Mom Issues

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grace68

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I don’t know if this is in the right place, but I need to vent about this.

Yesterday I went over to my mom’s for supper. My brother’s girlfriend called while I was there to let my mom know she thought her and my brother’s ac was broken, so my dad went over to check on it. When my dad got back he was saying that maybe they can could come stay with my husband and I. They live next door to us. My response was that they could come over, but they would have to sleep in seperate beds. Well my mom did not like me saying that. She told me she wouldn’t say that in front of other people if she was me. She of course let me know that at one time I lived with my husband. Me and my husband were married civially, but blessed our marriage four years ago this May. I told her that yes what I did was wrong, but I have gone to confession and I am sorry for what I did. I said that I do not need to condone what other people do because I at one time did it myself. I didn’t understand why she got so offended. I told her this is my house, and I have a right to say what goes in my own home. Did I say that right thing? Could I maybe have done things differently?

The thing is I am a very scrupulous person, so this is of course bothering me. My sister was there when it happened, so she called me when I got home. She understands my position and feels that it is my house and I have a right to say what I believe. She told my sister after I left that I probably bless where they live with Holy Water because they live in sin or something along those lines. I am really glad I left before she said that. This isn’t the first time my mom has made me feel like a hypocrit. I love my mom, and I don’t want to be mad, but it really hurts my feelings. I wasn’t judging my brother, I was just standing up for what I believe in.

I guess I just really needed to vent. Do you think I was wrong for what I did? I just don’t feel that I should appologize for saying what I believe.

Kerri
 
I completely agree and support you in what you said. When we have children, we have to be really careful about what we allow in our homes. I’m sorry you will have some tension in the family as a result, but it was necessary.
 
Lerin said:
I completely agree and support you in what you said. When we have children, we have to be really careful about what we allow in our homes. I’m sorry you will have some tension in the family as a result, but it was necessary.
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Thanks! I appreciate that!
 
Good for you! Following Christ is not easy. After all, before we can follow Him, He tells us to take up our Cross. Your home, your family are a mini Church and you should guard its integrity. I sympathize with your “scruples,” though. You feel bad because you upset your mom, but she is the one judging you and her judgment is wrong. When my husband and I had to choose Godparents for our son, my sister and mom made me feel like I was stabbing them in their hearts by not asking my sister to be Godmother even though she’s not a practicing Catholic! Yes, following Our Lord is not easy most of the time. Remember, though, only He knows your heart and He is the One we all have to answer to for our actions/inactions.

You did the right thing. Be at peace.
 
I agree with you! It is your house, and it seems that you have two young children… your brother and his girlfriend need to be role models… especially at your house! Maybe talk to your brother alone about all of this? Without Mom interfereing?
 
I couldn’t imagine allowing an unmarried couple to sleep together in my house. And yes, I did it too. For almost two years, then I was married civilly, then 11 years till our Convalidation.

It is back to that old, do as I say, no as I do. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. That doesn’t mean that I have to allow others to make the same mistakes and do it in my house.

How would I explain it to my son?

You are right to put your foot down.👍
 
I applaud you for this. You definitely did the right thing. Do not ever compromise your moral values. You would be the poorer for it. What you did speaks loudly and clearly as to your belief in the teachings of the Church and your contrition for your past mistakes. Because you made a mistake, does not mean you have to condone others. If others condemn you for this, bear the cross and pray for them. You will remain in my prayers.
 
You can’t let past sins keep you from doing what is right now. We have all done things in the past that we wouldn’t do now, and we can’t condone the same behavior in others. If someone used to be a drug addict, that doesn’t mean that they should let someone do drugs in their home now, just because it seems hypocritical to someone else. Just the opposite. You don’t excuse the wrong decisions that you made in the past, why should you excuse the wrong decision others are doing now? You did the right thing. Living a faithful life can offend some; we need to consider that a blessing and a confirmation that we are doing what we are supposed to.

Being pompous or self-righteous would be wrong, but you haven’t done that. If they want to sleep together, they can easily find somewhere else to do it.

You’re being a good example to others who need to see it.

Good job!
 
xxxBlackDogxxx said:
You can’t let past sins keep you from doing what is right now. We have all done things in the past that we wouldn’t do now, and we can’t condone the same behavior in others. If someone used to be a drug addict, that doesn’t mean that they should let someone do drugs in their home now, just because it seems hypocritical to someone else. Just the opposite.

You’re being a good example to others who need to see it.
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Think of the story of the *Prodigal Son *or the Woman Caught in Adultery. They were forgiven, no matter how many sins they committed in the past. All that was important was what they did going forward. The father welcomed his son back without conditions or making him feel guilty about what he had done and Jesus didn’t tell the woman that she had put a scarlet A on her forehead. He told her that he did not condem her and to sin no more.

You did the right thing. It’s your home, your Domestic Church. You allow what happens there based on your faith and convictions. Don’t feel bad about taking a stand.
 
I just want to thank everyone for their comments. It really makes me feel alot better. I know in the past I have not always been the best at standing up for my faith, and it was usually because I was afraid of comments like that. I just hope to be able to continue to stand up for my faith in the future. So keep praying for me.

My mom came over last night to bring the kids a movie she bought them and some clothes. So I am hoping she realized that what I said was not to offend her, and just me standing for what I believe in.

Kerri:)
 
Maybe she’s a little embarrassed that they are living together and took your remark as a personal insult.

I have a brother who is living with his girlfriend and their daughter out of wedlock and my mom rarely talks about them to extended family. She’s even told me that she’s embarrassed.
 
Lerin said:
I completely agree and support you in what you said. When we have children, we have to be really careful about what we allow in our homes. I’m sorry you will have some tension in the family as a result, but it was necessary.
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Ditto. If you said your brother could not smoke in your home and your Mama brought up that you used to smoke, so you should not say anything about his present smoking, how would you answer that?
 
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