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aloe
Guest
Good thinking about an other option.
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ecaglover
Guest
Thank you everyone for you comments! Unfortunately, I have to work regardless of what we do with our children because my income goes toward retirement and college savings. Although I could certainly work less if our children went to public school. I don’t feel like homeschooling is an option for us. I feel as if my son needs routine and structure outside our home. I think homeschooling would hurt our relationship not strengthen it, but I have certainly considered that as an option.
Given some comments about government issues, my husband and I do have concerns that our public school system issues laptops staring in the 3 grade through high school. Sounds great, but I believe too much emphasis has been placed on using technology to teach vs. using it as an aid to teaching. Also, with common core, another hot topic I know, I have serious concerns about lack of literature exposure and lack of writing skills. Math and science are somewhat concerning, but luckily because they aren’t as subjective as writing. I keep up with Common Core and do have some grave concerns about how it will lead to more “teaching the test” rather than educating our children as a whole.
But, then again, like others have said, life is uncertain and I know I would never regret another child regardless of our financial situation. I’m ready for God to “SHOW ME A SIGN!” LOL!
Given some comments about government issues, my husband and I do have concerns that our public school system issues laptops staring in the 3 grade through high school. Sounds great, but I believe too much emphasis has been placed on using technology to teach vs. using it as an aid to teaching. Also, with common core, another hot topic I know, I have serious concerns about lack of literature exposure and lack of writing skills. Math and science are somewhat concerning, but luckily because they aren’t as subjective as writing. I keep up with Common Core and do have some grave concerns about how it will lead to more “teaching the test” rather than educating our children as a whole.
But, then again, like others have said, life is uncertain and I know I would never regret another child regardless of our financial situation. I’m ready for God to “SHOW ME A SIGN!” LOL!
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Xantippe
Guest
ecaglover said:
“Given some comments about government issues, my husband and I do have concerns that our public school system issues laptops staring in the 3 grade through high school.”
That’s a terrible idea. There have been a number of studies showing that that harms educational outcomes.
theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/back-to-school/laptops-in-class-lowers-students-grades-canadian-study/article13759430/
news.slashdot.org/story/13/08/15/1241215/using-laptop-to-take-notes-lowers-grades
If you poke around the internet, you’ll find lots more.
“Also, with common core, another hot topic I know, I have serious concerns about lack of literature exposure and lack of writing skills. Math and science are somewhat concerning, but luckily because they aren’t as subjective as writing. I keep up with Common Core and do have some grave concerns about how it will lead to more “teaching the test” rather than educating our children as a whole.”
One issue to be aware of is that unfortunately, private schools often start mimicking unfortunate trends in public education. For one thing, they may be using textbooks supplied by government funding, so there is a tendency to drift in the direction of whatever is the latest public education fad.
True story: When we were deciding on a school for our oldest, I was very familiar with the math wars, so I was delighted when we found a school that used Singapore Math. Everything was fine for the first few years, and then the school switched over to a special American version of the Singapore Math textbooks, which really were not at all the same. When my son was in 1st grade, he was literally crying over the math problems, which were mathematically speaking quite trivial, but were so poorly explained that the poor little guy was crying his eyes out over their stupid problems. The old Singapore books were so crystal clear that the kids didn’t need any help or explanations. The crying over math hasn’t happened for a while (the teachers eventually figured out the situation), but you have to be prepared for that sort of situation where the school fixes something that wasn’t broken.
So, if I were you, I would do very careful research with regard to textbooks and curriculum and philosophy at your Catholic school. The good news is that they probably don’t have enough funding to pay for laptops for every student. That’s a silver lining…
There’s a book I like very much entitled “Raising a Left-Brain Child in a Right-Brain World” which has a lot of stuff about the problem of school projects. (As you will eventually discover, projects are very hard on parents.) Katharine Beals, the author, has an excellent blog at oilf.blogspot.com. I see that she has a new piece up at The Atlantic entitled “The Common Core is Tough on Kids with Special Needs,” which may be relevant to you. (I haven’t read it yet, but I’m going to.) Another resource is the archives of Kitchen Table Math, which is less active now, but which has been a hotbed of parent math activism. KTM has slowed down lately, but if you start at the beginning of the archives, it tells a very interesting story of what it’s like dealing with an unresponsive public middle school, even in a “good” school district.
