Mom doesn't approve, devestated

[JReyMomof3]

Hi,
I am a catholic mom of three (so far haha) and my oldest is 5, then i have a 3 and a 1 year old. We are hoping for more as God sends them our way, i would love to have a big huge family!

Anyway, my mom taught at a catholic school where me and my siblings went. She taught there for 21 years and retired last year. She still subs there and does some other stuff too. I know in the past when the topic has come up she has said she does not think homeschooling is a good idea and that the kids who came to Sacred Heart from homeschooling usually did poorly. I know that is her view.

My husband and me have decided to homeschool for the upcoming school year our daughter will be in kindergarden. We are going to do a mix of our own curriculum and some Seton materials. I am very committed to this because our public schools are not ideal and we don’t want to pay $500 a month for catholic schools. I am super, duper excited and am busy turning our spare bedroom into a classroom.

I told my mom last week that this was what we decided for this school year and she said, “You know how I feel about homeschool, but I hope it works out. I will pray that it does.” I was devastated because I really want her support and approval. I then said to her that she is so critical and she needs to give me a chance. She said “I am a professional educator and in my experience I don’t see that homeschooled kids have as good an outcome as schooled kids, but they are your children and you get to decide. I do hope for the very best.” She would not budge on her opinion. She is very opinionated.

So I called her last night and I said “Mom I need you to understand why we are choosing this… I want to educate my kids and be in control of what they learn, there are bad things in public schools and I am really excited and I wish you were too.” She said that she is glad I am excited but still does not agree with homeschooling. She said that if I want to hear her reasons, I can come over for coffee next week and we can talk about it. But she said she did not want to argue. Ugh.

How do I get my mom to support me and be a cheerleader for this. I am so hurt and upset.

 

[PaulinVA]

How do I get my mom to support me and be a cheerleader for this. I am so hurt and upset.

How do you get your mother, a professional educator, to admit that professional educators are not needed? That’s an uphill battle, for sure.

 

[Maine52]

Well, honestly, your mom is doing the right thing. Although she does not agree with your choice, she has allowed you to make your own decision without interfering. She is entitled to her opinion, as you are entitled to yours. From what you’ve written, it seems she stated her opinion with eloquence and wished you well with your decision. It is you that keeps resurfacing the argument. May I ask why her approval in the matter is so vital to you? Why can’t you just agree to disagree and go on with your plans, which she has allowed you to do?

 

[KathyA]

I’m not a professional educator OR a homeschooler, but I am a mom and I think that you are expecting far too much. She has obviously expressed her opinion on this before. She showed support for YOU and your choice as a family and said that she will pray for you and hopes it works out. I’d say that is pretty positive really. She didn’t launch into her arguments against homeschooling or try to talk you out of it. It sounds like you expect her to pitch in and help you or ??? How do you want her to respond?

Kathy

 

[JReyMomof3]

Well I don’t know, I guess I just wanted her to be like offering to come over and help me set up the class, offering to help with teaching sometimes. I want her to be so excited. She is not excited but yes she is wishing me the best.

I want her to see that I do a good job and change her opinion of homeschooling. I know that i haven’t even started yet, so that is not going to happen right now. I don’t know, I think I just want her to be as supportive as possible. I feel like this is an issue I won’t be able to call her and talk about a lot.

And if we have any problems, which i don’t think will happen, but if we do she will be smug about it and say I told you so. I guess I thought when it was me doing it she will have more faith?

 

[mommamaree]

I am a homeschooling mom, and my decision to homeschool is called into question all the time.

It is okay that you and your mom have a different opinion. You do not need her permission, but I do understand that it hurts to know she does not approve. Although I suspect that her opinion might change over the years as she sees that her grandchildren are thriving from homeschooling.

Good luck with homeschooling. Although it is hard work, it can also be lots of fun!

 

[Maine52]

Well I don’t know, I guess I just wanted her to be like offering to come over and help me set up the class, offering to help with teaching sometimes. I want her to be so excited. She is not excited but yes she is wishing me the best.

I want her to see that I do a good job and change her opinion of homeschooling. I know that i haven’t even started yet, so that is not going to happen right now. I don’t know, I think I just want her to be as supportive as possible. I feel like this is an issue I won’t be able to call her and talk about a lot.

And if we have any problems, which i don’t think will happen, but if we do she will be smug about it and say I told you so. I guess I thought when it was me doing it she will have more faith?

I’m still not sure what else to tell you. You and your mom won’t agree on everything. As far as her being smug if something goes wrong, don’t worry about that until it happens… IF it happens.

 

[robertkchacon]

The only problem I have with homeschooling is that it takes the most dedicated families out of the Catholic or public school family. The Catholic schools need the influence of faithful home schooling families, and the public schools need you homeschooling parents even m ore. Perhaps, that is one issue your mother has, and perhaps you could consider a way that you could cooperate with the local Catholic school to contribute, and play a role there.

 

[Musician]

Professional music educator here. My daughter also wants to homeschool and I disapprove of this for several different reasons. She’s into “unschooling” and I think it’s ridiculous. She’s very disorganized and I have serious doubts about her daughters getting the education they both need and deserve.
But while I disapprove of this method, that doesn’t mean I don’t wish her the best and pray for her. It’s not a dealbreaker in our relationship, certainly. She has also mentioned to me that I could help teach the children. All I can say is I’ve had my fill of teaching!

 

[Cat]

The way to win over your mother is to do a good job and produce well-educated, well-rounded, well-socialized children in your home school.

It doesn’t matter what the “statistics” say about home schools (and the statistics are impressive, BTW). What matters is how your children do with it.

