m really sorry about what happened. I’massuming they’re now saying it was intestinal ischemia. Prior to go ing to an attorney, I would get her records - you need to know if she had blood in her stool - you mentioned it was loose - and it also sounds like she had trouble eventually getting comfortable at all and also wound up having a fear of eating because of the pain she knew would occur. Was her abdomen distended? If they let her go with a distended abdomen, I would bet that you might be able to get something done. I know that it won’t bring her back but it may keep it from happening to someone else. I’m no expert or Doctor, but I have seen this and I’m sorry your mom had to go through it. I have no doubt she’s in a better place-and out of pain, now.
God Bless
Rye
 
Thanks for all the replies. I just can’t believe she is really gone and never coming back. I don’t know how I will ever be the same.
 
Thanks for all the replies. I just can’t believe she is really gone and never coming back. I don’t know how I will ever be the same.
But God didn’t put you on this earth to be the same…
God put you on this earth to grow.

Life is actually very short… pick up your kids and dance with them while you can because in a blink of an eye you’ll not be able to lift them any longer…
fly kites with them while the wind is out…
collect rocks and plant flowers and play on the swings with them while it’s warm…
take them out to the park with the lake when it’s hot…
gather the leaves and make leaf rubbings with them come fall…
teach them a musical instrument!
and dance…and sing… and laugh… and love…
and live!

Thanks Mom for all the work and all the love…
Thanks Mom for a lifetime!
I know it’s your time to go run and dance and play and climb trees and skate and laugh and be young and beautiful again, Mom… you have oh so earned it!
You have oh so earned it.
And it’s my time to teach the kids how to run and dance and play and climb trees and skate and laugh…
and I can do that…
because you taught me HOW to do that Mom, and I’ll always be grateful…
and you always were… beautiful.

You feel like you’re the only one left standing on the dark stage in the empty theatre?
Oh no…your stage isn’t dark and it’s full of people sharing and waiting to share it with you…
and if you squint your eyes and look past the blinding stagelights…
you’ll see your mother and father out in the audience.
I’m kidding, I’m speaking figuratively, right?
Not exactly.
Your parents are in the presence of God… but you are too if you’ve eyes to see it.
Make your moments here on stage good ones…
you’ve a good audience out there cheering you on.
 
Thanks for all the replies. I just can’t believe she is really gone and never coming back. I don’t know how I will ever be the same.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers. After a loss as profound as the one you have experienced, you will never be the same. Pain that searing changes us. It makes us feel more and down the road we can channel that pain into empathy for others. Your Mom is with God now and the only thing better than being here on earth with you, her son, is being in heaven with God. She can hear your prayers. And you will be united in heaven. I know that is spiritually comforting but it doesn`t help ease the pain or loss.

I recommend spending some time in Eucharistic Adoration if you have the opportunity with God. Just spending quiet time in prayer, while having that physical link to God in the Eucharist, has helped me in times of darkness. Same thing with praying the rosary–even when my mind is too filled with grief to find the words, I know God hears the prayers in my heart.

I will continue to pray for you and your family. You have your CAF family here praying for you. So even when you feel totally alone, know we are praying for you.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
Patrick:

My heart just breaks for you—no, things will never be the same without your Mom but they become bearable with time. That was very hard for me to get over because if I heard a funny joke or saw a great movie I still thought, Oh I need to tell Mom, and would reach for the phone. It took a long time to wrap my brain around the fact that she was not here anymore.

It is hard. Please remember you are not forgotten and that prayers are still being said for you.
 
Patrick:
That was very hard for me to get over because if I heard a funny joke or saw a great movie I still thought, Oh I need to tell Mom, and would reach for the phone.
Ok, so you can’t reach for the phone anymore… but what’s a phone connection other than a bill to pay?
Heart connections, unlike phone connections, are real beyond life and death. Heart connections are rather like phone lines between souls, so simply say a prayer for your mother and reach through your heart connection and talk to her and bless her and share your joy as always, why not? Heart connections are real.. They are beyond time and space and they are beyond death. Get close enough to death and you’ll see them for yourself.
 
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