“Given some comments about government issues, my husband and I do have concerns that our public school system issues laptops staring in the 3 grade through high school.”
That’s a terrible idea. There have been a number of studies showing that that harms educational outcomes.
theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/back-to-school/laptops-in-class-lowers-students-grades-canadian-study/article13759430/
news.slashdot.org/story/13/08/15/1241215/using-laptop-to-take-notes-lowers-grades
If you poke around the internet, you’ll find lots more.
“Also, with common core, another hot topic I know, I have serious concerns about lack of literature exposure and lack of writing skills. Math and science are somewhat concerning, but luckily because they aren’t as subjective as writing. I keep up with Common Core and do have some grave concerns about how it will lead to more “teaching the test” rather than educating our children as a whole.”
One issue to be aware of is that unfortunately, private schools often start mimicking unfortunate trends in public education. For one thing, they may be using textbooks supplied by government funding, so there is a tendency to drift in the direction of whatever is the latest public education fad.
True story: When we were deciding on a school for our oldest, I was very familiar with the math wars, so I was delighted when we found a school that used Singapore Math. Everything was fine for the first few years, and then the school switched over to a special American version of the Singapore Math textbooks, which really were not at all the same. When my son was in 1st grade, he was literally crying over the math problems, which were mathematically speaking quite trivial, but were so poorly explained that the poor little guy was crying his eyes out over their stupid problems. The old Singapore books were so crystal clear that the kids didn’t need any help or explanations. The crying over math hasn’t happened for a while (the teachers eventually figured out the situation), but you have to be prepared for that sort of situation where the school fixes something that wasn’t broken.
So, if I were you, I would do very careful research with regard to textbooks and curriculum and philosophy at your Catholic school. The good news is that they probably don’t have enough funding to pay for laptops for every student. That’s a silver lining…
There’s a book I like very much entitled “Raising a Left-Brain Child in a Right-Brain World” which has a lot of stuff about the problem of school projects. (As you will eventually discover, projects are very hard on parents.) Katharine Beals, the author, has an excellent blog at oilf.blogspot.com. I see that she has a new piece up at The Atlantic entitled “The Common Core is Tough on Kids with Special Needs,” which may be relevant to you. (I haven’t read it yet, but I’m going to.) Another resource is the archives of Kitchen Table Math, which is less active now, but which has been a hotbed of parent math activism. KTM has slowed down lately, but if you start at the beginning of the archives, it tells a very interesting story of what it’s like dealing with an unresponsive public middle school, even in a “good” school district.
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MomaMary8
Guest
One more vote for more children instead of (feeling more secure about being able to send to) private school.
**Money comes and goes, situations change… **fertility just goes… our chance to receive God’s blessings when He wants to send them just goes… If you discern you have a serious/just/grave reason for which you need to avoid having children right now, sure… but I personally would not do it for the reasons stated
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So True!I vote for a baby! Seems like my husband I never had enough money to “afford” have a baby, but now that we have them, we seem to be making it just fine. FYI we have one in college, 3 in public High school, 1 in a private middle school and 3 homeschooling. Every year we decide what is best for their education and make it the priority. Some years we spend more, sometimes less. God likes to draw with crooked lines and I’m finally learning to be flexible enough for the curves he likes to throw in there
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gardenswithkids
Guest
Such a personal decision!
We provide a Catholic education through homeschooling. If people wonder why homeschoolers like me often have large families, consider this: I’m already home and educating my other children, so one more child doesn’t really add much expense.
We are fortunately in a position where we are able to afford Catholic high school, but many Catholics I know with smaller families cannot.
You can make educated guesses, but you can not accurately predict what your income will be 13 or 14 years from now. You may be able to afford Catholic education for more children than you think you can. Or you may find even with limiting your family size you still can’t afford it.
