More details on my tolerance talk...prayers & suggestions welcomed

[1990Domer]

In some ways it seems as though their hands are tied. They cannot reveal the disability, so they are tiptoeing around the child and hoping the kids will, too.

Is there some other way? I just don’t see how a 12 year old is supposed to handle some of these issues if the adults can’t even do it.

Trust me, it can be done without giving away the diagnosis. And adults certainly can and I feel MUST do this if they want to spread the Good News of our faith. My son had a wonderful itinerant support teacher who taught the children about my son’s learning differences without revealing the diagnosis. He placed out of services & was long since mainstreamed, which was really a good news/bad news thing for us. When he did, we sought a Catholic school that ensured us they could foster his faith despite his disability. We continued to provide private services to my son and made all those resources available to the school.

And not all teachers have to hide or tiptoe around the diagnosis. The key is do the teachers care to learn? Many don’t because it’s yet another thing that weighs them down…a time sink, burnt out, you name it.

Truly, my son was not the issue. Calling my son homosexual, mean and weird because of his social skill deficits is something that cannot be tolerated and should not. My son was not a behavioral issue. All his teachers, our pastor, the principal said he was a pious, meek and sweet young man. But, there was no system in place to discipline the kids. And, despite telling us that they had dealt with other children like my son, it was clear that while they had children similar to my son, those kids were also bullied and left the school.

Kids like my son are not going away. The disability is growing due to better diagnostic tools. However, our diocese has not done a good job–dare I say they have been woefully negligent–in learning simple, easy and basic steps to make a child’s life easier.

 

[1990Domer]

In some ways it seems as though their hands are tied. They cannot reveal the disability, so they are tiptoeing around the child and hoping the kids will, too.

Is there some other way? I just don’t see how a 12 year old is supposed to handle some of these issues if the adults can’t even do it.

Also remember that 12 year olds can be especially mean. Bullying is a systemic problem that is not being addressed, especially in the autism community. Why? Because of the way a child’s brain works, he or she is often not able to express an incident that may have happened to him/her in a way that shows the extent of the bullying, which can be massive.

 

[1990Domer]

SO TRUE. Kudos to you, Domer, for doing this talk. I wish I had advice but your talking points sound absolutely great to me and I can’t think of any improvements

God bless you and thank you. I am sure the Holy Spirit and some great therapists will guide me in the right direction. And I am so proud of the how strong my son is. He holds no ill will against the kids that taunted him. He has forgiven them unconditionally. His strength of character amazes me! I think he will truly see Heaven. Me, I’m not so sure.

 

[1990Domer]

You are a kind and wonderful soul, and you have a large task before you so I want to be nice, however I am going to take you to task for making this statement.

I am a mother to many children, among them I have a child with Down syndrome and also a child “on the spectrum” and I can tell you that neither is easier. Different, yes, easier, no way. I had a mother years ago that had a son with autism tell me to my face that I “had it easier” because people could tell my child had Down syndrome just by looking at them. I nearly fell over, because she was making bold assumptions and she clearly had no idea what my child had faced or what we had been through as a family. Her comment, while on the surface seemed as if she were sharing her perspective, actually made me feel small, as though the pain we experienced were minimal. I felt I had to defend what we had been through and give examples of the challenges we faced.

Children with visible disabilities have different challenges to face in many ways than children that are on the autism spectrum, but I promise you that their challenges are not easy and the cruelty out there is everywhere. They are laughed at, teased and are left on the sidelines often. What bothers me about this way of thinking is the comparing, we as mothers and fathers of children with disabilities are in similar circumstances and should be holding each other up as best as we can, trying not to compare.

Parenting a child on the spectrum is different and has different challenges, but I have to be honest and say it really isn’t easier.

I hope this post came across kindly as that was my intention. I don’t think you meant any offense actually, just weren’t thinking how your post might sound to a mom like me. Please know I am praying for you and hope the Holy Spirit helps guide your words during your talk. God bless you!

