More confession questions: Need advice

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DianaS

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This will be long but I really need some advice. I know I started a thread about confession recently but I have some new questions. I really want to make a good confession and am having a lot of doubts. As I said before, I think I have OCD but I did not have scrupules before. Before, I didn’t really think all that deeply about confession. As I said in the other thread (Unwanted thoughts…) that I have had unwanted impure thoughts. However, I also remember that sometimes I may have had some that I consented to at least briefly (like thinking about certain movie scenes, etc.). Also, at my last confession, I also wanted to do a good confession and after thinking a lot came to the conclusion that these thoughts were involuntary and therefore not a sin. I did not mention them. I also did not mention some sins that I believed to be venial (making quick judgements of people, etc.). What I want to know is: since I believed that those sins were venial or not sins, was that confession invalid? Also, I am worried that I may have convinced myself tht the thoughts were not a sin because I was embarassed. I’m really confused still about whether they’re mortal or not. I was thinking I would say all my sins, then say the ones I didn’t mention last time and say that I didn’t mention them last time because of confusion and embarrasment. What I want to know is, would it be ok to not mention that I didn’t say them before? The reason being that I was confused and unsure about whether they were mortal or venial? Also, are my previous confessions invalid? And one more question: If I am rude to some people due to my shyness, is this a sin that needs to be confessed? Thank you for any responses and I’m sorry for the long post. I am just really confused. I know that I should just talk to the priest about it but I’m really shy (which started this whole problem) and probably would go blank if the priest asked my something.
 
Diana, knowing that you have OCD and that you’re showing signs of scruples now, the only right advice to give you is to make an appointment with a priest whom you trust and discuss your scruples, your questions about your previous confessions, and how to deal with this kind of thing in the future. Just say everything - it’s the only way to get answers.

If you make an appointment instead of simply engaging the priest in conversation at some random time, or asking a question in confession while others are waiting, there will be plenty of time in a relaxed atmosphere. It should help overcome some of your shyness to know that the priest is ready to listen and help you.

The usual way of handling scruples is to go to only one priest for your confessions - one who understands your issues - and obey him in everything, even if it seems counterintuitive. The rules for scrupulous people are not the same as for everybody else.

God bless you as you struggle with this.

Betsy

Edit: I just re-read your post - if you only THINK you have OCD, you should see a doctor for a diagnosis and treatment. Things can get a lot better with the right treatment.
 
You can write down what you want to remember to mention to the priest to help you out, just don’t write anything explicit (in case you lose the paper and someone else finds it). Just write things in a sort of code, like “previous confessions” so that others wouldn’t understand it.

Most priests are very understanding of these types of problems as they are not unusual, and also many times people go through a period like this as they travel along their spiritual path. A good priest will be able to help you through this.
 
Writing them down is great. It helps me often if there are several things I donn’t want to forget.

Remember that aside from the requirement of going to reconciliation at least once a year. the only time you “have” to go is for mortal sins. When you go to reconciliation all of your sins venial and are forgiven whether or not you remember them. If you happen to remember a mortal sin that you failed to confess, you should mention it next time you are there, but venial sins are gone regardless.

Forgetting to confess a sin doesn’t make the sacrament invalid. If there are mortal sins that you forgot to confess. I would simply mention to the priest toward the end that you have something you would like to add that you forgot last time. Chances are the priest wont say anything at all and if he does, just listen and see what he has to say.

Lastly, being rude to someone can be a venial sin if you were trying to be rude. Now if it can’t be helped and you weren’t trying to be rude, that’s just how the person percieved you. It’s not your fault.
 
06convert said:
Forgetting to confess a sin doesn’t make the sacrament invalid. If there are mortal sins that you forgot to confess. I would simply mention to the priest toward the end that you have something you would like to add that you forgot last time. Chances are the priest wont say anything at all and if he does, just listen and see what he has to say.
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Thanks for all your replies! I wanted to clarify that I wasn’t sure if the sin was a mortal sin but I convinced myself that it wasn’t. Would this count as concealing a sin? I didn’t forget it. Thanks again and any replies are very helpful.
 
I thought that a confession was invalid if you willfuly conceal a mortal sin (not sure about concealing a venial sin).
 
Would not telling someone that they are committing a sin be a sin. Like if you know that they are doing something very wrong.
 
DianaS said:
Would not telling someone that they are committing a sin be a sin. Like if you know that they are doing something very wrong.
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That’s a question I have asked myself before too i think.
I am not sure…But apart from talking about sin, the wisest thing to do so often depends on the situation, doesn’t it?
OK if I get the feeling the other person isn’t aware he is sinning (then he isn’t really sinning, at least not mortally, right?), then maybe I should try to make them aware.
(But then, what if they choose to not stop the behavior, now KNOWING they are sinning? Then they are now sinning, because I told them? BUT: Doesn’t sin mean, breaking in some way with God’s love, towards Him or towards our neighbor? So maybe really what I should do is tell the other person the possible implications of their actions, HOW they can hurt somebody with their action, or how it is controversy to God’s love… to make them aware.

OK, now, when I see somebody committing a sin but I know that they are aware of it, then maybe it really depends on the situation because sometimes telling them makes it even worse, causes a reaction of anger or resistance. Like constantly telling somebody not to swear - sometimes then they start doing it even more, isn’t it so?
But then again, telling that somebody what he really is saying, making him/her aware of it, as in, do you realize what this actually means?.. I think that is really good. But then maybe not constantly.