We provide a Catholic education through homeschooling. If people wonder why homeschoolers like me often have large families, consider this: I’m already home and educating my other children, so one more child doesn’t really add much expense.
We are fortunately in a position where we are able to afford Catholic high school, but many Catholics I know with smaller families cannot.
You can make educated guesses, but you can not accurately predict what your income will be 13 or 14 years from now. You may be able to afford Catholic education for more children than you think you can. Or you may find even with limiting your family size you still can’t afford it.
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Huskyluv
Guest
Our family has also been very concerned with number of children versus the cost of a Catholic education for our children. Catholic school for our two kids where we are is very expensive, we’re talking about $900/month for tuition alone for just the two kids. SC is known for it’s below average public schools so we really don’t consider public school an option. Ultimately, after much prayer, we decided to home school our kids. I was already a stay at home mom so it just made sense in so many aspects for us to give our kids a good Catholic homeschool education.
Every situation is different, but I tend to think that more kids is always the best blessing and worth more than a private school education.
Every situation is different, but I tend to think that more kids is always the best blessing and worth more than a private school education.
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Abundant
Guest
I’m glad you asked this question as I think it is a HUGE problem that people without children may not be aware that families struggle with. We have an 11 year old son who attends public school because when we had him, we were young and broke and there was NO WAY we could have afforded Catholic School. Like you, we still made too much money to qualify for aid, but at the time that was still barely enough to make it to the next pay day. Now, we are much better off financially so my 5 year old daughter has been in Catholic school for 2 years. The first school was $8k per year with an additional $380 a month for before and after school care. That did not include field trips, lunch, uniforms, etc. So, her school was about $1200/month which is about the rate for day care over the summer. When I add that to after care for my son, we were paying about $1500 a month for both kids or nearly $18,000 a year!! Ouch! We have since moved her to a different Catholic School that costs about $5200 a year and charges by the hour for after care making it about $620 a month total for her and my son is now going to middle school and old enough to stay by himself for an hour before my husband gets home. If we add a baby in child care to that…yikes! We will be in the $2k a month range just for child care.
We too felt the desire to have another baby, but with me working full time and the cost of Catholic school being so high, we felt like we couldn’t afford it. So, we took a bold step: We put it in God’s hands. I continued to chart using NFP, but we figured that if the mood struck then we would let God decide what was best. He got us this far after all! We were pretty much faithful to our chart method, except this one time…on New Year’s Eve. Baby # 3 will be here at the end of September!
This is how I feel about it: Will I be able to afford Catholic School for all of my kids? Maybe, maybe not. But I WILL be able to love them and take care of them and if God wills for them to be in Catholic schools then they will be because I have faith that He will provide a way. However, by living faithful to His will and the Church’s teachings, I have provided the best possible Catholic Education possible: that we respect all life, welcome it and trust in God’s provisions. We have been broke before. We have had abundance before. And God was there through every bit of it. That is the lesson I want for my kids…be there 3 or 30.
We too felt the desire to have another baby, but with me working full time and the cost of Catholic school being so high, we felt like we couldn’t afford it. So, we took a bold step: We put it in God’s hands. I continued to chart using NFP, but we figured that if the mood struck then we would let God decide what was best. He got us this far after all! We were pretty much faithful to our chart method, except this one time…on New Year’s Eve. Baby # 3 will be here at the end of September!
This is how I feel about it: Will I be able to afford Catholic School for all of my kids? Maybe, maybe not. But I WILL be able to love them and take care of them and if God wills for them to be in Catholic schools then they will be because I have faith that He will provide a way. However, by living faithful to His will and the Church’s teachings, I have provided the best possible Catholic Education possible: that we respect all life, welcome it and trust in God’s provisions. We have been broke before. We have had abundance before. And God was there through every bit of it. That is the lesson I want for my kids…be there 3 or 30.
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ecaglover
Guest
Have any of you moved your children from one school to another or sent your kids to different schools? We’ve considered sending our son to private school because we feel he needs the structure and smaller community the most, while sending our girls to public. We’ve also considered sending them all to public until our 3rd is ready for Kindergarten and then moving them all to private (my son would be in 5th grade then).
