Mom wants to be euthanized if it comes to that

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BadTurkey

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I’m home for the holidays, and just the other day, my mom mentioned in the car that she wants to be euthanized if it comes to that. I was really surprised, and made it quite clear that I would never sign off on it, if she became incapacitated. Then she said that she would put it in her will. She thinks that if she’s in a lot of pain due to illness, then it would be better to end the suffering via euthanasia. My mom is fairly healthy right now, save high blood pressure, but her statement really disturbed me. She isn’t Catholic, but I certainly wouldn’t want my mom to be doomed to certain Hell if she did that! Is there anything I can do to talk her out of it?
 
Love her, treasure her, let her see her value - help her to see the value in the disabled and in the helpless (volunteer work is a great way to do this).
 
I know it’s small comfort but her will only gets executed after she dies. She can put that in her will if she wants, but it won’t matter.
 
There are durable power of attorneys and so-called “living wills” that some states recognize, allowing a person to be medically executed for the crime of being ill.

This is NOT the same thing as a zero-code or DNR (do not resuscitate) order. A person does have the right to refuse extraordinary treatment when death is inevitable.

Point out to your mother that she’s asking you to commit the sin and crime of matricide.
 
BadTurkey said:
She thinks that if she’s in a lot of pain due to illness, then it would be better to end the suffering via euthanasia.
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This is the crux of her concern. The solution is not euthanasia, but pain management. There are specialists in this area, and they should be called in to treat the patient so that he/she is as comfortable as possible until death occurs. Promise your mother that you will see to it that she receives competent pain management.

It wouldn’t hurt to mention also that Catholics receive the Anointing of the Sick to help them with their physical and spiritual healing and strength in times of chronic or serious illness. Maybe she would be interesting in learning more about Catholicism at this time.
 
Because euthanasia is illegal (in most places), it is most likely an unenforceable provision legally.
 
Norseman82 said:
Because euthanasia is illegal (in most places), it is most likely an unenforceable provision legally.
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Does this mean I don’t really have anything to worry about, since it’s illegal and moot to begin with?
 
I have a living will, with the stipulation that I want to be euthanized if I’m terminally ill (got to love my home state of Oregon). As for my cosmetic surgery on January 15th, I have a DNR, and for them not to do anything other than perform the surgery. For example, if I lose a lot of blood, I don’t want a transfusion, even if it means I die. If I go, I go. I’m at peace with that. I don’t want to be like my mom, who was hooked up to machines, while I selfishly had them do EVERYTHING to save her. It didn’t work, and she died anyway.
Edit: I’m going to Oregon for the surgery.
 
CountrySinger said:
I have a living will, with the stipulation that I want to be euthanized if I’m terminally ill (got to love my home state of Oregon). As for my cosmetic surgery on January 15th, I have a DNR, and for them not to do anything other than perform the surgery. For example, if I lose a lot of blood, I don’t want a transfusion, even if it means I die. If I go, I go. I’m at peace with that. I don’t want to be like my mom, who was hooked up to machines, while I selfishly had them do EVERYTHING to save her. It didn’t work, and she died anyway.
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I understand that this is a difficult situation, but you do know that this is against the Church’s teachings, right?
 
BadTurkey said:
I understand that this is a difficult situation, but you do know that this is against the Church’s teachings, right?
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I know that. I’m all for saving other people, but I don’t care about myself. I don’t have a husband or kids, it might be different if I did.
 
CountrySinger said:
I know that. I’m all for saving other people, but I don’t care about myself. I don’t have a husband or kids, it might be different if I did.
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So, if you die in a state of mortal sin, you understand the consequences?
 
BadTurkey said:
Does this mean I don’t really have anything to worry about, since it’s illegal and moot to begin with?
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Well, I wouldn’t say to not worry about it, since there may be people who would be willing to break the law to assist in suicide (think of Dr. Jack Kevorkian in Michigan), but it will not be an easy task and at least you will not be legally required to participate.
 
I’ve always felt there is a difference between extending a life and prolonging a death. I really have no issue with someone who is terminally ill choosing to go out on their own terms. This issue goes back to my argument that there comes a time when life loses its value.
 
CountrySinger said:
I have a living will, with the stipulation that I want to be euthanized if I’m terminally ill (got to love my home state of Oregon). As for my cosmetic surgery on January 15th, I have a DNR, and for them not to do anything other than perform the surgery. For example, if I lose a lot of blood, I don’t want a transfusion, even if it means I die. If I go, I go. I’m at peace with that. I don’t want to be like my mom, who was hooked up to machines, while I selfishly had them do EVERYTHING to save her. It didn’t work, and she died anyway.
Edit: I’m going to Oregon for the surgery.
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I don’t know the circumstances when you’re mom died but I think you did the best you could. If her hospitalization was sudden you had a lot of decisions to make when you were losing someone important. You may have not known your mom’s wishes or not known what the church’s teachings are (what has to be done and what doesn’t) and how to follow through with them.Knowing doesn’t make anything easy but it can offer reassurance when things are difficult.

Perhaps that time hooked up to machines gave her time to make peace with God or lessened her purgatory time. Even if she was unconscious or unresponsive you don’t know how God was working on her.

Oregon is a beautiful state and has wonderful people. It’s laws concerning life seem incongruent somehow.
 
This issue goes back to my argument that there comes a time when life loses its value.
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if you were to argue this with God, you’d lose.

all life has value. all of the time. why? because it’s from HIM.

*And he saith unto them, Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life, or to kill? * mark 3:4

good is equated with saving life. evil with killing.

'life" occurs 450 times in the King James Bible (the bible with which, I suspect, you’re most familiar.) every verse indicates life is good. life is valuable.
 
magic stik-- not nearly as critical, but related:

a few decades ago, my grandmother led a local campaign for the township to allow humans to be buried at the pet cemetery. she and her compatriots won the campaign. she bought a plot and expects to be buried by her dogs in the pet cemetery.

she asks my mom, “are you sure you’ll bury me next to my dogs?”

after years of appealing to grandma’s (very dimished) religious sensibilities, then years of heated debate, my mom now says, “yes.”

my mom is lying. secretly she says, “I will bury my mother next to dogs? over her dead body and over mine.”

my mom’s lying is wrong. but if mom provokes her mother, grandma may transfer power to a family member who will bury her with dogs (CCC 2300 The bodies of the dead must be treated with respect and charity, in faith and hope of the Resurrection. The burial of the dead is a corporal work of mercy; it honors the children of God, who are temples of the Holy Spirit.)

i’m usually a straight shooter, folks. but my grandmother is 92. my mom feels like grandma’s got her over a barrel.
 
CountrySinger said:
As for my cosmetic surgery on January 15th, I have a DNR, and for them not to do anything other than perform the surgery. For example, if I lose a lot of blood, I don’t want a transfusion, even if it means I die.
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If your surgeon has any ethics whatsoever, he (she) will certainly ignore this request (and should refuse to perform the surgery altogether, because you are in no emotional state to have this surgery done.)

Any surgeon who deliberately let you die on the operating table would certainly go to jail, even in Oregon (legalized euthaniza is for people with TERMINAL illnesses.)

If the surgeon does agree to your request, you should find another one, because you would then have reason to doubt his ethics, competence, and ability to make good decisions…
 
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