Moral dilemna tonight

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Annette0723

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Is it a sin to go to dinner with a friend and his new girlfriend when he has not gotten an annulment and has stopped going to mass?
(He has good grounds for the annulment. It is so sad that it is turning out this way.) I presume he knows how I feel, but I’m also afraid of presuming too much and giving the appearance of support. But I also don’t want to alienate him.

ETA: The divorce has really messed him up, broken his heart, etc. I think he is in so much pain he can’t think straight right now. So that is why I feel torn about being more aggressive in speaking up about church teaching. Others have, and he has turned away. I’m wondering if it might help more to quietly be there and hopefully just be a reminder of what he is turning away from… Sorry hard to explain my thoughts. I am so upset about the whole situation 😦
 
Love the sinner hate the sin.We cannot turn our back on the world of sinners or we would have to turn away from our selves. We need to be there to support the right they do to be a light for them to follow, Help him see the right path but do it gently.
Bless you
 
Thank God it is not a sin to associate (or have dinner) with sinners. Otherwise I’d be eating alone all the time.:eek:

Going to dinner is not the same on any level as going to a wedding of someone in the same circumstances.

So go to dinner and encourage him to fianlize the process for the annulment before getting to serious. If you skipped on dinner you would be less able to evangelize him.

Go to dinner - and let him pay!!!👍
 
While I don’t know if you should skip dinner, I do know that if you friend needs love, you can give it to him.

One of the problems is that you want to support him, but don’t want to lending support or validation to his actions. If he invites you to dinner, invite him to Mass. If you have an opportunity, tell him your feelings before the dinner. That way he won’t think you are supporting him in this new relationship (anullment probable or not) but you are supporting him.

There is no easy answer to this one.

God Bless!
 
Annette0723: …It always amazes me how in the scriptures and even in my on life and the life of those whom I know pretty well…that the Lord Jesus simply meets us where we are…his love and mercy are incredible…but its his patience with me that spins my head and heart – it is beyond comprehension!

You can carry that exact message as a faithful Christian disciple…a faithful Catholic…and a faithful friend…when you meet your friend where he is right now…and demonstrate by your faith in Christ and his Church…that Christ and His Church will also meet your friend where he is…all he has to do is invite Him/The Church into his heart of pain and trails and tribulations over this entire situation…irregardless of who is to blame.

I also believe that this is not a moral issue for you…you are not the cause of the situation in anyway…and you are not promoting anything by having dinner with them…you may even have an opportune moment to get them to, for example, say a grace before meal prayer, and can ask the Holy spirit to bless the food and to also bless your friend in his current situation.

My only caveat…for you to at least consider…is that if he asks you a direct question or talks directly about the divorce/annulment situation…you must convey (in a simple matter of fact unemotional tone) to him that he is still married in God’s eyes (and without an annulment always will be…irregardless of what he thinks or does)…and his girlfriend must remain just that …a friend – nothing more – or he may become a stumbling block for her salvation and holiness if done otherwise – that is not an act of love…he would be using her…and his pain/suffering because of his own marital problems…can never be used to justify using another soul that belongs to God,not to him…

Or if its about not going to Holy Mass on Sunday/Holy Days of Obligation (CCC 2180-2183)…you are obliged to tell him the truth as the Church teaches it…that it is a very serious offense against God to ignore one of the most important Commandments, and also the most important precept of the five precepts of the Catholic Church (CCC #2041-2043).

He is blessed to have friend like you…and I believe that the Lord is blessed by your faithful discipleship. In fellowship…I pray that in some small way…I have helped you.

Pax Christi
 
Those who are considering an annulment need to realize that they are considered married until they receive the decree of nullity.

In that situation, they should not even consider to start dating until and if they receive the decree.
 
Thank you all so much for helping me think this through! It really helped. He has gone so fast from being a faithful Catholic seeking an annulment to not going to mass that it has thrown everyone around him into a sort of panic. Makes me feel so much better about going last night!
 
Your friend is obviously hurting, and any love and compassion you can give will make far more of an impact than a reminder about his marital status. By dating he is trying to heal that sore place in his heart, and the best way to fix that it is help him find true healing in the Body of Christ. BTDT and so grateful to those who loved me. . .
 
I don’t know to what extent your friend has started the annulment process. It is a healing process.

I have a very close friend going through the process - and for her it has not been a short one. It started with feelings of anger and betrayal - feeling the church was not there for her. It took years for her to even be prodded back to the faith, and several more for her to consider the process. Now that the process is almost complete, her faith is far stronger than it ever was before. At some point you realize the importance of what you used to take for granted.

As I have heard before - if Catholics would believe in the true presence, they would crawl to the alter for Eucharist. That is the faith I am now seeing in my friend.​

If you can get him to come back to mass with you - try to get him to go to adoration. Adoration can be very powerful.
 
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