Moral Dilema with Neighbor

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Matthew1224

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Hello all,
I need some advice on how to handle this situation. This past week our neighbor asked my wife if she would mind feeding their cat for 3 days while they are gone. My wife of course said yes. She went over this past Friday to start feeding the cat only to discover the family arriving home. Apparently she had the days mixed up and so we never fed the cat while they were gone. We obviously felt horrible, but figured the cat would be okay after only 3 days and we would just move on. To make matters worse, they stopped by over the weekend to give us a thank you present. I felt put on the spot so I just accepted the gift. We also had to remove some of the cat food they gave us so it looked like we fed the cat. Now I feel guilty that we received this gift under false pretenses. Am I morally obligated to return the gift and admit to not feeding their cat? Not that it really matters but I would guess the gift to be in the range of $15 our so. I just don’t want to get them angry with us if their cat is fine, but at the same time I don’t like feeling dishonest with them. Thank you for any advice!
 
No. Don’t worry about it. There is no need for you to confess having made a mistake about the days you were to feed the cat. You committed no sins, no harm came to the cat, and you did intend to care for it. It’s not like you deliberately didn’t feed it. Let them express their gratitude and keep the gift. We are not obligated to tell people what they don’t need to know, especailly if it would only make things worse. This is a matter of prudential judgment not a matter of sin. 🙂
 
The problem here is not that you had the days mixed up and made a mistake, its that you have deliberately covered up your mistake but removing cat food…this is deception and turns an honest mistake into a lie.

Are you certain their cat is OK? Yes they can hunt so its not as problematic as humans but the cat could still be poorly especially if its a house cat which is unlikely to hunt.

I would return the gift, own up to your mistake and say you just felt to embarassed for getting it wrong and not feeding the cat which is why you didnt own up to the error straight away.
 
Truth_Faith13 said:
The problem here is not that you had the days mixed up and made a mistake, its that you have deliberately covered up your mistake but removing cat food…this is deception and turns an honest mistake into a lie.

Are you certain their cat is OK? Yes they can hunt so its not as problematic as humans but the cat could still be poorly especially if its a house cat which is unlikely to hunt.

I would return the gift, own up to your mistake and say you just felt to embarassed for getting it wrong and not feeding the cat which is why you didnt own up to the error straight away.
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Hiding the cat food wasn’t the best idea, but it doesn’t rise to the level of sin–just poor judgment.

I am owned by 3 cats. Trust me, unless they are ill no harm can come from fasting for 3 days. Most domesticated cats are not hunters–because they never learned how to eat whatever they catch–that’s a learned behavior which their mothers have to teach them. If they aren’t taught to eat what they catch they won’t do it.

In any case, this is no big deal. It’s up to the OP to tell/not tell the neighbor about it. It depends if telling/not telling will strain their relationship.
 
Matthew1224 said:
Hello all,
I need some advice on how to handle this situation. This past week our neighbor asked my wife if she would mind feeding their cat for 3 days while they are gone. My wife of course said yes. She went over this past Friday to start feeding the cat only to discover the family arriving home. Apparently she had the days mixed up and so we never fed the cat while they were gone. We obviously felt horrible, but figured the cat would be okay after only 3 days and we would just move on. To make matters worse, they stopped by over the weekend to give us a thank you present. I felt put on the spot so I just accepted the gift. We also had to remove some of the cat food they gave us so it looked like we fed the cat. Now I feel guilty that we received this gift under false pretenses. Am I morally obligated to return the gift and admit to not feeding their cat? Not that it really matters but I would guess the gift to be in the range of $15 our so. I just don’t want to get them angry with us if their cat is fine, but at the same time I don’t like feeling dishonest with them. Thank you for any advice!
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Imagine the roles had been reversed. What would you want them to do?

I advise apologizing and telling them what happened. I’m sure they will understand; you mixed up the days it’s not like you guys were too lazy or anything.
 
That’s such a shame. I hope it’ll be ironed out, soon, whatever you decide.
 
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I didn’t mention this in the first post but this is an outdoor cat so I am sure it is able to hunt. I was also talking to my wife and she said that she would bet that the gift they gave us was probably much less in value. Again, not like the value is everything but I would feel even worse if they spent a bunch of money to say thank you.