You are correct, as I have not walked in your shoes. I am sorry if I offended you. I was basing my statement on how my son’s teachers were treating him. I was hearing cruelty from the people I least expected it from. I try not to compare, but I was told early on in my son’s diagnosis to expect cruel remarks because he “looks normal.” Also, the children with visible disabilities, at least in our schools, were treated very well by their peers. And the teachers showed so much more compassion. That is what I felt my son lacked–compassion from his teachers. I am sorry that another autistic parent said that to you. But, sadly, I can relate because autism is a very isolating diagnosis. People ran from me and my child when he received his diagnosis. So, I am torn. I cannot lie and say that I haven’t been jealous of the support parents around me received for their children with visible disabilities. I have been. Obviously, I am only touching one part of the elephant.

 

[1990Domer]

Monicad,

You know I hold your opinion in high regard, so my words were not meant to offend parents of children with visible disabilities. I haven’t walked in your shoes, and I know it was hurtful to compare. My frustration comes from the educational system, with the teachers in particular. I will try not to compare, but as another poster said earlier, it is often the ineptness of the teachers that wields the most harm. My hope is that the educational process for you has been more embracing than it has been for me.

Thank you for your kind words. God bless.

 

[HouseArrest]

Trust me, it can be done without giving away the diagnosis. And adults certainly can and I feel MUST do this if they want to spread the Good News of our faith. My son had a wonderful itinerant support teacher who taught the children about my son’s learning differences without revealing the diagnosis. He placed out of services & was long since mainstreamed, which was really a good news/bad news thing for us. When he did, we sought a Catholic school that ensured us they could foster his faith despite his disability. We continued to provide private services to my son and made all those resources available to the school.

And not all teachers have to hide or tiptoe around the diagnosis. The key is do the teachers care to learn? Many don’t because it’s yet another thing that weighs them down…a time sink, burnt out, you name it.

Truly, my son was not the issue. Calling my son homosexual, mean and weird because of his social skill deficits is something that cannot be tolerated and should not. My son was not a behavioral issue. All his teachers, our pastor, the principal said he was a pious, meek and sweet young man. But, there was no system in place to discipline the kids. And, despite telling us that they had dealt with other children like my son, it was clear that while they had children similar to my son, those kids were also bullied and left the school.

Kids like my son are not going away. The disability is growing due to better diagnostic tools. However, our diocese has not done a good job–dare I say they have been woefully negligent–in learning simple, easy and basic steps to make a child’s life easier.

That sounds hopeful. Patience, I suppose, is in order on my part… Thanks for the info.

 

[1990Domer]

That sounds hopeful. Patience, I suppose, is in order on my part… Thanks for the info.

I think patience, caring and understanding (this is not intended towards you) are in short supply in our society in general. We live in an instant gratification society. It’s a tough one to live in, for sure.

Thank you for your thoughtful replies.

God bless.

 

[1990Domer]

I would be remiss if I didn’t point this out…

Are we becoming an ever greater society that embraces the culture of death without our knowing?

As I am researching my talk, I am becoming more tormented because we seemed to be marginalizing the least of us…children with all types of disabilities, the elderly, the termally sick…the list goes on and on.

Please pray for the culture of life!

 

[gardenswithkids]

…The over-arching message is that these kids (with invisible disabilities) need to be shown God’s love by their peers and teachers. A large piece will be in showing the teachers that blaming the child for his disability or saying it’s the child’s fault that he is excluded is very wrong and hurtful, not to mention the wounding of self-esteem that these kids often do not have.

So, I pray the Holy Spirit will allow me to carry this message to teachers who may have kids like my son in their classes. And it makes life easier for one special need child and his/her family, it would be all worth it!

Your talk,so far, seems focused on the differences. I suggest a different approach. I suggest that instead of isolating that type of statement to simply children who are in some way different, (like those on the autism spectrum) remind them that ALL people need to be shown God’s love. Your talk is at a Catholic school so you could include Christian theology. We *all *need God’s charity, and in turn we are called to show God’s love to our fellow human beings. However, we are also all fallen. We ALL have flaws. Some people’s flaws are more visible, and some people’s flaws aren’t, yet we all have something wrong with us. We inherited a fallen nature.

I often suspect those who bully may also be somewhere “on the spectrum” or struggling with different (yet possibly related) “invisible disabilities” such as ADHD and/or other learning disorders and/or other mental health or neurological issues. Bullies lack proper social skills. Some people “on the spectrum” or who have other “invisible disabilities” can say some rather offensive things to other people–intentional or not.

