More children or private school

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ecaglover

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Hello all!
I joined this forum specifically to get advice from fellow Catholics about family and catholic school. First some history…I am a mother of 3 children ages 5, 3, and 1. I attended private Catholic school my entire school years and my husband in high school only. We make good enough money to send our 3 children to Catholic school as long as I continue to work about 30 hours a week. We have considered having a 4th child but we know that doing so will eliminate the possibility of sending them to private school. Our local public school is average. Locally everything thinks it is wonderful, but we currently live in Alabama so wonderful is relative. Academically the Catholic school is good. I wouldn’t say it is leaps and bounds greater than public school, but probably a little better. And of course smaller, faith-based, etc. For weeks my husband and I have prayed and prayed about which direction to take for our family; more children or Catholic school. I’m emotionally torn in both directions for different reasons. Is there anyone who has done both or have older children and has insight about the choices they made and if they were good, bad, etc. Would you do it the same? Would you do it differently? And just FYI, we won’t qualify for financial assistance because we make too much money and I wouldn’t be able to volunteer my time to get a discount because I would have to work to pay for the private school discount or not. Thoughts please!!
 
Thank you so much for your reply! Unfortunately, the cost is already real for us as we currently pay for daycare at $1500 a month for our 3 children. Moving to Catholic school the cost will continue to be about that same amount. Probably a little more. Adding a 4th child raises the cost to over $2000 a month when daycare and school are considered. We just cannot swing another $500/mo. unless I work full time which we feel would not be in the best interest of our children. We feel that I should try to be home with them at least some in the afternoons because we have no family here and they would have to go to after school care everyday until 5:30 or 6 otherwise. Any additional money I make goes toward their college savings which we feel is vital and are unwilling to give up. I know many would disagree, but we plan on paying for in state college tuition for all our children who want to go to lessen their need for starting their lives in debt due to student loans.

I’m sure I’m over thinking all of this! I’m just a concerned mother who wants to make the best choice for my children and our family. Prayers that God will show us the right path!!
 
Either would seem to be a morally licit choice (as long as you don’t use illicit means to avid another pregnancy - i.e contraception or sterilization) so it would come down to a prudential decision that only you can make. My two cents is to have more kids and keep them in the public school, but that is in no way to condemn the other option, just my personal preference.
 
ecaglover said:
Is there anyone who has done both or have older children and has insight about the choices they made and if they were good, bad, etc. Would you do it the same? Would you do it differently? And just FYI, we won’t qualify for financial assistance because we make too much money and I wouldn’t be able to volunteer my time to get a discount because I would have to work to pay for the private school discount or not. Thoughts please!!
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My wife and I made the decision to have more children. Ours were already in Catholic school. Public school was not an option. We also did not find Catholic school to be viable option either as in out estimation it was not much better than public school and we wanted something more than even Catholic school could provide. Our concerns weighed more on the future of our children and less on finances. (My wife was already not working so the financial situation under consideration was quite different.)

We stopped attending the Catholic school when our oldest was in 4th grade after our 4th child was born and went to homeschooling. Our 3rd child had a learning issue that raised red flags with how the school was handling that and we were able to “fix” the problems that the school said they couldn’t address, but this required personal individualized instruction.

So our situation is different. I would not change anything. We have 9 children, all homeschooled. The oldest is 23 and the youngest is 6.

Joe B
 
Usually Catholic schools give discounts the more children you have in them. The one my sons went to, the fourth child was free. Like the other poster said if you have another in a couple years, they would be entering school while the older ones are exiting. i would also look at the price of Catholic High school which is more expensive if your plans are to send them through K-12. I would also check what scholarship monies are available or grants the diocese might have to make it more affordable. These are things to look into. Plus, you don’t have to have a fourth right away and maybe wait a couple years as well. I know for high schools, many really try to work out something for families to send them there. These are just some ideas I hope can help you.
 
I vote more children!! IMHO, eternal souls always beats out expensive education. My husband and I both went to public school and all of our kids will as well!! It doesn’t sound like there is a huge difference between your public and private schools!! While it is nice to receive more faith education in school, that can and should be taught at home! If the public school is sub-par, then homeschooling is always an option as well. And if you didn’t have daycare and private school tuitions, maybe you could even stay home with them.
 