I had concerns they would hate moving schools or resent me or each other if they went to different schools. I know I should do what is best for my kids and not worry much about how they feel about it, but I still think about that. Anyone have experience with that?
I had concerns they would hate moving schools or resent me or each other if they went to different schools. I know I should do what is best for my kids and not worry much about how they feel about it, but I still think about that. Anyone have experience with that?
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Book_Worm
Guest
I’m going to post in contradiction to just about everything I’ve read on these posts.
We had only one child, although we had hoped for more. She was in Catholic school from pre-school through HS. I believe I’ve said on these boards before that it was the best investment we ever made. Our public school system was very good, but the values taught and the support of being surrounded by others who shared those values made the decision easy for us. There’s a lot of truth to the adage, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” DD’s friends all came from families whose belief system aligned with ours.
I’d also disagree with priotizing K-8 above HS. we sent DD to a small, all-girls school from seventh grade through HS. It’s the time when lots of kids weaken in their beliefs, and the time when they learn about their religion on a more adult level. I could easily impart the elementary school basics of Catholicism; helping a teen who begins to doubt her religion would have been much more of a challenge.
As a result, DD feels so strongly that she has enrolled her DS in Catholic school for pre-school, even though the local public school has a better program for dealing with her DS’s allergies and it’s a tremendous financial burden. She even hopes to get a job in the school when her second child is old enough so they can afford two tuitions, a choice that would probably cost her family $40,000 a year.
One of my very Catholic relatives has seven children, none practicing Catholics, only two are even Christian. I only had one soul entrusted to my care, and she is very firmly Catholic.
We had only one child, although we had hoped for more. She was in Catholic school from pre-school through HS. I believe I’ve said on these boards before that it was the best investment we ever made. Our public school system was very good, but the values taught and the support of being surrounded by others who shared those values made the decision easy for us. There’s a lot of truth to the adage, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” DD’s friends all came from families whose belief system aligned with ours.
I’d also disagree with priotizing K-8 above HS. we sent DD to a small, all-girls school from seventh grade through HS. It’s the time when lots of kids weaken in their beliefs, and the time when they learn about their religion on a more adult level. I could easily impart the elementary school basics of Catholicism; helping a teen who begins to doubt her religion would have been much more of a challenge.
As a result, DD feels so strongly that she has enrolled her DS in Catholic school for pre-school, even though the local public school has a better program for dealing with her DS’s allergies and it’s a tremendous financial burden. She even hopes to get a job in the school when her second child is old enough so they can afford two tuitions, a choice that would probably cost her family $40,000 a year.
One of my very Catholic relatives has seven children, none practicing Catholics, only two are even Christian. I only had one soul entrusted to my care, and she is very firmly Catholic.
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CroCatholic
Guest
I haven’t read all the comments but I wanted to share our experience with you. We have 5 children, aged 7,5,4,2 and 1 and are expecting our 6th. Our oldest two are currently enrolled in a Catholic school that we really like. It is quite the drive so on top of tuition and uniform costs, we have to factor in fuel costs as well. The financial end is manageable for now (we’re a one income family) and could probably be managed in the future. Tuition coupled with an ever growing grocery bill and trying to save for retirement is not manageable. After much prayer, we’ve decided that logistically, financially, spiritually and the fact that the schools in our local division are busting at the seams, have lead us to homeschooling. Perhaps this is an option for you as well? I think that if you would like a fourth child, you should have one. I’ve never heard anyone say that they wished they’d never had so many children but I hear people say that they wished they’d had at least one more on many occasions.
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Rau
Guest
Will you home-school right through to their last year at school, or to what point?
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gardenswithkids
Guest
The question wasn’t addressed to me, but I will answer it. We plan to homeschool up to the point where we discover that we wish to stop homeschooling. We make our educational decisions one year at a time and re-assess the decision annually. So far, we’ve homeschooled through 8th grade then send our children to a Catholic high school.