From my perspective, just about all people have some characteristics, traits and/or behaviors that people diagnosed on the autism spectrum have–but those with autism face a larger quantity and greater intensity of those challenges on a daily basis. It’s more like on their best day those on the spectrum face challenges that the rest of us can relate to our worst days. (I’m thinking about the old Calgon commercial with the mom who’s struggling from sensory overload with the kids, the dog, the doorbell and everything else going off all at once. “Calgon! Take me away!” ) Help others relate to your child as a fellow human being instead of tell people about how different your child is from everyone else.

Who’s fault is it that your child is treated differently? Is it your child’s fault? The teacher’s fault? The other students? Or is it the fault of you, the mother? (Those “refrigerator mother’s” of the past endured blame for their child’s autism–but those moms probably had high functioning autism in an age when psychologists only identified the most severe, non-verbal forms of autism!) So…again I ask, who’s fault is it, really? There *is *a mother to blame—and her name is Eve! Adam blamed her too–and that was a great fault of his. I’m reminded of the words we say at Mass, “Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault.” We inherited the tendencies towards sin and we sin. It’s a vicious cycle.

We all have faults, visible or not. We all need God’s love and grace. Your child, your child’s teachers and the fellow students and parents included. Don’t just blame people for their faults; show them and teach them how to love. How to love and be loved (in spite of our faults) is the lesson that we all need to learn.

 

[1990Domer]

I have a reply, but I am starting a new thread entitled Accepting those with compassion.

FYI…I can tell you from years of Asperbers research (I can cite sources if you like) that spectrum kids to tend to get bullied to an extreme extent. Yes, some of the things they say may come off as mean, but this is one of the big flags of the diagnosis…very poor social skills.

I will start a new thread.

 

[1990Domer]

Your talk,so far, seems focused on the differences. I suggest a different approach. I suggest that instead of isolating that type of statement to simply children who are in some way different, (like those on the autism spectrum) remind them that ALL people need to be shown God’s love.

I was asked by our parish priest to talk on this specific subject. I think he does a pretty good job in his sermons of stressing that point. Sadly, it hasn’t taken hold.

Your talk is at a Catholic school so you could include Christian theology. We *all *need God’s charity, and in turn we are called to show God’s love to our fellow human beings. However, we are also all fallen. We ALL have flaws. Some people’s flaws are more visible, and some people’s flaws aren’t, yet we all have something wrong with us. We inherited a fallen nature.

Yes. My talk is actually part of a symposium covering a wide variety of topics. And yes, I do plan on including scripture.

I often suspect those who bully may also be somewhere “on the spectrum” or struggling with different (yet possibly related) “invisible disabilities” such as ADHD and/or other learning disorders and/or other mental health or neurological issues. Bullies lack proper social skills. Some people “on the spectrum” or who have other “invisible disabilities” can say some rather offensive things to other people–intentional or not.

I cannot agree with you there. This is far too simplistic, as bullying takes on a variety of forms. However, in and around the communities I live in, the bullies are the skilled, popular, neurotypical kids. Most bullies do NOT lack improper social skills. Rather, they have sophisticated skills because they know when and where to attack another with the least repercussions. And yes, spectrum kids can say some offensive things. They lack the filters neurotypical people have. However, kids, like my son, who embrace their disability are often always apologizing if the offended by accident.

From my perspective, just about all people have some characteristics, traits and/or behaviors that people diagnosed on the autism spectrum have–but those with autism face a larger quantity and greater intensity of those challenges on a daily basis. It’s more like on their best day those on the spectrum face challenges that the rest of us can relate to our worst days. (I’m thinking about the old Calgon commercial with the mom who’s struggling from sensory overload with the kids, the dog, the doorbell and everything else going off all at once. “Calgon! Take me away!” ) Help others relate to your child as a fellow human being instead of tell people about how different your child is from everyone else.

