Morality

  • Thread starter Thread starter aSaintoneday
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

aSaintoneday

Guest
aSaintoneday -

I had a question on contraceptions in marriage.

I’m a devout Catholic; I do want to become a Saint one day, and striving to become a great Catholic Apologetic. I am not married right now either. But the problem comes in at that to me nfp doesn’t allow for enough sex, also not full proof, nor is contraceptions, but I wouldn’t want to have kids right away, kids can put a lot of stress on a marriage. I would want like 5 years to just me and my wife, than after that kids galore, I wouldn’t mind at all having a dozen kids, I just don’t want them right away.

I don’t know and I’m lost, between saying only using contraceptions for those 5 years than stopping all use of them or saying no to them for all time but that wouldn’t let me have what I want than.

Help from anyone? Preferable another Catholic
 
40.png
aSaintoneday:
I don’t know and I’m lost, between saying only using contraceptions for those 5 years than stopping all use of them or saying no to them for all time but that wouldn’t let me have what I want than.
Click to expand...
Dear aSaintoneday,

Welcome to the forum, and becoming a saint is indeed a proper goal for all Catholics. I’m not sure what you are asking exactly. If you are asking for permission to contracept during marriage then I certainly wouldn’t judge you, but if you want to be a great Catholic apologist and are now a devout Catholic then I assume you know that the Church teaches it is a sin.

You said that nfp doesn’t allow you to have sex frequently enough. Please excuse me for asking, but how do you know? You say you are not married right now, so how is it you know that the periodic abstinence is too great a burden? Are you having sex outside of marriage now? I am not a prude; I certainly was not an example of chastity in my younger years. That said, if you are having sex already, you should quit, go to confession, and get married before resuming sex. That may sound too hard, but if you can do that then maybe you can make it the rest of the way.

While I appreciate your desire to have five years alone before having children, well, as you say, neither nfp nor contraception is 100% effective so having children sooner is a risk you’ll have to take unless you completely abstain. It sounds like you would have a pretty hard time with that. BTW, my advice above was based in part on 1 Cor 7:1-7, at usccb.org/nab/bible/1corinthians/1corinthians7.htm

Personally when I was younger, I never would have taken advice like that I just dealt out. I speak out of hindsight, not hypocracy. The difference between you now and me then is that then I was on haitus from the Church and had no desire whatsoever to follow her, much less be saintly. If you want to be a saint, I’m afraid self-discipline will go with the territory. You can disregard my advice, but it will work against your stated goal.

Anyway, you asked for opinions and there is mine, for what it is worth to you. Good luck, and welcome again.

Alan
 
40.png
aSaintoneday:
I’m a devout Catholic…But the problem comes in at that to me nfp doesn’t allow for enough sex
Click to expand...
Presumably, as a devout Catholic, you’re not having any sex now.

So you’re saying that 25-27 days out of 28 isn’t enough sex?

You’re telling me that you have the stregnth to going completely without sex now, for years ahead of you until you get married, but once you do get married, you won’t have the strength to go 1-3 days a month without it?

And does your wife ever get a vote? Are you saying if she’s just not in the mood, or maybe sick, for 3 days in a row, she won’t be meeting your needs?
 
Timidity–

Are you being serious? Based on my own personal experience and that of my close friends, abstinence wih NFP is far longer than 1-3 days per month. The norm is more like 10-14 days, based on the women I know, including myself. Abstaining over peak day and the days following peak day is fine (I assume that’s what you’re referring to) but a woman’s cervical mucus builds up before peak day and is meant to be an enabler for fertility, nurturing any semen from acts of marital intercourse. If one is seeking to strictly avoid pregnancy for serious reasons, any mucus is an indicator of fertility–meaning abstinence is a must for the couple choosing to avoid pregnancy.

That said, I do not advocate artificial birth control whatsoever. I do believe it is intrinsically evil and causes not only the breakdown of the physical body and one’s soul, but also the deterioration of the family and the relationship we have with both God and our spouse. NFP is a great sacrifice, but we are called to give of ourselves in complete surrender to our spouse.

🙂
Abby
 
First of all, just to echo Princess Abby’s comment, for my husband and me it is more than 3 days of abstinence per cycle. The number of days you must abstain to avoid pregnancy varies from couple to couple, and can depend on the regularity of your wife’s cycle, outside factors (such as stress), and the accuracy of your observations. (The average is, I think, around 7 days for most couples.) I don’t want you to think that NFP is easier than it may be in your case. That said, though, my husband and I have absolutely no regrets about following the Church’s teaching on life and sex.

