Moral / catholic parenting problems..please help!

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Loobyloo0209

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I am protestant and my partner is a lapsed Catholic…his wife of 23 years left him and he now has limited contact with his 9 children (oldest 24, youngest 4)…as he has little money left after paying large proportion of his wages, he can only afford a bedroom within a house share (not far from his children) he sees them everyday but his ex wife is confrontational about him not having them stay with him overnight. He has tried to explain that he can’t due to lack of space. Consequently, she seems to muster control over him by arranging impromptu nights out etc and expecting him to be at her house whilst she goes out. If he makes plans, she will use the children against him and has recently been insulting about him in front of the children. I have one child and have my own home…the situation with his children could be easded if he lived with me however we are bringing together two families and I don’t feel it right as I don’t want us to cohabit before marriage.(I made that mistake before). I am only now feeling comfort in Catholicism and although I’m not quite there yet, I am making huge progression. I want to help my partner and his children to maintain their relationship as I feel like he is giving up. His ex wife will not consider discussion or seeing a priest. Another concern I have is that as protestant I have been naïve to the use of an IUD, my partner has expressed that he wants me to remove it and has explained reasons why…I will as his reasoning has made me feel sick…however what is the Catholic perspective of birth control …or rather I’m worried about the impact of a pregnancy when we are already trying to delicately introduce 2 families.
 
My dear,

He should not be having sexual relations with you at all. He cannot marry you in his present state since he is still technically married to his wife. I know that you want to do the best thing but I cannot help but tell you that getting involved in this situation will not be in your best interest. He has a mess going on with his wife and he is not free to be in any relationship with anyone considering that he has 9 children!
 
Wow! I do think you should stop using the IUD, if only for your own health and to avoid unintended miscarriages, but seeing how the man isn’t even your husband, I think he’s got alot of chutzpah asking you to remove it when it is HIS sinful choice to fornicate that compells you to use it in the first place!

The Catholic perception of birthcontol assumes marriage and assumes an openess to life. This man has no right to expect sex from you in the first place. He’s getting the milk for free and then has the unmitigated nerve to expect you to be open to life as if you were his own wife!?!? “Lapsed Catholic” doesn’t even begin to describe this situation! The phrase I would use isn’t allowed on this forum though.

I think you should either put him in his place or put him on the curb and find a fellow that has an attitude that is worthy of you. At anyrate, please, please, PLEASE get him to a priest or someone who can do some premarital counseling with you before you commit to this man. I know you probably are in love with him and you think his ex wife is just a complete psycho, but a woman doesn’t live with a perfect man for twenty years, bear him nine children, and then just arbitrarity decide he isn’t for her. Some of this failed marriage is his fault and he needs to figure out what he did wrong before he hops right into the next one. (Preferably before he hops into the next bed too.) The annullment process could help with this. I’ve know people who’ve had one and said it really helped them to understand why their first marriage failed and prepared them to enter into a sacramental marriage.

Good luck. You seem like a loving person who wants to do the right thing.
 
They’ve got to reach some compromise though (aside of me) as rheir kiddies are suffering. Neither will see their priest. Just going so bad. I’m trying to help all. He’s 46, I’m 35…I was with my sons Dad a long time buit we never married. He was aethiest despite his family being Catholic…that throws up another question…my son, jacob is 15…I’ve always wanted him Christened but his Dad as an aetheist won’t agree…what can I do??
 
A huge warning sign that you’re missing is that this man should not be dating, at all. Not even casually. He’s married.
 
I agree with others that say this man should not be dating. Unless his first marriage was in valid and he gets an annulment, he is not free to date. And I would walk away from him. You could fall deeper in love with him and it turn out his marriage is valid and can not be annulled and you will always be in a state of mortal sin with him.

Now, if he does get the annulment, I still would think twice about being with him. How cruel for him to ask you to be open to life when he has never even made you an honest woman. He sounds like he has some nerve and you deserve better

Angie
 
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