In the Bible there is this story about, if somebody does wrong, first to take them aside and tell them alone, if that doesn’t help tell them together with another person, and if that doesn’t help, let the church tell them, or something like that?
But does that mean this is the way to do it in every little case where we see somebody sin in our personal lives?

Kathrin
 
Everybody deserves to know the truth, so leaving someone ignorant of what is sinful is not good.

However, it is not our job to tell every single person we see. We have to make a careful consideration each time. There are no hard and fast rules.

People we should consider telling: Those for whom we are responsible (our children, our students in some cases, our subordinates at work in some cases, parishioners in the case of a priest), those who would be open to our counsel by virtue of our relationship with them (close friends, younger siblings or other relatives).

People we should probably not correct directly: Perfect strangers, our parents, teachers or superiors, people we know would become more obstinate because of the correction. We can pray for these people, start conversations (with people we know) that bring up the subject indirectly and respectfully.

If there are strangers or people we are certain we should not approach, we can always make an act of reparation to God for them

Betsy
 
DianaS said:
Thanks for all your replies! I wanted to clarify that I wasn’t sure if the sin was a mortal sin but I convinced myself that it wasn’t. Would this count as concealing a sin? I didn’t forget it. Thanks again and any replies are very helpful.
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I would recommend a book called Understanding Scrupulosity by Fr Santos, in it, he says that, for a scrupulous person, if you are in doubt as to whether a sin is mortal, it is not mortal. I have heard the same advice from at least one priest myself. If in doubt, don’t worry. You can’t commit a mortal sin by accident. If you are trying to live a life pleasing to God, you would definitely know if you committed a mortal sin.

When you say ‘I convinced myself that it wasn’t’, do you mean you examined the conditions for mortal sin, i.e. that it must be grave, committed with full consent and in full knowledge, you looked at an examen of conscience or the relevant section of the catechism, and came to the reasoned conclusion that it wasn’t a mortal sin, or do you mean that you just decided you wouldn’t count it as mortal ‘in your book’? I doubt it’s the latter. You probably came to a sound decision, and if you no longer had any uncertainty, then you did the right thing in not troubling a priest about it. In fact, even if you made the wrong decision, provided you tried your best to judge in accordance with truth, I hardly think you need to worry about it being a mortal sin. If you discover later that you were wrong and that it was indeed a mortal sin, you can go back and confess it, but it doesn’t make your previous confession invalid. You would have had to deliberately withold a mortal sin to invalidate your confession, i.e. you would have had to know that it was a mortal sin and decide not to say it anyway. If, as you say, you were already convinced that it wasn’t, you didn’t commit a sin.

This is one (slightly) scrupulous person speaking to another. Don’t let it get the better of you (easier said than done), and DON’T WORRY (again, easy for me to say). There is hope, it gets better, you just need to focus on who God is. He’s not looking for opportunities to accuse you but opportunities to forgive you and shower down His graces. By examining your conscience in the light of His truth and deciding that you had been preserved free from mortal sin on this occasion, you were in fact co-operating with His grace. Don’t worry.
 
Thanks for your responses. I think I will just say everything to get it off my mind since it has been bothering me. Then I can forget it. I am still confused about whether I deliberately concealed the sin since I feel that I sometimes did “entertain” the thoughts for a short time but mostly not. I just didn’t remember this or was too scared to examine it last time. So I think I should say that. I will also mention that I have been receiving communion since that last confession. I’m really nervous but I think this is the best way to move on. Again, thanks for your help.
 
You don’t have to be nervous.
When you go to confession again, you can tell the priest exactly how this has been bothering you, and that you weren’t sure whether you have to confess it or not. I think he will be very understanding. There is nothing to be nervous about. There is only God’s Love to think of. Being there right with you. Leading you and the priest.🙂
 
I have a question also…I went to confession and confessed my sins but forgot to confess a mortal sin because of being nervous trying to remember everything else and not having been in over years, but remembered towards the very end as he was blessing me. I didn’t want to stop him and tell him, is my confession now invalid?
 
TheLordsSon said:
I have a question also…I went to confession and confessed my sins but forgot to confess a mortal sin because of being nervous trying to remember everything else and not having been in over years, but remembered towards the very end as he was blessing me. I didn’t want to stop him and tell him, is my confession now invalid?
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What you confessed before the Prayer of Absolution is what constitutes the validity of the confession. If you remembered something after the absolution has begun then you just need to confess it next time you go. If, however, you were thinking about it beforehand and just was too embarrassed to confess it then it would be invalid. God bless you… teachccd
 
teachccd said:
What you confessed before the Prayer of Absolution is what constitutes the validity of the confession. If you remembered something after the absolution has begun then you just need to confess it next time you go. If, however, you were thinking about it beforehand and just was too embarrassed to confess it then it would be invalid. God bless you… teachccd
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I actually wrote down my sins a little bit before I went into confession, and was reading them off but in the nervousness of the moment I couldn’t read a few, and as it was concluding I thought oh no I forgot the reason I basically came here…I’ll confess it next time for sure…number 1!
 
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