This strategy has not proven to be effective, at least in my life. I would love to do that, but the simple fact is that kids pick up and prey on weaknesses of others. I have tried educating parents, but many (note I didn’t say all) don’t care. They don’t want to hear my message or invest time in learning about my child. Again, I have to disagree with the comparison that our worst days equal their best days. These kids are navigating in a world that is far beyond our comprehension. They often have multiple, conflicting signals they receive and do not know how to sort out.

Who’s fault is it that your child is treated differently? Is it your child’s fault? The teacher’s fault? The other students? Or is it the fault of you, the mother? (Those “refrigerator mother’s” of the past endured blame for their child’s autism–but those moms probably had high ****functioning autism in an age when psychologists only identified the most severe, non-verbal forms of autism!) So…again I ask, who’s fault is it, really? There *is *a mother to blame—and her name is Eve! Adam blamed her too–and that was a great fault of his. I’m reminded of the words we say at Mass, “Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault.” We inherited the tendencies towards sin and we sin. It’s a vicious cycle.

I am not looking to place blame or fault on anyone. Also, I think most would agree that autism is a developmental disability medical in origin. However, I agree we are all fallen and it is a consequence of a fallen world.

We all have faults, visible or not. We all need God’s love and grace. Your child, your child’s teachers and the fellow students and parents included. Don’t just blame people for their faults; show them and teach them how to love. How to love and be loved (in spite of our faults) is the lesson that we all need to learn.

I agree, but the simple fact is it is NOT being learned. It is not being applied. Heck, some people don’t even attend church to hear the message, let alone learn and apply it. My pastor is hoping my talk can make a dent in a very systemic problem.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Here is my working title and talk description:

Sending the message of God’s love to children with invisible disabilities and their classmates.

This talk will define and describe invisible disabilities and discuss how these disabilities present themselves in children. Additionally, the talk will center around how teachers and classmates can support children with invisible disabilities in an effort to make their religious education experience one where they feel the love of Jesus made manifest in their classroom experience.

Is your talk going to be about invisible disabilities, or are you just talking on what you know about and have experienced with autism? If you are going to give a talk about invisible disabilities, then please learn more about some of the other “invisible things” that other parents and children face. There’s a whole alphabet of diagnosis for various behavior challenges, learning disorders, mental health disorders, in addition to physical diseases. Autism is not the only invisible disability faced by parents and children. I would suggest that you be careful not to offend others who face challenges that you know very little about.

You wrote in response to something I wrote… “*Again, I have to disagree with the comparison that our worst days equal their best days. These kids are navigating in a world that is far beyond our comprehension. *…” If their world is far beyond our comprehension, then why are you trying to educate people about something you say we can’t comprehend? Please realize that I didn’t say that a neurotypical person’s worst day is the *same *as the best day for someone with autism–I was trying to point out that our worst days when we’re overwhelmed might help us relate a bit to what they go through daily. You must know that there’s more to autism than just social problems. Many with autism face sensory overload of a flickering fluorescent light bulb or from irritation from the feel of normal cotton fabric against their skin. People in your audience might be able to relate to those sensory overloads comparing them to strobe lights or highly scratchy fabric, (or the Calgon lady who just couldn’t seem to take an accumulation normal life challenges anymore.) I’m not saying those things are the same–I’m saying that you might try to explain what many people with autism go through by using comparisons that your audience *can *relate to. Find what we share in common rather than trying to only focus on how your child is so very different from others. And perhaps try to throw in a little humor, because a neurotypical audience appreciates laughter.

One of my favorite lines that I heard somewhere is, “You’re unique, just like everyone else.” Yes, people with autism face very specific challenges that relate to their diagnosis. But they are people! They are human beings made in the image and likeness of God, just like everyone else.

If you are going to just give a talk about autism spectrum disorders, that’s fine, but please don’t give a talk that treats autism as if it is the* only *invisible disability. And regardless of what you decide to talk about, try to relate in your talk more to the people in the audience through the things we share in common as members of humanity. We all face challenges. Some face challenges severe enough to be diagnosed–but most of them don’t walk around with the diagnosis displayed.

 

[1990Domer]

Is your talk going to be about invisible disabilities, or are you just talking on what you know about and have experienced with autism? If you are going to give a talk about invisible challenges, then please learn more about some of the other “invisible challenges” that other parents and children face. There’s a whole alphabet of diagnosis for various behavior challenges, learning disorders, mental health disorders, in addition to physical diseases. Autism is not the only invisible disability faced by parents and children. I would suggest that you be careful not to offend others who face challenges that you know very little about.

