I don’t see that in my own family. My grandmother’s grandmother was a polygamist wife. Our family lore from Kirtland to Nauvoo to Utah is that they believed they were following divine direction, through Smith and then Young. (Don’t ask me why, I don’t know.)
The siblings of my great and great great grandparents were all intermarrying in polygamous relationships. Heber J. Grant, Zina Huntington, Erastus Snow…are in my family tree because of the amazing web of intermarriages that were going on at the time, in Utah. There was an enormous number of related children (dozens of half siblings with dozens of cousins, in one family kind of thing). All needed to marry off within a relatively small group of people. That isn’t something you can keep secret. This was going on openly once they reached Utah. From 1850 onward the scale of intermarriage, number of wives, and children from a single man, is quite astounding. My own great, great grandfather was having two or three babies per year, for 20 years, until his death.
Anyway, there is no secrecy, winking or nudging, with a family that is that large. Everyone was well aware. We all were taught, in my family, from that time on down that polygamy was a higher law that would make a comeback. The polygamy family lore in my family is related and passed on with pride. No winking or nudging. My Mormon family absolutely embraces the idea of polygamy and would practice it openly, were they directed to do so.