I’ve worked in Catholic Schools.
My opinion is that while some are excellent, others are just “eh”.
The big issue as you have noted, is the cost. Back when the poor sisters worked for
“three hots and a cot”, tuition was affordable because they were trying to get lay people on the payroll. Those days are long gone for many parts of the country.
I had one daughter in Catholic School all the way…and she thrived, got all A’s excelled at college, love the whole thing. The other daughter had learning issues, and was quickly labeled and hated every minute of Catholic School. She retained the values, but to this day, doesn’t like to read, doesn’t like anything related to learning. She sees it as the illumination of every flaw within herself.
In other words, it’s not the cure all for the evils of the world, and it’s not for everyone.
Most of the parents that are really successful in putting together a great education and great spirituality for their children homeschool. I could not do that, since I was the primary breadwinner, but I’ve seen it work for many.
Scholarships are not as abundant as college recruiters would have you believe. I think it’s important to save money for college…so that they can attend one that specializes in what they want to do eventually. If they all go to Catholic school, you’ll go broke. And you’ll miss their growing up while you’re at the office.
Public school, depending on the district, is not all evil. If you go, introduce yourself to the teachers, be involved, and insist that your kids be in the honors classes where available.
Minimize their exposure to the kids who just don’t care.
JMHO
Peace.
 
It might make a lot of sense to do either K-8 in Catholic school or 9-12.

I think I lean toward K-8 in Catholic school (if it’s genuinely better) just because public middle school is just so infamous as being an educational black hole, even in “nice areas”. There are very, very few good middle schools. The middle school model is just deeply flawed.

We have two kids in private classical school and it’s very expensive (and I’m not sure I would have done it if we’d calculated how expensive it was going to be). We’re paying about $500+ a head and then eventually we’ll be paying for a third child, at which point we’ll be paying over $1500 a month in tuition and I’ll probably have to go back to work just to pay her tuition. I think that my middle child probably would have done fine almost anywhere, but our oldest has special needs and definitely benefits from being in a small class in a small school where all the adults know who she is and she’s been with many of her classmates for the past 7 years. Socially, it’s been a godsend. I can’t even imagine how she would have dealt with middle school. I’ve always left the door open to switching over to public school for high school, but barring the unforeseen, I don’t think we’ll have to do that.
 
OP - You are assuming that you will not be blessed abundantly by having children.

An old boss I had once looked back on his life after his kids were a little older and interestingly, each time he had a kid, he got a new contract, or something happened that raised his income an average of 30% per kid.

I wouldn’t go into child having with this assumption, but it’s kind of interesting how that timing always seemed to be around each kid.

How about let’s ask God - God do you want to create something new, or fund something created?

God: ‘I’m God, I can do both’.

It’s ok to pray that God take a little control, we can’t always control everything.

We are raising 6 with #7 working on the other side already.
 
OP - are you considering a 4th child because you would like to have more children?
 
I think we would definitely consider actively trying to have one more if we didn’t pay for private school. After that it would be only God willing that we had more as we wouldn’t try for more.

While I would love having one more child, I can’t help but think of the ones I currently have. My oldest is a “wild child” at 5. He is very smart, but hyper and physical. He’s socially immature although he does have friends, but has trouble with simple things like sharing, waiting (for anything), and listening consistently. He thrives on routine and consistency, especially for rewards/punishments. He doesn’t melt down or anything like that without them, but he just gets in a LOT more trouble! LOL!

I don’t have those concerns for my daughters. One they are girls so they by nature tend to be less physical. They are both caring and love to please so behaviorally they are less of an issue in general. My son is the driving force for potentially choosing Catholic school. And we’ve already decided that we will send them all to the same school regardless of our decision.

I’m finding it is a hard choice because I do want more children (well, one more), but think that Catholic school, at least the one here, might provide more structure and routine as well as more “play” time (they have recess and PE everyday, whereas our public school does not.)

I’m sorry to go on and on! :o I’m just a parent who wants to make a good and Godly choice for our family as a whole. I’m trying to pray for guidance and take a leap of faith in either direction, but I just feel like I don’t feel compelled or convicted either way.
 
Xantippe said:
We have two kids in private classical school and it’s very expensive (and I’m not sure I would have done it if we’d calculated how expensive it was going to be). We’re paying about $500+ a head and then eventually we’ll be paying for a third child, at which point we’ll be paying over $1500 a month in tuition and I’ll probably have to go back to work just to pay her tuition.
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Does government at any level contribute funding to non-government (incl Catholic) schools in the US? Where I live the government does make a significant contribution. Two kids in a primary Catholic School costs about $5,000 per year.

And BTW, in our diocese, Catholic Education state that no child will be denied Catholic education due to financial stress.
 
We can get funding if our public school is a “failing” school, but it is good for the area. Good enough at least. And we make too much for aid from the Church because we choose to save for their college. Our monthly budget is tight but it is because we are frugally responsible not because we can’t make ends meet. We save for retirement, college, and Christmas every month on top of regular bills and expenses. we currently pay for daycare for all 3 which we could continue for private school, but there is no where in the budget for vacations, cars, eating out (well nicer than fast food), extracurricular activities, etc.
 
ecaglover said:

“I’m finding it is a hard choice because I do want more children (well, one more), but think that Catholic school, at least the one here, might provide more structure and routine as well as more “play” time (they have recess and PE everyday, whereas our public school does not.)”