My wife has also said that this is her concern since she was tasked with taking care of the cat, I just feel like I am an accomplice now that I have lied to them. My wife is also of the mindset that if the roles were reversed she would rather not know and just move on.
 
An outdoor cat won’t have come to any harm at all, I’m sure. Your intention was good and you were just flustered when you realised your mistake. If it makes you feel better, donate some money to a cat’s charity - taking cat food to a pet shelter is another thing you could do.

I wouldn’t make a big deal of this now with the neighbour. If they ask you in the future to feed the cat, I’m sure you won’t get the days mixed-up!
 
Tough question. Cats need water and can die really fast if they don’t get it. Cat’s have been known to die going without if for as little as 2 days I think you were really lucky that the cats were ok and should say a prayer of thanks to GOD that they didn’t die or become sick. The fact that this was an honest mistake doesn’t make it a sin. I would leave it alone and just not do it next time since you can’t keep dates straight. :rolleyes:
 
No, no, don’t tell them. You will only be telling your neighbors something they don’t want to know. They will be so upset that it will ruin all the good they got from their vacation. There is nothing to gain by telling them; you can’t retroactively fix it. Just let it go.
 
The cats fine, the neighbors are fine, you did your best and did go over, there is no harm and you should just move on.

In the future don’t steal their cat food, but otherwise this is no big deal.
 
Don’t ever volunteer to feed or care for ANYONE’S pets. Just a bad idea all around.

They could have left food for the cat or boarded it.
 
Matthew1224 said:
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I didn’t mention this in the first post but this is an outdoor cat so I am sure it is able to hunt. I was also talking to my wife and she said that she would bet that the gift they gave us was probably much less in value. Again, not like the value is everything but I would feel even worse if they spent a bunch of money to say thank you.

My wife has also said that this is her concern since she was tasked with taking care of the cat, I just feel like I am an accomplice now that I have lied to them. My wife is also of the mindset that if the roles were reversed she would rather not know and just move on.
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I never met an outdoor cat that wasn’t a good hunter and a mooch on neighborhood pet’s food that has been left outside. It was years before we discovered that several other houses around us were also feeding my sister’s cat; he weighed 28 pounds and we called him “King Cat”.
 
Catholic1954 said:
I never met an outdoor cat that wasn’t a good hunter and a mooch on neighborhood pet’s food that has been left outside. It was years before we discovered that several other houses around us were also feeding my sister’s cat; he weighed 28 pounds and we called him “King Cat”.
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This so true. One of our cats did this, as well. Cats can be fickle. If they are getting more attention, better food, etc. they can sometimes abandon a family for the one they prefer. Cats choose who will be their owners, not really the other way around. 😉

As for the question of water, which someone raised, any outdoor cat will have sources of water in puddles and water left out for dogs, etc. They won’t let themselve thirst to death if they can go outside.
 
Mary2014 said:
No, no, don’t tell them. You will only be telling your neighbors something they don’t want to know. They will be so upset that it will ruin all the good they got from their vacation. There is nothing to gain by telling them; you can’t retroactively fix it. Just let it go.
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Yes.
Jon_S said:
The cats fine, the neighbors are fine, you did your best and did go over, there is no harm and you should just move on.

In the future don’t steal their cat food, but otherwise this is no big deal.
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Yes.
Tomdstone said:
Another possibility would be to reciprocate and present this family with a gift on some other occasion in the future or to make a donation to charity.
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Yes.

These posters above have hit the nail on the head. You did not mean to do this (appart from removing some cat food, which you shouldn’t have done) and owning up to it now will likely only hurt your neighbours, not remedy anything. We are not to own up to things nor make acts of reparation when such an act will inflict more harm than good.
 
I feel like your neighbors have the right to know. They bought you a gift for watching their cat for 3 days, they seem like pretty nice people. If you explain what happened I don’t think they will hate you or react that badly.
 
cena said:
I feel like your neighbors have the right to know. They bought you a gift for watching their cat for 3 days, they seem like pretty nice people. If you explain what happened I don’t think they will hate you or react that badly.
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Just an opinion:

But what IF they go nuts? This isn’t serious and it’s not worth the downside risk to open pandora’s box.

It can always be confessed as a venial sin and you can always bake cookies and take them over or do some other kindness to make nice.
 
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