Homeschooling doesn’t need to be a “forever” decision. Private school and public school shouldn’t have to be that way either. There may be factors outside of our control that affect these decisions. Parents may have their hearts set on Catholic school and even have the means to pay for it-- but Catholic schools sometimes close and other Catholic schools don’t accept every applicant. Parents who send a child to public school may encounter something that pushes them to re-evaluate that decision.
My family has used private, public and home schools. Teachers at brick and mortar schools typically sign annual contracts; homeschooling teachers (aka parents) can also commit to homeschooling one year at a time.
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Rau
Guest
The idea to take it one year at a time is clear - I was just wondering how it would be possible to do a good job through high school across the breadth of subjects the children might study: Maths, history, English, languages, economics, etc.
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ecaglover
Guest
I know many people have suggested homeschooling. I’m an educator and homeschooling still scares me. Head butting with my children as well as trying to teach concepts that I am not familiar with are my two biggest concerns. Also, I have to work at least part time to save for college and retirement for my family. We don’t know anyone in this area, no family, no friends (yet), so I don’t know what I could do with my kids if I worked part time. It just doesn’t work for us. 
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leonie
Guest
pray, pray, pray!!!I know many people have suggested homeschooling. I’m an educator and homeschooling still scares me. Head butting with my children as well as trying to teach concepts that I am not familiar with are my two biggest concerns. Also, I have to work at least part time to save for college and retirement for my family. We don’t know anyone in this area, no family, no friends (yet), so I don’t know what I could do with my kids if I worked part time. It just doesn’t work for us.
What we are finding is that living on one income with a big family actually qualifies our family for things for which other families have to pay. I’m not sure that is fair, but it is the way the life in the USA is organized right now. We actually have a nice income.
For example, we get a huge tax refund every year. It’s much more than we pay in. We also qualify for state income vouchers, though we don’t use them (yes, homeschoolers here!)
My college age kids receive Pell Grants as well as state grants. So, even though we haven’t saved for college, it hasn’t hurt them. In fact, one of our friends has saved extensively, but half of their savings actually count against their financial aid benefit.
As far as retirement goes, I heard Dave Ramsey say that people do most of their saving in their fifties. I find that reassuring.
I understand your reluctance to homeschool. I love homeschooling even with its hard days, but I know that it’s not always what God wants for each family. What I suggest is the Steve Wood prayer: For a very short amount of time–60 seconds to 5 minutes, ask God to give you His Heart and His Will about having another child. You can also do the same thing for homeschooling. I believe if you pray this earnestly and with an open heart, God will place his desire for you.
You might then find that your desire for another child fades or becomes stronger.
I’m so glad that you are being prayerful and thoughtful about having another child. So many people decide on a number and that’s that, no matter what God wants for them.
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leonie
Guest
This article has a huge impact on me exactly when we were discerning having our fifth child.
catholicexchange.com/2008/02/12/94691/
catholicexchange.com/2008/02/12/94691/
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Kelfa28
Guest
Three options I’ve read into for those situations.
- Enroll them in community college. Classes are affordable, high school kids can take them (though you should check in advance) and an added bonus of earned college credits.
- Hire a private tutor
- Find homeschool groups on social media or through church or whatever and do group classes or co-ops. Retired school teachers sometimes advertise themselves out for homeschool groups, costs and supplies can be split between the families or you can get lucky enough to find other homeschool parents who are skilled and seasoned at teaching upper level math, science, language or other challenging classes.
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leonie
Guest
here’s a reference to the sixty second prayer I mentioned
familylifecenterstore.net/the-60-second-prayer-an-explosive-breakthrough-to-answered-prayer-cd/
familylifecenterstore.net/the-60-second-prayer-an-explosive-breakthrough-to-answered-prayer-cd/
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gardenswithkids
Guest
Great article!
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AnastasiaRomano
Guest
There are also a variety of online classes available for high-schoolers, both from Catholic and non-Catholic sources. Some of these programs even have full-time online options.
For a variety of reasons, homeschooling didn’t work for our family, but we did a lot of research and found there were a lot of resources available even in our relatively rural area.
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