At this point, the pressure is all on you and your husband! Go for it!

 

[Stilldreamn]

The way to win over your mother is to do a good job and produce well-educated, well-rounded, well-socialized children in your home school.

It doesn’t matter what the “statistics” say about home schools (and the statistics are impressive, BTW). What matters is how your children do with it.

At this point, the pressure is all on you and your husband! Go for it!

This is so true. Unfortunately by the time some people come around to being won over, your kids have moved on to college! Homeschooling has not been an impediment to our kids going to college, although for the sake of financial concerns they have gone to their first two years at community college then on to a state university. Our twins are still doing high-school work. We have a lot of homeschoolers in our parish - and Cat, some of them “do music” like your family “does skating” so that’s the only schooling that made sense with their schedules.

One of our daughters is homeschooling as well; she is a credentialed teacher. She loves teaching, especially her own sons.

 

[Cider]

You need to learn to let go of your moms approval of your parenting decisions. This is something we all have to learn as parents. My mom didn’t approve of our homeschooling either. These are your kids. Your mom raised her kids and now it’s your turn.

 

[Dorothy]

Pray for help from the Lord and His Mother. Focus on doing your best. I know many families who home-schooled and it all turned out well.

I noticed that they had gatherings and pot lucks at their parish as well, and games for the children.

 

[dixieagle]

Well I don’t know, I guess I just wanted her to be like offering to come over and help me set up the class, offering to help with teaching sometimes. I want her to be so excited. She is not excited but yes she is wishing me the best.

I want her to see that I do a good job and change her opinion of homeschooling. I know that i haven’t even started yet, so that is not going to happen right now. I don’t know, I think I just want her to be as supportive as possible. I feel like this is an issue I won’t be able to call her and talk about a lot.

And if we have any problems, which i don’t think will happen, but if we do she will be smug about it and say I told you so. I guess I thought when it was me doing it she will have more faith?

Your mother was a longtime professional educator in a Catholic school setting; clearly her preference would be for your child to be educated in that manner, but she has offered you her best wishes. She has stated that it’s your child, and your decision. You can’t force her to change her mind, nor should it matter quite so much.

 

[Cider]

Well I don’t know, I guess I just wanted her to be like offering to come over and help me set up the class, offering to help with teaching sometimes. I want her to be so excited. She is not excited but yes she is wishing me the best.

I want her to see that I do a good job and change her opinion of homeschooling. I know that i haven’t even started yet, so that is not going to happen right now. I don’t know, I think I just want her to be as supportive as possible. I feel like this is an issue I won’t be able to call her and talk about a lot.

And if we have any problems, which i don’t think will happen, but if we do she will be smug about it and say I told you so. I guess I thought when it was me doing it she will have more faith?

You probably won’t be able to call her and talk to her about your homeschooling decisions. If you feel you need a sounding board or someone to be excited with you, get involved with a homeschool group and make friends with other homeschooling parents. They are a better resource for you than someone with no experience homeschooling anyway. Your mom may never approve. Or she might change her mind when your kids are older.

 

[Cider]

The only problem I have with homeschooling is that it takes the most dedicated families out of the Catholic or public school family. The Catholic schools need the influence of faithful home schooling families, and the public schools need you homeschooling parents even m ore. Perhaps, that is one issue your mother has, and perhaps you could consider a way that you could cooperate with the local Catholic school to contribute, and play a role there.

Why should we sacrifice our kids? I’ve heard your argument for at least 20 years that we owe it to other peoples kids to stay in the system. My first priority and obligation is to make the best decision for my own kids and family.

 

[pianistclare]

I worked in the Catholic School system…have since been paroled…LOL

But…I will say this: The homeschool kids we had fared much better in school academically than the students who had been in Catholic school or Public school. Socially, they didn’t do so well. They were accustomed to a lot of quiet…the school bells freaked them out. Some never got accustomed to just speaking whenever they wanted to. There were few things that were off limits to them at home, but there were far more rules at school.
Academically though? No comparison. they were on average a grade or two ahead.

I would ask your mother to co-teach with you. She seems to consider herself an expert…invite her to teach half the subjects! Join home=schooling groups…take field trips, do a lot of hands-on projects with them. Seek out a mom that has a science lab set-up in her home in later years. They are out there. There are home-schooling coops where you can avail yourselves of great teachers and resources. Not all homeschooler parents are “just parents”. Many are educators by trade. Read up on (Catholic educator) Maria Montessori and take a page from her style of teaching.
And let mom examine the curriculum. Seton is no piece of cake. It’s very rigorous.
Good luck to you.
pianist

 

[DAML72]

So I called her last night and I said “Mom I need you to understand why we are choosing this… I want to educate my kids and be in control of what they learn, there are bad things in public schools and I am really excited and I wish you were too.” She said that she is glad I am excited but still does not agree with homeschooling. She said that if I want to hear her reasons, I can come over for coffee next week and we can talk about it. But she said she did not want to argue. Ugh.

How do I get my mom to support me and be a cheerleader for this. I am so hurt and upset.

I think that you need to let go of your need for your mother’s approval. If you and your husband are confident in your decision, then that’s what you need to do. But your mother is entitled to her opinion. You can’t force her to accept your position on the matter.

 

[ServusHumilis]

Don’t worry… I wouldn’t want my kids brought up in the nominally Catholic school system either. Why not see if your mom, the profesional, wants to do the homeschooling herself?

 

[pianistclare]

Don’t worry… I wouldn’t want my kids brought up in the nominally Catholic school system either. Why not see if your mom, the proffesional, wants to do the homeschooling herself?