You wrote in response to something I wrote… “*Again, I have to disagree with the comparison that our worst days equal their best days. These kids are navigating in a world that is far beyond our comprehension. *…” If their world is far beyond our comprehension, then why are you trying to educate people about something you say we can’t comprehend? Please realize that I didn’t say that a neurotypical person’s worst day is the *same *as the best day for someone with autism–I was trying to point out that our worst days when we’re overwhelmed might help us relate a bit. You must know that there’s more to autism than just social problems. Many with autism face sensory overload of a flickering fluorescent light bulb or from irritation from the feel of normal cotton fabric against their skin. People in your audience might be able to relate to those sensory overloads comparing them to strobe lights or highly scratchy fabric, (or the Calgon lady who just couldn’t seem to take an accumulation normal life challenges anymore.) I’m not saying those things are the same–I’m saying that you might try to explain what many people with autism go through by using comparisons that your audience *can *relate to. Find what we share in common rather than trying to only focus on how your child is so very different from others. And perhaps try to throw in a little humor, because a neurotypical audience appreciates laughter.

One of my favorite lines that I heard somewhere is, “You’re unique, just like everyone else.” Yes, people with autism face very specific challenges that relate to their diagnosis. But they are people! They are human beings made in the image and likeness of God, just like everyone else.

If you are going to just give a talk about autism spectrum disorders, that’s fine, but please don’t give a talk that treats autism as if it is the* only *invisible disability. And regardless of what you decide to talk about, try to relate in your talk more to the people in the audience through the things we share in common as members of humanity. We all face challenges. Some face challenges severe enough to be diagnosed–but most of them don’t walk around with the diagnosis displayed.

I agree…did you see the list of other invisible disabilities I am talking about?

Also, please give me a little more credit. I am working with a well-respected Ph.D. psychologist on this topic. If you read my other post, you will see that son has a cluster of invisible disabilities.

Finally, if you read my new post, I am not asking for people to understand this a little or a lot. This is a plea for compassion. Most people won’t understand. However, they can respond in a positive way or a negative way.

Why am I giving this speech? My pastor asked me to because there is a high prevelance of autism in my neck of the woods and there has been far too many unkind gestures.

Trust me, this talk is not about my son. I have been on this path for 10 years, so I have met a lot of people–parents, teachers, doctors, therapists–and have learned what I can from them. The audience I am addressing isn’t going to truly be able to relate to these disabilities. But they don’t have to have a Pd.D. in psychology in order to be kind and loving, rather than snippy and demeaning.

I have a 25 minute presentation with 15 minutes for Q&A. I have to get the most bang for the buck. I have to pick and choose what I say wisely. But, about relating to humanity, I think all that needs to be said is compassion and a non-judgemental attitude go a long way. And goes for neurotypical people and even more so with special needs kids.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I agree…did you see the list of other invisible disabilities I am talking about?

Also, please give me a little more credit. I am working with a well-respected Ph.D. psychologist on this topic. If you read my other post, you will see that son has a cluster of invisible disabilities.

Finally, if you read my new post, I am not asking for people to understand this a little or a lot. This is a plea for compassion. Most people won’t understand. However, they can respond in a positive way or a negative way.

Why am I giving this speech? My pastor asked me to because there is a high prevelance of autism in my neck of the woods and there has been far too many unkind gestures.

Trust me, this talk is not about my son. I have been on this path for 10 years, so I have met a lot of people–parents, teachers, doctors, therapists–and have learned what I can from them. The audience I am addressing isn’t going to truly be able to relate to these disabilities. But they don’t have to have a Pd.D. in psychology in order to be kind and loving, rather than snippy and demeaning.

I have a 25 minute presentation with 15 minutes for Q&A. I have to get the most bang for the buck. I have to pick and choose what I say wisely. But, about relating to humanity, I think all that needs to be said is compassion and a non-judgemental attitude go a long way. And goes for neurotypical people and even more so with special needs kids.

