Mom wants to pay for a semester at Ave Maria

  • Thread starter Thread starter hasikelee
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gmarie21 said:
hasikelee, Um, something no one has touched on but sent red flags in my head, you two should take some time for more discernment b/c it sounds as if your fiance is planning on marrying a gentler version of his parents. He asked you how he should respond to his parents? If he were mature and ready to be married, he’d not need to ask you exactly what to say. You also have told him exactly what to do with money. He’s getting and MBA and then going to Med School. Where is there going to be any time for your marriage? What if your plans don’t work out as you hope, what if you have to work when you have a new baby to support your family? Will he grow resentful when you tell him what to do, just like his parents? You want full control of your wedding, but it isn’t just your wedding, it is also his and I’d be concerned if he weren’t willing to participate in the planning. It just seems from your post that you are telling him what to do too much considering he is coming from a controling family.

P.S. I come from a controlling family and well, some of the things you wrote would send me running in the long run.
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Hmm, that is interesting but not too surprising. As the old saying goes, guys marry someone like their mother.

Why does asking my opinion on what to say mean he is immature? I always thought it meant he was being open and bringing me into the situation. But now you have me wondering if it means something else. Do you think I should refuse to offer any help and/or that I shouldn’t participate in this situation with his parents? I don’t want to marry someone who is dependent or immature!

I am confused, what did I tell him to do? I think he would be very resentful and hurt if I told him what to do, and I would feel the same if he told me. Demanding things or trying to control your beloved is hurtful and wrong, and it would only make things harder for the person demanding things. He has plenty of say in planning the wedding, and if he does show how it can work out, all signs point towards going to Cozumel for the wedding.

Your words are still things to consider. Young people tend to be too optimistic. It is good to be grounded.

Plans can go very wrong. I am working full time and going to school full time. I could easily be in a car wreck today and have to cancel my trip, drop out of school, lose my job and use up all my wedding savings. That would be horrible, but that’s life.

Sometimes we have things all planned out and we work towards them with a lot of effort. But God might indeed have other plans for us. I will still try to live everyday to the best of my ability if the plans change. I enjoy working and do take after a more “working mother” ideal than “stay at home.” I want to stay at home because it is usually less expensive and very beneficial for the children.

It is his desire to go to medical school and complete an MBA in business. As long as I keep up with him in my studies, I will be able to go with him. That is a chaotic image in my mind (:eek: ) as has been mentioned on previous threads about med school.

Right now, I figure that if he can find time to work 40-60hrs a week, take 9 science & lab credits at a community college and 16 credits of 300-400 level classes at a university, and still mantain a debt free, healthy lifestyle, and spend time with God at daily mass, me, and our families, well, I think he is showing me that he can have a full plate and still prioritize his family as a husband with a wife and children.

In fact, I think once he goes to graduate school and has a house w/ a smaller down payment, and we are both insured from work, that a part-time job with one graduate degree at a time will be a lot less stressful for us!
 
You mentioned two kinds of weddings. But a destination wedding would then exclude the Catholic Church unless there was a special dispensation to allow for it. So why would you not want to be married in your home Parish?
 
KathleenElsie said:
You mentioned two kinds of weddings. But a destination wedding would then exclude the Catholic Church unless there was a special dispensation to allow for it. So why would you not want to be married in your home Parish?
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One does not need a dispensation to marry outside of home parish boundaries in another Catholic parish or oratory, one only needs the home parish priest’s permission to do so, per Canon Law.

A dispensation must be obtained from the bishop when one wants to marry outside the Catholic form of marriage-- meaning marrying in a non-Catholic church or in a non-Church setting.
 
1ke said:
One does not need a dispensation to marry outside of home parish boundaries in another Catholic parish or oratory, one only needs the home parish priest’s permission to do so, per Canon Law.

A dispensation must be obtained from the bishop when one wants to marry outside the Catholic form of marriage-- meaning marrying in a non-Catholic church or in a non-Church setting.
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1ke is right on the mark, according to my parish priest. He said he simply needs the contact information of the priest in mexico and they will work it out between the two of them.

I just don’t know if I should go ahead with that or not because of our large extended family and friends.
 
**Is his family going to be okay with y’all getting married in Mexico? Or would they refuse to come (just curious because your soon to be MIL sounds like the type that if she doesn’t liek she won’t do it:)

We had our honeymoon on the Mayan Rivera and it was great. I love the idea of a destination wedding but unless both sides have a lot of money and can afford the time for it it will be hard. Also the passport laws just changed and now you need a passport to get in and out of Mexico. Used to be you could just use your birth certificate…

What happened with the Ave Maria thing by the way?**
 
Ridgerunner said:
I know this is off topic, but I can’t let it go, lest people think some very wrong things and think ill of a very good school. {1} Four professors at Ave Maria School of Law (AMSL) who were dismissed from their former jobs, were hired by the “pizza maker”, Mr. Thomas Monaghan, because he believed what they told him about their dedication to establishing a “real Catholic law school”. [2] They have attempted to start a rebellion among other teachers and the students and, like any rebels, have persuaded some. The Board of Governors is composed of very, very honorable people, including Cardinal Egan. Rebels always publish their bile, and find an audience and echoes among the resentful and the bitter, whereas honorable people do not. [3] This fight is about who is going to control the “pizza maker’s” money. The rebel profs want to control it. It’s a terrible shame. If anyone wonders why it is so difficult to persuade people of means to support new Catholic enterprises, all they need to do is look at the experience of Thomas Monaghan, who has vowed to give away all of his billion-dollar fortune to Catholic causes, and is finding out the hard way that it’s very difficult. AMSL has a better bar passage rate than the U. of Michigan. In my state, all AMSL graduates passed the bar, vs. 80-something percent from the state university. 100% are employed. My son graduated from there, and my daughter is there now. Scholarships are the second or third most generous in the nation.[4] Both of my children are extremely grateful for the experience of attending AMSL. Neither sympathizes with the rebels. Neither pays attention to the propaganda against the school, ** **because they know better.
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I noticed this post, and wish I had responded earlier… sorry for the oversight.,…

{1} Four professors at Ave Maria School of Law (AMSL) who were dismissed from their former jobs
because they opposed the continued selection of prochoice speakers and agenda at a “Catholic” Law School… University of Detoit Mercy

**[2]**They have attempted to start a rebellion among other teachers and the students and, like any rebels, have persuaded some

The have actually tried for two years to address the problems of governance out of the public eye. Thankfully, more and more of the alumni are voicing their concerns… and the public is taking notice

www.avewatch.com
www.fumare.blogspot.com
and just yesterday: mirrorofjustice.com/mirrorofjustice/2007/04/crisis_at_ave_m.html

[3] This fight is about who is going to control the “pizza maker’s” money

this could not be farther from the truth… The Law School neither wants nor needs his money…

.[4] Both of my children are extremely grateful for the experience of attending AMSL. Neither sympathizes with the rebels. Neither pays attention to the propaganda against the school, ** **because they know better

obviously they don’t… they are just sadly uninformed

.
 
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