Morals: Girls has a boyfriend

[jmcrae]

Maybe. It’s not quite that simple. My understanding is that the couple have to pass themselves off as husband and wife, that they have to be “commonly” known as married.

I’d have to check into that, but I’m under the impression that no deception is required; they can be considered common law after a year.

 

[on_the_hill]

I’d have to check into that, but I’m under the impression that no deception is required; they can be considered common law after a year.

I don’t think it’s deception, it’s more like publicly recognizing that they live as husband and wife. I guess the gist of it is that if people were called on to verify the “marital” status of the couple, they would characterize them as husband and wife. Sort of like witnesses offering proof.

 

[underacloud]

Well although it’s true she’s not married, she is living with a guy for 8 years. I’d probably conclude that she has zero interest in practicing a Catholic faith and walking in grace.

Right.

Or let’s say she had just broken up with this man. Would it be a good idea then to date her? No! She has spent the last eight years living a lifestyle inconsistent with the practise of the Catholic faith and is not a person any serious Catholic should persue.

DonQuichote1235, it’s time to think with your head, not with…

 

[TexasCatholic13]

If there is no ring there is no moral problem to dating her or trying to date her. All is fair in love as they say. Women dominate this site and give terrible advice. Be a man. If you want her you need to go and get her.

 

[crenfro]

Hello.

Please take or leave this as you see fit. It’s only my opinion.

I don’t see a problem with pursuing this person. She’s not married - living together is not a marriage.

So she has a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend isn’t a commitment. That’s the whole trouble and danger of living together. If she had a husband then it would be wrong to pursue (adultery!) but a boyfriend is not a husband.

I never did understand why people have the expectation of a relationship being exclusive where there is no commitment.

… my two cents…

Hi all, I don’t know if this is the right place to pose my question. I want to know, from a Catholic perspective, what are the do’s and don’t when pursuing a girl that has a boyfriend.

DonQuichote.

 

[Xantippe]

If there is no ring there is no moral problem to dating her or trying to date her. All is fair in love as they say. Women dominate this site and give terrible advice. Be a man. If you want her you need to go and get her.

???

How’s that supposed to look if she is cohabitating? She’s going to go out with the OP while living with her boyfriend? Or she’s supposed to move out of the apartment and find a new place in order to go out with the OP casually (when they’ve already dated and it wasn’t a success)?

How is this supposed to work?

There’s no specifically moral problem if she’s seeing another guy, but prudentially speaking it’s a lousy idea.

1. This is a very long-standing relationship
2. There would be immediate expectations of being very serious if she’s destroyed a long-standing relationship for the benefit of the OP.
3. She’s cohabitating
4. She and the OP have already failed at having a relationship.

There is a class of people that suddenly realizes how much they value the person they used to date when they see that person happy with somebody else.

There are other unattached women on earth–pick one of those.

 

[Lou2U]

If there is no ring there is no moral problem to dating her or trying to date her. All is fair in love as they say. Women dominate this site and give terrible advice. Be a man. If you want her you need to go and get her.

Hello.

Please take or leave this as you see fit. It’s only my opinion.

I don’t see a problem with pursuing this person. She’s not married - living together is not a marriage.

So she has a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend isn’t a commitment. That’s the whole trouble and danger of living together. If she had a husband then it would be wrong to pursue (adultery!) but a boyfriend is not a husband.

I never did understand why people have the expectation of a relationship being exclusive where there is no commitment.

… my two cents…

I don’t think the OP should pursue this woman just because she is not married. She is in a relationship and has been for the last 8 years. At least show the relationship respect and stay out of it. The OP should not be encouraging this woman to cheat on her boyfriend, nor should he be deliberately trying to break them up on the off chance that he can rekindle a relationship that ended years ago.

Lou

 

[Kelfa28]

If there is no ring there is no moral problem to dating her or trying to date her. All is fair in love as they say. Women dominate this site and give terrible advice. Be a man. If you want her you need to go and get her.

