More Lost Than Ever and Spiraling Out of Control

[GreatBeliever]

I used to feel like I was a good person. I used to have great faith in God (hence the screenname). But over this past year I have lost my faith, made really bad choices, and now I feel like I’m out of control and can’t stop myself. I don’t even know where to start or the order to organize my thoughts.

I have been married for 9 years (been together 15) and have 2 children. Since we’ve had the children, my wife hasn’t been interested in having sexual relations. She insists it’s not me, it’s her body. She’s been to the doctor, and nothing has changed. I told her that it was hard for me physically, but we can get past it. I was more concerned over her lack of affection and warmth, even when I did really nice things to try and make her happy. Long story short, I began to feel emotionally abandoned. We talked to a couple priests, and nothing changed. Even on the rare occasion of us having relations, it felt empty and hollow.

I know this is long, so I’ll fast forward a bit. I met someone who made me feel really good about myself. It started with just flirting, and I knew it was wrong then and I should have shut it down immediately. But to be completely honest it felt good to be wanted, and I felt things I hadn’t felt in a long time. I convinced myself that I was in control and that it wouldn’t go further, but it did and we kissed. I know I’m a scumbag, and now I’m afraid I don’t have the willpower to stop it.

I look at my kids and I hate myself for doing anything that might hurt them. As I said, I used to be so faithful to God and to my family. Now I’ve messed-up my family, and I don’t believe in God the way I used to. I used to be so convinced of His constant prescence in my daily life. Now I feel like maybe there is a God, and maybe when I’m praying I’m just thinking to myself.

I’m not sure why I’m even writing this here. I know what the right going to do is. I don’t know if i can do it. I don’t know where to turn and I guess I’m hoping that God can help me feel something, anything, that’s more powerful than what I feel in this moment.

 

[PluniaZ]

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

 

[Ernie07]

I used to feel like I was a good person. I used to have great faith in God (hence the screenname). But over this past year I have lost my faith, made really bad choices, and now I feel like I’m out of control and can’t stop myself. I don’t even know where to start or the order to organize my thoughts.

I have been married for 9 years (been together 15) and have 2 children. Since we’ve had the children, my wife hasn’t been interested in having sexual relations. She insists it’s not me, it’s her body. She’s been to the doctor, and nothing has changed. I told her that it was hard for me physically, but we can get past it. I was more concerned over her lack of affection and warmth, even when I did really nice things to try and make her happy. Long story short, I began to feel emotionally abandoned. We talked to a couple priests, and nothing changed. Even on the rare occasion of us having relations, it felt empty and hollow.

I know this is long, so I’ll fast forward a bit. I met someone who made me feel really good about myself. It started with just flirting, and I knew it was wrong then and I should have shut it down immediately. But to be completely honest it felt good to be wanted, and I felt things I hadn’t felt in a long time. I convinced myself that I was in control and that it wouldn’t go further, but it did and we kissed. I know I’m a scumbag, and now I’m afraid I don’t have the willpower to stop it.

I look at my kids and I hate myself for doing anything that might hurt them. As I said, I used to be so faithful to God and to my family. Now I’ve messed-up my family, and I don’t believe in God the way I used to. I used to be so convinced of His constant prescence in my daily life. Now I feel like maybe there is a God, and maybe when I’m praying I’m just thinking to myself.

I’m not sure why I’m even writing this here. I know what the right going to do is. I don’t know if i can do it. I don’t know where to turn and I guess I’m hoping that God can help me feel something, anything, that’s more powerful than what I feel in this moment.

Hi GreatBeliever,

Like you said you know what to do so I won’t comment on that. One thing that may be helpful is that the only thing that I’ve found that curbs temptation is to fill my thoughts with the Lord. Idle time for me was the killer as my mind would wander, there would be a trigger, and then I’m down a bad path. I try to go to daily Mass as frequently as possible, go to confession regularly, study my faith on great sites like Catholic Answers and basically just immerse myself in my faith. When I stop doing this it seems like I’m more susceptible to temptation. It is truly a constant battle.

I also have kids and there’s nothing they could do to me that I wouldn’t forgive if they genuinely and sincerely asked for it. We have to remember if we have that kind of capacity to forgive how much more our Father in heaven has for His disobedient kids who ask for forgiveness. It’s incredibly humbling when you think about it.

I wish I knew what else to say, but I will pray for you and your family.

-Ernie-

 

[jlhargus]

I used to feel like I was a good person. I used to have great faith in God (hence the screenname). But over this past year I have lost my faith, made really bad choices, and now I feel like I’m out of control and can’t stop myself. I don’t even know where to start or the order to organize my thoughts.

I have been married for 9 years (been together 15) and have 2 children. Since we’ve had the children, my wife hasn’t been interested in having sexual relations. She insists it’s not me, it’s her body. She’s been to the doctor, and nothing has changed. I told her that it was hard for me physically, but we can get past it. I was more concerned over her lack of affection and warmth, even when I did really nice things to try and make her happy. Long story short, I began to feel emotionally abandoned. We talked to a couple priests, and nothing changed. Even on the rare occasion of us having relations, it felt empty and hollow.

