Mom wants to date after a divorce

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SheaWilson

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I am confused… I am to believe that dating somebody after a divorce is adultery. Am I right?
 
If she is courting…then no…as long as she is chaste she can date.

If she wants to marry this person…she needs an annulment otherwise, it is considered adultery
 
I’d avoid any information about this that you receive in this forum. Avoid gossiping about her on an online forum.

Have her talk to her priest about it. And maybe you could talk to him too?
 
Splagchnizomai said:
I’d avoid any information about this that you receive in this forum. Avoid gossiping about her on an online forum.

Have her talk to her priest about it. And maybe you could talk to him too?
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Not that this is not good advice, but I’m not sure how an anonymous post, revealing nothing identifiable about any specific person, which also does not seek to speak any untruth about a person, would be considered gossip.

Moreover, I think you underestimate the benefits that can be obtained by speaking with faithful Catholics about matters regarding faith and morals. Hopefully the OP realizes that what he/she receives here are likely to be opinions, but also could receive some helpful resources that represent Catholic orthodoxy on the matter.

In my 4+ years on here, I’ve seen many inquirers receive fantastic advice that later proved most beneficial for that person, not to mention many prayers from others.

Just a thought.
 
SheaWilson said:
I am confused… I am to believe that dating somebody after a divorce is adultery. Am I right?
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No, merely dating another single person is not considered adultery. However, dating sometimes leads to marriage, and if the divorced person hasn’t gotten an annulment, then yes, it would adultery at that point.

Or if the divorced person and the person they are dating decide to fornicate, yes, that would be adultery.

Just because a person is civilly divorced does not mean that God recognizes that divorce.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
No, merely dating another single person is not considered adultery. However, dating sometimes leads to marriage, and if the divorced person hasn’t gotten an annulment, then yes, it would adultery at that point.

Or if the divorced person and the person they are dating decide to fornicate, yes, that would be adultery.

Just because a person is civilly divorced does not mean that God recognizes that divorce.
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Juliane, are you sure? I was always taught that if a Catholic married couple divorce, they have to live as if they were still married, because unless their marriage is annulled, they are still married according to Church teaching, and people who are still married cannot date, because that is considered infidelity.

Just wanted to add, when my mom was divorced from her first husband and was granted an annullment, she was dating her future second husband, who was in the process of working on his annullment. When she went to confession, the priest told her that he could not absolve her unless she agreed not to continue dating him until after the annullment was granted. He said that he could not grant her absolution if she had no intention of repenting, and explained that he was still considered married to his first wife according to the Church, and therefore she was dating an adulterer. Was this priest in error?
 
It is okay for a divorced person to have lunch with or go to a movie with another person(ie date) if the relationship is a friendship. In the eyes of the church the divorced person is still married unless an anullment has been granted. So if you mean dating and having sex then no it is not permissable to do so. Sex outside of marriage is never permissable divorced or not. Mom should talk with her priest about the anullment process!! I have heard it can take awhile so it may be something she could start to make sure she is free to marry, if she would want to in the future.
 
Rence said:
Juliane, are you sure? I was always taught that if a Catholic married couple divorce, they have to live as if they were still married, because unless their marriage is annulled, they are still married according to Church teaching, and people who are still married cannot date, because that is considered infidelity.

Just wanted to add, when my mom was divorced from her first husband and was granted an annullment, she was dating her future second husband, who was in the process of working on his annullment. When she went to confession, the priest told her that he could not absolve her unless she agreed not to continue dating him until after the annullment was granted. He said that he could not grant her absolution if she had no intention of repenting, and explained that he was still considered married to his first wife according to the Church, and therefore she was dating an adulterer. Was this priest in error?
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This is what I have been taught as well.
 
SheaWilson said:
I am confused… I am to believe that dating somebody after a divorce is adultery. Am I right?
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By definition it would not be, since adultery implies sex.

The woman is still considered married by the Church, and not free to date. The woman could have male friends, but the friendship-only relationship should be clarified right up front. IMHO, it often is not a good idea for married people to have relationships with the other sex, outside of the usual daily interactions (work, various professional/recreation activities at a public place, etc.). It may be okay otherwise if the friends have absolutely no sexual attraction to each other.
 
1ke said:
She is not a single person. She is a married person unless and until she has a decree of nullity in her hand.
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This.

She is to behave as any married lady until the Church tells her she is not married.
 
Assuming that by “date” you mean, “spending time with a man for the purpose of possibly forming a romantic relationship”, then no, it would not be right. Basically, she is still considered married unless the Church proves otherwise. If it would be wrong before she was seperated from her husband, then it is still wrong until an annulment. At least, that is what I’ve always heard and it seems to make sense.
 
It is not a sin to have dinner and a movie with a person of the opposite sex while working on a decree of nullity. The only formal penalties (I checked on this) happen when there is sex or remarriage involved. That said, it would be extraordinarily foolish for a person in the process to do anything that would cause him/her to give away his/her heart, when there is no guarantee of a decree of nullity! So spending time together platonically isn’t sin, but the person really isn’t free to “date” in any kind of situation where romantic feelings might arise.

We have so many definitions and expectations around the word “date,” that things seem more complicated than they probably need to be.
 
Since this is your mother you are talking about are you sure that

a) Your mother was married in the proper form to begin with and therefore would need a decree of nullity in order to date romantically

b) Does not already have a decree of nullity but chose to spare you the details

Just wanted to throw that out there as I know I certainly hope no one is discussing my decree of nullity proceedings with my former stepdaughter.
 
Originally Posted by 1ke
She is not a single person. She is a married person unless and until she has a decree of nullity in her hand.
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Castello said:
This.

She is to behave as any married lady until the Church tells her she is not married.
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This and This!

And a married lady doesn’t typically “date” a man who is not her husband. (Although as a married man I have eaten lunch with my secretary several times… she is 25 years older than me and my wife is quite okay with it. We don’t consider it a “date” either.)

And I pray she sincerely seeks the truth rather than “seeking an annulment.” (Just a difference of the heart ; )

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING
 
Kelfa28 said:
If she is courting…then no…as long as she is chaste she can date.

If she wants to marry this person…she needs an annulment otherwise, it is considered adultery
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No one just courts anymore if they do it’s very very rare. The church is pretty clear that any kind of dating after a divorce is not a good idea. The only truly acceptable dating is after an annulment. What happens if dating starts and the other person is not granted an annulment is that fair to the person who is free to marry in the church.
 
I disagree that adultery implies sex. I don’t think many people would agree that their spouse wasn’t cheating if they were only dating someone, but not having sex.

The rule of thumb is: if it’s not appropriate for a married person, then it’s not appropriate for a divorced person until/unless an annulment is granted; because the Church considers them still married.
 
SheaWilson said:
I am confused… I am to believe that dating somebody after a divorce is adultery. Am I right?
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Others have been too timid here. Sorry for the bluntness, but “dating” even as most innocuously defined is patently scandalous. Your mother is every bit as married as she was when she left the Church on her wedding day, civil divorce or not.
 
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