Morality of a hysterectomy in a marriage?

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sunshine1986

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Hello,
I am have many severe health problems and I don’t think I can ever be a good mother. I am married but I love my husband and don’t want to get an annulment. These are my health problems:

*I have severe severe anxiety and maybe some real depression. I also was diagnosed with possible Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I am very scared of being pushed to take pills and currently we can’t afford treatment. Even with treatment I grew up in very stranfe/difficult upbringing and it’s so hard to know how to raise a normal family.
  • Almost every period I get extremely sick to where im in bed 2-3 days a week a couple times I even laid on the bathroom floor for hours unable to move. I’m pretty sure it’s endometriosis as it runs in our family. My grandma had surgery and the doctor said it was the worst case she ever saw.
    *I get extreme migraines with lasting auras that make me throw up and I have to fall asleep before they go away.I also get bad regular headaches every day and feel something move in my headhead and hear clicking and squishing. I get extremely weak and dizzy.
    *I have been having severe memory problems where I can’t even remember what I did one minute before sometimes. It didmt use to happen to me as often. I also have such trouble focusing. I get intrusive thoughts and so distracted. I was a bank teller before one time and my drawer was short almost a thousand dollars. I still have no idea how it happened… another time I was trying to park in a very busy area and almost accidentally hit a pedestrian. Another time I worked in a child care and don’t know what I was thinking I had very bad judgement. One kindergartner started hitting all the children around him. I just yelled at him but it took me like 30 seconds to figure out I needed to restrain him. I think I was confused that we werent allowed to hold children as it might be considered abuse but I feel awful and stupid as it’s a no brainer.
    *I’m afraid I might be getting a type of dementia as mentioned above. Huntingtons disease runs in my family. My father’s mother and all of his siblings passed away from it. We are blessed my father is OK bit in the past he’s had severe undiagnosable health problems. I pray he will remain in but I’m scared I might get it someday or be starting early signs of it.
    *I am very scared of taking any strong medication, especially psychological. My mom has bipolar and has been in the hospital hundreds of times. They even lost custody of me when I was a baby as she had an episode took me in the car and sped 100 mph on a street the wrong way. It was a miracle when they were able to get me back two years later.
    *I have seen horrible reactions to medicines that landed both my parents in mental hospitals. I may have sever anxiety and other problems but I am not a danger to myself or other S around me.im afraid if I get put on meds I’ll lose control like my parents.
I love my husband and already got married but I am struggling so much just to try to be a good wife I don’t know how I’ll ever be a good mother someday
I feel overwhelmed with everything and as hard as I work I still feel so slow at almost everything I do. I don’t think I’m meant to be a mother. I’d love to help children and give them what I can but I don’t think I can care well for them every day. I can’t get very simple things done like housework.
My question is are there certain health condition s where it’s not a sin for a married couple to agree to a hysterectomy and never have -children?

Thank you
 
My dear woman, please talk with your pastor, or with a wise and holy priest whom you trust.
 
My friend, I am very sorry that you are dealing with all of these medical issues. I hope that you are getting the best possible medical care.

Were you married in the Catholic Church with the proper preparation for marriage? Did you discuss these issues with your pastor? If not, it is past time to do so.
 
You do not need to be seeking the opinions of anonymous people on the Internet.

You need pastoral care as well as medical care…which can only be given in person and tailored to your specific needs and condition.
 
God wants you to trust in him, judging by your incredibly difficult life, he wants you to trust in him alot, which means he wants you to be close to him.

Be aware that drugs and their administration have changed alot since your parents day - I agree, drugs are incredibly scary- I saw my father destroyed by anti-psychotic drugs - but they are much better managed nowadays - side effects are not nearly as bad. Also, if you seek treatment, your husband should be able to advocate for you, does he know your concerns? I agree, someone like you (with the memory concerns and slow reactions) should not be in the medical system alone.

You are right to be afraid, but if your husband can always be with you at every appointment it will be fine. He can protect you and advocate for you. Do you think he could take on this role? If not him, someone else? Some of what you describe is very alarming, especially the memory stuff, it’s possible that by delaying to act you are making things much worse in the long term. Maybe there is some good treatments for this, please act. Don’t let your fear hurt you like this, especially now you are married, you also have to think of your husband, you owe it to him to take some responsibility for this stuff, he is the one who must care for you if you degenerate, you owe it to him to at least try and find a treatment or cure.

On the hysterectomy stuff:

My answer is no. It would not be moral. A hysterectomy is only moral if it cures an actual ailment. In that case the contraception would be a result of that treatment, but not the intent, so it might potentially be okay (I think how serious the ailment it cures though is also an important moral question). In your case, despite all your difficulties, contraception is the intent, therefore, no, it’s not moral in your case to have a hysterectomy, no matter how well meaning you may be. It may possibly be moral if it was determined that would have a chance to solve some of these medical problems you mentioned, (maybe it could help with the migraines and period pain etc if that stuff is hormonal, but that needs medical investigation - and once again, is that serious enough to warrant such drastic action? Maybe yes or maybe no - that’s where you need a priest to help).
 
Don_Ruggero said:
You do not need to be seeking the opinions of anonymous people on the Internet.

You need pastoral care as well as medical care…which can only be given in person and tailored to your specific needs and condition.
Click to expand...
Yes, this.

Remember you and your husband are a team, too. Confide in him and ask him to help you. Ask your priest or a therapist how to have that discussion if you are scared.

Praying for you.
 
I doubt if any doctor would perform a hysterectomy, unless the patient has an extremely serious disease…it’s major surgery! When did you have your last complete physical checkup? Talk to a priest? To a mental health professional?

It’s not like you can walk into a doctors’ office and ask for a hysterectomy. It is not a simple procedure, or without risks to your life and health. For those who want birth control, there are much simpler and safer procedures (note: I’m not recommending surgical birth control. Just looking at it from the doctor’s point of view).

But, you should not have to live with the discomfort you describe. Do some research on what the side effects of different medicines are. Share your concerns with your doctors. There may be non- drug procedures. Ask!
 
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