Money being used as a guilt factor after an argument

[Kouyate42]

I’m really unsure how to approach or deal with this one and I would appreciate some help.

Today marked a HUGE row between me and my grandmother as I’ve decided against going into teacher training and have decided to return to my old job as a customer service advisor.
I decided this for a number of (what I think to be) good reasons:

1. The job market around here is dire. People my age with Masters degrees are finding it near impossible to find jobs. Any job is better than no job at all.
2. I don’t feel that getting yet another qualification for myself is even necessary. It took me close to 2 years with my degree to find a job and that was hard enough without yet another bit of paper to add to the collection. Given the Gov. spending cuts, the chances of landing an actual teaching job are not exactly good.
3. (the important one) I can’t stand the idea of getting into debt all over again and spending 18 months of my life in uni when I couldn’t wait to leave when I was doing my Batchelors. I got sick and tired of student life some time ago.
4. I can’t stand the idea of doing a job that I personally don’t feel is a good option for myself even where it might be better paid. I just don’t think that the children in the school I’ll be at and myself deserve that.

Now as anyone who’s seen my threads before, or who cares to look through my old threads on my profile will know that my relationship with my grandparents, who I currently live with, isn’t brilliant anyway- issues to do with my sexuality, my lifestyle choices and other issues mean we’ve had frequent rows.

But this argument has come with some added sore points: after this argument, my grandmother went into some big rant about how 1) she’d given up money to find my university and 2) how I’d ‘had it easy’ and all this palaver about how much they give up for me.

1. is true, but this was something they chose to do freely of their own free will and something I never asked nor expected them to do. Plus, this was 2 years ago for the love of it! Do you seriously expect to be able to use this against me now?
2. is a bunch of nonsense, certainly for the most part. For 2 years all the money I’ve ever spent has come out of my own pocket. I wanted clothes, some food or a trip somewhere, I paid for that myself. Any toiletries I need, anything like my computer exam fees, have all been paid for out of my wallet, not theirs.

I wouldn’t mind the whole issue of money if it wasn’t being wielded as a stick against me doing as I wish. It seems that the whole issue about money is being used to intrude and control my private life by them.

Any help?

 

[Catholic90]

You should have a career that YOU want to do, not what someone else feels you should do. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of teaching or simply do not want to, then you should not go into that. If you have a job and can support yourself, then maybe you should look into moving into your own place. Could you get a roommate and share expenses? It might be well worth looking into!

 

[Kouyate42]

You should have a career that YOU want to do, not what someone else feels you should do. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of teaching or simply do not want to, then you should not go into that. If you have a job and can support yourself, then maybe you should look into moving into your own place. Could you get a roommate and share expenses? It might be well worth looking into!

Unfortunately until I find out whether I have a permanent, full-time, better-paid position in my current job, this is a dream, but not an option. I simply couldn’t afford to pay rent/costs and still have a tolerable life, even with a flatmate or anyone else, because rents in my area aren’t cheap and I have a lot of outgoing costs.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Must be tough to bring dates home.

[Get your own place!]

 

[Catholic1954]

It is your life to live and not theirs. It is time to thank them kindly for all that they have done for you and move out. (I bet they won’t like that either).

 

[Kouyate42]

It is your life to live and not theirs. It is time to thank them kindly for all that they have done for you and move out. (I bet they won’t like that either).

The whole thing about this is that because of certain things, I’m forced to lie to them about things (like my sexuality, which I KNOW they’re not going to like), and then I face accusations that I’m being secretive and don’t talk to them about anything.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Don’t add to the fire. Keep working and minimize your expenses as much as possible. Concentrate on the positive in your relationship. You don’t need to lie to them, but you don’t have to tell them everything either. Not sharing every detail isn’t being secretive, it is being private.

As to your sexuality, if you are not married, you don’t get to worry about it. You can certainly be friends with whoever you want to, but you shouldn’t be engaging in same-sex dating anyway.

 

[Kouyate42]

Don’t add to the fire. Keep working and minimize your expenses as much as possible. Concentrate on the positive in your relationship. You don’t need to lie to them, but you don’t have to tell them everything either. Not sharing every detail isn’t being secretive, it is being private.

this is true and good advice.

As to your sexuality, if you are not married, you don’t get to worry about it. You can certainly be friends with whoever you want to, but you shouldn’t be engaging in same-sex dating anyway.

Its not just dating though…I am transgendered and outside of the house everyone knows me as Phillip and I am treated as a man, and i even wear men’s clothes openly at work and socially. Problem is that I then have to go back home and I then cant do any of that because I havent told most of my own family that I am currently seekimg a gender swap.