Mom In Adulterous Relationship

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There is no sin in having a normal relationship with another sinner. What is the objective in treating the grandmother this way? Her sin is not against the children nor does being aware of grandma’s sin interfere with our ability to explain the faith to our children. If it is to influence the grandmother’s behavior, than that is engaging in emotional abuse. Sin rests in the heart and is externalized in acts. Thus mere conformity of behavior is superficial.

The wrong she is doing is rooted in her lack of faith in the Church. If her son treats her this way, that lack of faith with increase, and he will cause scandal to his children by teaching them that such self righteous behavior is appropriate.
jcrichton said:
Did you not read where St. Paul contests that we should not multiply sin with the pretense that we are seeking to make God’s Grace even more abundant?

Maran atha!

Angel
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It’s also a matter of education coherence and the exemple you teach to your own children.

Not only the way you treat this person…

And there is no obligation at all for a parent to sent their child to their grandparent’s house, or less to let them alone for holidays…
 
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This is the kind of thing that can break families apart. Parents keep kids from their grandparents. Kids grow up with a significant resentment towards the parents for keeping them from their grandparents. Relationship between kids and parents is permanently damaged. And finally, kid associated parents’ decision to isolate them from grandparents with Catholic Church and Catholic teaching (even though it isn’t). Kid decides the Catholic Church isn’t for them, as an adult, and moves on to other things. Truthfully, the discussion I am reading here is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Love your family, all of them, and encourage the same from them.
 
What do you suggest?

How do you deal with a member living in serious sin and rejection of the faith.

It’s easy to say, “love your family, all of them…”

But what about when love requires suffering? How do we suffer against sin infiltrating into the family?
 
I only saw my grandparents a few times in my life and nothing bad has happened.
 
QwertyGirl - - I don’t think many on here are saying “dump Grandma completely”. The suggestion is just control the environment. They can still see grandma at their home, the zoo, the mall, parks, etc.
Who knows - - maybe this is the first of grandma’s boyfriends. It could be too painful if they get to know “Grandpa Derek” and then he’s gone, etc.
Don’t people follow a rule wherein they don’t introduce love interests to the family too early?
 
There is nothing wrong with mentioning to the kids that you don’t agree with grandma’s arrangement, and why (taking age-appropriateness into consideration, of course). But in my opinion, that should be the beginning and the end of it. Truth be told, there may be a whole lot of stuff going on at grandma’s that the rest of the family isn’t too jazzed about. At the end of the day, were I to be in that situation as the parent of the kid, I would want the lesson my kids learned to be that we love people regardless of the choices they make. Now if grandma is an evil person, that is a whole different ballgame. I don’t hear anything evil about Grandma, though. My advice stands: Love and accept your family. Warts and all, they are the biggest gift you may ever receive in life.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
There is nothing wrong with mentioning to the kids that you don’t agree with grandma’s arrangement, and why (taking age-appropriateness into consideration, of course). But in my opinion, that should be the beginning and the end of it. Truth be told, there may be a whole lot of stuff going on at grandma’s that the rest of the family isn’t too jazzed about. At the end of the day, were I to be in that situation as the parent of the kid, I would want the lesson my kids learned to be that we love people regardless of the choices they make. Now if grandma is an evil person, that is a whole different ballgame. I don’t hear anything evil about Grandma, though. My advice stands: Love and accept your family. Warts and all, they are the biggest gift you may ever receive in life.
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I think most folks on here would say that their gift of salvation is the biggest and best gift they may ever receive - - for eternal life.
 
vz71 said:
You don’t think the scandal created is a sin against the children?
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2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil.

What sin are the children being led to?
 
What scandal are they being led to? Oh, I don’t know, acceptance of adultery, for one…
 
Loud-living-dogma said:
What scandal are they being led to? Oh, I don’t know, acceptance of adultery, for one…
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What do you mean by “acceptance”? That’s a very vague term. It can mean “I don’t see it as wrong” or it can mean being at peace with the fact that you don’t have control over another person’s sins. We should acknowledge people’s sins. But we need to recognize what our moral duties are and what are the moral duties of others are. When the boundaries between my or your responsibility are broken, you end up with imbalanced abusive relationships. In fact, it is in taking responsibility for things that are not your responsibility that people actually enable other’s sins (thus participating it) and give scandal (leading others to sin).

So it’s just the opposite. If he ostrocizes his mother for her sins, than he is causing scandal both to his children and to his mother. He is far more likely to have a positive influence in her life to restore her faith by walking with her and showing her that the faith is not about abuse and control. It is indeed about love. And he can show her how the faith leads him to a higher standard of love. It is indeed THAT high standard which calls us to recognize that her situation can be called adultery.
 
What can I say? I disagree with your interpretation of the situation. I believe you have a flawed understanding of the morality of it. 🤷‍♀️
Chacun a son gout! I guess. Not sure that that is Catholic teaching. 🤣
 
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This is practically the reverse of the dilemma that faced many parents of a generation or two ago, when a son or daughter went off to shack up with a live-in lover without benefit of marriage. There was always a question of whether or not to take the younger siblings to visit their shacking up sibling, for fear of giving bad example.

But after the sexual revolution, so many kids were just shacking up that many parents just threw up their hands in frustration. Now, it seems, what goes around comes around, even if it takes a generation or two. So the attitude now is apparently, if Grandma wants to shack up with a live in lover, who are we to judge? After several generations of non-judgmentalism, anything goes.
 
How did Jesus treat the woman caught in adultery. Think about that, someone drug this woman from the bed committing the act! They were going to stone her, and Jesus calmly wrote in the dust (many think he wrote the sins of the accusers) then Jesus did NOT condemn the woman. He said “go and sin no more”.

Maybe we should be like, Jesus instead of like the mob of accusers.
 
“Yes. – keep sleeping with him. Whatever! It’s cool! Sure – it’s nothing to be ashamed of!”
Pretty sure that’s what Our Lord said. Not.
 
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Of course we can forgive Grandma, continue to love her, and advise her to go and sin no more. But whether she takes this last bit of advice is up to her.
 
Catholicwife32 said:
What do you mean by “acceptance”? That’s a very vague term. It can mean “I don’t see it as wrong” or it can mean being at peace with the fact that you don’t have control over another person’s sins. We should acknowledge people’s sins. But we need to recognize what our moral duties are and what are the moral duties of others are.
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Of course, that is the mature way to deal with it. As an adult we should all separate the sin from the person and continue to love the person while rejecting the sin.

But.
Children are not adults. There is an obligation to provide the best moral example to those who are learning from us.

If the grandmother cannot or will not live up to that responsibility, the parent must stand up and limit this exposure to sin.

Children learn from their family.
When my first was born, my father took me aside for what he called his last lesson as adult to child.
He said be careful what you say or do…for young eyes are watching and learning.
 
Did Jesus visit and hang out with sinners, after admonishing them and yet they continued to practice the sin?

Lines should be drawn. Not, carry on as if nothing is wrong! Jesus went to homes He was invited. But He did not have a home Himself! And He did not stay with those did not repent. This is a fearful truth!

Jesus made an impact on some. He convicted and converted them. And following Him during His ministry would have been so magnificent.
 
vz71 said:
If the grandmother cannot or will not live up to that responsibility, the parent must stand up and limit this exposure to sin.
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Bingo!

Lines must be drawn.

And the Holy Spirit will reveal constructive ways to do so. Ways the children will respect, when they are older.
 
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