That sounds like a really good reason to do K-8 Catholic school, but it wouldn’t apply so much to high school.

If your Catholic school does a really good job with your 5-year-old son and has the recess and PE he needs, that sounds like a great idea.
 
Rau said:

“Does government at any level contribute funding to non-government (incl Catholic) schools in the US?”

There are particular programs (for instance in areas with terrible public schools) and the government may pay for stuff like books and transportation, but for the most part, private schools are private. The separation of church and state is a big deal in the US legal system, which has both advantages and disadvantages. However, at the moment, we’re faced with a situation where the government 1) doesn’t fund Catholic schools but 2) is trying to dictate to Catholic institutions that they have to pay for all sorts of stuff they don’t want to pay for (birth control, sterilizations, etc.). They’re totally trying to have their cake and eat it, too.

“Where I live the government does make a significant contribution. Two kids in a primary Catholic School costs about $5,000 per year.”

I once saw a Maryland parochial K-8 school where you could have unlimited (!) kids in their school for $9,000 a year (that was some years ago), which was a really good deal compared to other private schools in the area. (The class sizes were BIG, though.) I believe that was not uncommon in the area.
 
As you said yourself, I think you are overthinking it. If you and your husband want another child, you should go for it. Financial situations are never guaranteed anyway. Who’s to know one way or the other what your future holds in store.

We were on a very tight income when the kids started Catholic school. (We never considered anything else) but my husband went back to Uni and got an IT degree and 6 years later our income nearly doubled overnight. (He was able to apply for a professional position at the company he worked for and because he had been there so long in administrative, he had a good reputation and got fast tracked). On the other hand, my sister has a friend who is now pregnant with her 17th child and her hubby is just a fireman and she doesn’t work. They make it all work and they are one of the happiest families around. All go to Catholic school. (Negotiated fees) They never worry about how the future will go. It just works out.

Once you have a new baby, you never regret it. (Well I did once they became teens but that was because they morphed into horrible creatures for a while), but there is nothing worse than regret about postponing a child once it is too late.
 
Why not send them to regular school or homeschool them at home and give them a solid catholic education at home…

That way you can welcome more children that god may have planned for you and your husband into your family…

And also it would save all that money you would be spending on catholic school
 
Dear OP: God may be putting that desire for a fourth little one in your heart for a reason. Do you really trust that He will provide for you, financially? Or do you stress out, feeling you have to handle it all yourself?
ffg said:
An old boss I had once looked back on his life after his kids were a little older and interestingly, each time he had a kid, he got a new contract, or something happened that raised his income an average of 30% per kid.
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That’s been our exact experience as well! Very cool!
 
One more vote for more children instead of (feeling more secure about being able to send to) private school :).

Money comes and goes, situations change… fertility just goes… our chance to receive God’s blessings when He wants to send them just goes… If you discern you have a serious/just/grave reason for which you need to avoid having children right now, sure… but I personally would not do it for the reasons stated :).

If it helps, I remember before our kids were school aged worrying about how we could afford to send them to Catholic school, and now we just enrolled our 4th child in a Catholic school (we had two more after the 4th… don’t know if we will be blessed with more, don’t know if we will always be able to send them to Catholic school). I would accept more children over having more security about being able to send them to Catholic school in a heartbeat… what if the schools close, or go up astronomically that I couldn’t afford more than one or two? What if the prices go down, or finances change, after it is too late to receive any more children? If it gets to the point where wecannot afford Catholic school, I know God will not deny our family the means to raise our children in the faith, whatever those means may be.
 
Xantippe said:
However, at the moment, we’re faced with a situation where the government 1) doesn’t fund Catholic schools but 2) is trying to dictate to Catholic institutions that they have to pay for all sorts of stuff they don’t want to pay for (birth control, sterilizations, etc.). They’re totally trying to have their cake and eat it, too.
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I have some sympathy with the Government in the area of your (2) above. If a law says a business must operate on certain principles, I understand the difficultly in making exceptions. If sterilisations are legal, then I probably have to accept that the employees of Catholic institutions ought to have the right to be able to purchase the relevant “insurance”. There probably needs to be a degree of predictability in these things.

I can also understand the practicalities of Church/State separation. But given we all pay tax, it does not seem to be an unreasonable proposition that the Government should contribute **something **to the education of all children, regardless of the school they attend (given all schools are bound to comply with the Government-mandated syllabus and other ‘rules’). The parents of children attending private schools are saving the Government a fortune!
 
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