Hello.

Please take or leave this as you see fit. It’s only my opinion.

I don’t see a problem with pursuing this person. She’s not married - living together is not a marriage.

So she has a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend isn’t a commitment. That’s the whole trouble and danger of living together. If she had a husband then it would be wrong to pursue (adultery!) but a boyfriend is not a husband.

I never did understand why people have the expectation of a relationship being exclusive where there is no commitment.

… my two cents…

No, this is the wrong advice to give.

Relationships mean something. It’s completely disrespectful to pursue anyone in a relationship.

In fact, it’s pure selfishness and gives the wrong impression to the party being pursued.

Any self-respecting man or woman who is in a serious relationship and loves and cares for their girlfriend or boyfriend would never entertain the idea of allowing another person to pursue them.

What is he going to do? Ask her on a date?

She’ll say no because she is in a relationship and will probably be confused and maybe creeped out that he asked her in the first place.

While I was dating my husband…I had a few guys ask me out…they didn’t know I was in a serious relationship and that was fine…I politely declined and told them why.

Is he to say…well there is no ring on it…why can’t we go out?
He’d get a strange look at minimum.

Does the idea of “not married, fair game” include engagements? The couple still isn’t married…if you saw an engagement ring but no band…would you still ask the girl out?

 

[on_the_hill]

???

How’s that supposed to look if she is cohabitating? She’s going to go out with the OP while living with her boyfriend? Or she’s supposed to move out of the apartment and find a new place in order to go out with the OP casually (when they’ve already dated and it wasn’t a success)?

How is this supposed to work?

There’s no specifically moral problem if she’s seeing another guy, but prudentially speaking it’s a lousy idea.

1. This is a very long-standing relationship
2. There would be immediate expectations of being very serious if she’s destroyed a long-standing relationship for the benefit of the OP.
3. She’s cohabitating
4. She and the OP have already failed at having a relationship.

There is a class of people that suddenly realizes how much they value the person they used to date when they see that person happy with somebody else.

There are other unattached women on earth–pick one of those.

Xantippe I knew this was your post without even seeing who posted it.

 

[Xantippe]

Xantippe I knew this was your post without even seeing who posted it.

I hope that’s a good thing!

 

[GEddie]

I wouldn’t agree that “relationships” as such are something to be respected, but people are, and the pursuit OP has in mind fails in that to everybody involved.

The expectation that this lady would throw over a stable romance to return to square one with you (OP), when she’s been to that square one already and was not persuaded, is setting yourself up for unnecessary and severe humiliation. You would also be causing vexation to her and the other fellow and for no real gain. If she did throw him over, as others have pointed out, why wouldn’t she later do it to you?

Do everybody involved a favor and LET GO of this situation.

ICXC NIKA

 

[on_the_hill]

I hope that’s a good thing!

All good!

 

[crenfro]

Hello again.

If a man and a woman are in a “serious” relationship, then they are engaged or married. It’s disrespectful to string along a person without the expectation of marriage. A person with self respect wouldn’t treat another person like this. They’d either make a commitment or let the person go. A self respecting person doesn’t use others.

Any self-respecting man or woman who is in a serious relationship and loves and cares for their girlfriend or boyfriend would never entertain the idea of allowing another person to pursue them.
?

Sure, why not ask the person out?

What is he going to do? Ask her on a date?
?

I dated my husband, and other men until we (my future husband and I) had a commitment between us.

While I was dating my husband…I had a few guys ask me out…they didn’t know I was in a serious relationship and that was fine…I politely declined and told them why.?

That’s one way of putting it - makes sense to me.

Is he to say…well there is no ring on it…why can’t we go out??

I think that’s where the line is drawn - the engagement indicates there is the promise of a serious commitment - yet - engagements have been known to be broken.

Anyway, this is all just my opinion. Take it or leave it as you see fit.

Does the idea of “not married, fair game” include engagements? The couple still isn’t married…if you saw an engagement ring but no band…would you still ask the girl out?