The reason we don’t have regrets or resentment is because we understand why the Church proclaims contraception to be sinful and we agree with and submit to this teaching. It sounds as if you perhaps don’t fully understand why the Church wants you to avoid contraception. If you did, you would most likely be willing to make the sacrifice, because the Church’s reasons are compelling and powerful. The Church wants you to be a loving and giving couple, and it wants to help you become a saint–partly by practicing self-control, accepting your role as a responsible co-creator with God, and cultivating virtue. The Church wants you to be less concerned about “what you want” and more concerned about what God wants for you.

You can find the reasons behind the Catholic Church’s teachings on contraception in a variety of places. My two top suggestions are Christopher West’s The Good News about Sex and Marriage and Humanae Vitae. Kimberly Hahn’s Life-Giving Love is also an incredible book, and it talks specifically about the popular suggestion of waiting a few years after marriage to begin having children (she doesn’t agree that this is a wise reason to postpone pregnancy). Since you aren’t yet married, I would take your time and read through these texts, so you can get a good feel for the Catholic Church’s stance.

God bless!
 
Hi asaintoneday

NFP provides plenty of time for interocurse. How often do you want to do it anyway? At the moment you are practising the virtue of chastity and self control. This does not stop when you get married. Remember that just becasue you might feel like doing it doesn’t mean your spouse does. This is one example where married couples practise self control just like a single person does.

I would recommend to any new married couple to have children as soon as they can. Having children actually makes the marriage more emotionally fullfiling rather than put stress on the marriage.

Troubles come in marriage, and having children is one more reason why the couples would want to work through their problems rather than get a divorce. Research shows that couples who wait a period of years before having children are more likely to get a divorce than those who have children straight away.

Did you know that the divorce rate for couples using NFP is less than 2%.

I understand that NFP has about a 2% failure rate. That’s pretty good. Equal to or better than many contraceptives.

So you want to be a saint? Well have a few children. They help married couples to grow in virtue. Patience, selflessness, generosity. You will find a thousand ways of doing penance and making sacrifices if you have children.

Steve
 
40.png
Princess_Abby:
Based on my own personal experience and that of my close friends…
Click to expand...
I stand corrected. Mea culpa, and thanks for the correction.

Actually, that explains quite a lot. I think the wife and I need to have a little chat… :o
 
My advice is quite frankly to avoid marriage until you are ready to accept children when/if God should give them to you, rather than artificially decree that you need a certain amount of time “alone” with your spouse. Of course, I’m the daughter of a woman who was told she was infertile before she married my father (and probably was extremely subfertile, though now post-menopausal), and my parents (Protestant–therefore they had no reason to believe it would be wrong if they did) decided not to do anything to avoid children because they were afraid of losing their one chance to have a child. I was born 284 days after their wedding day, and they were 19 (my mom) and 22 (my dad, whose birthday is just 3 days before mine). It took them six years after my birth to conceive my brother (my only sibling). So, don’t take fertility for granted.
 
I seem to agree that if you had a better understanding of exactly why the Church forbids contraceptives you wouldn’t have such a problem with the idea of using NFP in your marriage. The resources cited earlier are all great, but I would also recommend the Catechism of the Catholic Church, scborromeo.org/ccc.htm, since it is the definitive resource for questions on the faith and what the Church teaches. It’s in there. scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2368
(The first link is the start page and the second link is a very relevant section in the Catechism.)

Also, it’s very important to keep in mind that although married persons are no longer celibate, they must always practice the virtue of chastity.

One more thing to keep in mind is that each act of intercourse is called to be open to life. Not only does this mean ‘no contraceptives,’ but it is also a prayerful attitude that the couple must have in their life together while planning their family.

The Church’s teaching on sex and marriage is so beautiful and exciting (and challenging!)–happy researching! 👍
 
Timidity,

I laughed out loud at your response. Very cute. If your wife needs some help in figuring out a little more about NFP and her specific signs, feel free to PM me. There are also teaching couples who come to this site. Otherwise, visit ccli.org . 🙂
 
Not wanting children for 5 years ‘just because’ is not a good enough reason to use NFP. I think you should read up on the Church’s teaching of NFP. It should shed some light on your question.
 
You all are so totally correct, yes contraception is totally wrong, and I’m sorry to have questioned the whole issue.

I should either take all of God’s word or none of it, and I am here to take all of it.

Thank you all so very much for your imput.
 
aSaintoneday,

I see you are new and bravely jumped into one of the most heated issues in these forums. Congratulations for coming out relatively unscathed.

Your humility is also quite touching and I wish you every good thing in your quest for a holy Marriage and for Sainthood. :getholy:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top