L
Lucy_1
Guest
My parents died a couple of years ago and were cremated. They were not religious, and had no wishes and left no instructions about their funeral or burial. I am the executor of the estate. My only relative is my sister, whom I am estranged from and who lives in another state.
I want to give my parents a simple burial. I told her this in July. She said she needed time to think it over, but never got back to me. I emailed her again recently, because I need to get it settled before I close out the estate in the beginning of next year.
She emailed me back and said she objects to them being buried (as I thought she would) and says she doesn’t want them to be “trapped underground.” (She has many unorthodox views and is anti-Christian). Nor would she agree to a columbarium. Instead she wants all of us as a family (meaning me, my husband and kids, as she isn’t married and has no kids) to scatter my parents ashes, and she wants to take some of my mom’s ashes home with her.
Obviously I can’t scatter ashes as a Catholic, nor can I be witness to it. But if I disregard her wishes it will cause further family rift, and probably sever our relationship completely, as it’s hanging by a thread. So I’m at a loss. Is it permissible to give her the ashes she requests since my parents weren’t Catholic? Does family preservation take precedence over keeping the ashes intact?
The best idea I’ve had so far is to email her and say that because I’m Catholic, I’m forbidden to scatter ashes and believe it is against the dignity of the person., but that I’d like to have a family dinner (even though I really wouldn’t as she is quite unpleasant and frankly, I’m a bit afraid to be around her, but I’m willing to do it in a restaurant for the sake of family). I know she will not understand this at all. She will be angry, and will very likely demand some of my mothers ashes. Help.
I want to give my parents a simple burial. I told her this in July. She said she needed time to think it over, but never got back to me. I emailed her again recently, because I need to get it settled before I close out the estate in the beginning of next year.
She emailed me back and said she objects to them being buried (as I thought she would) and says she doesn’t want them to be “trapped underground.” (She has many unorthodox views and is anti-Christian). Nor would she agree to a columbarium. Instead she wants all of us as a family (meaning me, my husband and kids, as she isn’t married and has no kids) to scatter my parents ashes, and she wants to take some of my mom’s ashes home with her.
Obviously I can’t scatter ashes as a Catholic, nor can I be witness to it. But if I disregard her wishes it will cause further family rift, and probably sever our relationship completely, as it’s hanging by a thread. So I’m at a loss. Is it permissible to give her the ashes she requests since my parents weren’t Catholic? Does family preservation take precedence over keeping the ashes intact?
The best idea I’ve had so far is to email her and say that because I’m Catholic, I’m forbidden to scatter ashes and believe it is against the dignity of the person., but that I’d like to have a family dinner (even though I really wouldn’t as she is quite unpleasant and frankly, I’m a bit afraid to be around her, but I’m willing to do it in a restaurant for the sake of family). I know she will not understand this at all. She will be angry, and will very likely demand some of my mothers ashes. Help.
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