I’ve now read your new thread and see you plan to include other “invisible disabilities” beyond autism. I wish now that I had read it before posting my previous reply, but as your reply was on another thread, I didn’t.

Here’s your list from your other thread; “Autism, ADHD, anxiety, OCD, depression, bipolar, Tourette’s (which can be a visible disabilitiy as well), and sensory integration dysfunction. Some of these conditions are co-morbid with each other.”

I wrote something in my earlier post regarding bullies possible having invisible disorders too that affect their social skills because it was a child who had ADHD who was the “bully” towards my son and others at a Christian school years ago. I thought the school handled the bullying well, but now thinking back on the situation since you started this thread, maybe the school didn’t make itself the most “welcoming” to that child with ADHD who bullied the other children.

There’s another bully/disability situation that your thread topic brought to my mind. A child I know, who is intellectually gifted, is diagnosed with another “invisible disability” called “Oppositional Defiant Disorder”. He felt bullied on the playground, yet it came to light that in the classroom the child frequently made fun of children who were struggling academically. Perhaps those children had invisible learning disorders, or perhaps merely their “average” scores earned his mockery because this child was extraordinarily bright. In any case, it became unclear which came first–the classroom bullying *from *the smart, clumsy kid or the playground bullying from the other kids. It reminds me of the old questions, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Children who struggle in the classroom sometimes find themselves on the receiving end of “bullying”. There’s another invisible disability you didn’t mention: dyslexia. Dyslexia is neurologically based, and it affects somewhere between **10-20% **of the population. In schools, people with dyslexia are often thought of as "lazy’ or “stupid” or “not trying hard enough”. Some people with dyslexia may exceed at sports, acting, or even social networking skills, which can help them to navigate life outside the classroom. It is often co-morbid with ADHD, ADD or a variety of other things. It’s often found in families who have relatives with autism. (Temple Grandin mentioned she has relatives with dyslexia in at least one of her books.) Dyslexia and autism can both be found in families where people are quite intelligent. (Similar to some forms of autism, a person with dyslexia may also be very talented in some academic areas or subjects matters, which can contribute to teachers thinking that they just “aren’t trying” or “have a bad attitude” when they encounter difficulties.) While experts have speculated that dyslexia may affect as 20% of the population, many case of dyslexia go undiagnosed because their strengths often help them compensate for their invisible disability.

There are more “invisible disabilities” not yet mentioned. And while not a disability, giftedness is not exactly “neurotypical” either. It can run in families with autism and dyslexia, and/or be found in people diagnosed with other “invisible disabilities”. Being exceptionally smart may present challenges in typical school settings too.

In your short talk, it will certainly be hard to address all these things. But as you want to give a talk about how to be compassionate and loving to those with invisible disabilities, I suggest that in many situations, it can be really, really hard to determine exactly who “started it”–and that’s why in my first post on this thread, I pointed the finger back to Eve and Adam. Because of them, everyone faces some type of challenge, visible or invisible. It is in recognizing our own “fallenness” and our need for mercy, grace and forgiveness from God that we have the best chance of learning to extend mercy, grace and forgiveness towards others. I wish you well on your talk. My final suggestion: please extend to your audience the same type of tolerance and compassion that you hope they will learn to give.

 

[1990Domer]

I’ve now read your new thread and see you plan to include other “invisible disabilities” beyond autism. I wish now that I had read it before posting my previous reply, but as your reply was on another thread, I didn’t.

Here’s your list from your other thread; “Autism, ADHD, anxiety, OCD, depression, bipolar, Tourette’s (which can be a visible disabilitiy as well), and sensory integration dysfunction. Some of these conditions are co-morbid with each other.”

I wrote something in my earlier post regarding bullies possible having invisible disorders too that affect their social skills because it was a child who had ADHD who was the “bully” towards my son and others at a Christian school years ago. I thought the school handled the bullying well, but now thinking back on the situation since you started this thread, maybe the school didn’t make itself the most “welcoming” to that child with ADHD who bullied the other children.