I know this is long, so I’ll fast forward a bit. I met someone who made me feel really good about myself. It started with just flirting, and I knew it was wrong then and I should have shut it down immediately. But to be completely honest it felt good to be wanted, and I felt things I hadn’t felt in a long time. I convinced myself that I was in control and that it wouldn’t go further, but it did and we kissed. I know I’m a scumbag, and now I’m afraid I don’t have the willpower to stop it.

I look at my kids and I hate myself for doing anything that might hurt them. As I said, I used to be so faithful to God and to my family. Now I’ve messed-up my family, and I don’t believe in God the way I used to. I used to be so convinced of His constant prescence in my daily life. Now I feel like maybe there is a God, and maybe when I’m praying I’m just thinking to myself.

I’m not sure why I’m even writing this here. I know what the right going to do is. I don’t know if i can do it. I don’t know where to turn and I guess I’m hoping that God can help me feel something, anything, that’s more powerful than what I feel in this moment.

Go to confession if you fail again, go to confession and pray. Don’t beat up on yourself.

I went through a six or seven year sinful period after 15 years of being faithful. Much of those sinful years was trying to stop sinning. I would tell myself if I make it two months I would go to confession. I could never make. One day I made up my mind I was going to confession if I had to go 70 times a day.

Long story short I began to over come those things it took several years to get back to were I had been. My problem was I was trying to change myself without the help of God’s grace in confession. Praying for you.

I think the Holy Spirit led you hear that people may pray grace on you.

 

[Persecuted]

Have you read St Augustine’s Confessions?

If not, I would highly recommend just taking some quiet time alone and reading it. Forget about your temptations, forget about your guilt just sit and read and become acquainted with this great Saint.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat privately.

 

[Catholic1954]

I used to feel like I was a good person. I used to have great faith in God (hence the screenname). But over this past year I have lost my faith, made really bad choices, and now I feel like I’m out of control and can’t stop myself. I don’t even know where to start or the order to organize my thoughts.

I have been married for 9 years (been together 15) and have 2 children. Since we’ve had the children, my wife hasn’t been interested in having sexual relations. She insists it’s not me, it’s her body. She’s been to the doctor, and nothing has changed. I told her that it was hard for me physically, but we can get past it. I was more concerned over her lack of affection and warmth, even when I did really nice things to try and make her happy. Long story short, I began to feel emotionally abandoned. We talked to a couple priests, and nothing changed. Even on the rare occasion of us having relations, it felt empty and hollow.

I know this is long, so I’ll fast forward a bit. I met someone who made me feel really good about myself. It started with just flirting, and I knew it was wrong then and I should have shut it down immediately. But to be completely honest it felt good to be wanted, and I felt things I hadn’t felt in a long time. I convinced myself that I was in control and that it wouldn’t go further, but it did and we kissed. I know I’m a scumbag, and now I’m afraid I don’t have the willpower to stop it.

I look at my kids and I hate myself for doing anything that might hurt them. As I said, I used to be so faithful to God and to my family. Now I’ve messed-up my family, and I don’t believe in God the way I used to. I used to be so convinced of His constant prescence in my daily life. Now I feel like maybe there is a God, and maybe when I’m praying I’m just thinking to myself.

I’m not sure why I’m even writing this here. I know what the right going to do is. I don’t know if i can do it. I don’t know where to turn and I guess I’m hoping that God can help me feel something, anything, that’s more powerful than what I feel in this moment.

Have you and your wife tried a Marriage Encounter? It sounds like you could use some new ways to communicate with each other. Marriage counseling also might be helpful. If she won’t go, go by yourself. You can talk about what is going on in your marriage and learn how to deal with your wife’s emotional shut down. And yes, you know what to do about the other thing; do it NOW before it gets so out of control you loose everything. God is still there, but you have work to do.

 

[1ke]

Go to confession. Break it off completely with whoever thIs other person is, and block her from electronic communication.

Get a baby sitter and go on a date with just your wife.

Insist your wife go to counseling individually and that the two of you go together, fight for your marriage, for your kids. Find a Catholic counselor through your local Catholic Charities. Also talk to your pastor about counseling.

If Retrouvaille is available in your area, sign up. It is for troubled marriages. (marriage encounter is more for marriages that are on solid ground, rather than troubled. Retrouvaille is for marriages in trouble).

You are not a scumbag, you are just a guy who is lonely, emotionally starved and who wants his wife back. Don’t beat yourself up about this, you aren’t a terrible person, just a normal person. You made a mistake, and you can fix it.

 

[Persecuted]

You are not a scumbag, you are just a guy who is lonely, emotionally starved and who wants his wife back. Don’t beat yourself up about this, you aren’t a terrible person, just a normal person. You made a mistake, and you can fix it.

Awesome advice right here

 

[NICKUSAF]

GreatBeliever,

I do not think anything else needs to be said here; I can only echo the comments of others. I know that when I am away from constant thoughts of Christ, sin creeps in easily and starts wedging itself more and more into my life. When I find my way back to active participation of faith, the raw emotion is so strong and humbling. Just being here with us on this site can be helpful; we are one family. You will be in my prayers brother.