There’s another bully/disability situation that your thread topic brought to my mind. A child I know, who is intellectually gifted, is diagnosed with another “invisible disability” called “Oppositional Defiant Disorder”. He felt bullied on the playground, yet it came to light that in the classroom the child frequently made fun of children who were struggling academically. Perhaps those children had invisible learning disorders, or perhaps merely their “average” scores earned his mockery because this child was extraordinarily bright. In any case, it became unclear which came first–the classroom bullying *from *the smart, clumsy kid or the playground bullying from the other kids. It reminds me of the old questions, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Children who struggle in the classroom sometimes find themselves on the receiving end of “bullying”. There’s another invisible disability you didn’t mention: dyslexia. Dyslexia is neurologically based, and it affects somewhere between **10-20% **of the population. In schools, people with dyslexia are often thought of as "lazy’ or “stupid” or “not trying hard enough”. Some people with dyslexia may exceed at sports, acting, or even social networking skills, which can help them to navigate life outside the classroom. It is often co-morbid with ADHD, ADD or a variety of other things. It’s often found in families who have relatives with autism. (Temple Grandin mentioned she has relatives with dyslexia in at least one of her books.) Dyslexia and autism can both be found in families where people are quite intelligent. (Similar to some forms of autism, a person with dyslexia may also be very talented in some academic areas or subjects matters, which can contribute to teachers thinking that they just “aren’t trying” or “have a bad attitude” when they encounter difficulties.) While experts have speculated that dyslexia may affect as 20% of the population, many case of dyslexia go undiagnosed because their strengths often help them compensate for their invisible disability.

There are more “invisible disabilities” not yet mentioned. And while not a disability, giftedness is not exactly “neurotypical” either. It can run in families with autism and dyslexia, and/or be found in people diagnosed with other “invisible disabilities”. Being exceptionally smart may present challenges in typical school settings too.

In your short talk, it will certainly be hard to address all these things. But as you want to give a talk about how to be compassionate and loving to those with invisible disabilities, I suggest that in many situations, it can be really, really hard to determine exactly who “started it”–and that’s why in my first post on this thread, I pointed the finger back to Eve and Adam. Because of them, everyone faces some type of challenge, visible or invisible. It is in recognizing our own “fallenness” and our need for mercy, grace and forgiveness from God that we have the best chance of learning to extend mercy, grace and forgiveness towards others. I wish you well on your talk. My final suggestion: please extend to your audience the same type of tolerance and compassion that you hope they will learn to give.

You are correct, in that this is all due to the fall of man and our disobedience. No doubt. I knew a child with ODD…very intelligent but with horrible anger management issues. And, one of my son’s buddies has been teased because he is dyslexic. And you are right–so many are co-morbid.

The more I think and pray, the more I feel I am going to need solid resources to hand out after the talk. This is the biggest thing I am talking about with my son’s therapist, as she knows the easiest way to get to them.

If you look at my other thread, Monicad wrote a beautiful post about how the Catholic Church needs our kids with visible and invisible disabilities. I believe her post is spot on, as I have seen how my son has made me a more caring, patient and less judgemental person.

 

[gardenswithkids]

You are correct, in that this is all due to the fall of man and our disobedience. No doubt. I knew a child with ODD…very intelligent but with horrible anger management issues. And, one of my son’s buddies has been teased because he is dyslexic. And you are right–so many are co-morbid.

The more I think and pray, the more I feel I am going to need solid resources to hand out after the talk. This is the biggest thing I am talking about with my son’s therapist, as she knows the easiest way to get to them.

If you look at my other thread, Monicad wrote a beautiful post about how the Catholic Church needs our kids with visible and invisible disabilities. I believe her post is spot on, as I have seen how my son has made me a more caring, patient and less judgemental person.

Yes, Monicad has written some very touching and beautiful responses on these threads! I find her responses so very kind and it’s a pleasure to read and absorb what she writes.

Good luck to you with your talk, and may God bless you and your son, and may He bless others through you!

 

[1990Domer]

Yes, Monicad has written some very touching and beautiful responses on these threads! I find her responses so very kind and it’s a pleasure to read and absorb what she writes.

Good luck to you with your talk, and may God bless you and your son, and may He bless others through you!

I always say that he’s the one getting me to Heaven, as I certainly wouldn’t be able to do it on my own! God’s blessings to you and your family as well.